garyoldmanisgod Reviews

Conan the Barbarian (1982)

22 minutes

[7/10 · 15 August 2006]

You know, Conan doesn't speak for the first 22 minutes of the movie, but it's worth the wait. "Crush enemies, see them driven before you, hear the lamentations of the women" is Conan's description of what is best in life.

If you're a dialog person, this movie may not be for you. If you never paid attention to the dialog, you might do so now. Sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll! (except, without the rock'n'roll. The soundtrack is pretty awesome, though).

What can I say? It's a classic. Intense blood and gore, Eighties-esquire special effects, intense sensuality with were-vixens, magic, revenge, true love...sounds like the Princess Bride with an R rating. Just kidding.

The Lake House (2006)

Speed 3

[8/10 · 1 July 2006]

I'm just kidding. This movie is actually really sweet (and I don't say that about movies). It's a really feel good movie, and gives you a vague sort of hope that the kind of connection displayed between Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves (who shows a not often revealed talent for romance movies) can exist elsewhere in the world.

It's a great rainy day sort of movie, or if you've just endured a break up, or if you've ever endured a break up, or if you are a fan of 'chick flicks'. Personally, I'm not, but I liked this movie anyway. It made me feel like my inside were filled with apple pie. You know? Of course you do.

An Inconvenient Truth (2006)

Why didn't I take the blue pill?

[1 July 2006]

You know, there are some movies that just totally blow you away, like The Shawshank Redemption or The Mission. But this one's different because IT'S TRUE. When the movie was over I turned to my brother and said, "Why didn't I take the blue pill?", as though I had just been shown the real world in The Matrix. And boy, they're not kidding when they say that 'ignorance is bliss'.

However, this is exactly why you SHOULD see this movie. It's time for Americans to hear the wake-up call Gore has been shouting for years. It's time for Americans to stop buying Hummers and SUVs, and realize that we're down a path which is becoming exponentially worse. Mankind, at this time, is like Scrooge from A Christmas Carol, being told by Marley what chains we shall bear in time.

The most disturbing part of this whole equation is that An Inconvenient Truth was given a PG rating for 'mild thematic elements'. By 'mild thematic elements', do they mean 'the truth'? God forbid that someone should actually make a movie that tells 'the truth'! See this movie. If you value this planet, if you value your future, if you value your children's future, see this movie and join the wave of change that can save us.

The Big Lebowski (1998)

Dude...

[1 July 2006]

It's nice to see a movie where the protagonist is even lazier than you. Jeff Bridges excellently portrays such a 'hero', the very lazy Dude Lebowski who deals with stressful situations by swearing and drinking. He has no particular powers or gifts--he is, instead, refreshingly honest.

However, he doesn't shove this honesty in your face. Overall, Bridges provides a unique performance, which is built by other name actors like Julianne Moore, John Goodman, David Thewlis and Philip Seymour Hoffman (who's also just awesome).

Don't expect too much of this intellectually, and the dream sequences are a bit strange, but otherwise this is a great, funny sort of rainy day movie.

American Beauty (1999)

John Cheever...now on film!

[10/10 · 16 June 2006]

After reading some of John Cheever's short stories in my Lit Class, my professor recommended that I watch this movie because it reflected similar themes of suburban banality and the resulting discontent embodied by some suburbanites.

American Beauty is one of those movies that you watch and, though some of the lines and actions are a bit contrived, for the most part you know that this is the stuff life is made of. The misunderstandings, the frustration, the doubt, the pressure of perfection, the fantasies...

John Cheever's short story The Country Husband is about a suburban man who is slowly feeling his energy and life slip away, bored out of his mind by the parties his wife forces him to attend and his pathetic job. He then falls in love with his children's babysitter and fantasizes about her almost constantly. These themes of boredom and frustration are expertly portrayed by Kevin Spacey.

Indeed, American Beauty is a very artistic sort of film (despite having been parodied in Not Another Teen Movie) and leaves you feeling understood and completed. The truth depicted in this movie is almost terrifying to behold.

Face/Off (1997)

Willing suspension of disbelief

[7/10 · 16 June 2006]

Every once in a while, you just have to sit down with a big bowl of popcorn and watch an action flick. The trick is finding one that is both fun and intelligent.

Face/Off falls under this category. Unlike brainless shoot-em-up movies, this flick is enhanced by the theatrical talents of Nicholas Cage and John Travolta. Cage's performance reflects similar tones and faces from Con Air, and Travolta's in the same mold as his movie Swordfish.

The key to enjoying this movie, however, is to engage in a willing suspension of disbelief. If you look at this movie with a critical eye and say to yourself 'this is so unreal' before disgustedly turning off the TV, then you're missing out. Once you get past the surreal premise of the film, it becomes exciting and intriguing, and a thrill ride through two great performances by Cage and Travolta.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

A Mood Movie

[8/10 · 15 June 2006]

You know, there are some movies that are only good if you're in a certain mood. I began watching this movie with the knowledge that it was an offbeat sort of film, and without the knowledge of its plot. I had been forewarned that it is extremely complex and filled with intense lesbian romance scenes, and so I was somewhat prepared. However, I warn you! DO NOT WATCH THIS MOVIE IF YOU ARE IN THE MOOD FOR AN ACTION/COMEDY/ROMANCE!!!!!! You will not be ready for it and you will subsequently despise this movie.

I waited weeks to watch this movie until I was in a sufficiently enigmatic mood. Watching Mulholland Dr. is sort of like reading Kurt Vonnegut- you feel with every passing moment as though you are dying a little bit, but when it's all over you feel as though a little bit is growing back, sort of like a Cherry Tree that loses all of its flowers and then bears fruit. It is enlightening and confusing all at once, and all that can be said is that it is a mood movie: if you are in a mood to challenge yourself, if you are in a mood to think, if you are in a mood to throw yourself into a whirlpool of cinematic brilliance, then watch Mulholland Dr.

Criticism: If blatant sexuality on film disturbs you, be ready to fast-forward. Or watch the film alone.