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Mad About the Boy: The Noël Coward Story (2023)
Nothing new, poorly delivered
The choice of Alan Cumming to SHOUT the narration in a fixed present tense "homosexuality is illegal in Britain" was odd and his intonation is all over the place like he's never seen the script before sitting down to read it out. Not sure why they bothered to get Rupert Everett as 'the voice of Noel Coward' when he was simply the voice of Rupert Evertt, effectively a second narrator.
There's little or nothing here that isn't in every one of a hundred biographies. The man himself remains interesting enough for it still be worth watching but don't expect to learn a thing about Coward that you don't already know.
A Small Light (2023)
Broadly Very Good
This is well written and the acting is good, and the story is one that deserves to be told again and again.
However ... I don't understand the inclusion of the entirely fictional gay brother, or of the fictional resistance cell in the gay bar - not convinced that something the occupying forces would be firmly against is a good front for something else the occupying forces were firmly against.
Given the continued resonance of this story, the fictional additions make no sense, are the producers basically saying that if Miep was only saving Jewish people a modern audience would be less likely to relate? So they've added in a gay storyline to 'update' it.
I know and understand that gays were targeted by the Germans too, but I simply don't understand the need to add this whole fictional strand, to water down, what is already a powerful story of incredible sacrifice and risk and bravery.
And I say this as someone who is both gay and Jewish!
The Sandman (2022)
It's okay - ish
This has the potential to be great, and it opened so, so well. And that was about it.
The casting was horrible - especially Sturridge, but especially Oswalt.
The story was by turns tripping over itself to get through the material and stultifyingly slow.
The CGI was ... there. And the direction needed work.
If you love the source material, there's plenty in here to enjoy. If you don't know it then it's entertaining enough in its own way. But it's not great, and you won't remember it the second it's done.
American Horror Stories (2021)
It's All Over
There are a few of these that are quite good, that fill a gap while you wait for Falchuk and Murphy to disappoint you with the next series of AHS.
But ... most of them are dismal.
Tired retreads and worn pastiches with a gloss of the 1980s or the 1680s thrown on top.
Actors fall into two categories - young and pretty, but talentless or old and talentless, but now part of the gang. I'm honestly getting sick of the sight of the same people playing the same stock roles, badly, over and over again.
This second season has been a massive disappointment and it's probably time to quit, and to wrap up AHS as well because it's going the same way.
Falchuk and Murphy were good, then studios fell over themselves to hand them bales of money and they started phoning it in.
For All Mankind: Polaris (2022)
Love This Show
Love it. Loved it from the first scene of the first episode. But this opening to Season 3? Dude, you wrote this? And you're happy with it?
Please get better!
Resident Evil (2022)
Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear
I did not go into this with high hopes - which is just as well. Netflix has once again taken source material that people love, paid over the odds for it, then thrown it in the bin and done their own dreadful thing instead.
The writing is terrible, which is only exacerbated by how bad the acting and direction are. I hate every character and actually wish a horrible apocalyptic end on each of them - it's what they deserve.
And the less said about that soundtrack the better.
Becoming Elizabeth (2022)
Doesn't Know What it Wants to Be
The writers of this seem to be unable to decide if it's to be modern or Shakespearean. In dialogue, in tone, it's all over the place. The acting is ... hard to like. Too many characters are trying far too hard to be characters so that the whole thing feels like am dram.
Give it a miss.
Loot (2022)
Modern comedy - so just not funny
Somewhere along the way someone decided that comedy is something we should nod sagely at. Laughing's probably punching down.
Life's too short for painful rubbish like this.
Next.
The Midwich Cuckoos (2022)
It's okay, but not great.
The acting is patchy in places and the pacing's a bit off. I find the sound effects deeply irritating, but otherwise not too bad as remakes go.
Yes, Midwich appears to be quite astonishingly racially diverse, but I don't see how that makes a difference to anyone's enjoyment of the story.
Finally, it's not based on the American film Village of the Damned. Both that and this are based on the Midwich Cuckoos novel by John Wyndham. Read a book.
The Last Kingdom (2015)
Trying Again
So, here we go. The fifth season is terrible, and lets down the four that went before it. The only missing ethnicity in this depiction of tenth Century England is Inuit, but that's to be expected nowadays for reasons that I cannot fathom.
First eight episodes are both incredibly rushed and incredibly slow - at the same time - and exist largely to put all the pieces on the board for the big set piece two-part finale.
It was good, it tried to keep the history broadly on track, but they just ruined it in this (thankfully) final season.
The reviews here are highly suspicious. List of 10 star reviews posted by accounts that reviewed nothing else - but apparently we aren't allowed to point that out or our own review will be rejected.
Dragons' Den (2005)
Unwatchable Now
Used to like this but it's unwatchable now thanks to the totally unnecessary and constantly repetitious voiceover from Evan Davis.
Evan: Peter is going to ask about the financials
Peter: Tell me about the financials...
Evan: Peter has asked about the financials.
Hugely padded, over and over and over the same thing.
This is another BBC show that started good but is now made by people who have lost all interest in making it worth watching.
Next Level Chef (2022)
Tedious Retread
Like practically every 'cooking competition' on TV it's made by people who hate cookery for people who hate cookery. It's the same tired format, microwaved, and served up again. All comfort food (read basic home cooking), shrieking and overacting from the wannabes (who this time include social media 'stars', squeeeeee!), pointless fulminating from Ramsay, horrendous overamped music, heart-rending back stories you don't care about, utter want of jeopardy in who does or does not advance and then, at the end, amazingly world class food. Seen it a thousand times. Won't be bothering this time.
Watch a show where you see the techniques used and the way the food is cooked. Or watch this if what you really want is dire reality TV with a thin veneer of cookery.
Stay Close (2021)
Trying and Failing
Two or three interesting strands that if handled well could have made for a good and entertaining mystery. Drowned out in the dozen other strands that are just there to try to be clever. And the decision to transplant it from the US to England, why? Especially when it was so badly done. Just another 13 Harlan Coben adaptations to go, eh? That should be fun.
Don't Look Up (2021)
2hr+ meme
Oh it's sooooooooo clever! And sooooooooo funny!! Because everyone except me is just sooooooooo stupid!!! Ten stars!!!!
Or, you could review the actual film and be honest. It's a heavy-handed, super obvious, badly-written, waste of everyone's time.
The Wheel of Time (2021)
Forget the Books
I read some of the books as a teenager, and whether this follows them or not isn't relevant. Where this show fails it fails on its own terms; it's quite visually appealing in places and they've obviously spent money on the CGI, but that's it. The writing, and the dialogue in particular, are terrible. And most of the acting is worse. As is the direction and the bizarre 'happy singing peasant' version of the world. It's flat, it's disjointed, and it's not been put together with an eye to being immersive or believable. Game of Thrones or Lord of the Rings it categorically is not. Marginally better than the Shannara Chronicles is about the best I can say. It passes the time, but I honestly could not care less about any of these insipid characters or their lousy world.
Locke & Key: Irons in the Fire (2021)
Series Definitely Improved
The first episode was disappointing, but it has picked up really well and been such an enjoyable watch.
But ... Kevin Durand, have you ever even MET an English person. What on Earth is that accent meant to be??
Locke & Key: The Premiere (2021)
I'll give it a chance because Season 1 was good...
...but they're making it hard for me to keep going with this. All the same concerns other people have noted and a new one all of my own: casting directors need to stop choosing people who cannot do the accent they're supposed to have. Or get someone in and say "does that sound English?" because the answer is almost always "no!" and it's ghastly.
Meet, Marry, Murder Hosted by Michelle Trachtenberg (2021)
The Buffy Money Ran Out
As true crime goes it's fine, interesting enough to watch if there's nothing else on. But the host? Oh dear. What were they thinking? What was she thinking?
American Horror Story: The Future Perfect (2021)
This second part has been dreadful...
But did you REALLY just portray the Jewish Henry Kissinger as a lizard space alien? Seriously? Was there no other dreadful anti-semitic trope you could have revised? Maybe have him drink Christian blood?
Lazy, shoddy writing.
The Premise (2021)
Fills Some Time - Nothing More
I've watched four of these, and they're okay, they fill a half hour.
But every episode has the same shallow, unlikeable characters who I just can't empathise with. If these are the big problems they face, we should all be so lucky.
Essentially empty.
Foundation (2021)
Foundation-ish
It's not really the Foundation series, it might be something good in its own right. Hard to say at this point, but I have my doubts.
What I can say with certainty is that this is yet another show where arrogant writers looked at source material and said, "I like it, but I can change and 'improve' every single aspect of this."
I don't understand why these companies spend eye-watering sums of money to buy the rights to something they have no intention of making into a show. Choose your own name, and tell your own story and save yourself millions.
Explained: Royalty (2021)
Worst Episode Yet
Should have been called 'derided' rather than 'explained'. Disjointed, patronising, confused. Terrible episode.
Lincoln: Divided We Stand (2021)
Bordering on Unwatchable
The music on this is so out of balance that it dominates throughout, obscuring what the interviewees are saying and forcing itself to the forefront.
Documentary makers need to get that people who want to watch documentaries don't need to be spoon fed in short sentences with lots of reconstructions and a movie soundtrack.
The Chase (2021)
Another Dreadful Remake
This is another US remake that was produced by people who either just read about or watched and didn't like the UK original. They've managed to remove everything that makes the UK version good and produce a tedious simulacrum.
In the UK there are four contestants, the questions in the cash builder are quicker and a little easier, but only worth £1000 each so there's a range of scores from £1000-£10000, which makes the high and low offers matter. Say you score £5000, the low offer will be £1000 and the high probably £30000. On this it's $25000 a question, and most players get 2 or 3 right, the low offer is half and the high offer rarely more than double. At those levels it's never worth the risk, there's no jeopardy - ironically.
By cutting the number of contestants they've lost all the pace of the original and filled the time with wooden dialogue from the host.
There's nothing good about it. Do yourself a favour and look for the UK one and watch that instead. It's fast paced, it's funny, it's slick, it's everything this show is not. This is just shiny and empty.