DM-19 Reviews

Bloodsucking Redneck Vampires (2004 Video)

Technically awful though frequently hilarious.

[7/10 · 8 December 2004]

I got the movie on the basis of the title alone. I'm a sucker for the patently ridiculous - and in this case, redundant - titles of old. So getting the movie just on the title, I wasn't exactly expecting high art when I sat down to watch it. At first, it filled all my expectations about the kind of film this was going to be. Terrible lighting? Check. Bad Sound? Check. Lousy Performances? With a few exceptions, check.

Though as the movie continued, I found myself laughing with the film, not at it. The main thrust of the comedy comes in the form of some wonderfully strange characters, Cletus (a foul-mouthed, beer-swilling dwarf with a penchant for peeping tomery), Jean-Claude (pronounced "Cleurghd", a sexually ambiguous french interior decorator stuck in redneck hell) and the villain of the piece, Catherine (an eastern European vampire, lumbered with the worst sidekick in film history). Little moments in the film, such as Ma Poissier's exclamation of delight, "I won a free room refit from Bull Inseminatin', Room Redecoratin' magazine!" show the potential of the film, but the director's over-reliance on toilet jokes for humour grows old very quickly.

Given more time and a bit more money, I'd like to see what else Sherlock & Hegg could come up with.

Cheotsarang sasu gwolgidaehoe (2003)

Not a good movie...

[3/10 · 22 June 2004]

The synopsis of the movie is mentioned in other reviews, so I'm just going to tell you what I didn't like about this movie. It's far too inconsistent and what starts off as a light comedy - in the mold of say, My Sassy Girl or 100 Days with Mr Arrogant - skews into soap-opera melodrama at the drop of a hat, with all players involved shouting and crying their way through proceedings. Tae-hyun Cha, who was pretty good alongside the fabulous Ji-hyun Jun in My Sassy Girl, is mistaken when he thinks that screaming at the top of his voice constitutes good comedy while all Ye-jin Son has to do is stand around and cry a lot. If you like shopping for the odd Oriental movie on auction sites and are looking for a nice comedy, I would recommend either of the previously mentioned titles, including Spy Girl and the 2 My Wife is a Gangster movies.

Violence Jack: Violence Jack, Part 1, Slum King (1986) Season 1, Episode 1

Bloody Awful.

[2/10 · 15 April 2002]

Disregarding all thoughts of plot, acting and continuity, Violence Jack: Slumking is the worst anime I've seen (apart from parts 1 and 2). The story - what there is of it - concerns a giant named Jack who walks a desolate wasteland looking for people to kill.

This particular "episode" involves a character named the Slumking who captures females so he can train them to be sex slaves and then sell them on to towns. Jack decides he doesn't like this and decides to kill everyone.

Utter rubbish, with not enough sex to engage Hentai fans, not enough (good) violence to engage the casual viewer and so many errors regarding basic storytelling, it's sometimes even hard to understand what's going on. Give this one a miss everybody, you'll be doing yourself a favour.

It's Garry Shandling's Show. (1986–1990)

A work of genius.

[29 January 2000]

A show that inspires me to this day. While I didn't see it when it first aired at my house we have the wonder that is cable and the reruns of this show make my evening.

The format for the show is unlike any other I've seen and while the plots may not be original Garry (and cast) sparkle with true wit and class. Not many shows make me laugh out loud, but this one has me in tears. I urge absolutely everyone to watch it.

Gentlemen Don't Eat Poets (1995)

Hey! It's sleeping pills in celluloid form!

[5/10 · 3 September 1999]

I like the premise of this film, a butler worming his way into the family to gain their inheritance, but the execution lacks any excitement, tension or even passion that it should.

Sting fails to capture any real nastiness about himself, the cinematography is DULL and the really leaden script doesn't do any justice to the fine Patrick McGrath novel.

Ghost Chase (1987)

Its a surprise Emmerich got work after this.

[1/10 · 3 September 1999]

This film is BAD. All the ingredients that add up to make a good film are lacking here, the script - terrible, the acting? - worse. And if you can find a worse director doing (financially) well in Hollywood, I applaud you.

The Fifth Element (1997)

Very nearly very good.

[5/10 · 2 September 1999]

Oh so close Bruce, stylistically, the film is very good. Gary Oldman and Milla Jovovich do a good job (Jovovich's first real acting part, if you discount the almost cameo nature of her apperance in Dazed and Confused).

The film was expertly sabotaged however, he brought the film from action to farce with an almost SAS or NAVY S.E.A.L. quality to it, the man I'm talking about? Chris Tucker. Not only his performance *so* bad I almost hit the screen, that he destroys any tension the film took so long to build up.

An honorable failure.

P.S. Why did Leeloo start crying her eyes out at WAR? Surely she must've gone through Bigotry, Genocide, Murder and Hanson to get there?

Fair Game (1995)

So bad, they planned it this way.

[3/10 · 2 September 1999]

Cindy Crawfords "acting" debut pairs her up with the always dire Billy Baldwin (Biodome, anyone?). This is below-par routine stuff, mind-numbing action sequences interspersed with mind-numbing dialogue scenes.

And yes, Cindy Crawford does get naked.

Desperate (1947)

Mann makes great B films.

[8/10 · 2 September 1999]

This is a TOUGH film, incredibly stylised. This is the essence of the 40's film noir (just take a look at the scene where a beating takes place in a basement, lit by a single swinging overhead light, fantastic). Burr is great as the gangleader.

The Crow: City of Angels (1996)

Er...Haven't I seen this film before? (Spoilers)

[5/10 · 1 September 1999]

Basically, this is a more expensive remake of the first Crow film. There are good points to the film, one being the really cool Iggy Pop and excellent cinematography, but Perez as the dead avenger doesn't exude the same presence on-screen as his predecessor, Brandon Lee.