machette Reviews

The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961–1966)

They don't make them like this anymore

[10/10 · 14 April 2020]

Just like the title says. The really don't make shows like this anymore. Almost 60 years later and the Dick Van Dyke Show holds up better than most. This show is still to this day hilarious and will forever remain one of my favorites. I wasn't born when it premiered but always watched the reruns as a kid and still do. And what American male who watched this DIDNT fall in love with Mary Tyler Moore?

The Ring (2002)

Very, very creepy and intense...

[14 December 2002]

Wow. I just got back from seeing this and all I can say is...wow. It's been a long time since a movie creeped me out this much. If the American version was this good; I've got to see the original. The thing is; I don't know why this movie affected me the way it did. I know it's just a movie, but; damn! Definately picking this one when it comes to DVD.

Die Another Day (2002)

Bond is back

[8 December 2002]

I went into this very skeptical as to how 007 would hold up in the 21st Century. Boy was I pleasantly surprised! From the dark, Timothy Dalton-esque first act to the cool, suave, Sean Connerey-type second act to the goofy Roger Moore-type final act; this is Brosnans best Bond to date. It was great to see the references to the past 007 adventures(see if you can catch them all) such as the jetpack from Thunderball, the shoe in From Russia With Love, and the return of the Astin Martin. Kudos to John Cleese who takes the role of Q the gadget guru and makes it his own(R.I.P Douglass Lewelan). Not to give anything away; but, the last scene involving Miss Moneypenny is absolutely priceless.

It (1990)

Pennywise rocks!

[16 June 2001]

This movie is the best Stephen King novel to hit the tv screen(right behind Salem's Lot). Tim Curry was absolutely incredible as Pennywise the evil clown. I have read the book as well I say read the book and see the movie because both are incredible. Granted the book goes into more detail as this was made for tv. Perhaps if it was made for HBO or Showtime it would've been even better. All in all I would say it is the best movie adaptation of a Stephen King novel to date. Treast yourself to a copy of this movie if you haven't already.

Creepshow (1982)

Good campy fun(small spoiler)

[16 June 2001]

Stephen King and George A. Romero team up to pay homage to the horror comicbooks from their childhood and at the same time, they give us a great treat. From Father's Day to They're Creeping Up On You this movies delivers laughs and scares the whole way through. Stephen King(who's know for his fatally bad acting) delivers a great, goofy performance as Jordy in the Lonesome Death of Jordy Verill and Leslie Nielsen(who knew he could play a character that was this cruel) is wonderful in Something to Tide You Over. And as I leave you let me share my favorite scene in the whole movie with you. It is the final scene in The Crate. Henry is watching as a creature is about to have his bitch of a verbal abusing, alcoholic wife for a snack; and he finally gets one on her as he say's this: "Relax honey; offer it a drink and tell it to call you Billie"

The Amityville Horror (1979)

Unappreciated classic

[16 June 2001]

I say unappreciated because of the number of reviews that I have read on this site. I agree that there was a bit of cheesyness to this film; but, hey; what horror film(Halloween not included)isn't cheesy? This movie is supposedly based on a true story. I say supposedly because there is a lot of speculation that Lutzes made this story up. I will just it is a great horror classic that should not be missed. With the exception of part 2, the sequels should be avoided completely.

The Emperor's New Groove (2000)

BOOM-BABY!

[21 May 2001]

This is a true Disney masterpiece. While I enjoyed Disney's usual animated formula which is basically cartoon musicals; this move is a refreshing change of pace. Dave Spade is perfect as the Emporer. And all John Goodman and Ertha Kitt are great in their roles; Patrick Warrburton absolutely steals the show as Kronk the more loveable than evil henchman. I rate this ***** out of *****

Highlander: Endgame (2000)

Highlander: The Made-For-TV movie

[6 March 2001]

That is exactly what it looked like to me. I had such high hopes for this movie. Bringing together for the first time on the big screen Connor and Duncan had such potential to The best of the series; instead it just fell flat. One the reviews that I read in here said that you could pick the spots for commercials and the To Be Contiuned mark and I would have to agree. It just look like the editors of this movie took no time or care and just slapped this one together to make a buck. And what is with Connors death scene?!? I mean, I agree with the whole passing of the torch from Connor to Duncan; but, come on. Christopher Lambert's character is the only reason people have gone to see the Highlander movies. And to give his character such a LAME death scene was just wrong. All of the true Highlander fans should avoid this one.

Highlander (1986)

There can be only one

[6 March 2001]

Believe it or not; I just saw this movie for the first time about a week ago. All I can say is: What took me so freakin long? This is a great movie! It is a perfect blend of action-adventure and science fiction. Christopher Lambert is fantastic in this movie. And Sean Connery, well, there is just no limit to what he can do as an actor. Queen also provides the perfect soundtrack for the amazing movie. If you have not seen any of the Highlander movies then get out there and get this one.

Dracula (1931)

I bid you....welcome

[28 June 2000]

I have seen countless remakes of this movie; and, none of them measure up to this one for one reason: Bela Lugosi. What can you say about such a wonderfully perfect performance. Lugosi didn't just play Dracula, he WAS Dracula. Yes he was that good. From dark, damp locations to creepy acting this movie has everything to satisfy anyone who wants to see what real horror is all about. I have two copies of this movie. One with the score added by Glass and one without the score. I for prefer this movie the way it was-without the score. It's just creepier that way. But with or without the score, this is one classic you can't miss.

Halloween: The Curse of Michael Myers (1995)

disappointing *small spoilers*

[25 May 2000]

I say disappointing because this movie could have been so much more. The whole idea of Myers being controlled by a cult takes away from the atmosphere of the series. Watch this one and then try to watch the first one right after. Can't do it can you? What made Halloween such a scary movie was the idea that this guy wants his family dead for no other reason than the fact the he is insane. That's why pt 1 through 4 work(3 not included). But then here is part 6 and Micheal is being controlled by a cult and well i guess i am just a little let down by this one. The other beef with this movie I have is with the man in black. This concept had so much potential. Tell me, how many of you forgot Dr. Wynn was even in Pt.1 by the time this one rolled around? Me too. I just hope that H2K redeems the series.

Poltergeist (1982)

BOO!

[19 March 2000]

This is definately one of the best horror flicks to come out of the 80's. It is because it doesn't rely on blood guts and gore or dumb things like "my cars starts every time except when I'm being chased by a maniac" theme. This movie relys soley on atmosphere to scare it viewers. And boy does it scare! Just think, it only had a PG rating! Together Steven Speilberg and Tobe Hooper brought us one the finest scary movies ever.

Jaws (1975)

"I think you're going to need a bigger boat!" (small spoilers)

[19 March 2000]

This is quite possibly the greatest movie ever. It is without a doubt Spielbergs finest. What he does with movie is he plays on our biggest of fears: the unknown. For the first hour of this movie we aren't sure what's out there killing people; but we know that it's big and and it's not where it belongs. It also gives us three complex characters to root for: First there's Chief Brody; he's cop on an island and he hates the water. But he knows that he must do something. then there's Matt Hooper the scientist who studies sharks. He knows what's out there and tries in vain to get the Mayor to understand.("You are going to ignore this particular problem until it swims up and bites you in the a**!) And then there's Quint. The hardned shark hunter who's scared of nothing and wants the shark. Speilberg does a great job into developing these characters into people you actually like. If you have not seen this movie then by all means rent it or buy it. It's defenately worht the money. On a scale from 1 to 10 it gets a 10 for sure.

The Exorcist (1973)

Still packs a horror-filled punch some 27 years later

[11 March 2000]

Being only 2 at the time it was released; I was too young to have enjoyed this masterpeice at the theater. I first saw it when I was 8 and it scared the hell out of me! It still does to this day. Starts kinda slow but once it gets going; it doesn't stop until the ending credits. Heart-stopping terror at its best. See this one...if you're brave enough

Psycho (1960)

We all go a little mad sometimes.

[11 March 2000]

This is the father of all slasher films. it is also one of the best. Without Norman Bates there would be no Michael Meyers, Freddy Krueger, or Jason Vorhees(whom I might add will kick Freddy's kentucky fried butt in Jason vs Freddy). The makers of Halloween realised this and even named one of their main characters after a character in Psycho: Sam Loomis. So if wanted to see the movie that stared the slasher genre this it. Worth the time and money to see.

Halloween 5: The Revenge of Michael Myers (1989)

garbage

[10 March 2000]

Oh boy; where do I begin? This movie was BAD. {Spoilers} OK we pick up part 4 left off-our buddy Mike shot full of holes and tumbles down a mine shaft that leads to a river(?????) where he eventually seeks refuge and medicall assistance from an old hermit. The nice old Hermit takes him in and nurses him back to health. HELLO!!!!!! That sequence alone will make you lose your mind if you figure out everything that is wrong with it! and this is only the first 10 minutes of the movie!! YIKES!!!! From then on it all down hill(yes it actually gets worse!) We see that Jamie is in an institution and is a mute who has a psychic link to good old uncle mikey!! YAY!! ANd then theres Doctor Loomis who is nothing more than a deranged lunatic himself at this point. Not even the Myers house is safe in this one' for you see; it's now a castle!!!! huh? If you love horror movies, then please, by all means; SKIP THIS ONE!!

Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers (1988)

Yes! He's back!

[5 March 2000]

Great movie! The series has redeemed itself after the horrendous part 3. It's good to see our buddy Mike back doin what he does best. The mask was kinda lame but other than that it was worthy of the name Halloween. Donald Pleasance was excellent as was Danielle Harris. Hopefully H2K will redeem the series once more.(If you haven't seen 5-7 then you dont know what I'm talking about). Overall 3rd best behind the first two.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (1984)

One Two...Freddy's Coming For You....

[5 March 2000]

This is Wes Craven's best work. In this the first installment of the series we see Freddy as a more sinister being than the stand up comic he later became. The movies dark and eerie atmosphere and sense of reality in some ways are what make this movie truly scary. If you havent seen any of this series; watch this one; for it is truly the best one.

The Mummy (1932)

Classic Karloff

[5 March 2000]

The 1999 remake doesnt even begin to compare to the original. The reason is simple: Boris Karloff. There are countless remakes of this 1930's classic and note one of them in my view stands up to the original. It's just a shame that more people don't take more of an interest in this genre of horror movies. See this movie and you will understand the definition of the word classic.

Scream 3 (2000)

not up to par

[1 March 2000]

I really wanted to like this movie. I tried really hard; but, I just couldn't. Where as the first 2 had you wondering 'whodunit', this one just has you lost. I was expecting a big earth shattering reveal in this one but it just doesn't happen. Bad ending to a decent series

JFK (1991)

Makes you think doesn't it?

[1 March 2000]

If you are one of the people that believe that Lee Harvey Oswald is the assassin and the only one at that, then you need to view this film. I'm not saying that this film is 100% fact. But it's not 100% fiction either. What Oliver Stone does(brilliantly I might add) is he takes an important event in American history and turns it upside down. Like I said this isn't 100% fact; but even after viewing this you have to ask yourself: "What happened November 22,1963?" We all know what happened. Now ask yourself: Who did it"? Watch this film and the answer may surprise you.

Scream (1996)

Ya got to follow the rules!(spoilers?)

[23 January 2000]

This is a great movie. When this came to my town, I went to see it with the here's-another-halloween-ripoff-attitude. Boy was I wrong! Craven pulls a very good hitchcock move by killing off one of the biggest names right off the bat and it just keeps getting better. Too bad the sequel didnt live up to this one. Oh well here's hoping number 3 will rescue the series.



P.S. Try to find all of the horror movie reference in this movie. I watched it last night and found 10.

Halloween II (1981)

Solid sequel(spoilers)

[23 January 2000]

Ok we all know that no horror movie can ever live up to the almighty Halloween. But, Halloween II is a very good movie in its own right. It picks up right where Halloween left off, which is something you rarely see in a sequel. Dick Warlok is pretty good as the shape but he just doesn't quite give us that creepy feeling as Nick Castle did. Almost does but falls short. Donald Pleasance is just as good as he was in the original. All in all, like i said in the summary-Solid Sequel.

Halloween III: Season of the Witch (1982)

IF it ain't broke, don't fix it(spoilers)

[22 January 2000]

What exactly was going through John Carpenters mind when this movie was being made?? It's no wonder he left the series after this one.

A few things Mr. carpenter should have taken into consideration before he put this in the theaters were:

1) No Michael Myers-No Halloween 2) No Dr. Loomis-no Halloween 3) This movie just plain sucks!!!

Halloween without our buddy Mike is like Nightmare on Elm St. with Freddy or Friday the 13th without Jason(ok so jason wasnt in pt. 1 and pt. 5 but it was still the same formula). I hear that a new Halloween is in the works and they are planning to do it without a Myers storyline. Please dear God not again!

Halloween (1978)

This is the one

[22 January 2000]

This is the one that started it all. It was the first and best of the "slasher flicks". It is also the one that made me a horror movie buff. It was the first movie I ever saw in a movie theater. And 20 years later it still stands as one of the best. If you have not seen this gem; then go buy it and be prepared for a treat.