Kierian Reviews

Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)

Love B films

[6/10 · 28 May 1999]

I love bad films. This film is horrible. Fiendishly so. You get drawn in. It sucks up your will to stop watching. You sit there absolutely positive that you won't get more horrified. But heck it's got Rowdy Roddy Piper in it as the main star. That has to tell you something, though for the life of me I can't tell what. Please avert your eyes as our hero, Sam Hell(Rowdy), gets, for lack of a better word, seduced by every female in the post-apocalyptic world including a mutant frog woman. It's scary...I screamed in terror. And don't even get me started on the dance of the three snakes...I'll never look at a frog the same way again.

She (1984)

Love B films

[9/10 · 28 May 1999]

I must say that I am starting an unfortunate career of following Sandahl Bergman flicks. Don't get me wrong...I've enjoyed what I've seen of Ms. Bergman's acting in Hell comes to Frogtown and in this film She(the book is interesting by the way). As long as you're not looking for anything special it's cool. I personally enjoyed it but I was lynched by the 3 friends I made watch it with me. Especially since the whole movie we were waiting for the plot to resemble anything that the back of the movie box. It never did. There was supposed to be this whole plot about the all powerful "She" falling for a man who might kill her. As far as I can tell there was a woman...who was generally referred to as "She"...and indeed there was a lead male character. But they never so much as looked at each other crosswise. But hey the real reason to watch the movie is ghouls, the god "She"(who has no powers as far as I can tell), the other god they meet who actually has powers and wants to "study" our heroine, the weird dividable guy(my fav)...it's a labyrinth of weirdness. I dug it.

The Matrix (1999)

Awesome

[10/10 · 9 April 1999]

In a year that is destined to be the best of the 90's for Science Fiction this film will rival the upcoming Phantom Menace. God I love Star Wars but damned if I'm not so sure that Mr. Lucas has got the best Sci Fi flick this year. He's got some competition from this flick. I'm sure Star Wars will smoke everything but until then Matrix is filling up the holes ever so nicely. I saw the film 3 times so far and it's still opening week. First time in my life that I've ever seen a movie more than once in the theatre. I've also heard rumors to the effect that "The Matrix" is the beginning of a trilogy. Sci Fi returns with a bang and none too soon.

Scream 2 (1997)

Make the stupidity stop.

[4/10 · 9 April 1999]

Okay I enjoyed Scream. It kept me guessing and it wasn't as bad as I expected it to be. Now from a long distance perspective Scream 2 wasn't too bad. I mean her boyfriend in this one is hot and the scene with him on the cross and her going through some serious doubts was well done I thought. A for effort. You knew the "but" part was coming. Scream 2 was okay but...COME ON!!! I give full pardons to those characters who have not been in Scream 1 and have not been...heretofore...chased by a raving psychopath with a knife. Think about this seriously folks. It's school time and you've just gotten rid of...barely... a murderous duo who slashed half of your friends and acquaintances. What is you summer activity most likely going to be? That's right boys and girls...martial arts training and marksmanship training. You would also be carrying around...IF NOTHING ELSE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD.. a can of mace. Okay those thoughts aside. Say maybe these characters are not going to let the violence of society turn them hard and coarse. Fair enough I can respect the pacifist's viewpoint. But for god's sake it starts happening again and you just casually hang around. A danger to you friends and significant others? No my friends you would get a car...check all the trunks back seats etc. Get in your car and drive. Where? Who cares somewhere else where your friends are not going to get hurt. I mean she essentially was the cause of both her roommate's and her boyfriend's murder. Sigh. Just had to get that off my chest. I'll probably watch Scream 3 if it comes out too. hoping against hope that one of the characters picks up a gun before the end when it's basically pointless.

Killer Klowns from Outer Space (1988)

You see there's these clowns...

[10/10 · 9 April 1999]

I love this movie. I have made too many people watch this movie. I was in a molecular biology course once and was discussing the scene where the light shadow puppet eats people. Okay not the best way to convince people of your normalcy but entertaining to others at least. It's even got a soundtrack by "The Dickies" ...very funny stuff. Let's me see if I can give a two line rundown of the movie. Killer Klowns from outer space come down from...somewhere...in a big top space ship and wrap people in cotton candy, trap them in balloons, shoot mutagenic popcorn at them, and don't even get me started on the pies..."What are you gonna do with those pies boys?". This movie is hilarious. See it.

Gor (1987)

T vs A

[3/10 · 2 April 1999]

This movie was bad and I don't mean that in a good way. I enjoy bad films. This film was boring. For my male friends the best part of this film was the great female fight scenes which is best described in the words of one friend "Cool it's T vs A". There were only two reasons I could sit through the boredom that was this movie. First I had read Tarnsman of Gor which is a decent book even if the author goes into a psychotic misogynistics breakdown after the first 3 books in the series. Second this movie managed to rope JACK PALANCE into playing a part. I spent the whole movie waiting for Jack Palance to appear and it was almost as fruitful as waiting for Gedot. He shows up in the last 3 minutes setting up for a sequel...god I hope they don't make one. Not worth the time it took to watch.

Girlfriend from Hell (1989)

It Feels Good to be so BAD

[8/10 · 7 March 1999]

Okay Oscar winning material this is not. But if you like movies that are so bad they're good...this is it. God's hit-man, a geeky looking guy who drinks and likes to womanize, chases the devil throughout eternity. In this movie the devil leaps into a wall flower of a girl named Maggie. The ensuing hilarity which ensues involves rocket launcher toting nuns, women constantly punching their boyfriends, a high speed car ride, and the stealing of men's souls through their...umm...just see the movie. Don't expect witty dialogue...this movie is definitely only for those who like bad movies. I enjoyed it but I've got weird tastes.

Redneck Zombies (1989 Video)

AN AWFUL MOVIE

[10/10 · 4 February 1999]

This film was not the worst movie I have ever seen. I gave it a one,however, because I could not bring myself to give it a 10. It's a movie so bad that I truly wanted to give it a 10 due to the fact that a refuse to believe that there is not some sort of genius behind this film. The pure ick factor had me dry heaving several times from a man throwing up in a corpse, to pure gut wrenching(sorry about the pun) revulsive eating, to half eaten bodies simply laying about. I haven't seen this much pure gore since Evil Dead. Not for the weak of stomach. I wouldn't recommend seeing it but...it's utterly fascinating. Also if you're the kind of person who enjoys bad movies (like me) and foists them off on your friends....beware my friends wouldn't talk to me for 2 weeks.