This is the most appalling film I have ever seen. How did so much money and basically decent talent go into making such a gratuitously violent, bloody, pointless, stupid, evil piece of junk? I went along to a preview with a critic friend (who also hated it), and wasn't aware until the end credits that it was based on a comic book, which is not surprising given the ridiculous storyline and characters. Besides a huge number of men (or should I say "targets"), there are exactly three female characters in this film. One is the "amusingly" fat office manager who bedevils the hero, one is his cheating girlfriend, and one is the skeletal and extremely weird Angelina Jolie. On the plus side, only one of them shoots 850,000 bullets into people and bonds with the hero over his newfound ability to kill strangers. Guess which? I don't have a problem with violent films, but this was just so over-the-top and pointless, and not in an interesting way. It made me depressed to be human. Imagine if this were the sole surviving artifact of our civilization. Terence Stamp, I am disappointed in you.
Reviews
4 Reviews
An annoying film but interesting for the performers/performances
1 April 2007
This film is of interest because it captures two of the original performers of the original version of the Off-Broadway revue, and because Jacques Brel appears in it. But wow, it couldn't be more 70s. The show is not improved by the faux-surrealism or the "hippie children" running around like escapees from "Pippin" or "Godspell". Elly Stone, who brought Jacques Brel's songs to the US, has an intensely irritating voice but is still compelling. Mort Shuman, another original cast member (I believe he also did some of the translations), is quite good. For some reason they dropped the second female role, and the second male role is played by Joe Masiell rather than the original Shawn Elliott, whom I would have been interested to see. Masiell has an excellent voice but his mannerisms are a little over the top.
The best part of the film is also the worst: Jacques Brel himself, singing one of his most famous songs, "Ne Me Quitte Pas". It starts out with a closeup of his eyes. The camera pulls back, and you see him simply sitting at a table, singing the song. He's stunning. You think to yourself, "What a great chance to see him at the height of his powers! How smart of them to let him just sit and sing!" And then the camera starts moving in, slowly but relentlessly, to just a closeup of his eyes ... and STAYS THERE for the rest of the song! What idiot directed THAT?? Truly a case of the sublime turning into the ridiculous.
The best part of the film is also the worst: Jacques Brel himself, singing one of his most famous songs, "Ne Me Quitte Pas". It starts out with a closeup of his eyes. The camera pulls back, and you see him simply sitting at a table, singing the song. He's stunning. You think to yourself, "What a great chance to see him at the height of his powers! How smart of them to let him just sit and sing!" And then the camera starts moving in, slowly but relentlessly, to just a closeup of his eyes ... and STAYS THERE for the rest of the song! What idiot directed THAT?? Truly a case of the sublime turning into the ridiculous.
Bleak House
(2005)
Unsatisfying
3 January 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I found this a rather unsatisfying adaption of the Dickens book (which I just re-read). The cast is generally excellent but in several important instances badly miscast. I have liked Anna Maxwell Martin very much onstage, but a major part of the plot revolves around her character's close resemblance to another character, and it's hard to think of two more different-looking actresses. What were they thinking? Gillian Anderson's character is morose and bored, yes, but she is also the center of a glittering social world, which was not shown in the film. No wonder her performance seemed one-dimensional. Their performances, along with those of several others such as the invaluable Charles Dance, seem to belong to an entirely different film from the more traditionally "Dickensian" performances of Philip Davis, Pauline Collins, Matthew Kelly, Burn Gorman, Johnny Vegas, et al. The tall and manly Nathaniel Parker does his best, but he is ridiculously miscast as the supposedly short, cherubic, childish, charming Harold Skimpole.
This is not even to mention the intensely annoying whooshing camera and clanging doors and the like. Was the story not considered interesting enough that it didn't need modern camera techniques to jazz it up? Extremely jarring.
This is not even to mention the intensely annoying whooshing camera and clanging doors and the like. Was the story not considered interesting enough that it didn't need modern camera techniques to jazz it up? Extremely jarring.
Van Helsing
(2004)
Like watching a video game
5 December 2006
Watching this film was like watching two and a half hours of a very loud video game. The crashing, screaming, wailing, howling, shooting, barking, thundering, etc. let up for about 10 minutes total, which made it difficult to understand the (awful) dialogue. It was also so dark (on TV at least) that I could barely see what appeared to be pretty spectacular sets.
It's too bad, as I think the idea of the film was great, and it did have some excellent touches. The introductory sequence was a wonderful homage. Richard Roxburgh and the last-to-survive of the wives (not sure which actress she was) added some much-needed verve. There were some interesting aspects to the five-second plot that I wish they had capitalized upon.
However, poor Kate Beckinsale, who has been so good elsewhere, was laughable. That outfit! I am a huge Hugh Jackman fan, but even he was not at his best here.
It's too bad, as I think the idea of the film was great, and it did have some excellent touches. The introductory sequence was a wonderful homage. Richard Roxburgh and the last-to-survive of the wives (not sure which actress she was) added some much-needed verve. There were some interesting aspects to the five-second plot that I wish they had capitalized upon.
However, poor Kate Beckinsale, who has been so good elsewhere, was laughable. That outfit! I am a huge Hugh Jackman fan, but even he was not at his best here.
Tell Your Friends