Fat Dragon Reviews

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)

Better than Two Towers, not as good as Fellowship

[7/10 · 16 December 2003]

Well, the trilogy has ended, and it's time for some conclusions. First of all, Return of the King is, IMO, not as good as Fellowship of the Ring. On the other hand, it's definitely better than The Two Towers, which I think is by far the weakest of the three films.

All in all Return of the King is certainly a good film, but it's too long, the battle scenes somewhat lack intensity and when it's all over you're left with this lingering "was that it?". Don't get me wrong, I like the film, but it does feel as something of an anti-climax. Perhaps it's simply not possible to transfer the enormity and intensity of what's meant to take place to film. The battle scenes are a bit dull, they lack intensity and realism, which is too bad because the battle scenes are in many ways the most important part of the film. To make it all worse (at least as I see it), they try to make up for it with slapstick, kill count and silly comments from Gimli, who is again reduced to comic relief, as well as a tendency to focus on the "really big stuff" (TM); oliphants, various trolls and the big siege weapons, instead of really following the battle. Also, I find the constant switching between Frodo and Sam and the battles annoying because it breaks up the battle scenes, jerking you out of the action just as it's starting to pull you in. RotK simply doesn't do a good enough job of making you "feel" the intensity of battle. Some movies can almost make you smell the blood, RotK doesn't achieve that, in fact there's hardly any blood at all and often just a lot of CGI (I guess the PG13 rating didn't help in that department). CGI has come far, but battle scenes are still vastly better with real people.

Anyway, most of the movie is pretty good, but it never quite achieves "lift off" before it touches down on the ground again. As with the Matrix trilogy, the sequels just don't quite live up to the first, although I will say again that I think RotK is a good, although not brilliant, movie, and definitely better than Two Towers. There's no reason not to watch this film and I'm almost certain it won't be as good on DVD as it is on the big screen (mostly because the CGI and FX are so important), so go see it in a cinema while you have the chance. If you say this is the best movie you've ever seen, however (and it's almost a law of nature that some people will whenever a new LotR flick is out), I suggest you see some more movies. (Yes, I find all the LotR fanboys, and -girls, who uncritically love the movies with a zeal unmatched even by the most die-hard religious fundamentalists, extremely annoying)

Bichunmoo (2000)

Bit of a disappointment...

[7/10 · 24 June 2003]

I had great expectations when I sat down with Bichunmoo. What little I'd seen and read about it, plus previous experiences with Korean cinema, suggested it would be a very good movie indeed. Unfortunately, I was quite disappointed...

The story is too chaotic and incoherent. During some parts I had to ask myself "is this actually going anywhere?". Bichunmoo does eventually move towards its conclusion, but much of the movie consists only of random occurences that never seem relevant to the whole. It also suffers from a lack of focus. Too much time is spent on fairly insignificant characters, without ever really getting beneath the skin of the protagonists. Another problem is that I never really felt for Jinha. It's difficult to say if Hyun-joon Shin is to blame, but personally I didn't find Jinha a very likeable character even during his best moments... He fits into the "silent, invincible warrior/butcher" stereotype common to Japanese anime (indeed he almost seems like an anime character), which to me is strange in a movie that presents itself more as "a tragic tale of love and loss" or something along those lines.

It is also frustrating that it feels like the director/screenwriter seems to have simply chosen a random historical period as his backdrop without really paying much attention to it. I almost get the feeling that the main criterion was "I want this guy to use a sword... a LOT!" and everything else was just put there to accommodate that.

While there is some good camera work and music, my opinion is that Bichunmoo spins too many threads without ever weaving them together and falls victim to an avalanche of cliches and stereotypes pilfered from Hong Kong cinema and Japanese anime as well as, of course, other Korean movies. The plot never really seems to be going anywhere, and too often it is simply an excuse for Jinha to kill more people with his "superior Bichun techniques"... The ending is also left me quite unsatisfied, being just another cliche (as well as making Jinha come off as even more of a selfish bastard than he already was).

Tokyo Raiders (2000)

Boring "Asian Hollywood"

[6/10 · 14 June 2003]

Tokyo Raiders is, in short, very much a standard contemporary Hong Kong action movie. It seems to have somewhat higher production values than most Hong Kong movies, but like so many movies out of Hong Kong these last few years it simply tries to imitate Hollywood. And like so many others, it only succeeds in proving that Hong Kong can't make American movies. It just doesn't work, and it never will. Hollywoodization is not the way to save the Hong Kong movie industry. Korea is king of "Asian Hollywood" (and the way things are going, Korea may be king of Asian cinema in a few years), and even a great cast like this can't change that.

And let me just state for the record that the cast is pretty good. Obviously, there are a lot of "pretty faces", but most of the actors do a good job acting as well, and you simply can't go wrong with Tony Leung. Tôru Nakamura is also one of my personal favourites, but unfortunately his role in Tokyo Raiders is very small.

That said, however, just about everything else is sub-par. For starters, the plot makes little sense. Why would the CIA want to devalue the Japanese yen? Well, the movie certainly offers no answer, it only asks you to accept that they do, for one reason or another. And why would any newspaper write about the love affair of a yakuza oyabun's girlfriend? Relax, I'm not giving away much here. In fact, part of the problem is that there's actually very little to give away. Nothing really happens, except for a broken heart and a few not too spectacular fights...

The music is another story. I won't get into too much detail, but I find the soundtrack choices a bit odd. The on-screen action and the music just don't fit each other. Basically, Tokyo Raiders is a fairly mediocre affair. While I wouldn't say it's a total waste, there are certainly better movies you could see.

The Hobbit (1977 TV Movie)

Worst cartoon ever?

[1/10 · 23 March 2003]

Absolutely everything about this movie is awful. The drawings and animation are terrible. Absolutely terrible. Dull colors, empty backgrounds and generally really poor work. Adding to that is the terrible character designs. The goblins look like toads, Smaug looks like an oversized bat-creature and all the main characters look wrinkled and ugly with strangely shaped eyes, noses etc.

The music is terrible 70s stuff, including some awful folk music they insist on playing all the time. The plot isn't nearly as good as the book, dialogue is so-so and the voice acting is just bad... In short, this movie is an insult to Tolkien's work and an insult to the viewers' good taste. Avoid at all cost!

Third World Cop (1999)

Exotic, but...

[6/10 · 21 March 2003]

While it was fascinating to watch a Jamaican movie for the first time, I must say that there's a lot that could've been better in Third World Cop. Most importantly the acting. While Paul Campbell does a fairly good job, virtually all the rest of the cast is quite amateurish, and I'm not just saying that because I lost about 1/4 of the dialogue because of the Jamaican English... Also, the camera and post-production work is below Hollywood/Western standards. The small budget (or at least I assume this movie has a small budget) and apparent inexperience of much of the behind-camera crew unfortunately shines through quite often. The script is not bad, but we've seen this before. We haven't seen this in a Jamaican setting before, however, which is perhaps the movie's greatest selling point.

To sum up this is not too great a movie per se and you sometimes get the feeling that you're watching some cheap action TV show, but the Jamaican setting and all that implies (when was the last time you heard anything like "we run things, things don't run we" in an American movie soundtrack? :o) ) is somewhat refreshing, which is essentially what makes the movie worth watching.

Insomnia (1997)

Far from perfect, but worth your time.

[8/10 · 30 December 2001]

Let me start by saying that I'm probably slightly biased. This film was shot in my hometown, by a director from said town. Obviously it added to my enjoyment that I was able to recognize several locations and so on.

However, I think this is a fairly objective review. To give a quick summary of the plot; a Swedish detective, Jonas Engström (Skarsgård), is sent to Northern Norway to investigate a murder. While chasing a suspect he accidentally kills a fellow officer. Instead of admitting his guilt, he blames the suspect they were chasing. However, the suspect knows what really happened...

The story is far from perfect, and some dialogue seems odd (although English speakers probably won't notice a lot of it, since it often has to do with the characters' dialect). Engström behaves strangely at times, but that's meant to be a result of a combination of insomnia (because of the midnight sun up north during summer) and guilt, and if you don't realize that while watching, you should probably be watching Teletubbies instead...

There's some bad acting, especially from some of the minor characters, but Skarsgård does an excellent job. The colors in the film are very "colorless", an effect I think is somewhat exaggerated, unfortunately. What can be a bit strange if you live in Tromsø, is that the Tromsø of the film never really feels like the Tromsø you know, but that is perhaps unavoidable... All in all, however, "Insomnia" is a good film and will probably seem a bit exotic to many non-Norwegian viewers.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

The worst movie ever to pass as "deep"!

[5/10 · 10 March 2001]

One of the greatest feats of moviemaking ever, was convincing people this movie is good! For some reason, people seem to think that because they don't have a clue what the hell they were just watching, it has to be "deep"! I'll tell you right now, folks; it's not deep, it's artsy fartsy! The whole movie consists of endless scenes (the length is adapted to the length of the symphony playing in the background). Then we have about two minutes of conversation every now and then, before another symphony starts playing, and a space shuttle travels sloooowly through space. The only thing that really drives the story forward is what happens aboard the rescue ship. Unfortunately, that's only a tiny part of the movie, and everything before and after that is utter nonsense, stretched out about twenty times longer than necessary. There is a plot, sure enough, but it mostly drowns in endless symphonies with accompanying "abstract" crap on the screen... Avoid at all cost!

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000)

One of the most overhyped movies ever...

[8/10 · 4 February 2001]

This movie was hyped as the fantastic Chinese blockbuster that would open the world's eyes to Chinese movies (or something along those lines). It has indeed worked very well, but here's my personal opinion:

1. Far better movies than this have been made in Hong Kong before. Smaller budgets, yes, but far, far better movies.

2. The movie has been overhyped. It's good, but not as good, and not as "deep" as the advertisers would have us believe.

3. No matter how much you read about "Wuxia pian" and it's long history, all the flying, running up walls and "continuous jumping" (they don't even land between the jumps, they just get near the ground before the cable pulls them up again), is just too ridiculous! You simply have to laugh, because here people are trying to make a serious movie, and suddenly someone stretches out their hand in a very "Supermanly" fashion and fly up, up and away! And there's no explanation as to how they can do this, either! What's really sad is that it totally ruins all the swordfights. Why? For the simple reason that fights must either be very stylish, like in The Matrix, or well choreographed/"realistic" like in many Hong Kong movies. The fights in "Crouching Tiger..." are neither. They're not realistic, and totally unfair, because the main characters can use "magic" that their opponents can't, but they don't even look cool either, because of the ridiculous cable movements!

4. Acting. Even a non-Chinese can see that many of these people are not very good actors. Chow Yun-Fat is as always the greatest, but he has a very small role, so the female actors, who aren't nearly as good as Chow, "carry" the movie. Chow Yun-Fat's character is also the most interesting, and coolest character in the movie, so the focus on the female characters is, TBH, difficult to understand.

5. Story. The story lacks focus. It seems almost as if the director couldn't decide what part of the story was most important, and thus it lacks the focus that a great movie needs. Also, the characters sometimes act unrealistically (to make the movie last longer?). There's also some "deep", philosophical parts, that just don't work well. The ending is the worst example of this "deepness" simply being silly.

And finally, the Hollywood-feel of it all ruins it somewhat. IMNSHO this movie could've been made in Hollywood, and that takes away a lot of it's character. One of the greatest thing about most Hong Kong and Japanese movies is that they simply couldn't, and wouldn't have, been made in Hollywood.

Encounter of the Spooky Kind (1980)

Great comedy from Hong Kong!

[3 October 1999]

This movie is really great! I was really caught by surprise because before I saw this movie, I thought all Hong Kong movies were hyper-violent actions with "rock hard" characters. The characters in this movie are actually very funny. They're not all cold, hard murderers who go around shooting or beating people up.

There's lots of great humor in this movie, mixed with the standard Hong Kong stunts. I bet you would have to look for a long time to find a Western stuntman who can do all the stuff Sammo does here. And he's fat!!! There's really not much I can say without giving up too much of the story, so I suggest you just see it. It's incredible, and matches even the best American comedies.