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Rush Hour 2 (2001)
10/10
Better than the first!
6 August 2001
Okay, the plot is thin. Like anybody goes to a Jackie Chan film for the plot!

Pure "check your brain at the door" entertainment. I was laughing my butt off, right along with everybody else in the cinema. There were a few relatively slow moments that seemed a little wasted other than as pure exposition, but everything else was superb.

The fight scenes are good...nothing to compare with some of Chan's crazier battles, certainly, but still inventive. Tucker's mouth is as hyperactive as ever (the karaoke bar bit is a riot...as are his attempts at speaking Chinese.)

The ladies of the film are not exactly the type that make you want to look away either...Ziyi Zhang looks great and plays a wonderful psychotic (even though she doesn't speak English) and Roselyn Sanchez is, despite a relatively small and only semi-defined role, quite...impressive in her own right. (Hey, I like Snoopy too!)

And, of course, the outtakes are a blast...stick around for the credits! Sure, it was a full-price viewing when I went to see it...and it was way more than worth it!
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10/10
Cult Classic Continues...
9 April 2001
...excuse the excessive alliteration. A sequel (of sorts, though they change the entire plot) to the original "Attack Of The Killer Tomatoes," this film absolutely screams "80's"...the music especially. That said, sure, it's silly, it's plot-deficient, it's over-acted...but it's SUPPOSED to be! The movie constantly makes fun of itself as it runs. ("Hey, has there been a chase scene in this movie yet?")

A young, big-haired George Clooney delivers dozens of one-liners perfectly [this is not a big surprise, actually], the visual jokes are a riot (the overdone "product placement" is brilliant, especially considering its juxtaposition with the completely silly "fight scene" featuring cowboys, ninjas, bikers, and a really bad impersonation of Muamar Ghadafi), John Astin's totally-over-the-top "evil doctor" character is so deliberately bad it's good, the little sideline parodies are excellent (Oliver North Federal Prison? Full Contact America's Cup Yachting?)...good stuff all around.

Oh yes, and it's also one of the very few films to feature the gorgeous Karen Mistal. (I've spent some time trying to figure out what she supposedly did with a lawnchair, six milk bottles, and a tuning fork...)

It also features a quick cameo by lingerie-clad Teri Weigel, who went on to star in quite a few other movies...though most of them aren't exactly rated "PG," if you catch my drift.
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Breaks Movie Rule Number One...
10 January 2001
...which is that if "nothing interesting happens in the first fifteen minutes, forget it." And this movie unfortunately, is slow, ponderous, and incredibly plodding right up until the Devil possesses former wallflower Maggie and turns her into...well, what you'd expect in any female incarnation of the Devil NOT being played by Linda Blair. Wild 80's hairstyle and all. Even if it's a 1990 film. Sure, it's a dumb movie...over-acted, weird script, dumb plot, but...once Maggie becomes "The Devil" and the "Chaser" (who not only has some great one-liners ["Yeah, I met God. He's a lot shorter in person."] and also has the great running joke of his trenchcoat that seems to have at least one of everything in it somewhere...blow-up doll, six-pack of beer, roll of toilet paper, who knows what else...) starts coming after her, it turns out to be pretty darn funny. While the "Franks and Beans" joke is pretty lame and badly set up, what immediately follows (the "Rambo Nuns") is a riot. Not worth killing yourself to get a copy of, but worth a look if you're in a weird mood.
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I can't say enough good things about this film...
10 January 2001
...but I've only got 1000 words, so I'll keep it brief. Okay, so some of the early exposition scenes are a little boring and some other parts are a little dumb, but otherwise, this is Chan...and he is DA MAN! Wild, crazy, and ever-inventive martial arts and action sequences more than make up for the fact that the plot is only semi-existent. The opening "Indiana Jones" parody...the innkeeper...the incompetent terrorists...the motorcycle chase...the "native dance"...the wind tunnel fight...and without a doubt the coolest car door ever seen (you'll know what I mean)...in summary, if you're a fan of slapstick humor mixed perfectly with Jackie's trademark martial arts, you can't go wrong with this film!
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Ironmaster (1983)
Not the WORST film I've ever seen...
10 January 2001
...but much further away from being the best. Funny, I didn't know buffalo "moo"ed. They do in this film. A touching, moving story of two tribes of primitive humans (who have apparently already invented steroids) who touchingly, movingly kill each other over newly-developed weaponry...perhaps an allegory of the dangers of the arms race...and perhaps just a mediocre barbarian film. I tend to think of it as the latter. Too bad neither side thought of asking for help from Ator ("The Blade Master," a.k.a. "Cave Dwellers")...he probably would've made a hang glider and dropped bombs on the "bad guys" again. Whoever they were.
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9/10
Bad...but good!
18 December 2000
Yes, it's a badly-shot, badly-acted, politically incorrect B-or-lower-grade-film with a silly plot, but it's a GREAT parody of all the early 80's "slasher" films. The on-screen "comments" (and the running body count) that pop up from time to time are a riot, the "Breather" is a hilarious villain, the characters are ridiculously overdone but funny as a result. The running jokes (the weird murder weapons, the sound of the "Breather" on the other end every time somebody picks up a phone, etc) are excellent as well. And of course, it features the best football penalty of all time. The ending IS weird, but it's also another parody; unfortunately, it doesn't fly too well in comparison to some of the others. And it's possible that this movie DID have at least a little influence in future movies: compare the "Breather's" first "weapon selection" scene with Carmen Electra choosing what to defend herself with in "Scary Movie." I definitely recommend this film for a lot of laughs...don't kill yourself trying to buy it, but watch it if you happen to catch it on cable (even if they do edit out the "reason for the R-rating" scene, which is a blast)
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