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Damsel (2024)
2/10
Daenerys Targaryan, killer of cities.
10 March 2024
Warning: Spoilers
Modern optics for a medieval woman. Not the first time we've seen that, and quite trite at this point. It's not even played for a joke (like it rarely is), and doesn't really have any function in the story beyond "she's like you!". Oh, yea, she *chops wood* so you know she's STRONK, like an ogre she wails away at the driest, lightest wood I've seen in my life, grunting due to her massive, bulging muscles. Because no one on set has ever chopped wood before, and purely associates it with "a man thing", that requires grunting and moaning. An advice for the creators: Pick something you have knowledge of, not something you have no knowledge of. While it would have been a cliché to show her sparring, it would have been the best way of selling the ending with only one short scene.

It's ironic. It seems to mock the notion that the main character could ever do anything physically demanding, except it's not. It's unironically trying to tell the audience that "she's not like other ladies", and that she's strong... ugh.

She's well-read (even dissecting corpses from an early age, apparently), has an african step-mother, has liberal ideals, but knowledge about another kingdom having wealthy? Preposterous! She's not traveled a day in her life (and apparently not read about the world either)! None of this has any relevance to the story.

Father is concerned as he exits the meeting - where he's told about his daughters status as sacrifice - and this is played as "mystery", despite any knowledge about the film prior to watching it will make the "mystery" void (and, also, the intro makes it void).

Token stepmom has an intuition because she's been granted meta-knowledge. She's told the marriage is transactional, and friendship is undesired. While this could have been fine - what beyond some spiritual "blue blood" could possibly be desired from *only* having a lady as a bride, any peasant bride would do - she only takes issue with the "I don't wanna be friends" part.

On the point of blue blood: Why? There doesn't seem to be anything in the way of explanation for why it must be a Lady who's married. Any woman/girl would do, surely? It makes no economic or diplomatic sense for the kingdom to sacrifice ladies of foreign realms instead of just forcing or buying handicapped peasants. Indeed, it would be much better aligned with the ideology of the creators to have that instead (unless I'm mistaken, and they think feudalism is good?). They even show how it's the blood of the royal family passed on by mixing blood that's the reason the dragon recognizes protagonist as "correct" sacrifice.

It also hilariously plays into the cliché it's trying to mock: every single one of the previous sacrifices are attractive women. Google's gemini had the pleasure of casting these women: They're "diverse"! Thank god! We've been lacking diverse sacrifices I say!

The regular cliché of "corsets are bad" comes up. Although, it's not even tight-lacing, so I have no clue why the creators thought the audience would be dumb enough to feel sorry.

After being thrown into the chasm, she swiftly recognizes that she's the sacrifice. What does she do with this information? Remove clothing that inhibits movement? Rush to find an exit? Draw out the blade in her dress? No. Walk slowly towards the dragon. Not sneaking, just... walk.

She runs from the dragon (slow-like), and happens upon a dead woman FLASHBACK! As if we needed a flashback? It's been 30 minutes, and it wasn't obvious that the woman was the one seen earlier. Thanks, movie, for expecting viewers to take multiple breaks from this movie before completion.

She's burnt on the leg, oh no! She's "clever" for being silent... oh my, so very rare. It is indeed a very novel idea that we have "run, hide, fight" instincts, women in this world generally *always* scream at the top of their lungs because they're dumb... She chooses to bandage her burn wound with cloth, very smart indeed. I hope they have magic to extract the cloth if it gets stuck (like burn wounds are renowned for).

Despite getting the wound because of unnecessary clothing, she still does not remove inhibiting clothing. This proves to be very clever, as soon after she nearly falls to her death because of this choice. Maybe she can remove some of that clothing now? No? Okay, then, "clever girl".

Dragon reveals this is a game to her, it's fine as a vehicle for the dragon to not just kill Elodie instantly every chance she gets (because Elodie would be very dead, many times if not). It also gives a reason for why the dragon cares to talk to Elodie at all.

The wound turns out to not have any effect on the story, really, but the glowing worms that heals it do. It's a good thing that these glowing worms that have the ability to heal mortal wounds aren't cultivated to progress humanity after all this is done. Silly liberal ideals... wait, wasn't that most of her character so far? Nvm.

FINALLY she removes some clothing. She's gonna ESCAPE! Thanks previous women who've survived this just to go back in and scratch a complete map of the caves for the next women. Kudos to whoever she was.

Yada, yada, yada. Girlboss. Yada, yada. Burn the whole city to the ground. Good! No real Targaryan lets a city of innocents remain alive. Happy end... Also, Elodie is now an elite soldier. Without the wood chopping scene I might have been confused by this.

Dialog is bad throughout. Doesn't make a lick of sense. Acting is generally fine, but a lot of dialog is pretty flat, and non-vocal communication is too clear and made that much more obvious through cinematography.

It doesn't seem to quite know what it's going for, and the characters' personalities can be ignored entirely for how much they impact the story.

A similar story, Ready or Not, is a much better use of your time. It also looks a lot better, at 1/10th the budget.

On that note, why does movies rely on CGI for scenes that are both cheaper and better looking when done with real life effects, or just not including them at all? Weird.
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Spy x Family (2022– )
3/10
Anime...
13 November 2022
Is what anime does. It's unfortunate that so many good premises are so often ruined by the bad writing anime tends to have. There's never any lack of exposition. Don't expect to have to use that little brain of yours, it's pointless here.

Beside that there's really nothing about the show that's believable. The characters are as cardboard as per the norm in anime, and their ideas, actions and reactions just so too. The story moves at a snail's pace, instead wasting time on side-quests that does nothing to build character, teach you about the world or progress the story.

If "bizarro" was the genre it went for, then it succeeded, albeit in the most boring of ways.
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Andor (2022– )
10/10
A fantastic slug
11 November 2022
Perhaps most so illustrated by the premiere 3 episodes, the show promises that it will be slow. Despite this it's a gripping (light) thriller with amazing acting throughout. There's not much to fault the show for in regards to music, scenes or editing either. Possibly the best filmatic entry in the star wars franchise since the original trilogy.

In contrast to other shows and movies with massive budgets, Andor spent its money right, creating a believable world rather than dumping it all into rushed CGI or relying on nostalgia.

While some vistas might have lended a bit too much from cyberpunk media, it over-all feels very much part of, and contributes to, the world of Star Wars.

Directing is exceptionally on point, it's rare to see films where everyone from the most miniscule of roles to the leads show as high of a level of acting as here.

The script is handled well, we understand the motivations of all of Andor's characters. The bad guys are bad, but they're not charicatures of evil people, and the good guys are good without having to make saints of them.

However it's not an action show, and while that is desired from Star Wars, it's not something that hurts Andor.

Finally, refreshingly it's almost entierly devoid of clichés.
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The Sandman (2022– )
6/10
Dreams are dull
5 August 2022
The Sandman has high quality in most departments, but is held down by a script that drags, and inconsistencies that lacerates its characters. It fails to focus the story on the main character, and this is a mistake as most of the side characters are utterly dull, even more so than Dream.

Most glaring is the antagonist, whom at no point seems like the "jovial but life threatening" that he's supposed to be.

I didn't see enough human emotions. I'd expect loads of human emotions in a show about our virtues and vices.

Despite how slow it is, the dialog is not bad, and the world is immersive enough to be a fun ride.

The 18+ rating is not at all required. You'll find more violence, nudity and profanity in shows rated 13+. A bit of a shame, it could have livened it up a bit.
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Don't Look Up (2021)
1/10
Realistic and funny!
18 January 2022
Warning: Spoilers
Or how about "no"?

It has to be a very specific kind of humor, because I wasn't amused a single time. There's no realism to it, from the astronomers being completely devoid of knowledge of any other astronomers, to a US president and one news corp being able to stop any project to attempt to stop the comet. It mocks empty things, while being equally empty.

Action would go into effect almost instantly, and there the movie misses what it attempts to satirize: the difference between inaction to an imminent, clear crisis and a future, "obscure" crisis , by politicians and lay-people.

Additionally it criticises people for being more interested in shallow media, celebrity drama. However, it falls pray to being the bigger fool: A lagging movie with haphazard reality-mimicking isn't gonna get anyone to care more about "real" issues and less about "fake" issues than now, and people already care about both.

If the world faces an existential problem, it's up to USA to solve it, no one else will even try to. Atleast that's a very clear message in this movie.

There are many other issues that can be highlighted, often ironic, that shows the stupidity of the movie. These first few are sufficient to conclude that it's not a good movie, and that the creators are somehow even more divorsed from reality than the characters they've created.

If you're looking for a movie that's gonna garner support for actions on climate, or any issue, this ain't it.
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Hawkeye: So This Is Christmas? (2021)
Season 1, Episode 6
2/10
Another finale in the toilet
25 December 2021
Seems to be a common problem with these marvel shows that they ignore character personalities, motives, and story up until the end in favor of creating something "closer" to marvel movies, just worse.

This one isn't lacking in trying too hard (and failing) to create action, humor, drama or mystery. It doesn't fit with the rest of the show, and it certainly isn't entertaining. It's like they had budget left and couldn't figure out what to do with it so it just came out like diarrhea. There's zero cohesion.
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Cowboy Bebop (2021)
6/10
A good, stylized show
29 November 2021
It's a rather solid show until the end, managing to keep most clichés to a limit. It's not until the last two episodes where the anime tropes creep in like heavy smog.

The grand finale is the show's weakest part, destroying what could have been a good story. It's connection to the source material bleeds through most there.

The main cast's acting is good, the side-stories are at best great, and at worst entertaining. It has some truely funny moments, but it's not a comedy. It suffers from several minor problems throughout, but nothing that particularily grinds my gears.

Had the ending been of the same quality as the rest of the show it would easily have been a 7, or even 8/10.
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3/10
Giving up is easy but not worth it.
3 November 2021
Warning: Spoilers
The entire message of the story is the opposite of arrival, and the message is the entire point of the story and movie: Giving up on life.

A good effort in the sound department, though it often doesn't make much sense, much like the story.

Most interesting is the main character, he feels disjointed, not a single character trait in harmony with any other. We're told he desires The Lady, yet he never looks at her with lust or desire, in turn making The Lady a lesser character. The one with Essel never built up to be what we're later shown, again, hurting the conflict of Essel. The only trait which doesn't break is him being a dumb person.

If the creators took any risks, made any character development, this could have been a good movie. It doesn't, the main character is plain and dumb, a goody two-shoes when desired but introduced as a bit of a rebel, there's no arc for him to go from one to the other.

The casting is not good, actors could exchange roles and it would be a better movie.

The structure is almost like an anthology, there's hardly a thread between scenes, and this might be the core issue with the movie.
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2/10
Cliché gallore
15 October 2021
Heavy exposition throughout, multiple different japanese anime clichés, terrible dialogue, flat characters. It features too many characters. It also features telepathy, although this is never explained, a viewer might be fooled to think this is just part of their supernatural powers.

The script forgets itself, includes a lot of unnecessary objects, and treats the viewer as a moron. There's no growth of any character, it's told as if in a vaccum.

There's a bunch of action in the movie, although I was pulled out of it because of the unexplained nature of supernatural powers, and how there's very little focus on keeping any sense of space, making it closer to obsurd.

What jokes are in the story are just the characters played for laughs, and doesn't do much beyond highlighting how flat the characters are.

This might be a movie for those of who like the show, or anime in general, but it's certainly not a good movie.
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Dune (2021)
10/10
Wanting more
21 September 2021
Where blade runner 2049 felt meandering - and it's best compared to blade runner 2049, both great movies - Dune always felt exciting. The great acting and directing gives the movie a soul of its own.

This one is a cinema event. Music and sound effects, the large vistas, the grandiose battles. The special effects adds to the movie, making the fighting seem more desperate than it otherwise would have been. My biggest complaint is that it's made for pg rating. My 2nd (and last as of seeing it once) that the march music is so melancholic.
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Guns Akimbo (2019)
9/10
So good, so bad
27 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Guns Akimbo is one of my favorite movies. I'd like to rate it worse, but sometimes a picture *just* fits, this is that picture. It's funny in many ways, has fun characters, it's got decent action, it's got tempo, and both Radcliff and Weaving deliver on all levels.

Saying it's a movie you can turn your brain off to might be true, but if so, then I haven't seen an action movie in a while where that wasn't true (or where I should have turned my brain off). It's a more coherent story than many of the blockbuster superhero movies, though that says very little. I can count several billion dollar grossing movies that are dumber, so lets do just that: Avengers: Endgame, Star Wars: The Force Awakens, Furious 7, Avengers: Age of Ultron, Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom, The Fate of the Furious, Captain Marvel, Skyfall, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Aladdin (2019) and I'm feeling generous not listing more.

Unfortunately it's very noticable in the editing that this is a movie with far less resources than movies it should be competing with. However with creative filming it manages to make the action sequences on par with, or better than that of the biggest action movies of the 2010 decade.

And oh so many problems, though I don't see people talking about that in movies they like, so why should I? Because you want to know what it does poorly. The fighting scenes aren't well choreographed, atleast not if compared with John Wick, but it lends good elements from that and other solid action movies. The dialogue can get a bit cringe. The humor is very hit and miss. Finger off trigger... You don't go deaf from one pistol shot: Chekhov's gun, the hearing should probably have come up later in the movie as a joke, same with pain Miles experiences when firing the guns. The music might have needed some slightly better placement in scenes, but it's music that fits. While camera work is a great part of this movie, it could have been better. Action scenes are too messy. "The" message is a bit convoluted.

Though I'm excited for a sequel, I'd prefer if the movie ended more like a tragedy.
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Impulse (2018–2019)
8/10
Great season 1, bad season 2
17 October 2019
While the 1st season decently balances tension and drama, the 2nd season ramps up all the bad of the 1st, and dampens the good.

Perhaps most notable is the transformation of Henry from a nihilistic, bitchy, teen rebel into a nihilistic, bitchy, teen rebel. From that point the character doesn't grow. It's okay in the first as the viewer can see that she struggles, in the second it gets old, and it's not delivered as carefully. There's some development in her behavior to 'the accident' in the 1st season, but it's entierly stagnant in the 2nd season, and the viewer is supposed to just go along with it.

Indeed it seems like no character grew much at all in season 2. While the story does progress, it's so slow that it could have happened in all of 3-4 episodes (instead of 10). That's basically the same for character arcs. There's some attempts at PTSD, but it's underwhelming at best, there's no build up, no tension, no payoff (or consequence).

Since I don't know better, I'd say this is an attempt to drag out the series ad infinitum rather than to make something good.

I'd give the first season a 9, the 2nd a 3 (this balances out to 8, I'm great in math!).
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Carnival Row (2019–2023)
5/10
Trashy hot
12 October 2019
There is a lot of bad, but enough good to say that it's an interesting watch: I, for the most part, enjoyed it - a guilty pleasure.

The 1st season promises a lot, but does not deliver on much: The world is fantastic but unexplored, the lore is just around the corner, the action almost fulfilling; a multitude of plot lines, some good, others not developed enough, others bad. The script dips into intelligent dialogue, but keeps it mostly shallow, safe, straight. Some terrible attempts at thriller.

The acting is decent enough, there are a few amazing actors, except for McBurney the script does not give them room to shine. The rest of the supporting cast does a good job with what they get. A somewhat lackluster performance by Bloom (repeating expressions for different emotions). I did find Delevigne's acting good.

The main characters are confusing, they do things that they would almost be expected to not do, and don't do things they are expected to do based on how they are presented and developed. Perhaps the most confusing is how Bloom's character is supposed to be intelligent, without showing the audience at any point. Indeed there's almost nothing redeemable about his character other than being steadfast and trying to do good (which fortunately comes with some dilemmas).

As for politics, the show says a few things about immigration, some good, some bad. I'm not sure it's trying to push an answer on the viewer, rather it's just part of the worldbuilding.

Overall the show doesn't take its time to explore or develope the male and female leads enough, and doesn't explore the world enough. It wastes too much time on supporting cast. Or it could be blamed on the show not having enough time to explore what it sets up: there are many interesting characters, situations, problems, and did I mention world?
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