Puck-20 Reviews

Star Trek (2009)

The Black Hole in the Plot

[8/10 · 24 May 2009]

A thoroughly enjoyable movie. Yes, I know the trekkies are seething mad about the violation of many obscure details that no one else really cares about. IT'S A MOVIE, PEOPLE. Nice, brainless entertainment. It was fun to see the beginnings of the crew and their relationships, and the plot device of an "alternate Trek universe" allowed Abrams to wipe the slate clean and be able to have lots of new adventures, and any inconsistencies with the Star Trek "canon" could be explained by Doc Emmett Brown's theory of messing with the space-time continuum.

The big problem I had with the plot was: if the Romulan Nero goes back in time, captures Spock's ship with the magical "red matter," why on earth (or why on Romulus, rather) doesn't he just shoot some of the stuff into the star that was going to explode, destroying Romulus in the distant future? It really doesn't make much sense, particularly since he had 25 years to figure that one out while he was waiting for Spock to show up.

Robin Hood (1973)

It stinks!

[1/10 · 27 November 2006]

The Hanna/Barberaism of the Disney studios continued (after the plodding and dull "Aristocats") with this lame excuse to make money off of kids. A few other reviewers have pointed out the jerky and often grinding-to-a-slow-crawl plot and the characters that were more wooden than Pinocchio. What bothered me, and I mean what bothered me to the point of wincing when it was originally released, was how the people at Disney were simply plum out of ideas. You really can appreciate Walt Disney's genius at telling a story, and the team he left behind simply couldn't pull it off. So, they decided to recycle some old animation in the hopes that no one would notice. First, they put some clothes on Baloo, then they use animated scenes from Snow White, the Aristocats, and the Jungle Book just to cut corners and hope that no one noticed. What were they thinking? Even though Maid Marian's dance moves were so obviously from Snow White, at least that film was older than the kids who went to see this movie. But to rip off animation from the previous two movies? Particularly the high-points of the previous two movies? The only good thing they did was use the Hamster Dance in the opening credits. Pity they didn't have any hamsters dancing, though. Just recycled clips from the movie itself.

Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp (1970–1971)

Not missing link...

[13 February 2005]

This was actually a show about torturing animals; in this case, chimpanzee min-keys (as Clouseau would say). I remember this show when it first came out. My brother loved it; I thought it was sick stuff. Really sick stuff. I knew it was a satire on shows such as Get Smart!, but it made no difference. I simply watched in horror at the unnatural things they did to those hairy critters They would dress up these poor chimps in the most uncomfortable looking clothes and force them to do outlandish things, all while flapping their lips. Often they would do things like drop a barrel of bananas on their heads as they tried to scamper away. Seriously. If you watched the chimps closely, you could see that they were not amused. I don't mind seeing a chimp running around after Johnny Weissmuller, but this was over the top, especially when they did stuff that obviously scared the living crap out of those chimps (I don't envy the dude who had to change the chimp's clothing).

Song of Norway (1970)

Peer Gimp

[2/10 · 13 February 2005]

Muslim detainees in Guantanamo Bay were reportedly tortured by having to watch this film several times a day, many of them begging for mercy and swearing they would eat pork chops for dinner every day if only they quit showing them this film... ***WARNING! SPOILERS AHEAD!*** The Surgeon General has concluded that watching this movie may be hazardous to your health. ... I saw this movie on the Big Screen when it came out. I loved Grieg's music (well, still do) but this film really put my loyalty to the test. Others here have spoken quite eloquently about the movie's incredible editing and song and dance numbers, so I won't add to the comments. The reason I gave the movie two stars instead of one was: Florence Henderson's wonderful role in reprising her cameo in Weird Al Yankovic's "Amish Paradise", and the totally meaningless non-sequitur animated sequence about two thirds through the movie where you have monsters popping out of fiords.

The Magilla Gorilla Show (1964–1967)

Don't squeeze the gorilla

[6 April 2004]

Standard 60's fare from H/B. Obnoxious but good hearted gorilla is always trying to find someone to buy him so he can escape the clutches of Mr. Peebles and his pet shop. I never could figure out why he wanted to leave, though...he was paired with Ricochet Rabbit, a sheriff in the old west who ran so fast he bounced off of stuff, mostly cacti. Ouch. Voices were done by the usual H/B gang, Mel Blanc, Don Messick, etc. Allan Melvin, the voice of Magilla, was also the voice of Drooper from the Bannana Splits. Howard Morris, the voice of Mr. Peebles, also did Atom Ant as well as the Gopher from the Winnie the Pooh series. Jean Vander Pyl (Wilma from the Flintstones) also did some voices...

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

One Ding-a-ling to rule them all...

[14 November 2003]

Peter Jackson will surely burn in hell for his sacrilege. I don't need to put in the particulars here; many hundreds of others have pointed out Jackson's screw-ups. It's not that he diddled with the plot, but that he added things that made no sense. He spent time on story lines that were not in the book, and left out things that would not have taken up any more time, and would have made a better story (by sticking to the book!). Now, I'm not one of those who slavishly worships St. Tolkien....there were better writers out there...check out "THE KING OF ELFLAND'S DAUGHTER" by Lord Dunsany sometime...but no one, and I mean NO ONE could tell a story like ol' J.R.R...and that goes especially for Peter Jackson.

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Meesa don't think so...

[14 November 2003]

Well, that first scene with Jar-Jar wearing a dress explained a lot about the first movie. I was personally glad to see him come out of the closet...he was a lot less neurotic in this film. Of course, he really didn't bother me all that much in the first movie. At least you didn't have the distraction of zippers down his back like you did with the Ewoks. Yes, some of the lead acting was wooden and the dialogue hokey, but hey...didn't anyone remember the first movie?? Mark Hamill? Carrie Fisher? No? Hey, they were awful, but I still loved the movie. Let's all remember, Lucas always said this was nothing more than a B-flick with good special effects. The only thing I did miss was Christopher Lee's Dracula fangs..."Join vith me Obi-vahn, or I vill bite you on the neck! Blah!"

Patton (1970)

"When the going gets tough, they call for the sons of bitches"...Adm. Ernest King

[5 November 2003]

Patton is a movie about a man who on one hand was one of America's greatest generals, and on the other hand was only marginally saner than Gen. Jack D. Ripper. According to several vets I got to talk to (who actually served under the real Patton!), George C. Scott's portrayal was spot-on. A few observations on the movie: Even when I was a kid, seeing Patton when it came out in 1970, I was suspicious of the tanks used in that battle scene in North Africa. Even then, they didn't look like the classic German tanks...Patton's speech in the beginning of the movie was edited for content. If you ever read the original version of his speech, it makes the movie version sound like a church sermon.

I also wished that the movie had pointed out that in WW1, Patton commanded the first ever American tank battalion, and was severely wounded in battle, yet kept fighting until he just about passed out from loss of blood. I thought this should have been brought out that he had practiced what he preached... Gen. Omar Bradley: portrayed in the movie as Patton's "buddy", he was nothing of the sort. Jealous of Patton, the real life Bradley would go to Eisenhower behind Patton's back to stymie George's success.

Monty: Sorry, Monty fans, but the movie points out one historical fact. Monty usurped needed gas and supplies from Patton in September of '44 for his disastrous "Market Garden" attack (watch Richard Attenborough's "A Bridge Too Far" as a companion movie to "Patton"). Thanks to Monty, the war went on much longer than it probably would have if Patton had been allowed to drive into Germany. Patton's arrogance helped win battles. Monty's arrogance gave us the Battle of the Bulge, the fire bombing of Dresden, not to mention countless Jewish lives lost. Patton had the Germans reeling in the fall of 1944, and, as the movie pointed out, had the army in just the right place at the right time to end it. Unfortunately, thanks to Monty's political pull and crappy generalmanship, the war went on longer than it should have...

Krazy Kat (1962– )

Thick as a brick...

[20 October 2003]

Very strange cartoon from a very strange cartoon strip. A sadistic Ignatz mouse shows his "love" for Krazy Kat by tossing bricks at her head. Hardly PC...a show about violence towards women. I notice that it is not for sale in any format...

Diamonds Are Forever (1971)

Broccoli with Cheese!

[28 May 2003]

Goodness, people sure take their James Bond movies seriously! You would think Ian Fleming was William Shakespeare's first cousin or something after reading some of these posts......anyway: I saw this when it came out in the theaters back in '71. I loved it then, and still do. It was FUNNY! Connery was funny, the situations he got in were funny, and the bad guys, Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd... it was enjoyable to see these guys spew off one-liners as they knocked people off. After the oh-so-serious OHMSS, this movie was quite refreshing; it was nice to see the series start to not take itself so seriously.

Oh, a bit of trivia for you Roger Moore bashers. You might want to know that, for the first Bond movie, Dr. No, Ian Fleming [the creator of James Bond] originally wanted Roger Moore to be James Bond, since Moore fit Fleming's image for what Bond was supposed to look and act like...

Tootsie (1982)

I may be in the minority, but...

[20 April 2003]

...I really get tired of Dustin Hoffman's "I can do anything better than a woman" shtick. In Little Big Man, he was a better gunslinger than his sister, in Kramer vs. Kramer he was a better mom than Meryl Streep, and in Tootsie, he's a better woman than ALL woman. I just keep thinking of that Jack Nicholson line in "As Good as it Gets" when asked how he can portray women so well..."I think of a man, and I take away reason and accountability..."...anyway, Hoffman's anti-female attitude rather ruins any "comedy" this movie might have had.

Son of Flubber (1962)

Fred MacMurray gets gas from flubber....

[22 October 2002]

This is the sequel to "The Absent Minded Professor" [1961]. Slower, and more uneven. The "Absent Minded Professor" was mainly a one-joke affair; Fred MacMurray's fantastic invention "flubber", and by the time "Son of Flubber" came out, it had worn a bit thin. For instance, the SoF copied the AMP with a sports contest. In AMP it was the basketball game half-way through, but in SOF it was a football game as the grand finale [which shows you the tired plot line]. It does have its moments, though...watch for Paul Lynde as the sportscaster, as well as the father/son team of Ed and Keenan Wynn.

The Dick Tracy Show (1961– )

Calling Dick Tracy....

[28 July 2002]

This goes way back; I watched this in the very early 60's. It was quite faithful to the strip, as I remember. The episodes started out the same: Tracy calling one of his cops [Hemlock Holmes, more often than not] on his TV wristwatch. The episode would revolve around the not-too competent Hemlock and the Keystone Kops trying to get the bad guys, which they would invariably do. I still remember the final shot of the show, the timpani pounding out the theme, and a high overhead shot of a busy city intersection, looking at all the ant-like cars letting a police car go by...then continuing on their way as it passed.

What made this show interesting were the voices. Everett Sloane [Citizen Kane] was Tracy...but it also had such greats as Mel Blanc and Paul Frees, Jerry Housner [I Love Lucy] and Benny Rubin [Citizen Kane]...

I don't recall this show being shown since the mid-sixties. I hope they bring it back.

The Exorcist (1973)

I've seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVERY SINGLE TIME I SEE IT

[23 April 2002]

I missed this movie when it came out in the early '70's. But my kids rented it a little while back, and I came in to watch it with them. After a while, they kept pausing it to tell me to leave the room, since I was laughing so loudly......This is one of the campiest, unintentionally funny movies I've ever seen. That "spider" scene...what a scream! And the language...I guess it was shocking thirty years ago, but it is simply corn now. A must see if you like shock schlock!

Forrest Gump (1994)

only mildly entertaining...

[24 March 2002]

This movie was indeed like a box of chocolates. The problem is, I don't like chocolate. I think I had more laughs reading the comments about this movie ["greatest movie ever!!!...Tom Hanks best acting job!!!" etc.] than I did watching the movie itself. I guess it was a great movie if all you are used to are Adam Sandler movies...Of course, I don't think it's the total piece of garbage that some reviewers called it, either. But I certainly don't understand the accolades this mediocre comedy/melodrama inspires. Now, what is funny are the people who thought Tom Hanks's hokey and uneven portrayal of Gump was "brilliant!!!, fantastic!!!" etc. If you want to see someone do some REAL acting, go watch Peter Sellers in the 1979 classic "Being There"...a movie with intelligence.

Hillbilly Hare (1950)

Now form a square....

[30 March 2001]

A typical Bugs-vs.-the Hillbillies toon until the square-dancing scene...which has got to be one of the most hilarious three minutes in cartoon history. Lots more violent toons out there (the Powerpuff Girls come to mind) done with much less wit.. A must-see for any cartoon fan...

Little Red Riding Rabbit (1944)

A Review...TO HAVE....SEE?

[30 March 2001]

Of all the Little Red Riding Hood spoofs, this has to be my favorite. The sight gags from this short are cliche now, but they were new back then...the chase up and down the stairs and through the doors, etc.

The best part about this one was the totally obnoxious Red Riding Hood, the bobby-socked, puberty-challenged brat singing "Five O'clock Whistle". I'm sure she was modeled after someone's kid..I just wish I knew who!

The Music Man (1962)

You can talk talk talk talk bicker bicker bicker...

[17 March 2001]

Meridith Wilson had a good time poking fun at his old hometown, Mason City, Iowa. A wry look at small-town values in turn of the century Middle America...The sets in the movie were great... the costumes.... Robert Preston glides through the movie as a musical con-man (something he would do 20 years later as Toddie in Victor/Victoria). The songs are the best part: witty and hummable. I read some negative reviews about the music, but if the song "Til there was You" was good enough for the Beatles to cover on one of their early albums, well, that tells you something...

The Eiger Sanction (1975)

Read the book instead...

[7 December 2000]

Clint mis-casts himself (Steve McQueen would have been the PERFECT Hemlock) in this film adaptation of Trevanian's brilliant and witty novel...his treatment of the dialogue (the book's best feature) was stilted and dull, which pretty much doomed the picture, since the book was more about character interaction rather than action scenes.... Certainly not one of Eastwood's better efforts...

Porky's (1981)

Only funny if you have had a lobotomy....

[1/10 · 22 August 2000]

A movie from the very uneven Bob Clark, the director who gave us the wonderful "A Christmas Story" and the horrid "Baby Geniuses" ..."Porky's" is a sexist, juvenile, lame excuse for a comedy. I found it so non-funny...mainly because of its mean-spirited approach to humor. Give me "American Graffiti" anyday over this nonsense. I give it a ONE (1), and I'm being generous....

Victor/Victoria (1982)

Ooo-la-la

[17 August 2000]

Julie Andrews wins the heart of the man she loves with music...Robert Preston as a musical con man out to hoodwink a city...Lesley Ann Warren's life is changed when she meets her fairy.....well, fairy! No, I'm not talking about "The Sound of Music", "Music Man", and "Cinderella"...This is 1982, and twenty years have changed a lot of things... The thing that made Victor/Victoria such a gem (and I concur with fellow reviewers that this was Blake Edward's best movie) was that everyone, EVERYONE, was clicking on all cylinders for this one; Edwards, Mancini, Andrews, Preston, Warren, and the rest...but most of all for the snappy editing of Ralph E. Winters (He won an Oscar for Ben Hur). Absolutely delightful...I like to put it on just to hear the music....

S.O.B. (1981)

The hills are still alive...

[17 August 2000]

Dark satire about Hollywood; funny at times, but, as others have noted, uneven. A tune-up for Blake Edward's next movie, Victor/Victoria, but worth watching for Robert Preston's very amusing performance alone...

Charlotte's Web (1973)

It just didn't work, and I can't tell you why....

[17 August 2000]

You know, sometimes all the elements to make a great movie are there, but somehow, some way, it just doesn't work. "Charlotte's Web" is such a movie. Great Story (I'm sure most of you read it as kids), great voices--Debbie "Singin' in the Rain" Reynolds as Charlotte, Henry "Laugh-In's poet" Gibson, Agnes "Endora on Bewitched" Moorehead, and the best one: Paul "Hollywood Squares" Lynde as Tempelton. And even the narrator, Rex Allen, whose warm western drawl was familiar to all who used to watch all those Disney Nature films (Charlie the Lonesome Cougar, et al). Yes, the animation left much to be desired (Hanna/Barbera...the folks that brought you the Flintstones, Jetsons, etc...Yes, this was not a Disney-quality movie, but remember, in 1973 neither were the Disney movies. Without Uncle Walt at the helm, the Disney studios were hitting their low point). And last, but certainly not least, the music...the only excuse I can think of was that Richard and Robert Sherman didn't put a whole lot of effort into this project. I mean, these are the guys that penned some of the most memorable kid's songs of the 60's...Mary Poppins..(They won an Oscar and a Grammy for that project), the Jungle Book (Look for the ...Bare Necessities), the Winnie the Pooh theme (Tubby little cubby all stuffed with fluf...) and a lot more that I won't mention since you'll be singing them all day... Anyway, why "Charlotte's Web" didn't work is a mystery to me. With the exception of Paul Lynde, everyone seemed to just be going through the motions...

Song of the South (1946)

The best Disney movie you'll never see...

[17 August 2000]

I remember, when I was a kid growing up in Atlanta, getting to go to the Wren's Nest, the home of Joel Chandler Harris. I had the big, hardcover Disney book of his stories, and it was quite a thrill getting to see the home of a man whose stories I had read and loved, and the authentic "briar patch" of Br'er Rabbit hisself! Yes, I loved the movie as a child. Yes, I know that the movie is hardly "politically correct". But think about it; if Disney had to remove every non-PC movie, they'd have to get rid of Dumbo (the black crows), Peter Pan (the portrayal of Native Americans), Jungle Book (jive-talking monkeys), and probably some others that escape me right now... So, will someone please explain to me why this movie is banned, but Gone With the Wind is not? I mean, talk about racial stereotyping....What makes Hattie McDaniel's role in Song of the South less PC than in GWTW? Or even worse, D. W. Griffith's "Birth of a Nation"? (Number 44 on the AFI's "100 Greatest Movies of all time!" list). I can go down to Blockbuster and rent one of the most racist, hateful, and black-stereotyping movies ever made, a film that glorifies the KKK. Why is "Birth of a Nation" glorified as one of the 100 greatest movies of all time, yet "Song of the South" is considered too racist to re-release? I think this is a valid point... I certainly hope Disney re-releases this movie, since I see no logical reason why it was banned in the first place....

Galaxy Quest (1999)

To affinity, and beyond .

[28 July 2000]

My affection for sci-fi has never been even lukewarm fanatical. I enjoyed Star Trek TOS, but was never close to being a Trekkie. I certainly loved the spoofs in "Galaxy Quest" of Star Trek as well as other films (such as the scene of the hung-over mucous-covered Tim Allen, flying through space a lá Buzz Lightyear in the opening of Toy Story 2). But `Galaxy Quest' worked for me on all levels, in fact, it was (IMHO) a better movie than many of the Sci-Fi movies it was parodying, certainly better than the odd-numbered Star Trek movies. I don't know why people try to find deep meanings, or intriguing plots in every movie they see. Sure, `Galaxy Quest' has some plot holes, but what Sci-fi movie doesn't? Even Star Trek…I remember as a kid, having some grasp of physics, knowing what kind of explosive energy release an anti-matter/matter bomb would have, chuckled at how a photon torpedo explosion only caused a few sparks on a ship's computers... Some movies are simply made to be enjoyed, to watch with a bag of popcorn and a big, goofy grin on your face. `Galaxy Quest' is one of these films.