mark-2705 Reviews

65 (2023)

Just boring

[5/10 · 27 May 2023]

I'm a big Sci Fi fan. Alien landscapes. Survival against extraordinary odds in a hostile environment. All that kind of stuff. This film has all that but i just found it just so boring. The tech is cool and the CGI stands up as decent but the plot is weak and the characters are shallow. The acting is average and the editing is a bit messy. There isn't enough for me to rate it higher than a 5. It's a shame as these kind of films give the creators, budget permitting, the free rein to just do anything their imaginations can muster. So they get a rising star (Adam Driver) a team of reasonably talented FX artists and this is what they come up with. Lazy. Just enough to get us dopes to part with our cash to go watch. Puts the punters right off. To the team who created this. Come on guys, you obviously have talent. Try a bit harder, you know you can do better. To Adam Driver. Shame on you. Strike One.

RocknRolla (2008)

Love it

[9/10 · 27 May 2023]

Although not original as he has a formula that has been played out before, i find Guy Ritchie to be exceptionally entertaining. The silly Mockney characters he invents are so likeably daft as you can't help engage in the stupidity of it all. From the hardcore Cockneyisms to the outrageous acts of violence, never with a Copper to be seen anywhere, i just find myself just reaching for the popcorn and ignoring the absurdity of it all. Movies, overall are meant to be entertaining, and this is. In fact i find this to be my favourite Ritchie film. Better than Snatch or Lock, Stock.... Certainly better than Aladdin or Sherlock Holmes where he veers into other territories. He is a gifted film maker and i want more of this. Much more. I have watched this film more than 50 times, i'm addicted. Give me more please Mr Ritchie.

Eurovision Song Contest: The Story of Fire Saga (2020)

Lovely Stuff

[9/10 · 22 March 2023]

Will Ferrell delivers yet again, cementing his place as the funniest actor currently entertaining us today. He has a unqiue talent in being able to take the mickey out of anything without causing any offence. On paper, this reads like the kind of movie a lot of people would avoid. Camp, sequins, crappy Euro pop/rock, but give it a chance and enjoy an hilarious musical that you can watch with the whole family. Another skill of Ferrell's is his skill in entertaining with virtually no offensive language or adult content at all. The story is full on fantasy, with gorgeous looking characters, Toe tapping, campy music with dazzling daft theatrical stunts. But it just works. In Europe this contest is very popular and rakes in a huge TV audience every year. If you are unfamiliar with the real contest, give it a whirl, and see how this movie nails the look and feel of the real thing bang on. An absolute treat that we can all enjoy in these troubled Global times. A well deserved 9/10. Recommended.

Vicious Fun (2020)

Fun with a capital F

[9/10 · 21 March 2023]

One of the best films i have seen this year. A brilliant spoof of the 80's / 90's Horror film classics. The Soundtrack alone is worth the price of a theatre ticket, straight up, mid pace, synth pop. Every character played to perfection. Every kill a gore filled fiesta of red. The laughs come thick and fast as each scene ticks the list of every Horror filled trope of the last few decades. Close your curtains. Turn off the lights. Reach for the popcorn and sit back and enjoy what i predict to be a well deserved (toe) tagged Horror/spoof/comedy classic for the future. Enjoy. I recommend and a well earned 9/10 from me.

Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey (2023)

Just bad

[2/10 · 20 March 2023]

You know when folk say something is so bad it's good? Well this is so bad it's bloody awful. A. A Milne must be spinning in his grave. The killer costumes were terrible, not scary, certainly not scary bear looking. The lead ladies were there just to show a bit of sexy stuff before being crumped in various non imaginative ways. I feel sorry for the young cast in productions like this. Exploited to make some production execs a few quid. I will end on a positive though, the fella playing Christopher Robin showed some talent given the role he has asked to play, acting his ass off, although i don't imagine the future him will be referencing this dross in interviews should he get anywhere in his career. Avoid.

Tulsa King (2022– )

Very Entertaining

[9/10 · 16 January 2023]

Once again Stallone delivers the goods in a fantastic tale of Newly released Mafia Gangster (don't call him that) Dwight "The General" Manfredi. He's "gifted" the City of Tulsa to build a new empire to carry out shady dealings for the Mob. This is where the crazy, unbelievably fun begins. He blasts into town and just takes whaqtever he feels like, enrolling a motley crew of characters unlikely associates as he meets them along the way. Leave your expectations at the door. Open the fun loving part of your brain and give this series a try. You won't regret it. A well deserved 9 from me. Loving every episode so far.

The Requin (2022)

Have i been Punked?

[1/10 · 12 January 2023]

I love shark attack/sea survival movies and accept that a fair degree of tongue in cheek is required whilst watching the genre. This movie took my tongue, ripped it out and slapped me across the kisser with the bloody fleshy bit. The CGI "Shark" resembled the type you woulld have seen in an 80's TV ad selling toy shark diving kits to kids. Absolutely shocking. Acting, eh! Acting requires skill, confidence, emotional control and realism. What this gave us was the equivalent of a Sunday School Nativity level. And i should know, i was Wise man number two, Gresswell Infants school Nativity 1973. My Mum made me wear a duvet cover as a cloak and a trimmed wig stuck on with glue as a mock Wisemans beard. And we were better than this. The story, however, is the Piece de Resistance in this stew of Horror (i was just a little bit sick in my own mouth when i typed that) - "Have we just been Punked?" i asked my Missus. It was just that bad. I encourage everyone to watch this movie. I want it to win a hatful of Oscars. I would absolutely p*** myself.

Whitewash (I) (2013)

Brilliant

[10/10 · 10 January 2023]

I'm sure i am in a minority but this is one of my fave films. I've watched it countless times. Every scene oozes skill and perfection. Thomas Haden Church shines as the hapless and clueless Bruce Landry, a man struggling with the slowly emerging sadness of a life destroyed by recent events. He meets Paul Blackburn, small time gambler, thief and chancer and offers him a lifeline when he is attempting suicide. This chance meeting results in tragedy and causes Bruce to have to hide out in the harsh freezing, Canadian widerness while he thinks over his life, recent events and contemplates his future. What makes this movie brilliant is the way the characters are fleshed out so totally with the absolute minimum of information or dialogue. So naive and innocent in his potrayal, Thomas Church really brings home in a sometimes comical fashion just how absolutely luckless his character is. Life really has kicked him in the teeth and it comes out in an oustandingly subtle and immaculately acted way. I recommend this film, but do be prepared for a slow burner of a black comedy. No guns, car chases or relentless blood letting to be seen here.

The Drone (2019)

Terrible

[1/10 · 11 December 2022]

Caught this on Amazon Prime but wish i had thrown it back. Firstly, what's scary about a Drone? Answer - nothing. Didn't have one scene that was even remotely exciting. Not even a gory element which most non scary films try and use as a substitute for story. Acting,bad. Drone looked like one of those cheap beginner drones that cost about 50 quid online. They tried to modify the killer drone by adding a pair of scary googly eyeball light things on it, but that didn't work. I would not recommend you wasting a good hour and a half on this load of old cobblers. Instead, buy a drone yourself, go outside and have a much better time flying that. 1 out of 10.

Prospect (2018)

Superb for true Sci-fi fans

[9/10 · 15 November 2022]

A real gem of a movie hidden behind the flashy Cgi laden Hollywood Blockbusters which are the norm these days. The interior layout to the ship looks like something from the 70's, but it works. It fits the feel of the film, not a digital display to be seen, all analog switches and meters. The quirky dialogue also gives it weight. The Alien landscape is just enough to convince you this is other-worldly. The Alien creatures and characters also seem well fleshed out and believable. The story is compelling and exciting. No super powers on display or "Universe ending" weapons, just realistic and effective rail guns and frightened Humans just trying to survive an unforgiving and dangerous environment. A real treat for the imaginative Sci-fi fan. 9/10 very highly recommended.

The Way Way Back (2013)

Coming of age classic

[10/10 · 18 December 2021]

Whenever i need a "lift" this is one of the movies i watch. A briiliant cast sets exactly the right tone to deliver a heart warming tale that most of us can relate to. Our hero, Duncan (Liam James) finds an unlikely friend in (Owen) the manager at Water Wizz, a haven for Duncan to escape the domestic dysfunction being played out by Duncans mum (Toni Collette) and the brilliant Steve Carrell (Trent). Watch and be fully entertained.

Wentworth (2013–2021)

Consistently brilliant.

[9/10 · 8 October 2020]

It's rare to watch such a well written, brilliantly acted, well directed and heart rending show. It always ends each series with a "can't wait for the next". The characters are deep, fully formed and human. Not just a bunch of criminals biding their time until release. Characters with stories, backgrounds, secrets and lies. The good characters perform acts of evil. The bad characters find their humanity. The stories sometimes bring a tear to your eye, they are so well formed. It is pretty heavy drama, so expect few laughs. But do expect a reason to set time aside in your life to engage in this awesome show. Once you have watched a couple of episodes, you will be hooked. Very highly recommended.

The Furies (2019)

Hardcore slasher fun!

[8/10 · 11 September 2019]

Seen it all before, but done brilliantly here. Gore/survival/slasher lovers will enjoy this. Brutal, original killings featuring an array of different mask wearing nut cases chasing fit, young ladies around a barren landscape. A good and sturdy horror flick. Blood, popcorn and fun. What more do you need?

A Ghost Story (2017)

Uninspiring and annoyingly tedious.

[2/10 · 15 June 2019]

At least there's a nice pie eating scene in this movie. According to the info sheet it was a chocolate pie. The scene lasts about 10 minutes and it is quite literally the Ghost stood over his beloved watching her eat the pie. 10 minutes. A pie. And that's the best scene in the entire film. The rest is filled with visual drudgery of normal life passing by. Trying to extract any kind of visual poetry out of this flick is an exercise in futility. It trudges along. challenging your patience until you run out. If you make it to the end you will feel whatever the opposite of entertained is. I even feel bored writing this review. Avoid.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald (2018)

No good.

[2/10 · 25 April 2019]

Similar to watching a 90 minute fireworks show. All heavy CGI but with no real character developments or depth of story. The FX are pretty impressive and the creatures are well crafted but that's where your enjoyment ends. Cannot recommend.

Mail Order Monster (2018)

Original drama

[6/10 · 1 December 2018]

What i expected - a movie about a strap on. What i got - a fairly cliched but well acted drama dealing with loss, grief and the rebuilding of friendships. Worth a watch if you have a spare 89 minutes.

The Greasy Strangler (2016)

Nothing out there quite like this

[9/10 · 15 October 2016]

Weirdest movie i have ever seen. Cannot be recommended but i cannot not recommend it either. I don't condemn anybody who gives it a rating of 1 out of 10 but i can see how it could get a 10 out of 10 too. From the bat**it crazy soundtrack to the gratuitous full on male nudity that peppers the entire movie you are in for an experience if nothing else. Do not go into this without being warned, you will hate it and love it (delete as applicable) It's a horror movie with some weird gross out scenes, a love story with some weird gross out sex scenes and a comedy movie with some weird gross out scenes. It's funny in a kind of "never seen that before" way - you will tell your buddies about it. Watch it because you'll be glad you had, even if you hate it, if that makes sense.

The Hospital 2 (2015)

Absolutely awful

[1/10 · 6 May 2016]

If me and my girlfriend decided to make a movie, having no experience or talent in the field and for equipment we used my old cell phone from the late 90s, employed our relatives to act in it and elected not to use any lighting or sound engineer i reckon the result would look something like this pile of dross. The editing in this film is so laughable i had to check to see if i wasn't being spoofed somehow. How could anybody with any sense of pride in ones work watch the final product and then think "ok that's a wrap, let's release it" - i would be mortified to let this out into the World. Really, film fans, do yourselves a favour and go and wash the dog or mow the lawn or paint a fence because i guarantee you will wish you had done something more satisfying with the time wasted watching this. 1 out of 10.

Under the Skin (I) (2013)

I love this movie but i wouldn't recommend it.

[8/10 · 14 July 2014]

I loved this movie but i'm not quite sure why. Subsequently i think it's a difficult film to review. Visually it is very dark, in keeping with the subject matter of human victims being captured by an alien force. The low, pulsating soundtrack added to the intensity of the visuals, melting together in a mind bending journey into the unknown. A few of the scenes stuck with me, the child on the beach, the deformed guy and the human carcasses being "absorbed" - all quite disturbing yet entertaining. I would suggest staying away though if you want your stories spelt out for you as this piece requires a bit of thought. Aliens by their very nature are going to be so different to humans that their behaviour would be head scratching to us and this movie does portray that well. We observe, then we formulate opinions. No "ray guns" or "pointy ears" on display here! Scarlett Johansson is convincing as the sexually alluring harvester, giving a bold performance which impressed me, not shying away from the demanding nude scenes, i bet she's a directors dream to work with as she seems up for anything. I will be watching this movie again as i'm sure there is a lot more i can get out of it. 8/10 from me, but please don't blame me if you don't like it as i can see that many people just won't get anything from it at all.

The Evil Dead (1981)

A Horror Classic.

[9/10 · 24 June 2014]

I saw this on video tape on first release. At that time in the UK a list of Video Nasties gained notoriety and a "must see" attitude was manufactured as a result. Proudly at the top of this list was The Evil Dead. I hunted down a copy from a local video shop, he kept it under the counter, it cost me £5 just for one evening to rent and me and my group of mates sat in a dark room and watched. We had a ball! Terrified, thrilled, excited, entertained. By todays standards of course the effects are cheesy and cheap, the make up is not very well done, the whole production looks aged and not shiny and polished like the modern horror that we all expect nowadays. But what this movie did have was an eerie sense of "what you are about to see" and it didn't disappoint. Jumps galore, just enough gore to make you wince, great performances from the then unknown cast and rock solid direction from Sam Raimi. Kids nowadays will claim "overrated" or "cheap and nasty" but they are missing the point, and unfortunately for them, missing out. I bet those same modern kids would say Psycho was rubbish "black and white", "corny acting" "slow" or "tame" - but watch these movies at the time of release and see them as the works of genius they are.