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AVP: Alien vs. Predator (2004)
Eh...okay I guess...
This movie should really be called "HUMANS and a little bit of Alien Vs. Predator." But that's what you expected right? Unfortunately Paul W. S. Anderson is a very gifted storyteller (I thought the whole Predators in pyramids hunting Aliens every 100 years, plot was very clever), but he sucks at character development. Every character in this movie was so one dimensional that you couldn't wait for them to just shut up and get off the screen. Particularly the protagonist chick from "Blade." Why couldn't they make her an older more bad-ass chick like Ripley? Watching this girly `ice-climber' team up with the Predator (no, I'm not kidding) makes you want to throw up. But besides that this movie is, well, okay I guess. The fight scenes between the two species were all kinds of cool, the setting of an old Aztec/Egyptian/Some other culture I don't remember pyramid works beautifully. It's a very cool and creepy environment. What sucks is the PG-13 rating. I didn't cry when I heard about this because I thought that it was all going to be monster violence that for some reason the MPAA feels kids can see. But unfortunately there are a million would-be-cool gory scenes that were cut too short. If people didn't like to see Aliens killing humans then all the other "Alien" movies would have flopped. If this flick had more `fun' violence and gore then it would be easier to forget all the stupid things going on (like the Alien head attached to her arm, what is she going to do with that? Have a puppet show?) But once again I found myself blown away by the special effects. They used a perfect combination of puppets and CGI, I'm so glad that we weren't forced to watch cartoon eggs open up and stuff. But what everyone is going to cry about (myself included) was the before mentioned human chick and Predator teaming up. I really thought that they were going to make out by the end of it, and when I saw their silhouettes running side by side like Batman and Robin in a Joel Schumacher film, I wanted to get up and leave. But the movie really isn't as bad as it could have been, just make sure you go see it when you're drunk or something and make sure you go with that friend you like to make fun of movies with. Grade: C -
The Big Bounce (2004)
How does this happen?
Okay, there were three movies coming out this week, The Perfect Score which looks RETARDED (who cares about the SATs.THEY MEAN NOTHING), You Got Served (which has Steve Harvey my favorite person in the world), and this film The Big Bounce, which has an excellent cast and is based on a novel by Elmore Leonard. So I thought I picked the right one to check out..I was severely mistaken. This movie is so weird, so boring, and so dumb. It felt like all these actors vacationed together in Hawaii, and decided to make a movie while they were there, and just make it up as they went along. None of the dialogue made any sense, they would all have conversations that I couldn't understand, I can't even explain it but it was like another language, they kept talking in little quips and strange antidotes, it was truly bizarre, it seriously seemed like everyone got drunk and just started saying things to each other that made sense at the time. I think everyone signed on to this film so they could chill in Hawaii. I am utterly perplexed that a movie like this can be made and distributed. The only redeeming factor in this film is that Sara Foster (whoever she is) is the hottest woman I've ever seen. She is simply amazing. Other than her this movie is garbage. See it only if you like to punish yourself.sicko. Grade: F
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King (2003)
Tremendous
Movies have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I can watch my favorite films over and over again, I've studied films for years, and I've loved movies, aspiring to make my own, wanting to engulf my life in them.but I have never had a film experience like The Return of the King before. In film history there have been few films that have literally changed the ways movies are made forever, Citizen Kane, The Godfather, Star Wars, but I have never really felt that there was one made in my lifetime (I was born in 1980 by the way), but I truly think (and infinitely hope) that Return of the King will change the way movies will be made in Hollywood (and the rest of the world). How can anyone claim that they are making an `epic movie' if it doesn't follow in this film's path? Why was it so great? It was everything. I don't get emotional at the movies very often, I don't get lost in movies often enough, and I DO NOT sit through a three + hour movie and not let my mind wander. But I did not want this movie to end!!! I did not want this trilogy to end. In a perfect world a Lord of the Rings movie would be released every year FOR ALL TIME! I totally bought every line, every image, every sound, every special effect, every performance, and every minute of this film. It was 3 hours and 20 minutes TOO SHORT. The reason why these movies are so great was because every single person making them was 100% dedicated to the project (I know this because I watched both 3 hour "extended edition" DVD documentaries). It was made all at once, just like the books were written, and IT SHOWS. Yes, I know the first two films had all the same amazing effects, sets, and music, but what stood out in The Return of the King was the PERFORMANCES BY THE ACTORS. Ian McKellen deserves the award for the most convincing performance/ perfect character/ and all around bad-ass! Gandalf cannot ever even be matched by any other character EVER. But Samwise Gamgee is the true hero of this story, and I can't tell you why without really giving anything away, but he just towers. Gollum/Sméagol was even more incredible here than he was in The Two Towers (which I didn't think was possible), and Frodo sinks amazingly to a new low. I thought that Theoden was the biggest JACKASS/KING in the universe until I met Denethor. Eowyn was so NOT annoying, and kicks ass. Merry and Pippen are no longer simply C3P0 and R2D2, they become warriors. Last but not least Aragorn, Legolas, and Gimli do not disappoint. Oh, and HELMS DEEP WAS A TEA PARTY!!! There's an enormous ground battle that simply RULES ALL!!! Complete with Goonie orcs, Imperial Walker elephants, and killer ghosts. But every emotional scene in this film centered around the hobbits. This was their movie. When (spoilers) the whole kingdom bowed down to the four hobbits, I cried...like a little girl...and I DON'T CRY. (end spoilers) The question simply is, though: Is Return of the King the best movie of all time? I don't know, the test of time can only answer that. But I do know that it IS the most well made movie of all time, you can freeze frame any moment in this film (or in the whole trilogy for that matter) and hang it on your wall as a work of art. I know that it IS the most influential film made in my lifetime, this movie will inspire a record amount of people to accomplish whatever they want to accomplish. Finally I know that personally this film IS the most satisfying movie experience that I've had in my life and I can't wait to see it again and again. The only thing wrong with this film is that it ended. FRODO LIVES!!!! Grade: A+ + + + + + + + "
Scary Movie 3 (2003)
Funny Parts...and Boring Parts
First of all I love the first 2 Scary Movie's (I know the second one wasn't that great but Chris Elliot made up for it with his brilliant deformed hand), so I was a little disappointed to hear that the Wayans brothers had nothing to do with this one. But Zucker definitely has made his share of good parody movies (Airplane!, The Naked Gun, Hot Shots) so I figured it would still be funny despite its PG-13 rating..and for the most part it was. First of all, I will see ANYTHING with Anna Faris in it from now on. Second, seeing Samara Morgan get her ass kicked is well worth the ticket price alone. There were some really funny scenes in this movie (the pooping horse scene was one of the funniest things ever), and there were some very boring scenes also (the only thing worse than the 8 Mile parody in SM3 was the movie 8 Mile). Call me a sicko if you want, but I kind of missed the raunchy R-rated humor that the Wayans' had in their movies (and Shorty was very much missed, son). But Scary Movie 3 is pretty dang funny, Anna Faris is amazingly hot, and so I say it's worth seeing (providing that you've seen The Ring and Signs, otherwise you won't get anything). Grade: B-