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andrew_parcel
Reviews
Loaded (1994)
One word summary: Incongruous
This is a tale of some uninteresting British youths who plan on making a horror movie but end up starring in one. I knew that this movie was not a critical success, but I was hoping that it would be a British version of "Kicking and Screaming", or something of that sort, but instead I was left with more of a "Howard the Duck" impression.
The only reason for renting this themeless, plotless mess is to check out Catherine McCormack in her first major role. Although hindered by poor writing and directing, she still manages to shine as the most complex and interesting character. Unfortunately her plot lines are truncated and never truly play out, right through to the end of the movie when the credits appear out of nowhere. Also look for Thandie Newton trapped in a poorly written part.
(1/10)
Kiss of the Dragon (2001)
Only for the action
This movie lacked a lot of things that I didn't expect, like a plot, but it also lacked things like original action sequences or even a reasonable location. Paris makes a great setting for action movies, but only if you actually include it in the picture. French hookers and a couple cheesy shots of the Eiffel Tower don't count. Why not show some cojones and make it a French language film? Instead, everyone in the movie spoke English the whole time, whether they were French, Chinese, American, or otherwise.
It was clear that the script was just an excuse to make an action movie, but some explanation as to the man who is killed at the beginning of the movie would have been nice. Instead, Nohan and Besson made no attempt to explain anything, instead demanding that the viewer accept random plot devices without questioning them.
Having said all that, I was entertained for most of the movie. Luckily they didn't screw around and make it a 130 minute monster, but cut it short and that helped the tempo a lot. Jet Li still struggles with English, and I still like watching Ms. Fonda in any kind of role. Hopefully she will be more selective in her next film. 3/10
Along Came a Spider (2001)
Very Disappointing
I'm not sure why I didn't hear more bad things about this movie before I watched it, but I've got plenty to say after seeing it myself. The attempts to reference technology were poorly written (it's like the writer just learned about something called the "internet" and treats it like no one else has ever heard of it). Some formerly respectable actors turned out terrible performances, most notably Ms. Miller. I didn't have any expectations before watching Along Came a Spider, and it was still unable to meet them.
The Taking of Beverly Hills (1991)
Just Terrible
This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Three things make this movie worth watching; great mullets, Harley Jane Kozak, and lots of explosions. I was actually enthralled by every aspect of this awful production. One would think it was filmed in the early 80's by the cheesy dialogue and generic special effects. Never pay money to watch this! If it is on cable it is worth checking out for a few chuckles.