BobaMetallica Reviews

Bring It On (2000)

Clever spirit fingers

[12 March 2001]

So......... anyway. This wasn't a bad show. Kirsten Dunst's little brother was a funny little S.O.B. The car wash scene was even better than the locker room scene (way to buff job that car hood, honey!) Sparky the Dance Dictator was also amusing with his "spirit fingers" and his clever way of separating desperate cheerleaders from their parents' money. All in all, this was more entertaining than we expected. And now if you'll excuse us... we have to return some videotapes.

Final Destination (2000)

Then who's next? Hopefully not whoever reads this...

[8 January 2001]

I watched this with my roommates. It started OK with the plane going kablooey and shattering the windows in the airport. The characters were allright; my buddy Rasto the Slovakian Savage called Carter Horton a "puncher" and said "what is wrong with this f**ker? He is big puncher." The end really blew, with Puncher asking " then who's next?" and, well, you'll see. A simple review for a really simple movie.

American Psycho (2000)

I am one hundred percent with you.

[8 January 2001]

Very crazy movie. We liked the part where Bateman is getting it on with the two prostitutes, and points at himself in the mirror as if to say "You're Number One!" Also good was the examination of the hypocrisy between the supposed "friends" at Bateman's job, ie. how they compare their business cards. The soundtrack, and Bateman's accompanying praise for each song played, was also highly amusing. Very good acting all around. And now, if you'll excuse us, we have to return some videotapes.

Pitch Black (2000)

What the hey is that

[8 January 2001]

Rasto and Stu watched this one. Boba washed the dishes while it was playing. Rasto and Stu said it was about a bunch of retards running around on a planet being chased by aliens. They both fell asleep in the middle of the movie; from boredom as opposed to lack of sleep. Oh well what can I say. Until next time... please excuse us, we have to return some videotapes.

Rounders (1998)

I mean, THANKS, but...

[8 January 2001]

We liked this movie. The dialogue was very well written. 1."Keep in mind I will be paying you back with your own money!" 2.Mike: "Here's $220 to get you started." Worm: "$220?!? I mean, thanks, but..."(priceless expression here, as well) Those are only two examples. Gretchen Mol is not too hard on the eyes either. The only real action comes when Mike and Worm get the s**t beaten out of them, but the main amusement is to listen to all the characters talk trash to each other. We liked it so much we decided to rent the video to finish watching it after the DVD player our roommate bought froze up while playing it. If we are willing to spend an extra four dollars to finish watching the movie, then dammit, you should be willing to spend half what we did. That's our opinion. And now, we would like to go return some videotapes.

Taxi Blues (1990)

And now over to Rasto the Slovakian Savage...

[8 January 2001]

After I watched Taksi-Blyuz I`m again convinced that Russian cinematography is spectacular, always has been and always will be. I would recommend listening to music by Charlie Parker ("Bird") as an alternate soundtrack to this film.

Me again. Rasto is a man of few words. However, he likes the movie, and his word is good. I haven't seen it yet, but probably will. Rasto has spoken!

Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997)

Finish him, already

[2 June 2000]

Riveting story, stirring dialogue, kinetic fight scenes, sharp-eyed actors and the best use of CGI since Dinosaur! Hey, where'd my crackpipe go...

If you liked this movie for any reason other than laughs at the expense of those involved, I also recommend: tacking yourself in the head with a hammer, saying "please" a couple of times and hoping your brain works again in the morning.

Tarzan (1999)

Why does the hunter always have to be the bad guy?

[9 May 2000]

I watched this film with some friends and their little ones a few days ago. On the plus side, it moves like a tornado, the animation is phenomenal, and it actually managed to make me like Phil Collins' music. My big problem with this movie, and many Disney movies period, is that the hunter is ALWAYS THE BAD GUY. I actually know a hunter/trapper named Clayton; he and his wife and kids have been friends of my family for a long time. He is nothing like the idiot in this film. He is witty, worldly-wise and technically inclined (an ironworker by trade). He tells stories with language that's more than a bit colourful, but immediately puts you at ease because he uses it for punctuation rather than intimidation. His three daughters all got married last year, the happiness of which was muted somewhat by his wife being diagnosed with cancer. It might just be me, but I figure that these people are no better or worse than everyone else; they have lives and personalities like you and I. I always thought Disney entertainment was supposed to uphold tolerance for divergent views and lifestyles; apparently they'll make exceptions for activities that aren't politically correct. I find this very insulting. If Disney doesn't like my opinion, they should stop cross-promoting with McDonald's et al, which probably kills more animals than hunters each year. I sincerely hope that people who watch this movie will keep in mind that people are more complex than Disney would have you believe.

Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)

Did anyone else's jaw drop at the underwater city?

[4 March 2000]

Krumski from Cincy, Ohio made a good point about the best action in Eps. IV - VI blindsiding you; with that in mind, I'm surprised more people haven't commented on the first view we get of the Gungan underwater city, hanging precariously in the deep. That's the one moment in this film that had my jaw on the floor, the lightsaber duel coming in a close second. I have to agree that this film could have used more heart and a Han Solo archetype to balance out the seriousness; perhaps those two would go hand-in-hand. It's an entertaining film, but not much more than that. One final thought: a lot of people, including author Peter David, are bitching about how the midi-chlorians have invalidated the whole spiritual basis of the Force. Has anyone thought that it might be a great big red herring? Think how silly you'll feel if I'm right. Thank you for reading and may the Force be with you 'til Episode II.

Getting Even (1986)

Decent 80s action

[8/10 · 26 January 2000]

Sometimes a movie comes along that makes you wonder, "I bet it would be cool if they try something like this," and they go and do it. The scene in this movie where the helicopter flies sideways and Taggar (the protagonist) fires an M-60 at the bad guy on the ground, yelling "Yaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!" at the top of his lungs as the bullets track along the ground is one of those moments. Well. As above, decent 80s action that zips right along, and some pretty squishy gore effects showing the effects of poison gas that provides the narrative drive. If you see the video box with Edward Albert on the front with a machine gun draped over his shoulder, give it a rent. Metallica pick this time around: "Helpless" or "Fuel," during the final helicopter chase. Crank it up and get ready to have fun!

Serpico (1973)

More relevant than ever

[10/10 · 24 January 2000]

This one's a grabber, kids, and even more relevant than it was when first released. Has anyone besides myself noticed that the world seems to be descending more and more into people being out for themselves? Just in the way they talk, drive and carry out their daily business. Much like the cops on the pad in this film. Pacino hits like white lightning as one of the few who dared to stand apart. Did anyone besides me notice how, in one scene, he managed to pour exactly equal amounts of champagne for himself and his girlfriend without visibly trying to? That alone showed in a microcosmic way how exacting Serpico must have been. Just one of those little throwaway bits that makes you smile once you realize what you've seen. Pound for pound, a grabber of a movie. None of my usual Metallica picks to watch this one by... that would demean the purpose of this film, and Serpico likes opera anyhow. Who am I to argue?

Carrie (1976)

It must've been hard for Spacek to get dates after this...

[6 January 2000]

My earliest memory of this movie is when, at the age of five, I walked in on my cousin watching it on TV at my Grandpa's house. Carrie had just gotten the pig's blood dumped on her at the prom and proceeded to try on a thousand-yard stare; my fragile little mind was forever warped. Having just seen this in its entirety, that image still gets me. The rest was not too shabby either; Spacek especially makes you want to give her a big hug and beat the crap out of everyone who picks on her, at least before she shows us that she does not need a hug. That said, I think it would've been more tragic/ironic if Travolta and Allen's characters had gotten away clean for having initiated all the misery. Minor complaint, though. My pick for Metallica song to play along with this movie is Unforgiven II; crank it up for the big finish. And remember, kids, be nice to the quiet ones... they're the ones you gotta watch out for.

The Haunting (1999)

See this and you're volunteering to be a victim

[21 December 1999]

Do any of my fellow Canadian IMDb'ers remember a TV show called The Hilarious House of Frightenstein? I think this movie was even funnier than that. To be fair (if I really, really have to be), the first 45 minutes were decent; Lili Taylor makes ya feel for her as someone set adrift from a life that wasn't so great to begin with, and I could look at CZJ for hours (and would do more given the opportunity). But once Taylor utters the immortal line "I can be a victim or a volunteer... I'll be a volunteer," the hilarity (or buggery if you paid nine bucks to see this) begins and never ends. The only possible Metallica song I could recommend to watch this movie to is their cover of "Crash Course in Brain Surgery" (re-released on Garage Inc.) because it features the band bellowing a verse in a state much like that which you should watch this movie in: drunk, with your even drunker buddies. If you really have to rent this, be ready to make like MST3K. I know I did.

A Year and a Half in the Life of Metallica (1992 Video)

Long may they roam...

[18 December 1999]

See my nickname? That will probably let you know how my review is going to go. The video store I rented this from only had part two available, but I am damn sure gonna see part one sometime in the future. Great behind-the-scenes look at one of the last bastions of hard-rock/heavy metal. Metallica's longevity is due to the fact that their music actually creates pictures in your mind other than homies popping each other with their nines and beach bums stealing each other's sunshine. Long may they roam...