Mac Styran Reviews

They Came Back (2004)

I am truly shocked...

[1/10 · 16 August 2005]

I can not believe that ANYONE can even remotely like this film. Two excruciating hours of boredom and pointlessness.

It's not even art.

I was actually interested when I read the premise of this flick, but having seen what became of that initial gripping idea ... it's simply a crime. When other reviewers say that the plot goes nowhere ... they are right in the purest sense. NO setup culminated in ANY kind of payoff. In a nutshell: Dead come back out of nowhere, Living try to re-integrate them, Dead bomb something and seem to gather in the sewers. Well, SOME. The others are put in an "irreversible coma" (sounds like DEATH to me...), put ONTO their graves (by the military ... brilliant plan...) and DISAPPEAR.

Yup, you should be thinking the same thing as the audience in the cinema where I was in thought: "WHAT?????"

Every time I thought the "plot" was going SOMEWHERE ... it ... simply didn't. The doctor that *supposedly* found out about the Returners ... dead end. The husband that was *supposedly* different ... dead end. The camera trick to reveal if someone is dead or not ... DEAD END.

I actually couldn't go on and on, because there just isn't that much material there.

To call this film a disappointment is an understatement par excellence. French films can be good; I know a couple. Art films can be good and an interesting experience.

THIS ... was plain and simple rubbish. A colossal waste of time, money and manpower.

What.A.Shame.

The Office (2001–2003)

About as funny as Seinfeld

[23 September 2004]

meaning... NOT AT ALL.

I actually bought the damn DVDs because of all the hype ... I hope I can sell them on ebay ...

It's absolutely beyond me how ANYONE can find this series funny.

And, no, I don't like Sitcoms like "Married with children" and the likes.

I love shows like Arrested Development, Red Dwarf, Black Adder, The New Statesman, Futurama & the Simpsons (ok, the latter is getting a weaker year by year) ... so don't tell me I don't "get" the f***ing series.

It's not funny. Period. If I want to see idiotic bosses that are not funny ... I go to work.

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

I really hated the first two parts

[9/10 · 5 June 2004]

I was very, very surprised.

This part was actually enjoyable. Even ... good.

The darker setting, the interesting storyline and the more mature kids surely helped a great deal.

John Williams score was excellent as always.

Pity that they keep changing directors for the next films.

Not that I plan to become a Potter fan, but (after a lame and pretty annoying beginning) I got hooked.

Well done.

This is the first Potter installment that showed me what all the fans love about it and weirdly, most fans DON'T like this one.

Has the world turned upside down?

Der Wixxer (2004)

Well done. Very well done.

[10/10 · 22 May 2004]

This movie is genuinely funny.

All the actors do a good job: they behave like jackasses. Just like they should. It's a parody after all.

Not all jokes are great or even come across, but I'd say 40% was funny, 30% was very funny and 20% was hilarious.

The remaining 10% are redundant. But hey, we've all seen MUCH worse.

Actually, you will enjoy the movie even more if you have an extended movie knowledge and ... well ... if you're German. :)

Especially fans of Oliver Kalkofe should pay attention when the true identity of the Wixxer is revealed.

*** Mild Spoilers: ***

I could've done without the musical number. Basically the same flaw "Der Schuh des Manitu" had back then.

But that's just me.

*** End Of Mild Spoilers. ***

Oh, and I'm afraid that the movie won't age that well ... some movie references ALREADY seem dated. (You'll see what I mean.)

Femme Fatale (2002)

WOW ... that sucked

[1/10 · 1 February 2004]

I can't believe that I just wasted 100 minutes of my life watching this drivel.

Bad music, bad acting, bad camera, BAD BAD BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD story.

Plot holes? No, there simply WAS NO PLOT.

*MILD SPOILERS*

And as much as I like twists ... the end twist is simply fraud.

Not that it promises anything in the first place though.

*End of Spoilers*

DO NOT WATCH.

YOU'LL REGRET IT. HONESTLY.

Star Wars: Clone Wars (2003–2005)

Whoa. Crap!

[30 November 2003]

Really, what did they think?

There's pretty much NO story, the length is laughable and the animation is really awful.

The only good thing I can say is that they choose the voice actor very well.

Star Wars ended with Return Of The Jedi. Period.

American Wedding (2003)

I laughed. HARD.

[10/10 · 22 August 2003]

I didn't expect this movie to be as hilarious as it turned out to be. After all, the first two were great comedies and it's rare that a sequel can live up to the original. Now that the second did that, I had serious doubt that they could do it a third time.

They did.

They absolutely did.

Sure, some gags are totally disgusting, but that has always been a part of the series.

And even the lowest gags work, because we care about the people. That's the whole secret.

Should it end here? I think so. A complete trilogy. A great one. And a COMEDY trilogy ... rare. Very rare!

10/10. Oh yes!

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

Great sequel. Really.

[9/10 · 20 July 2003]

For all those people who say that there's no plot - go back and watch the film properly. There is a good story which culminates in the very last scene.

The gags weren't half as bad as I expected them to be and those little moments of comic relief were necessary, 'cause the rest of the film was pretty damn serious.

It's a very good continuation of the Terminator story and it's a brilliant movie when you keep in mind that it's part 3!

Yes, this film is a bit different. Not that much different. Did I miss Linda Hamilton? No. Did I miss Edward Furlong? Hell, no! Did I miss James Cameron? --- Hm, there's a certain emotional factor that Cameron would have inserted during the whole film, instead of just the ending.

Anyway, especially for a follow up of an all time classic, I will give it 10 / 10 stars.

There's one major plot hole ... but you can ignore that easily.

Go watch it.

Btw. the chase scenes are better than the one in the Matrix. Here, things get crushed for real. A lot. :)

My 2003 cents.

Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle (2003)

People who hate it didn't understand it. Period.

[10/10 · 11 July 2003]

There are actually films out there that sole purpose is to entertain. Just for the fun of it. And this one is one wild ride.

And actually, for a completely no-brainer, there was enough story to keep everything going.

In a weird way of course.

I was impressed and pleasantly surprised. My expectations were really low, since every other film this year disappointed me big time (HULK anyone?).

Eye Candy. Sit back. Enjoy the show.

Peace!

Hulk (2003)

Waste of talent, time and money

[1/10 · 26 June 2003]

I loved the Hulk. The comic. And I was eager to see the movie version.

But 4 people made me hate the movie: ANG LEE, NICK NOLTE, DANNY ELFMAN and JAMES SCHAMUS.

Bad directing, ridiculous plot/dialogue, pointless villain and the worst Elfman score I ever had the misfortune to listen to. (And I love Elfman's works.)

The origin of the Hulk ... screwed up for the sake of "seriousness" that nobody asks or cares for.

Good points?

The Hulk CGI was ... good.

(Maybe comic-spoilers) -

Again, it looked more like "Professor Hulk" from the later comics when Bruce and Hulk are the same person. I didn't expect him to be gray (like in the original issue No. 1), but this?

On the other hand ... he looked good. I can live with that.

(end of spoilers)

Please, if you do Hulk 2, get some serious action-director on board. (The movie manages to make HULK boring!) And another composer. And heck ... ANOTHER WRITER.

I'd have been more pleased with a Jerry Bruckheimer/Michael Bay or a Roland Emmerich HULK.

2 1/2 hours of my life I won't get back.

Shame.

Daredevil (2003)

Crap. Simply crap.

[1/10 · 23 March 2003]

I can't say that I wanted to like this film. But I gave it a chance. Big mistake. The best scenes were badly stolen from better films like Batman and Spider-Man. Yeah, those two films are often mentioned in the reviews and there's a reason for it. The few original ideas weren't convincing. Unbelievable characters, overthetop action but so dark, you can't see a friggin' thing. And for the record, I don't hate Ben Affleck. I even think he did fairly good jobs in his prior movies. Anyway, the story was plainly bad and there were scenes that assume that you have no brain. Also, the whole film seemed to be so heavily edited... it might be that it was a decent movie ... before they slaughtered it... I can't really say. 2 / 10 Points.

Stupid Invaders (2001 Video Game)

Bizarr, weird and GOOD!

[5 February 2003]

The wackiness is unparalleled and the style is pretty unique. And I tell you, the gags are great and mostly totally unexpected. Play it. You won't regret it. But I doubt that one can get through it without a little help from some solution you can find on the net. Anyways, it's a hilarious game.

Highly recommended.

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002 Video)

Bad, plain bad

[1 December 2002]

The film uses the same "technique" the two predecessors established: taking real life shark material from Discovery Channel and building something like a story around it. There's actually like 2 minutes of CGI Shark footage in it, at the end, when the really big white appears. Not very convincing, but a tiny little bit of fun for all those who long for another JAWS installment, like me.

The Eye (2002)

Excellent movie

[10/10 · 19 October 2002]

This flick is damn close to a masterpiece.

After all, there were at least 3 scenes where my heart nearly stopped beating ... (see it and you'll know which ones).

Now, I consider myself as an expert on horror movies ... (I'm blowing my own trumpet, I know....) and I'm always looking for horror films that REALLY give me the creeps.

And there are very few ...

"The Eye" is definitely "up there" with "The Sixth Sense" and "The Others".

The camera work, the pacing, the effects ... everything was damn close to perfection.

Not quite, to be honest, but really close.

And, for sure, 60% closer than any Hollywood garbage out there.

My 2002 cents.

Seinfeld (1989–1998)

Jerry, thank you for ... stopping this utter crap

[1/10 · 19 August 2002]

What's all the fuzz about this sorry show? So many people who praise it and... well, I have seen several episodes. Research, you know... I not even SMILED ONE DAMN TIME.

Either the series is not funny at all, or I am one of those 2% of the worlds population that just doesn't get it.

No, I don't think so... I like other series that ARE FUNNY.

Apart from that ALL the characters are whiny, annoying and plain uninteresting, there's not even ONE JOKE in there...

I always waited for something funny to happen... instead, one of those @$$#**es goes somewhere, something bland happens and he/she makes a problem out of that incident which is then "carried out" by the rest of the dumb bunch...

This show is worthless.

I want my time back....

Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002)

Dammit

[1/10 · 16 May 2002]

Yes, I wanted to like this movie so so so badly.

BUT ... I've just seen an OVERLOAD of colors and sound effects.

The direction was plain bad.

Sorry to say this, but the whole thing was just too much.

Too much of everything.

Plot holes galore, 3 different plot strings, we go from location to location, the music fitted mostly, but not always, I didn't care for any of the characters, ThreePO and R2 are just UNFUNNY extras and the special effects (NOT that awesome) almost made me blind.

When it comes to the massive showdown, you are already bored to death and even the war scenes aren't that amazing that you would take a peek at your watch every 30 seconds.

What's good? Hm...

Yoda. Illogical fun with the little guy.

Obi Wan. Ewan McGregor turns himself to Alec Guinness bit by bit. (Pun intended)

Some references to the original trilogy and Christopher Lee.

That's about it.

I won't see it again.

Wait for the DVD to come out.

Again, sorry!

The Others (2001)

Whew!

[10/10 · 11 January 2002]

What a film.

What a story.

Go see it.

Right now.

It's a punch, an eye opener, a thriller, a chiller and a hell of a brilliant movie.

This

is one in a million!

Mac

The New Statesman (1987–1994)

One of the two great British comedies

[10 January 2002]

The New Statesman and Black Adder.

Two brilliant pieces of work everybody should see.

(Btw. Rik Mayall stars in both of those series. He's Lord Flashheart in Bladders)

New Statesman sometimes seems to me as if it is Black Adder 5: Present Politics... (or something like that)

It's distinguished, utterly funny and just GOOD.

Go, buy it, see it.

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Yes, a great film

[10/10 · 23 December 2001]

Slighty slight spoilers ahead:

I am not really a geek or a fantasy fan at all, I don't care much about Conan or Willow ...(I could go on), but I read the Hobbit and LOTR seven years ago. I ... liked it and ... forgot about it the moment I finished them. (I read a lot at that times).

Now, I have seen literally thousands of movies and as a fan of Peter Jacksons work, this one was definitely a must see.

All in all, the only flaws of this movie are:

1. It's just the first part. (I want to see 2&3 at once)

2. I miss the Peter Jackson touch a bit. (More Gore & Goofiness perhaps)

3. At SOME FEW times I would've shortened the story a bit. (Seen from the filmical point of view)

4. Too many close-ups of the ring and Frodo. (a bit useless)

6. The whole movie lacks a great theme. The music fitted, but ... I want to whistle the theme of the movie when I leave the cinema.

Well, that's about it.

I loved Bilbos short transformation. And it's so good to have Christopher Lee back... (The only good aspect of Episode II btw.)

Mac

P.S. I really hate Harry Potter. (I couldn't resist)

A.I. Artificial Intelligence (2001)

THIS MOVIE IS ANNOYING

[1/10 · 16 August 2001]

At first: I like Spielberg. Generally. Jaws, Raiders, Schindlers List, wonderful movies, some pure fun, others even thought provoking. I also like Kubrick. I love Full Metal Jacket, Clockwork Orange and Spartacus. 2001 is great in visuals, too.

BUT:

A.I. makes me angry. I will not go into detail, but this film shouldn't have been made (this way).

THIS FILM IS NOT SUITABLE FOR KIDS!!!!!!

I am a hardcore horror-fan, I also like good, moving dramas and as I am 22 years old now, I think I can handle everything I see on screen. But then there was A.I.

I know there are films that hurt physically (Tomb Raider, Pearl Harbor, any 2001 flop) but this particular film hurts me on the psychical level. Maybe that was Spielbergs intention, but this damn thing is f*#+ing overdone.

The boy (and we all are supposed to see him as a real boy) is never, NEVER treated right and although you don't REALLY care for him, it makes you angry. The odd family scenes, the leave alone in the forest scene, the whole flesh fare... I will never ever think of showing that thing to my kids until they are at LEAST 16 years old. Although I am against censorship and for I think that kids can comprehend more than we adults think they are capable of, this movie is simply annoying.

Spielberg takes a knife and digs into your chest just to reach your bloody heart.

Mr. Spielberg, that doesn't work.

Kubrick might have done this film properly, but he'd gone a complete different direction...

Evolution (2001)

Cool

[8/10 · 23 July 2001]

The film is quite 80s.... But fun! Good music, great actors and special effects that remind me of what JP:Lost World in the city could have been.

Apart from the last alien thing which was a bit ... ugly and uninteresting.

All I can say about this film is: IT IS FUN... nothing more, nothing less.

And I want Seann William Scott in more movies.

Cats & Dogs (2001)

I expected a lot more

[3/10 · 19 July 2001]

Was that it? A cute little film for kids? Saturday afternoon Disney Channel stuff?

Oh please... judging by the trailer I thought this movie will be ... at least FUN.

But it wasn't.

It was not as bad as Tomb Raider or Pearl Harbor or all the other major disappointments this summer but is wasn't very good.

I have seen Budweiser commercials with the same special effects when it comes to talking animals, so nothing special here.

Jeff Goldblum was annoying (wasn't his fault, he was pretty much the same as always; the script ruined it), Elizabeth Perkins looked good, nothing else, I hated the kid and the story lacked good ideas.

Also, why did they have the lights on in the trailer when it comes to the Matrix cats, but had the lights OFF in the film, so you could hardly see anything?

Again, I have to say this: the trailers nowadays take too much away.

What I like about the movie:

Little. The music (John Debney) was an amusing odd version of Mission:Impossible. Funny and pleasing. But why the hell did they have a piece of Chicken Run (John Powell & Harry Gregson-Williams) at the end?

By the way, if you are about to see the film: try to count the continuity problems. I gave up after an hour!

'nough said

The Wonderful World of Disney: The Love Bug (1997) Season 1, Episode 11

Call me a wussy

[16 July 2001]

I wanted to say "Hail to the king", but it's not Bruce Campbell that impressed me in this movie. Bruce was okay, not great. The thing with this particular movie was: it made me cry. Now, you see, as an adult with a fable for "hardcore" horror movies like Evil Dead and stuff, that is quite embarrassing. And it's not the quality of the movie, that made me cry.

It could have, because it was pretty poor in some way, but the whole thing reminded me of the original Love Bug. And my childhood.

*Sniff*

Sorry for that. Let's face it, nobody wanted to know Herbies origin (which idea was very very ... way off) and the special effects were just basic (although they convinced me in the half-driving sequence). The scene my eyes gone wet was of course ol' Jim Douglas reunited with our pal Herbie. Aaaaaooowwwwwwhhhhhh! Joy.

The score by Shirley Walker and Kristopher Carter (Batman Beyond(!)) was alright, although I wished to have this whistle theme from the original included.

Anyway, as one of the other reviewers said: a cute film. Or was it remake?

The race could have been faster... that's for sure!

Shrek (2001)

The first blockbuster 2001 that is really brilliant

[10/10 · 5 July 2001]

After all those major disappointments this year like Pearl Harbor, Tomb Raider or Mummy 2, this film really rocks! The animation is amazing, the music rules and the story is well written and hilariously funny. If you know Disney films and fairy tales, it's all in there! You can watch the film again and again, you'll always discover new little details...

This film is the first film this summer that is really worth the money! Go and see it if you haven`t!

Lara Croft: Tomb Raider (2001)

What a mess!

[1/10 · 1 July 2001]

A little spoiler ahead...

I saw the movie two days ago and so it isn't some instant rush that makes me say: this movie sucks! Big time. Although I don't really like the video game, I thought (and still think) that you could do a great film about the heroine. A reasonable plot is of course necessary... And this is one of the points where this movie is completely lost. A revenge story? Oh, please... And then, there is the editing! While everybody says that M:I 2 sucks because of slow motion, this one lacks it. Everything is too fast. The sequences are incredible (I think so...) if you could actually SEE them. But this is only shooting here, explosion there, running everywhere... And the ending... this "mano a mano without weapons" thing ... I nearly left the cinema. Plot holes, plot holes and breasts that change size within seconds. Jolie looks okay, the bad guy is ugly, the "hero" is ugly, too. Voight is kind of uninteresting.

3 out of 10