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Nightmare Cafe (1992)
"Touch that remote, and you die."
The tv-series Nightmare Cafe was one of my favourite shows when I saw it by mistake one saturday night. Great characters and one of my at the time favourite actors, Robert Englund as a mentor figure helping the dead man and woman to help other lost souls. Funny, imaginative and with this nice everyday halloween scare to it. But not totally satisfying, mostly because the possibilities are not explored enough. Except for that Nightmare Cafe is one fine treat.
Out for Justice (1991)
Old Stoneface, back on the streets...
Here is the second movie together with Marked for death that I hate to love with the actor that I hate to love (not love to hate, hate to love, I love the b*****d I really do but he is such a bad actor). Seagal as Gino, a hard-ass cop trying to find the killer who just shot down his partner, the killer being his childhood friend Ricky Madano (played by William Forsyth in one of his typical badguy roles but with the special over the top that only Seagal movies give).
But this is not all of it, Ricky Madano has pissed off the local mafia hoods and is driving round killing whoever he can while being hunted by both the mob and Seagal.
In the end we have a usual Seagal showdown with him breaking bones and riping limbs with the old stoneface routine.
As with Marked for death this is only entertaining because it is not. It is also trying to be the most brutal Seagal movie together with Marked for death (which is probably one of the most violent and unpleasant action movies around).
After this Seagal went on to make the well-made Under Siege with Tommy Lee Jones and Gary Busey.
Marked for Death (1990)
Screwface? More like stoneface.
Steven Seagal and fellow actioneér Jean Claude Van Damme has seriuos problems, the film makers try so hard to make them look tough that in the end thay both look stupid. Now they are not anyway near good acting but while Van Damme makes fun of himself Seagal never can. He keeps up his old stoneface look and hisses at the badguys while trying to look mean and cool. Both Van Damme and Seagal have about two movies worth watching, in Van Dammes case it's Bloodsport and Double Team and with Seagal it's Above the law and Under Siege. Marked for Death was made after Above the law and Hard to kill and you can tie together these three and Out for justice because they all have much in common. Seagal plays cops in all of them but in two he is something else also. They all show Seagal coming into places where he meets some badguys and he kicks their ass one by one, they don't have any real humour and no real plot, stupid dialogue and old stoneface showing a disturbing talent for violence. In this movie DEA agent Hatcher (Seagal) has returned from a drugbust gone bad in South America and he tries to seek up his family and friends to live a quite life but he soon has to show his mean side once more when Jamaican drugdealers are interefered in a massacre by the stoneface and craves revenge against Hatchers family and he himself becomes marked for death (but you would expect it that it's the drugdealers that are marked for death in this case). Hatcher hunts them down and kills them in various violent acts and then turns his path towards Jamaica for a showdown with the badguys leader Screwface (with an overacted performance by Basil Wallace). But this isn´t really the end but who cares because in the end everyone has to pay the piper in the worst kind of way as in all Seagal movies. Now this may sound like I didn´t enjoy this movie but acctually I did. It may be only for dumb people but I didn´t say I was ever very smart so when I see Seagal trying to act tough while breaking arms and shooting and decapitating people it just makes me laugh because it is so extreme and when Seagal with his over the top stiffness makes the violence so awful and none-entertaining this is when the fun acctually starts.
Finding Interest (1995)
Just great
Barney Barnaby works as an advertise executive and except for the movies he admires his life is extremely boring. He's secretly in love with a girl at work but doesn't really have the guts to tell her so. What he does is makes a contract on himself and awaits for a hitmen so that he can battle it out with him just like the heroes on the big screen but when the time comes he bails out and when the hitmen and Barney meet the hitmen gives him the choice to be a hitmen himself which he agrees to but then finds himself somewhere in between becoming a killer and reality becomes more like fiction. Made on a low budget and with unknown actors this is a great movie.
There is many things that just makes it such a wonderful treat that I can't mention all of them.
Xtro II: The Second Encounter (1991)
This is as bad as it gets
I wonder, don't actors,producers,screenwriters and directors care about what kind of movie that they make. Well, not here I guess. This is one of the absolutely worst movies I have ever seen. It really sucks and is not something that anyone should see. Matter of fact I don't think that there is anybody that can enjoy a movie like this.
The movie is about a group of scientists far down under the ground in a secret military laboratory. Here they experiment with travelling to other dimensions. When an experiment goes wrong and one out of three travellers makes it they call in a group of what would be tough-guy soldiers. They also call in another scientist that is supposed to be a little crazy. Mean time the surviving traveller dies when her body is torn up and something escapes out of her. Some kind of alien that the soldiers and the scientists now must face. This is about it. The movie is very poorly made, it steals parts from sci-fi flicks, especially alien. It has bad actors, bad special effects, bad script, bad camera work and everything else is really bad. It got nothing good, only bad. Jan-Michael Vincent from Airwolf is in it and he makes a very lousy role as the crazy scientist. This movie got nothing good, only bad. And please, don't ever see it, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
Cyborg (1989)
Pure trash
Jean Claude Van-Damme has made a few good action movies and more that are not so good. This is not only one of his worst but one of the most horrifying movies I've ever seen. Together with Kickboxer this is Van-Damme at his most brainless and the director, Albert Pyun who can never make it right (Adrenalin, Nemesis 1, 2, 3 and so on) made one of the most low grade movies ever. Some movies may be bad and still have good scenes in them and sometimes one of these scenes may acctually make the whole movie better but here thoose scenes are abscent. There is no acting, there is no action, there is no good scenes and I could even question if this is acctually qualifies as a movie. Enough with the critic. One word: Worthless.
Cage (1989)
I never expected this from the Hulk
I expected to get some laughs from a movie I thought would be like Schwarzeneggers Commando or something like that but I was amazed at what it actually is, a movie about a powerful friendship between two vietnam veterans (Lou Ferrigino and Reb Brown), one of them saved the other while getting shot in the head and now hence he has the mentality of a boy. Reb Brown being the one Lou saved he now repays his debt by taking care of him.
At the same time two low mobsters have lost money fighting on an illegal cage match and need a new fighter. They run into Brown and Ferrigino and later persuade Ferrigino to wrestle out in the cage because he doesn't understand what it actually means. Brown try to find him to save his one and only friend and it all ends in a terrific climax. Good action and some reasonable good acting.
Is somewhere between a six and a ten.
Event Horizon (1997)
Andersons best movie to date!
One of the best Hellraiser copies I've seen. Great actors, especially Sam Neill and Laurence Fishburne in the starring roles. Raw, rough and bloody, one of the scariest movies I have ever seen. It took my heart away.
10 out of 10.
By:Pinhead Nadir
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Spielberg's best
This is a war movie that is so horrifying and moving that it can't be anything else than the best.
Everything is great about this movie, great actors, great battle sequences and a good ending. It really shows the horrors of the wars, not like the old WWII war movie where the American soldiers were immortal men that ran around showing the American flag.
Here we have no heroes, just losers. Because the only enemy they are fighting is the war itself.
Leatherface: Texas Chainsaw Massacre III (1990)
One more saw
A young couple is on their way down through texas, they stop at a gas station where they encounter Tex, a handsome man and some kind of crazy guy who really got a problem with women. There is some problem and Tex is presumably shot by the crazy guy and the couple head off down a small road which Tex recommended. They are followed by what seems to be the old family of cannibals. They crash and encounter a survivalist who tries to help them but soon also he is hunted by the family. The young kid is killed and the girl is trapped inside of the cannibals house. Together with the survivalist they make one last stand.
From seeing this third entry in the series I feel the same boredom as with the second. The first movie was incredibly good for being of those standards but this is truly disappointing. Like with the second sequel this doesn't hold up until the end. It's slightly better then the second but absolutely not as good as the first. There are some good roles here especially the new people in the family. Like Tex, very well played by Viggo Mortensen, Tinker and that crazy guy at the gas station. But someone that gets more attention then he needs is Leatherface, that chainsaw maniac from the first two movies. It also got some good scenes and some really good dialog. But the series is now at it's end. Also this has been banned in Sweden.
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
The Saw Returns.
The sequel to one of the, in my opinion biggest horror movies of all time. And it really sucks, not just as a sequel but as any kind of movie. It is really bad but it still got good actors, some good scenes and a little gore. Returning once more is the cannibal family from the first movie. Two guys heading through texas call the local radio station to wise-off and are soon killed by the family. The radio host meet up with a revengeful police officer (excellently played by Dennis Hopper) and together they go after the family.
The cook, grandpa and of course Leatherface return for more cannibalistic horror. But the movie turns really boring, it tries not to be like the first movie and because of this it doesn't grow to any plot. It just feels stupid and some of the scenes are direct copies of the first movie. Stupid and not a bit interesting. I can't understand why this movie was banned in swedish stories.
Crackerjack (1994)
Die Hard meets Cliffhanger
It's Die Hard meets Cliffhanger when a ski resort is besieged by terrorists and it's up to one cop, Jack (Crackerjack) to stop this.
A B-action movie that borrows from other films and is quite good with pretty good action, a ridiculous plot (as always in these movies) and three fine stars. Thomas Ian Griffith as the cop and Nastasja Kinski and Christopher Plummer as terrorists. If you don't like stupid B-action movies this is not for you.
Dr. Giggles (1992)
Jason goes doctor as he returns home on Halloween.
Dr.Giggles is a movie about a crazed doctor who escapes from a mental hospital to take up his practice in his home town. We soon see that his ways of helping people is bumping them off. Especially teenagers, oh, it's Jason goes doctor. What can I say, it's just another slasher movie with different theme. First time I saw it, it was pretty scary, when I see it today I just laugh. There is no scary stuff, no intelligent plot, nothing that really horrifies but you can see this guy killing teenagers with one-liners to it.
Good things with this movie is a) some of the actors is good (Larry Drake in the lead role is pretty good) b) it is Brian Eno that has made the sound. c) we got a lot of murders (and when I say a lot I mean a lot) d) to all murders we get a nice one-liner. e) some of the murders is not nice.
Horror rip-off but at least honest about it (Not like Scream or I know what you did last summer).
Slumber Party Massacre II (1987)
The DrillerKiller continues/Elvis goes slasher
The second Slumber Party movie shows the kid-sister of the heroine of the first film. She is having nightmares about her sister and what seems to be a rockstar with an electric-guitar-drill. Soon is her birthday so he heads off with three of her friends to one of the girls house. There they are gonna party, soon three more friends join them. They drink, hang out and have sex. The girl is still having problems with her dreams of the rockslasher and when she tries to tell the others they laugh and don't take her seriously. Then her dreams turn to reality and they get hunted by the rockstar.
I've never seen the original part but this is something quite different. It's a new kind and odd kind of slasher and it takes a long while before the slasher acctually turn up. Before that the movie has taken turns at all directions not really focusing on what it is supposed to be. But when it comes to the slasher part I can recall from all earlier slasher pics (Friday 13th, Burning, Slumber Party 1). Because it doesn't focus until the end it is some what better then other slasher material. It's also well made (strange how people could find money for such a movie) and the gore parts is really gory. But the absolute best is the two lead roles, the girl (I forgot her name) and the drillerkiller Atanis Illich. The only thing that is really bad is the end which makes the movie fall flat.
House II: The Second Story (1987)
For a sequel it is average.
I didn't like the first House, it was not bad made or not interesting or anything like that. It was just that it was too boring for me, it had a too slow pace.
The second film in this entry is about a guy who moves into a house to find that his old grandpa from the west is still kicking around. The old grandpas silver skull is stolen from beings from different times as the house is a portal in time.
When I saw it as a young kid I liked this movie and wanted to see it again and years later I did finding that is wasn't the same movie I liked. Now it felt boring and I just think that they could have made something more out of this.
Event Horizon (1997)
Andersons best movie to date!
One of the best Hellraiser copies I've seen. Great actors, especially Sam Neill and Laurence Fishburne in the starring roles. Raw, rough and bloody, one of the scariest movies I have ever seen. It took my heart away.
10 out of 10.
By:Pinhead Nadir
Xtro II: The Second Encounter (1991)
This is as bad as it gets
I wonder, don't actors,producers,screenwriters and directors care about what kind of movie that they make. Well, not here I guess. This is one of the absolutely worst movies I have ever seen. It really sucks and is not something that anyone should see. Matter of fact I don't think that there is anybody that can enjoy a movie like this.
The movie is about a group of scientists far down under the ground in a secret military laboratory. Here they experiment with travelling to other dimensions. When an experiment goes wrong and one out of three travellers makes it they call in a group of what would be tough-guy soldiers. They also call in another scientist that is supposed to be a little crazy. Mean time the surviving traveller dies when her body is torn up and something escapes out of her. Some kind of alien that the soldiers and the scientists now must face. This is about it. The movie is very poorly made, it steals parts from sci-fi flicks, especially alien. It has bad actors, bad special effects, bad script, bad camera work and everything else is really bad. It got nothing good, only bad. Jan-Michael Vincent from Airwolf is in it and he makes a very lousy role as the crazy scientist. This movie got nothing good, only bad. And please, don't ever see it, or you'll regret it for the rest of your life.
Point Blank (1998)
Con Air rip-off?
Ok, one more prisoners-escapee movie, and not to forget, Danny Trejo is in it, the guy who played Johnny-23 in Con Air. A pretty good B-movie about a former cop,soldier,mercenary that is going to stop a couple of bad guys that is holding people hostage (Die Hard). Trejo is once again a rapist,murderer and total sick-o. Got some good action, the end is the coolest. And don't I detect some Leon-the professional here also.
For a B-movie it is very good, for a Con/Hard rip-off it doesn't even come close. What happened to Mickey Rourke's career?
Silent Trigger (1996)
Slow Trigger
A movie that even makes Dolph Lundgren look good. Some action, bloody and violent with some good camerawork doesn't really make up for the slow pace. Idiotic sex scene and stupidly handled story almost made me sleep. After the first half-hour it didn't really give us much and in the end all the hell brakes loose. Then a quite end with no real meaning or purpose. Russel Mulcahy has made it worth watching but he can never ever make a Highlander again.
Psycho Cop Returns (1993)
The cop from Hell is back
In the opening scenes you can see the inside of the Psycho Cop's squad car with pieces of human remains and blood. I guess it took some effort to do all that for the film and it's that, that makes this movie so very disappointing. Because there have been so much work on it and the result is everything else but good.
The movie is about this Cop Joe Wicker who also is a Psycho Cop. As he eats at a coffeeshop he overhears two guys that is having a party at their work after closing time. They are going to bring strippers and have a party. Officer Wicker follows them to their work because he sees the guys party as breaking the law and therefore when night comes he begins to kill them of one by one by one. And to every murder he has a oneliner. In the end when the Psycho Cop is supposed to die he just goes on and on without stopping which makes the whole thing very annoying. The only thing the makers of this film has tried is to do a cover on the great Maniac Cop and they have failed big time.
Miami Blues (1990)
Bloody Blues
Miami Blues is not the best movie I've seen but it's got an attraction to it.Here we got three fine stars, Alec Baldwin, Fred Ward and Jennifer Jason Leigh.Baldwin is the main character,a hardened criminal that on a murderous journey in Miami meets Leigh's half-witted prostitute and Ward's polic eofficer who is out to get him.They are all very good in their roles.Ward is unshaven, dirty and got false teeth which Baldwin steals from him along with his gun.Baldwin is pretty good as the bad guy,not excellent but ok and Leigh makes a good performance as a dumb callgirl.It starts out fine but as it goes on it gets somewhat ridiculous, laughable and violent. It barely makes as entertainment but is also quite original in style and story.
Dark Angel (1990)
drug dealer from other space
original idea made with great effort and turns out to be just another non-brains action movie that doesn't hold up.
the guy playing that intergalactic drug dealer is pretty good, especially as his dialog got about one line; I come in peace, I come in peace. yea, we hear you pal, you can shut up now.
Red Scorpion (1988)
Just another Lundgren movie
Dolph Lundgren as a soviet soldier fighting with rebels in Africa. Stupid and a typical Lundgren movie. Starts out as a B-action movie with a mission, turns out that that mission just failed.
M.Emmet Walsh as an american reporter is absolutely the best.