bwallace-2 Reviews

The Hidden II (1993)

Unmake this movie, oh Movie Gods!

[1/10 · 15 May 2000]

This just may be the worst movie I've ever seen. Sequels usually don't live up to the original movies, but I sure didn't expect this. I can't think of enough words to describe it--awful, ghastly, horrible, hideous, monstrous. It has nothing to recommend it "The Hidden" was a stylish and intelligent thriller. Somebody should find a way to retro-abort this thing.

The Hidden (1987)

Stylish and intelligent thriller

[8/10 · 13 May 2000]

Some icky space slugs have no conscience at all. This one, however, sure likes to party, Earth style. Even worse, he finds he develops a taste for mayhem and serial murder. Pursued by a non-icky non-space-slug alien detective, he (it?) lands on Earth and finds humans are such easy prey -- they're completely defenseless against his hopping inside, baby-Alien style, and taking control. Earth is such fun: he likes fast Italian cars, guns, greasy diner food, loud bad music, and mangling people. Enter Earth cop Michael Nouri, who is wondering what the hell is going on --why are normally sane and law-abiding citizens going insane and going on murderous rampages? And just who is this baby-faced, barely-out-of-his-teens FBI agent who knows what's going on, but won't tell? And why does Claudia Christian have _any_ clothes on at all? If you like a lot of violence leavened with just as much wit, then this movie fits the bill. (By the way, avoid the sequel --it's hideous.)

The Sand Pebbles (1966)

Great film

[11 July 1999]

Very long but utterly absorbing film. This is probably Steve McQueen's best performance as a sailor who is followed by trouble no matter where he goes. And Richard McKenna as the suicidal captain who wants to go out in a blaze of military glory...he even sacrifices some of his men in a great battle scene as his ship attempts to break a blockade. Romance, tragedy, politics, exotic locations, war, heroism--this movie has everything. It is a must-see.

American History X (1998)

Great film with great flaws

[9/10 · 5 May 1999]

This is a great film which is unfortunately tainted with mistaken leftist/liberal explanations. The father passes on his "conservatism" to his son, who then turns into a neo-Nazi when his father is murdered. It's as obvious as can be that it supposed to mean that conservatives can turn into Nazis. Listen to the son's rational--and correct--explanations at the dinner table as he debates his fuzzy-minded, knee-jerk liberal opponents. And then all of a sudden--blam! He goes completely nuts. Rightists are violent, crazy racists! Oops--a few problems. "Nazi" means "National Socialist." They were leftists, not rightists. If the film had been honest it would have blamed the neo-Nazi movement as a response to the liberal/socialist programs in this country that fragment people into primitive, racial, ethnic tribes. Yet, for all its mistaken premises, this is still a great film, one of the most powerful I have ever seen.

Sick (1997)

Not for the squeamish

[3 May 1999]

At times I had to look away from the screen, especially the "Hammer of Love" sequence involving a hammer, a nail, a board, and a lot of blood. And this is a true story! Still, it's a fascinating story about a man with an incurable, fatal illness who never gives up, who turns his sickness and masochism into an art form. However, I will say I don't think anyone under the age of 14 should be allowed to see this film.

Starship Troopers (1997)

A satire, yes, but of what?

[8/10 · 7 April 1999]

This movie is obviously a satire of Nazism and Fascism--witness the Nazi officer uniforms, even the soldiers' helmets. But who exactly is it aimed at? Is it anti-American? Hard to believe. The amount of Nazis and Fascists in America would fill a couple of softball teams. Europe is the birthplace of Nazism, Fascism and Communism--not to mention two World Wars. There is an old saying, "The dark night of fascism is always falling in America, but lands only in Europe." If Verhoeven intends this to be anti-American, he utterly missed the mark. Obviously he doesn't understand the country, which is typical of foreigners. If the movie is anything, it is anti-European.

Starship Troopers (1997)

Satirical but unrelentingly violent

[8/10 · 27 March 1999]

A lot of people apparently didn't understand this movie is a satire. It is the most violent, gory film I have ever seen. It is also a lot of fun--people were cheering, clapping and yelling in the theater. It doesn't have much in common with Heinlein's novel, which is a curious mixture of political philosophy and brutal militarism.

Dances with Wolves (1990)

Vastly overrated

[27 March 1999]

Absorbing, but ultimately contemptible and hypocritical. This anti-Western, anti-American, anti-technological film exalts the lunatic Rousseau's non-existent "Noble Savage." Costner pushes all the right PC buttons for the unthinking. Apparently it has never occurred to most that the Indian's existence was sans dentistry and soap. And movies, music, restaurants, nightclubs...and all the rest than fans of this movie couldn't live without.

Gandhi (1982)

Absorbing propaganda

[8/10 · 27 March 1999]

It's not often one can watch a three-hour film and be absorbed the entire time. Unfortunately a lot of this film isn't true--it's propaganda. And it doesn't portray Gandhi accurately. He was an unbalanced man; one of his accomplishments was the deaths of a million or so Hindus and Muslims.

The Fortune Cookie (1966)

Mix a shyster with a nitwit...

[8/10 · 26 March 1999]

Little-known, but has fine performances by Jack Lemmon and Walter Matthau. Lemmon is a not-too-bright sports cameraman who gets knocked over by a football player (Ron Rich) and is persuaded by his crooked, ambulance-chasing brother-in-law lawyer (Matthau) to fake an injury for the insurance money. Lemmon tries to go along with the scam, but is consumed by guilt because the guilt Rich feels for the "injury" is quickly wrecking his life. Added to this is the return of Lemmon's ex-wife (Judi West), with whom he is still obviously in love. He is completely oblivious to the fact she is a gold-digger--in his case, love truly is blind. Everything resolves itself as it should, but not as you might think. It's a funny, dramatic, and touching film.

Rawhead Rex (1986)

One of the worst movies ever

[1/10 · 20 March 1999]

People mock "Plan 9" and "Robot Monster," claiming they are the worst movies ever. At least they're so bad they're funny. "Rawhead Rex" is so bad it's almost unendurable. I kept wondering how hot the actor must have been in the cheap, fake "Rawhead Rex" head. Thank God for fast forward.

Rituals (1977)

Little-known but disturbing

[7/10 · 20 March 1999]

This film is not as well-known as it should be. It's not great, but it's well worth seeing if you are a fan of horror. A group of doctors out in the wilderness are the innocent targets of revenge by, ah, let's say an unnecessary surgical mistake. I found it more disturbing than frightening.

Wait Until Dark (1967)

A great suspense movie

[9/10 · 19 March 1999]

I first saw this movie as a kid and nearly everyone in the theater screamed when Alan Arkin pulled that crazy Jack-in-the-Box stunt (if you want to know what I mean, watch the movie.) This is a very taut, suspenseful, frightening movie. Arkin's portrayal of the evil sadistic psychopath, Harry Roat, Jr., has yet to be beat (Anthony Hopkins' Hannibal Lector does come close, though.) Roat has always reminded me of an insane, murderous '50s version of Jerry Lewis. Even his voice is frightening!

Journey to the Seventh Planet (1962)

A big brain on Uranus

[6/10 · 19 March 1999]

I saw this film in the early '60s, when I was 6 or 7, and was very impressed by it. Even now, it holds up better than I thought it would.

A group of astronauts land on Uranus and discover an Earth village, populated by people they know. It turns out it's all an illusion, created by a gigantic brain that they have to destroy.

This isn't a silly '50s drive-in movie, but a rather serious effort that at times is quite eerie.

Invasion of the Saucer Men (1957)

Scared of needles

[18 March 1999]

I saw this movie in the early '60s, when I saw about 6 or 7. I have never been able to forget that severed hand, with the needles coming out of the fingertips, as it crawled up the car seat toward the unsuspecting teens.

When I saw the movie again some 30 years later I was surprised how well it held together. A scary but harmless movie for kids and an amusing Grade-B drive-in remembrance for adults.

The original poster for the movie (which sells for over a $1,000) is one of the best ever--the archetypical Bug-Eyed Monster.