lizamayyyy Reviews

Babel (I) (2006)

Slow. Boring. Pretty faces.

[5/10 · 14 November 2006]

Cate Blanchett is lovely to look at. So are Brad, Gael, Rinko Kikushi and her adorable friends, and the two blonde kids. Gorgeous shots of Moroccan hills, great shots of Mexico, stunning Tokyo nightscapes.

But that's all that's good in this slow, strained, self-conscious, boring movie.

It's Amores Perros redone, but without the Mexican magic, urgency, or natural irony of that great film.

And why were Cate and Brad in this desolate location in the first place? That's never explained.

Wait to rent it.

Final (2001)

Wretched, Rotten Writing a Stinky, Sickening Script Makes

[1/10 · 26 July 2002]

A movie to be avoided at all costs. This writer (Bruce McIntosh) must be forbidden from being in the same room with pencil or keyboard ever again. What came over director, poor Campbell Scott? Big Night was a delight, so was Day Trippers. Maybe the exquisite lousiness of this script putrefied his brain with septic ineptitude? What a waste of two good actors. Altogether a fetid offense of a film. Gangrenous story, nauseous dialogue, and worst of all: interminably, forehead-disfiguringly, butt-bendingly BORING.

The Shipping News (2001)

Thank God for Julianne

[26 July 2002]

Directors' Commentaries are often disappointments – some directors are surprisingly BORING, considering what they do for a living. So many commentaries are pure pablum - a lot of blathering on about what a great actor this one is and that one is and what a great cinematographer and that great cameraman oh and then of course you need an actor thrown in to congratulate the great DIRECTOR blah blah yadda yadda....

So last night, "Shipping News," and commentary with the mutual stroking thing going on. Found myself in the wee dark hours of the night wondering what it would be like if Lasse Halstrom had said instead,

"Kevin Spacey was a mistake. Doggone shame, cause this coulda been a better movie if we had picked a more competent lead. That Kevin just doesn't know how to show LACK of authority, LACK of power, LACK of that ever-present wise-ass look round the edges of his eyes. Kevin – we learned by struggling with him in this role - has evidently never met a quiet squashed-down person – the "invisible" people all among us. So he has no idea what it is to be hopeful – quietly, heroically hopeful. All Mr. Spacey knows is some caricature in his head of a "loser," someone who needs pitying. Actually, more I think about it, Spacey SUCKED. Rats! What a mistake to give him the part! Oh well, in this business I'm at the mercy of, well, elements beside my own artistic ability."

But Mr. Halstrom didn't say anything remotely like that. So I don't like him anymore. Not that I ever did. My Life As a Dog was superficial and syrupy.

Shipping News was supposedly a great book, but I couldn't get past the first two paragraphs – seemed condescending from the first moment and wow! sure seemed like a downer of a story getting ready to happen.

So who knows, maybe the movie was true to the book. Maybe they're both bad. Who knows.

Divided We Fall (2000)

We Fell. Hey, is this the guy that sends out that daily "Deep Thoughts" email?

[2/10 · 20 July 2002]

Well yuk eeee-yyyech yukko cocky-poo ptewie! ptewie! Feh.

I H-A-T-E-D this movie. It is contrived, grossly inaccurate, implausible, cliched, trivial, stupid. Hated the intrusive music. Hated the meaningful gazes heavenward. Hated the hit-you-over-the-head-with-subtlety juxtapositions of Madonna and child.

Hated David the Jew who looked like no Jew I've ever seen. Hey, for me any you it's acceptable (well, understandable anyway) to run in stereotypes, but if you are going to make a movie ABOUT Jews you'd best learn at LEAST what they LOOK like in the real world. I mean, could they have GOTTEN a bigger nose for the part? C'mon Jan - take a glance at your daily paper - see all those Israelis? Loads and loads of Jews? With blonde and red and brown hair? Some with noses some without? Jan, if you've never met a Jew in real life, go take a look at Tod Solondz's "Storytelling" where you will see a BELIEVABLE family of Jews, complete with blonde hair, blue eyes, some schnazzes, some without. Jan, you just do NOT know subtle. Every character, and everything else about the movie - the camera work, plot, music - everything screams stereotypes. Jan, you don't know from three-dimensional.

And that cutsie, self-conscious switching between film to digital video to hand-cam! SCREAMING at me (cause I'm too dumb to notice) "FEAR!! HAPPENING!! NOW!!" Hated it.

Hated that utterly stupidly impossible everybody-happy-now ending. Hated the whole plot come to think of it - what a DUMBO story to begin with.

Hated the lack of consistent voice - what in the heck was this thing trying to be anyway - Comedy? Commentary? Some sad or moving something-or-other? Triumph of human goodness? Oh We Are So Valiant Amidst The Chaos??? What was this thing about?!?

Yech. Just yech yech yech. Suffered through the whole daggone thing, rolling eyes and groaning. And wincing and writhing six or twenty times.

Drek.

Happenstance (2000)

Best Final Scene of Any Movie Ever

[8/10 · 28 April 2002]

This entire movie is worth watching just for the magnificent final moment - its the best ending of any movie I've ever seen. Perfect, beautiful, funny, simply wonderful.

I found this movie delightful, even with it's French taking-itself-too-seriously deep meanings thing going on. I loved it - it's a great love story. And I loved the way Algerians were woven in - and by the way, the music during the final credits is great. I want the CD!

The Anniversary Party (2001)

Excellent

[10/10 · 21 January 2002]

One of the best I've ever seen. Deep, succinct, funny, sweet, true. I love ensemble movies - or, maybe what I should say is that I love movies where every actor can act, and is given that opportunity by the director and the script. This was gorgeous. Think I'll write to the directors to thank them for their smarts and humor.

Shower (1999)

DELIGHTFUL!

[9/10 · 5 February 2001]

I LOVE this movie! Beautifully funny and utterly believable characters. Each scene richer and more wonderful than the last. Every aspect of this movie is filled with wit and humour and love and depth. A complex and engrossing story, too. This movie is filled with love, humour, and intelligence. Totally great!

Animal Factory (2000)

B-O-R-I-N-G

[1/10 · 5 February 2001]

These are the meekest, gentlest tough prison guys I've ever seen. No drama, no tension, no conflict, just plain boring. The central relationship was a complete mystery - where was the connection between these two guys? Why were they together? Didn't make any sense. Steve Buscemi seems pretty kooky as an actor - I was looking forward to some brave and kinky directing. But what a disappointment! A single halfway-decent guitar tune towards the end is the only thing interesting about this movie.

Gabbeh (1996)

zzzzzz

[3/10 · 5 February 2001]

Beautiful, vivid colors did not prevent this movie from being terribly boring. If you like National Geographic pieces on interesting cultures, you might enjoy this movie as a glimpse into the life of a nomadic Iranian tribe. But it is very, VERY slow moving, and very simple. This is not a movie about characters or plot. Supposedly it's about weaving some sort of spell through images - but all it did for me was put me (literally!) to sleep.