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Begotten (1989)
Rorshach Horror
Description: an 80min abstract Rorschach version of the Judeo-Christian creation story.
The Good: If you are not a fan of abstract/coffee-house films, then there will probably be nothing in this film that you will like. There is no dialog and in fact, not even color as all of the images are comprised solely of pure black and pure white with no half-tones. The story is cryptic and hard to follow or understand (for most viewers) but if you like the bizarre and abstract then you will probably love this film. To be sure, there are certainly elements of horror here: scenes that are so graphic in nature that they are hard to watch and impossible to forget, but a suspenseful/slasher film it is not. Though there is no dialog, the sound effects are unsettling, creepy, and at times, completely unnerving. Combined with the stark contrast and almost alien imagery, the soundtrack helps to evoke a completely surreal and horrifying world. For all of the truly gruesome and graphic images that abound in the realm of cinema horror, no other film as made this reviewer as uncomfortable, tense, and truly horrified as Elias Merhige's Begotten. Gaspar Noe's Irreversible came close for a few minutes during the infamous rape scene, but that is only a fraction of the freaked-out-edness to be experienced in this film.
The Bad: Begotten is surreal and somewhat abstract. The characters are more akin to Jungian archetypes than they are stock character types, which makes this a hard to follow/understand film. However, these elements give the viewer an interpretive freedom and participation level that is rarely, if ever, found in mainstream films. You may not come away with the same story the filmmaker was telling, but the one you glean will be more personal and meaningful.
The Ugly: The imagery is borderline abstract at times due to the phenomenal amount of processing that went into this film (follow the above Wikipedia link for more details on that), but it is up to each viewer to truly determine the value of this quality. For myself, I have nothing negative to remark on concerning the style, acting, video or audio quality of this film.
Old School: Truly old school fans of horror will probably dig this one, and by truly old school I mean those people who own a copy of The Student of Prague, The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari, or Murnau's Nosferatu. You know who you are. Also, fans of Eraserhead will most likely enjoy it as well.
New Blood: Younger audiences who enjoy MTV-style editing and seeing Paris Hilton in horror films, will probably hate this one. If you don't know who Max Schreck is, then I'm talking about you. Go back to the mall and forget you ever heard about this movie.
To See or Not to See? Rent, buy, pirate or con? Good luck finding this one anywhere. I have never seen it on eBay, and only once at Amazon - for over one hundred dollars (US). I know of one video store in Atlanta that rents it. So however you can watch this film, by all means do so.
Doomsday (2008)
It's Not So Bad
Description: A future Europe is set upon by a virus, a gang, and rapid-cut editing. Escape From New York meets Mad Max, minus character development or anything new.
The Good: Gore - Not the prolonged type, sad to say, but there are several wonderful moments of heavy splatter and nastiness. These are invariably edited before the audience can sink in their collective teeth but it is there and in fine style, including several innovative and action packed deaths.
Action - Truth be told, I actually nodded off (literally) during the second act but the first and third acts were frenetic and made up for it. When someone dies it's usually cool looking and there were plenty of explosions and crazy weapons stuff to occupy my eyes.
Acting - As an actor myself, I am reticent to besmirch the work of another Thespian so I'll stick to what I liked. For all of the bad, cliché or questionable performances to be found in this film, the work of Craig Conway more than makes up for all it. He masterfully portrays Sol, the chaotic punk warlord with the bleached-out Pawnee hair-style and the big red bio-hazard back tattoo. The energy and fanaticism he permeates this role with are astounding and well worth the watch. His and Leeanne Leibenberg's performances totally made this film for me.
Also, Leeanne Leibenberg is way beyond hot, so there's that. Seriously though, it is a shame she wasn't afforded a greater opportunity to a larger role in this film. As Sol's girlfriend, that character could have had a considerably greater impact on the story and saved the viewer a boring second act.
The Bad: In a word: realism. Sure, it's a futuristic sci-fi film so how realistic can it be, right? Wrong.
While the film is set in the future, the story makes a big deal out of how primitive the situation is north of Hadrian's Wall. The problem with this is the avalanche of silliness that ensues when the evil anarchists throw a party complete with massive spot lights, a live band, huge speakers, and massive bonfires surrounded by half a million young, beautiful punk kids who apparently have an inexhaustible supply of nail polish and Manic Panic hair dye. One can only assume that the Reaper Virus only took out the ugly people. It was as if the inhabitants of The Matrix's' Zion all suddenly decided to become punks instead of ravers. Also, the film makes a big to-do about how the quarantined people had to resort to cannibalism (and even demonstrates that they still do) but then we are shown how there are like a billion trillion cows roaming the country side. All of this still excludes the other major plot hole concerning everyone being surprised that there are people still alive in the quarantined zone - a fact that would be a bit hard to miss once the all-night slam/rave kicked in.
There's also a bit where the unarmed 110lb heroin takes out a three hundred pound, armor-clad man who is bristling with weapons in a gladiatorial one-on-one. She does this without breaking a sweat, mussing her hair, or smearing her makeup. Granted, it is just one small scene but the goofiness of it burns in my memory still and there are several scenes like this throughout.
All of this, however, is simply a product of dumbed-down writing. Undoubtedly, the makers of this film were after a Mad Max/28 Days Later style action adventure that they didn't want to bog down by making people think too much. They succeeded.
However, it could be argued that swashbuckler films must be campy and cliché in order to maintain the concept and the same could be said here. If you're looking for believable sci-fi action, look elsewhere.
The Ugly: Lots of rapid-cut editing, poor character development, rampant cliché character types and nonsensical plot with more holes than a chain mail shower curtain. Many of the performances leave something to be desired as well.
Old School: Lovers of old-school slasher/horror will probably dig the blasting brains and ultra-gore. The graphic effects are fantastic and enjoyable but the amount of screen time given them is brief. Except of course for the severed woman head. You'll see what I mean.
New Blood: younger audiences will probably enjoy the super-fast editing here that keeps the action scenes whipping along at rock-video speed. Bring a pillow for the second act though.
To See or Not to See? Rent, buy, pirate or Con? I liked this film and definitely recommend it to horror and sci-fi fans alike, but before you rent, buy or download, you may want to con someone else into getting it first: they rent Doomsday, you buy the beer and everyone will be happy. It's a fun film - give it a go.
Zombie Strippers! (2008)
Ridiculicious
Description: The U.S. government creates zombies, the contagion makes it's way into a strip club, and the name of the film was all you really needed to know in the first place. Based on an Existentialist story, there is more here than meets the eye and I'm not just talking about boobies. There are lots of boobies though, but Sartre!
The Good: The good to be found in Zombie Strippers! is the humor. It has tons of political and social satire but the goofy camp-style of the film keeps it from ever taking itself too seriously. This is exactly the kind of film that people should watch in a drunken group, which is no doubt what the filmmakers intended. Zombie Strippers! is fun, stupid, and enjoyable. Any attempt to take it seriously will ruin the magic. Plus, there's undead strippers crawling around on stage. What more could you want from a film?
The Bad: Dialogue, acting, costumes, lighting, camera work, acting, story, acting - these things are all beyond bad in Zombie Strippers! but no more so than any pr0n you've ever seen and this movie is actually funny. The special effects look strictly consumer Adobe level but that's not important with a farce - in fact, it adds to it. Besides, there are boobies and zombies. See what I mean?
The Ugly: This movie is goofy-licious and fun! No need to besmirch it with heavy-handed cinema critique and anonymous criticism. No one meant for it to be Citizen Kane; it's supposed to be every bit of ridiculous as it actually is. Just enjoy the damn thing! Boobies, zombies.
Old School: Old school horror fans will probably dig Zombie Strippers! It's the kind of stupid horror spoof that makes a good lead-in for the seriously scary films later on in the night, like Glitter.
New Blood: Steal some alcohol, dl this and have fun.
To See or Not to See? Rent, buy, pirate or con? You may as well buy it because it actually is fun to watch. Not like Edward D.Wood, Jr. film funny, but more like MST3K funny - or maybe a little bit of both. Enjoy this movie! (boobies, zombies)
Incubus (1966)
Demonic Noir Romance
Description: Demons disguise themselves as beautiful women to prey on people who visit a reportedly magic well. One of these succubi, named Kia (masterfully portrayed by Allyson Ames), decides that she wants more than just luring the damned into the sewers of Hell; she wants to corrupt and destroy someone wholesome, someone pure. Enter Captain James T. Kirk speaking Esperanto.
The Good: Everything about this movie is truly outstanding. Incubus is one of those films by which all other films are measured; it is that rare type of cinema that seems to spring to life directly from the subconscious images which we all share. This is the sort of movie that creates horror fans.
Shot in black and white in and around the countryside of Big Sur, California, the visual images are as mesmerizing as the story itself. Incubus is a magical film that transports the viewer into another space, another time. It is a complete world unto itself, replete with its own legends and mysteries. Even the language spoken by the actors is enigmatic, which turns it's already subtle messages and moral nuances into a sort of pagan/alien poetry. Incubus is a haunting and beautiful vision of a film that lingers in the periphery of imagination and wonder. That its subject-matter is dark only adds to its mysterious allure. Classic film by any standard.
The Bad: The one thing that people are put off by is the choice of Esperanto as the film's spoken language. Supposedly, writer/director Leslie Stevens made that decision to enable the film to be shown in a wider variety of festivals, but the subject is academic at best. The fact that it adds to the film's mystique is all the justification needed. Aleister Crowley, as well as many other occultists, believed that making conjurations in strange tongues was an effective and useful means to bypass the filters of consciousness, and in that regard, the bizarreness of Esperanto helps tremendously to create a profoundly haunting space.
The Ugly: The only thing ugly I have to say about Incubus is that it can readily be found in the $1 DVD bin of the average grocery store- which is obviously not a comment on the film as much as it is a comment on our society. Incubus is a work of art and to think of it costing less than Britney Spears' Crossroads makes me want to burn things.
Old School: Fans of classic, black and white horror films featuring the likes of Bela Lugosi and Lon Chaney, Jr. will definitely dig Incubus. It is one of the standard late-night classics like I Walked With A Zombie and the original Cat People. If you know who Ingmar Bergman is then you will love this film.
New Blood: Put down your phone for 78 minutes and watch this movie. Stfu already and just do it - it's a superb film and might actually make you appreciate horror more. On second thought, if you think Eli Roth movies are cool, just go back to your phone and forget about this one.
To See or Not to See? Rent, buy, pirate or con? Borrow a quarter off of four people and go buy this. It is an absolutely classic, beautiful film. OWN IT ASAP.
Teeth (2007)
Vagina-dentata retelling as a black comedy
The Good: Cinematography and production value were immediately noticeable for their quality. The computer animation during the opening credits were interesting and relevant, which is refreshing; I detest seeing credits at the beginning of a film but this sort of thing makes it a tad more bearable.
Acting performances and characters were believable and enjoyable. Jess Weixler and John Hensley were especially noticeable for the honesty and sincerity they brought to their respective roles of Dawn and Brad. Hale Appleman did an excellent job with the few minutes of screen time he was given as Tobey by creating an emotional and interesting character that could have otherwise simply faded into the overall yawn of the film. These three actors did a tremendous job with what they had to work with and certainly saved the movie for this reviewer.
The soundtrack was mediocre though fitting in that it didn't particularly add to the film but didn't detract from it either. The song choices of Dawn's parents added some humor.
The campyness was masterfully done, being maintained just below the point where it is almost annoying, leaving the viewer with a sense of pity for the lead characters as opposed to simply finding them annoying. The character of the asshole brother Brad made for a nice opposable force that made them film more lively.
The masturbation/wedding night fantasy scene was very well done in terms of film-making finesse and was indicative of the high quality camera and lighting work to be found throughout.
The Bad: The pacing of the story lingered for too long at times on non-plot-driving items. The Nuclear-Reactors-Looming-on-the-Horizon bit was overplayed and eventually distracting; some subtlety would have made it a more intense detail, but it's a comedy, so why not I guess. Speaking of comedy, there seemed to be a surprising lack of it. Unless you find boring funny. In all fairness, the gynecology scene did bring an audible laugh. The only audible laugh.
The Ugly: the editing in Teeth was professional by any account, but as mentioned before the scenes had a tendency to begin and/or end without the fat being trimmed which gave the film an overall lethargic feel. Since the movie has a run time of 88 minutes, it might be assumed that this was done to pad the length a little. It definitely would have made a superior short film, but as a feature length, it leaves a great deal to be desired - like the entire Hero's Journey concept.
In terms of genre, Teeth seems to be unaware of it's target, falling instead into some vague netherworld between drama, horror, and black comedy without ever actually committing to any of them. Because of this, the film ends up feeling like a two hour shrug.
Old School: Almost no gore and very little excitement. If you're not drinking, you'll most likely be bored.
New Blood: Younger audiences will be put off by how slow this movie feels. Still, the extremism of the Christian chastity theme will probably get some laughs. If you're under the legal drinking age you'll most likely be bored.
To See or Not to See? Rent, buy, pirate or con? Don't waste the hard-drive space for sure, and unless you can check it out for free at your local library I would not advise renting it. If you really feel like you have to see this film then con your roommate into renting it. Afterwards, you can blame the choice of getting it on someone who isn't there to defend themselves. Pass.