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Reviews
Lost Junction (2003)
Most Boring movie I've seen in a long time
I can usually find at least one thing to enjoy about a bad film, even if it's just the scenery or one actor's performance. Lost Junction, however, was one hundred percent lost on me and I'd like my $4 rental fee back. If I ever run into Neve Campbell or Peter Masterson, I'm going to ask that they repay me. I truly felt I had been watching this movie for at least an hour, and looked over at the clock to find I was only 23 minutes in! This is one of those films that's supposed to be about Southern Gothic, quirky characters in oh-so-disturbing, Southern Gothic scenarios. But it's anything but. This is one of those "Southern" tales where the Southern-ness is so pathetically imitated, the most "belle"-like thing Neve or the script can ever muster is to have Neve CONSTANTLY say to her leading man "Oh, Jimmy McGee!" (Because we all recognize a young, airheaded woman who likes to coo a man's FIRST AND LAST NAMES EACH AND EVERY TIME SHE SPEAKS TO HIM as "Southern"). The plot goes NOWHERE until the last 10 minutes(when it's way too late), bringing a throwaway character, a near-extra, into sudden plot relevance, taking away anything quirky or disturbing we've taken as truth about the 2 main characters for the last 90 minutes! An absolutely atrocious, unwatchable film. I refused to turn it off before it was over only because I'd paid that $4 (and I was determined to watch all of it, hoping it would improve), but BOY WAS IT AN ENDURANCE TEST!!!!!!!! Peter Masterson directed this, the same man responsible for the great "Trip to Bountiful." Hard to believe. Keep driving past this LOST JUNCTION!
Just Married (2003)
BORING AS HELL
This is truly one of the most boring movies I've seen in years, as well as one of the most unfunny. I did not laugh once watching this. I could not detect where the jokes were supposed to be. Did it look like a comedy on paper or something? Awful.
Tornado Warning (2002)
Must see to believe
This movie was a complete and total embarrassment. I couldn't believe how
cheap and awful it was. I mean, just ridiculous. Why would PAX bother to make a movie that's so horrific and embarrassing when they could probably get the
same ratings airing their reruns of Touched by an Angel and Diagnosis Murder
instead? If anyone sees this, the film's representation of a "parade" (this small town's annual celebration/parade are endangered by an approaching tornado)
is truly pathetic. It's one of those movie parades where all you seem to see is the trail end of it -- in one shot they show one lone clown walking along as if that constitutes a parade. And they have about 10 extras watching the parade as if that's the entire town.
Joan Van Ark tries hard, but she clearly received very poor direction. Her comic take on her drawling character just doesn't fit with the rest of the movie, which takes itself fairly seriously. This movie to me is the nadir of what the
once-awesome TV-movie has degenerated into. Look what the genre that gave
us The Burning Bed and Brian's Song has ultimately become... a cheap way for
a cheap network like PAX to fill airtime. Depressing.
The Other Woman (1995)
Excellent TV-movie
This is one of the best movies of the week ever. It is completely heartbreaking. Jill Eikenberry is amazing in this movie. She has a monologue at the end that absolutely rips your heart out. I'd rather watch this than feature films about people with fatal illnesses (like Autumn in New York) any day. Highly recommended.
Held for Ransom (2000)
Just awful
I only rented this movie to see Morgan Fairchild and Joan Van Ark, who turn out to each have about three lines of dialogue in the movie as the kidnapped teens' moms. I don't understand why these well-known women were hired only to be given three lines... Anyway, this is one of the most boring, stupid movies I've seen in a long time. It was absolutely awful. It's confusing because Dennis Hopper and Debi Mazar, who are in lots of other things, are in this trash. Why would they bother with doing such a low-budget movie?
Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (1973)
Unique horror story
A friend of mine recommended this movie, having seen it when she was a kid. She still remembered the title and a lot about it. I was not disappointed when I saw it. These bizarre, scary creatures lurking below Kim Darby's house want to take her with them into the netherworld. There are some really creepy sequences, and the creatures' voices and whispered chants are memorable. They don't make TV-movies like this anymore. I think networks are unwilling to take a chance on anything as creepily, oddly off-the-wall as this now. Another example of a scary TV-move from this era is "Dying Room Only" with Cloris Leachman; it, too, is pretty strange and chilling.
Evils of the Night (1985)
Stupid, offensive trash...
This is one of the cheapest, most offensive, all-around worst horror movies ever made. Truly an insult to even the most undemanding video renter. Tina Louise, Julie Newmar, Aldo Ray, and John Carradine apparently all needed a little cash. Although they have all been in other trashy, bad movies, this has to be at least close to the absolute rock bottom for all of them. The only interesting thing about this movie is watching people who once had careers "perform" in something truly awful.