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Reviews
Hamlet (1996)
What a "Hamlet" this might have been . . .
You can't exactly BLAME Kenneth Branagh for not being content to only direct what is arguably Shakespeare's best drama. He is an actor, after all, and a good one. His interpretation of Hamlet, however, is, well, not very involving; we know he wants to be king and resents his uncle, but not much else. He's miles ahead of Mel Gibson's "normal" Hamlet, though. Gibson made a "Hamlet" for everyone who went to see "Hamlet" for the ACTION without all that TALK to spoil the fun. Whoever WANTED to SEE a normal Hamlet, anyway? If ever a character deserved to be neurotic and self-obsessed it's Hamlet (in all fairness, however, Gibson was only the 2nd worst Hamlet I ever saw; Nicol Williamson's whiney turn at it in 1968 made me physically ill, and his inexplainable contempt for the material shows in every frame).
If only Branagh had cast Daniel Day Lewis in the lead! What a "Hamlet" we might have had. Complex, indulgent, dangerous, romantic AND tragic! Instead, we get a good Hamlet (and a flawed "Hamlet"), but neither is great.
The conception of this "Hamlet" is an ice palace motif. For some reason, I kept expecting Jack Nicholson to rush out with an axe. But it works, as do many of the supporting players. Why, though, does it appear Branagh was reluctant to cast good looking men? If we get to bask at the beauty and tremendous talent of Julie Christie (where has she been?) and Kate Winslet (the finest Ophelia I ever saw), why do we have to have such unmemorable faces on the males in the cast?
Still, we take well-produced Shakespeare where we get him, and the full four-hours goes by nicely.
The Prince of Tides (1991)
How Many Times Can She Make "The Way We Were"?
I should have known. Back when they made a movie of "Funny Girl," they cut my two favorite songs ("Cornet Man" and "Music That Makes Me Dance"). In "Prince of Tides," Barbra cuts my two favorite parts of the book (the story of the white dolphin, and the final part where the older brother becomes a sniper hiding in the woods). Who else but Barbra would cut the choicest supporting female role in the story (the mad sister who Melinda Dillon could have done to perfection)to less than 10 minutes of screen time?
Who else but Barbra would hire a great actress like Blythe Danner only to cut her scenes down to the minimum number of seconds needed to be seen? It is a tribute to Ms. Danner that she manages to create a character all the same, believable and complex despite the director's attempted sabotage.
Streisand manages to give us a skeleton of the original plot in a little over an hour, then turns this movie into girl meets goy just like "The Way We Were." Yeah, the romance was in the book, but it wasn't so in your face.
An unintentionally funny scene: Nick Nolte weeps in the good psychiatrist's office (Dr. Lowenstein is played by Barbra Streisand), as he recalls being raped when he was a boy. The doctor, with the best of intentions, says "I feel your pain." Somebody behind me said "I don't think so, Honey."
Chariots of Fire (1981)
Not Good Enough For This Movie
Some thoughts that went through my mind as I sat through this thing shortly after it won a few awards:
1. Hmmmm. . . the theme sounds more-than-a-little like "On Top Of Old Smokey."
2. How can a movie win an Oscar for Best Costumes when it's mostly men's underwear?
3. I'm just not GOOD enough for this movie.
4. I think my date is asleep.
5. This movie has everything but Merryl.
6. Yes, I'm sure it's "On Top of Old Smokey."
Celebrity (1998)
Waiting To Laugh
An hour into "Celebrity" I realized it wasn't going to get any funnier, Kenneth Branaugh wasn't going to look any better or become interesting, and that it had been a long time since I actually enjoyed a Woody Allen film. Anyone else tired of his wet-dream movies? I mean, there was a time when we went to a Woody Allen movie to get away from crassness. Now, every fifteen minutes he seems compelled to provide us with another blow job reference.
It's nice that he gets Melanie Griffith out of the way early on so we don't have to keep worrying about her showing up again and scaring us with her lips, and Judy Davis gets a bigger role than she's had in awhile (who could get tired of her?). The little girls can squeal at Leonardo DiCaprio, who still appears pre-pubescent (it's best not to dwell on what appeals to his fans), Winona Ryder still shows promise after 12 years on the screen, but the movie fades after 15 minutes. I forgot I saw it.
Crimes of Passion (1984)
WHAT A HOOT!!
If you're in the mood to laugh at a truly bad movie (bad in the way only Ken Russell at his worst can be), you must try this one. It succeeds in making you feel like you just landed in a .25 porn-booth, and you can just about smell the urine on the floor. Kathleen Turner struts around in a blond wig, getting her kicks from "pretending" to be a two-bit hooker (she really has a good solid job in the clothing industry and has been hurt so badly by men that this is the only way she can connect), and Tony Perkins plays a hysterical "priest" who is out to maybe murderer her (yet another movie that ends with Tony Perkins in drag). Annie Potts shows up and is not allowed to provide an ounce of her usual wit, which is reason enough to hate this movie. The kinky will love the sex scenes, so rent the UNrated version in the RED box so you can see Turner give a cop a taste of his billy club (I had to pause the VCR until we stopped laughing).
The Last House on the Left (1972)
Keep saying to yourself "It's only a snuff movie"
Roger Ebert compares this to Bergman's "The Virgin Spring." Well, if you took out the poetry, the elegance, the fine acting, and the genius of Ingmar Bergman, and replaced it with gratuitous rapes and tortures, and really poor acting, I suppose you MIGHT have a passing resemblance. This movie is really for people who always wanted to witness the last hours of girls who were tortured before they were finally killed. Ebert admits it is one of his "Guilty Pleasures."
Says a lot about Mr. Thumbs up doesn't it? Well, what can you expect from the man who co-wrote "Beyond the Valley of the Dolls"?
Period of Adjustment (1962)
Period Piece Pleasures
Jane Fonda had done three movies prior to this one ("Tall Story," "The Chapman Report," and "A Walk on the Wild Side"), but this was the first time she showed any talent. In a part that is said to have been tailored for Marilyn Monroe, Fonda is a nervous newlywed little southern belle who marries another nervous southerner (Jim Hutton) who just may be a virgin, himself. Tony Franciosa stands around doing his usual nothing, and the director doesn't know what to do with Lois Nettleton.
Qui comincia l'avventura (1975)
Fun with Monica Vitti
Sometimes it's not possible to defend or rationalize our fondness for mindless friends. It's the same with movies. This one has two beauties, Claudia Cardinele and Monica Vitti, and they ride around on a motorcycle. Never mind the rest, you will only sound ridiculous if you attempt to describe the plot. But the company is good, except neither actress does her own dubbing (Vitti's sexy throaty voice is sadly missing here).