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MrPither1939
Reviews
Desperate Hours (1990)
Train wreck
The title of the movie should be Train Wreck. They apparently had about $100,000 budget and spent $90,000 on Anthony Hopkins and $5,000 to lease somebody's Aston Martin DB8. Once the remaining $5,000 was spent, they realized they needed a tough female to be in charge of the manhunt. So they scraped up $4.00 and a bag of Cheetos and hired Lindsay Crouse. Her portrayal of the lead investigator wouldn't have made it past four lines in a reading for a Loony Tunes cartoon. Her fake accent and painful over-acting is comical. The movie itself was bad enough but she absolutely destroyed it. The only reason I made it through to the end was that I was watching it in the woodworking shop while working and couldn't stop to change it.
Movie Madness (1982)
Yawn plus the addition of the worst actor
There should have been a writers strike when this was written. Anyone could have written a better script. Howard Hughes could have written a better script on a used Kleenex while sitting naked in a hotel room in the dark and consuming large quantities of drugs.
The camera work, lighting and editing are on par with the writing. The whole thing is shot in a new cinematic theme called "One Light Source With Harsh Shadows". Nobody cared about this movie or even tried to. The editor probably cut himself to get away.
They had several decent actors included in the cast but they committed the ultimate sin by including Robby Benson. THE worst actor to ever stand before a camera. A face even his mother hates.
PLEASE, don't watch it.
Journey to the Center of the Earth (1988)
The budget was $1 and they didn't spend it all
This is one of the worst things to ever be committed to film. It begins with frenzied jumps, back and forth between disconnected scenes and then settles into a long, slow, monotonous, poorly thought out and poorly filmed mess. Just when you think it can't get worse, it does. And then it does again and again.
For some reason, a nanny, thousands of miles from home and carrying some elses dog, isn't even mildly upset that she has to chase down her belongings, then gets stranded with strangers and then falls through a hole in a cave. The whole group seems to have theme park euphoria as they enter the bowels of the earth. Once they reach the center of the earth, the whole thing looks like it was filmed inside a storage facility with a few props just moved around occasionally to make you think they tried.
If you actually enjoy this movie, please see a doctor because something is wrong.
Don't Look Now (1973)
Helen Keller makes a movie
This is like playing Scrabble with all the T and E tiles missing. So you want to make a movie but you don't have a script. No problem, just throw in a bunch of scenes in Italian and hope no one notices. So you want to make a movie but you don't have a cinematographer. No problem, just swing the camera around wildly in tight Venetian streets, churches, waterways, sewers, hotels, coffee shops, dog houses, washrooms, etc. So you want to make a movie with big named actors but you spent all you budget on Venetian sewers. No problem, Donald Sutherland only costs £25 per day and can almost remember his lines. If you wanted to watch the Exorcist but it was sold out, a better alternative could be had bad by bashing your foot with a wooden club.
Flesh+Blood (1985)
The things you learn...
Who knew the middle ages had so many different accents; German, British, Californian. Midwestern
and wait... even the Bronx. It looks like they tried to have a story here but it's just so hard to get past the actors that don't even try to sound like they belong in this era. Bruno Kirby delivers his standard performance of wannabe gangland "actor" in a movie that has absolutely nothing to do with that. I really can only give this 5 stars for one reason and that's because Jennifer Jason Leigh's... ummm... parts are fantastic. It's good for a few laughs and several very nice, hey wait let me rewind that scenes.
The Yellow Wallpaper (2021)
OMG don't do it
I have no idea what the movie was about. I couldn't get past Alexandra Loreth's complete inability to act. She would get kicked out of a volunteer group at a theater in the park. The other people seemed to fit into the setting but this woman was like you picked up a drunk at the bar and asked her to read some lines... literally read them. I had to give up on it. She should never be in front of a camera again.
Stalked by My Doctor: Patient's Revenge (2018)
Are you looking for that movie?
Are you looking for that movie written by a four year old, directed by a geriatric cocker spaniel and staring the incredible acting talents of several old mannequins from a closed Sears store? Look no further my friends. You have found the holy grail of stupid here. The most baffling thing is that they actually convinced some moron to put up the money to commit this atrocity to film. If you are bored and thinking of painting your ceiling black while wearing a lettuce bikini, pick that option over watching this.
The People That Time Forgot (1977)
What happens when a 12 year old makes a film?
Imagine being 12 years old and having access to quality movie making cameras and lighting. Now imagine that you don't have access to a script or quality actors. You have just entered the world of The People That Time Forgot. The plot is almost a half inch deep. The story line (I'm being nice) is juvenile at best. Some scenes look spectacular in costume and setting and then get ruined by obviously drawn backgrounds that look like poor doodles with a set of Crayons (the small, 8 color box). If I were 12, I might enjoy this. I'm not 12.
The Stairs (2021)
No, just no
If you have an hour and a half with nothing to do, stare at your toes but don't watch this. There is no story. There are several attempts at several stories but nothing comes together. None of them even make a complete thought. The acting is so subpar that I would have to rate the plants as the best actors. Just because you have access to some cameras and a few lights it doesn't mean you can make a movie and this waste of time proves that. The only good thing that came out of this is that I learned about the Georgetown steam plant in Seattle.
The Day the Earth Stood Still (2008)
Dull
The original movie should be the only version and this one should never have been made. Jennifer Connelly gives her standard concrete block "acting" performance. She comes across like a cardboard cutout. Keanu Reeves is... well... the exact same character he has been in all his other movies. Kathy Bates' scenes look like they were all shot in one afternoon while she was in a hurry to get back to bashing James Caan's ankles in her dreams. The only reason I clawed my way through it was to see John Cleese and Gort. Unfortunately, Cleese's two minutes were forgettable and Gort was turned into metallic locusts that were completely ridiculous. If you want to see this movie, DON'T watch this version. Find the 1951 film and enjoy it.
USS Indianapolis: Men of Courage (2016)
C...R...A...P...
I'm not sure the people that attempted to make this movie have any idea what the USS Indianapolis was. This is an overly "Hollywood" piece of... well, you know. Cage shows his absolute best acting skills which are just slightly less than that of a slab of raw meat that's been in the sun for month. And he's probably the best actor in this whole disaster. Just trust me and all the other reviewer and don't even try to watch this.
Darkroom (1989)
Birds and cicadas
It would be much easier to watch this bird and cicada soundtrack movie if it weren't for all the bad actors talking during the whole thing. If this review makes no sense, watch and you'll understand.
Messenger of Wrath (2017)
Painful
This is bad. The actors have all the talent of a vintage Frigidaire stove. You can tell they have all watched movies and attempted to deliver lines like an actor would but they fail miserably. The story jumps all over the place for no reason. If the director did have a reason for it then a great deal of drugs were involved in that decision. Party City should be credited for the special effects (plastic masks). If you are in need of something to waste your time, please watch a roll of aluminum foil instead of this movie.