baskil Reviews

Science Crazed (1991 Video)

You think you've seen bad movies? You have no idea.

[1/10 · 15 January 2001]

This is by far the worst movie ever made. I have no doubt. I have seen such crap as Manos, Space Mutiny, and whatnot, and I can honestly tell you that they do not hold a candle to Science Crazed.

Science Crazed has no discirnable plot. Something about a guy making a woman pregnant via turkey baster, and the child born *hours* later is fully grown, and ready to kill. Of course, being a newborn, it takes him about an hour to kill people. The director loops footage constantly, and takes about fifteen minutes to set up an awkward death. There is about a page of dialogue for the whole movie, however the dialogue arrives about a minute after it is spoken.

Sample Scene: The monster is walking down a hall. We know this because there is about ten minutes of looped footage of his feet. In between loops, we are treated to two women working out. Repeat ad nauseum for about 20 minutes. When the monster does show up, no one moves, and everyone looks like deer in headlights as the monster takes another 10 minutes to get to them to kill them. By the level of the acting, you would guess that the people are already dead.

I know my description doesn't seem too bad, but trust me, I can not fully describe the pain that is Science Crazed.

Stay away, and boycott all video stores that carry it. :)

Brenda Starr (1989)

Proof Positive that God has a sense of humor

[30 October 2000]

To quote someone "I think someone say Dick Tracy and an A-Ha video and said, 'What a great idea!'"

This movie was really terrible. Watching this was akin to having a Root Canal without anesthetics. Rent only if you have a death wish on a rainy Sunday afternoon.

The Cell (2000)

Stunning Visuals + Lame Plot + Short Run Time = Frustration

[4/10 · 21 August 2000]

Like in life, sometimes things are too good to be true in movies. The Cell is a great example of this. It has a great premise (In order to save a serial killer's latest victim, they must go inside of his mind), but ultimately falls flat on it's face, causing the viewer to become quite frustrated. The acting is sub-par, and the plot has a major hole the size of Texas, almost as if this is a b-movie with a big budget. And much like Hollow Man, the film presents very interesting concepts, and fails to explore them to their fullest. Another half hour of the mind sequences might have came close, but that is uncertain. New director Tarsem shows that he has a flair for the visual, however he is unable to pull this screenplay out from the gutter. The movie may look cool, but it is a shiny apply ridden with worms on the inside.

Grade C-

The Killer Eye (1999)

Worst movie ever?

[1/10 · 18 August 2000]

Strong words for a movie that strongly questioned my sanity. In a nutshell, a mad, British (with a bad accent) scientist is trying to look into the 8th dimension. After experimenting on a wayward kid, one of the inhabitants crosses over into the first three dimensions. It then goes around feeling up both female cast members. After some really terrible scenes involving a blackmail attempt, live-action hentai, and latent homosexuality, we see the principals hunt down the eye.And the ending is, well, predictable.

There is no redeeming value to this movie, unless aneurysms are good for you. It isn't even good for MSTing! Stay Away.

Interesting side notes: Per Full Moon, there's a making-of documentary afterwards (partly to make up for really short movies) and in that the cast were interviewed. The guy who played the scientist turns out to be really british (wow, that was a shock). Also, this movie was nominated for a slew of Smithee's this year (Most Ludicrous Premise, Best One-Liner, Worst Science, Goofiest Looking Monster, etc).

Grade: F

Sideshow (2000)

A sad, sad outing from Mr. Ray

[1/10 · 14 August 2000]

Stay away from this movie. Far away. Phil Fondacaro stars as the demented ringleader of a Freakshow. Every performance is flat and unfeeling, except Fondacaro's. The plot is a simple one, and follows almost every horror movie cliche possible. A group of high-school kids go to a carnival, see a side-show, and get in over their heads.

Fans of Fred Olen Ray should be warned, this is not like any of his other films. This one is lacking in all departments (humor, sex, horror, etc.) other F.O. Ray movies excell in.

The version I saw also contained a Making-Of documentry, in which the director makes comments like "We had a limited budget" and "with our limited timeline" which speaks volumes about how much Charles Band cared about this film. Go rent "Droid Runner" (Fred Olen Ray) or "The Dead Hate the Living" (Full Moon) instead. Full Moon should be ashamed of themselves (and that's saying a lot after seeing "Killer Eye")

Grade: D-

Bad Taste (1987)

Bad Taste? yes Bad Movie? no

[8/10 · 10 May 2000]

This movie should be required viewing for any filmaker out to make their first film. Shot on weekends with some friends, Bad Taste is a shining example of what low-budget movies should be. This movie is not for everyone, but if you have the stomach for it, I guarantee that you will like Bad Taste. If this (and the rest of Peter Jackson's films) are any indication, the LOTR trilogy will be something to behold.

TC 2000 (1993)

Apparently, guns aren't effective in a post-apocalyptic LA

[5 May 2000]

This is one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I kept thinking to myself "They have guns, why are they trying to do Kung-Fu on them?" And there were at least four prominent characters in the film who have no effect on the plot(HA!), but still managed to get at least 10 minutes of screen time. However, if you're a fan of MSTing films, you'll like this one. Just watch to the end of the credits. Trust me.