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Reviews
Reform School Girls (1986)
Diamond in the rough
My friends and I are always looking for the diamond in the rough (as it were), that one movie that's just so bad it serves as the topic of conversation for the next few days. I read a few comments after viewing this movie and don't think people realized: This movie is exactly what it claimed to be.
Sure it's hardly an example of a "good" movie, but the increasing ridiculousness of the story was matched only by the quality of the cinematography. Sure they could have spent more time on a foley stage, but when you're looking at a room full of naked women showering, who cares? The only gripe was about one character who obviously didn't belong in a juvenile detention center. As my friend pointed out, they neglected to tell her it was reform school, not old school.
All in all, get some friends, get some buds and prepare to be entertained. The only thing missing from this reform school is a giant tub of Jell-O.
Mean Girls (2004)
From bad to good, then back, then back...
This movie actually kind of rules. I don't know if it's just because of my low brow sense of humor, or maybe I was stoned, but, as impossible as it sounds, this movie goes from bad to good far more than often enough to even itself out.
My favorite part is how it takes every possibly hilarious situation well past it's logical extreme. Quite often, it does this to the point of tedium, but always manages to snap itself back somehow.
A fair warning though, by the time my DVD player said 5 minutes, I was out of fingers on which to count clichés. Several times, the principal busts jokes, but the canned laughter forgets to applaud. Classic.
But Lindsay Lohan is still hot.
The Animal (2001)
It's Rob Schneider...
It's a Rob Schneider movie, is there really anything else to say? An hour and a half of extreme stupidity, the humor of which was apparently lost on me. After having seen a few movies like this, I'd personally like to see Rob Schneider thrown to the animals, not made of them.
Nukie (1987)
Five out of Five
I will stand up and proudly admit that I didn't rent this movie, I bought it, and to date it's the best $1.99 I've ever spent. Well, $11.99 if you count the dime bag, but I digress.
It's taken me a while to write this review because, as so often happens, I find myself torn: How could one critique Michaelangelo's David or the Mona Lisa. And you heard me right, this film is hands down the Mona Lisa of crap.
Any experienced cheesy movie watcher is familiar with a phenomenon called "Point Break", the point at which not even the director takes the film seriously any more. This point comes depressingly late in the movie, as it's where Nukie dances by the fire.
Since I purchased this film, I've viewed it almost monthly and it just keeps getting funnier every time. If you ever happen across Nukie for sale or rent, or even if it's just sitting on the side of the road, pick it up, take it home and get some buds (some friends, too) and I guarantee you won't be sorry.
Traxx (1988)
How to make a kiddie caddie float (SPOILER, if it matters)
A lot of people are badmouthing this movie and, personally, I can't see why. This film is absolutely hilarious.
True, in places it has little to no production value, but c'mon man, a guy farts in a car and it blows up, what's not to love?
And the jokes "I'll make a kiddie caddie float" while threatening to drown a bunch of kids tied to a cadillac, and "Deiter lost a litre" after his sidekick gets shot. These two lines alone had me laughing at the sheer stupidity of the movie.
If you somehow happen across this movie, I would recommend doing it with some friends and some liquor, as a good time will almost certainly ensue.
Vidocq (2001)
Definately worth it.
Lately, I've come to consider "Les Filmes Seville" on a movie to be a mark of quality (Seville is not listed in the IMDB's database, but their logo is on the back of the Canadian show box). First I saw The Hole, then Lost & Delirious, and now this.
Being a Canadian, if watching this film without the hinderance of subtitles is the only thing I use my 11 years of French immersion for, then the more difficult program was worth it.
One of the things I like best about this film is the fact the special effects are used to help tell the story, instead of taking it over. Also, the cinemeatography was superb. The entire movie has kind of an overall dark feeling that helps me to overlook "rough-around-the-edges" parts commented on by other users.
Another facet of this film which cannot be overlooked is the quality of the sound track. This is one of the first films I've seen which uses Dolby Digital to augment the story and, quite a few times, a quiet sound coming over the rear speakers caused me to glance over my shoulder.
Now, if we could only convince Hollywood to use technology (most notably Dolby Digital/DTS and DVD) like these folks did...
Swiri (1999)
Great movie!
I rented this movie mostly out of curiosity. It was new and I hadn't heard anything about it, so I decided why not?
After watching it, all I can say is wow. The acting was amazing and the cinematography and locations were interesting enough that I wound up overlooking the fact it was subtitled.
The only problem I really had with this movie was that it kind of hung on a little too long towards the end. They brought back a character I honestly hadn't expected to see again just to drive home what you already knew. But, compared to some films I've seen lately, that's not very difficult to overlook.
Late Night Sessions (1999)
Late Night Stinkings
Not being from BC, I think I might have missed the point of this film. I think this film was supposed to be a social commentary on something, but it was lost on me as I didn't really like any of the characters, mostly owing to the fact they were two dimensional stereotypes who don't develop in any way, shape or form.
The plot of this story is simple. Two people (the stereotypical good-guy ravers) want to throw a party, but they don't have the space. To spread the word, they enlist the help of Shaggy (a stereotypical stoner) and one of their friend's girlfriend (a stereotypical lesbian). Along the way, they're hounded by a night club owner (who is stereotypically evil) to use his place for their party because he owes money to a gang guy, I guess, who is stereotypically eviller.
Sometimes, I just feel like denouncing BC as part of Canada.
Donnie Darko (2001)
Amazing!
This movie honestly amazed me. Initially, I was kind of apprehensive about seeing a movie where a kid sees a bunny telling him to kill people, but I blew the $6 to rent this flick and do not in any way regret it.
In the days of movies based on proven successful templates consisting of emotional pablum, it's nice to see a movie built around an original idea. Every facet of this film, from the cinematography to the writing to the acting is very well done and gives the viewer some food for thought as they walk away.
Hands down, I'd give this movie a 10 and highly recommend it to anyone looking for a good, original movie. Personally, I look forward to seeing more from Mr. Kelly in the future.
Men with Brooms (2002)
Proud to be Canadian!
Way back during the olympics, I was sitting in a bar with a friend of mine watching curling on the television. We didn't understand the rules, so we thought we'd take in this movie, hoping it would explain the rules (which it did). They even laid it out on a girl's belly in lipstick!
Everybody involved in this movie did an excellent job. The acting was exemplary (having seen dozens of First Rites movies, not something I've come to expect) and the characters did extremely well at delivering all the jokes throughout this movie with straight faces. The script was well written and the cinematography during the game scenes is enough to get even those who know nothing about curling caught up in the sport.
I really enjoyed this movie, all the pieces seemed to fit together, and I would view it again in a heartbeat. Every now and then a movie comes out which makes me proud to be Canadian, and this is definately one of those movies.
Lost and Delirious (2001)
A good little movie
Admittedly, I rented this movie for the wrong reason (being a post adolescent male, "Piper Perabo" and "lesbian" seemed to go well together). However, it turned out to be a really good flick which was really well done on all levels. Technically, the 3 main actresses portrayed their parts really well. The cinematography was excellent, including some really well done shots that seem to stick with you after the movie. (Piper Perabo on the roof with the eagle, for one). Storywise, this movie is also excellent. As another reviewer said, it's poetry. It talks not only of love, but of love lost and no longer requited. It talks of change and the extents to which a person will go to get that special someone back. All in all, I'd give this movie 4 stars out of 5 and recommend renting it to anyone looking to fill a couple hours with a good movie.
Firehead (1991)
Combines elements of hunt for red october and batman, drawing much from neither.
I bought this movie for the cover. Unfortunately, I had to take the whole thing. I used to think you could never go wrong buying movies sporting a flaming hammer and sickle, but apparently my logic is flawed. It opens as our hero, an obvious reject for the HeMan live action movie, helps a russian woman and her children evade certain death by moving them five feet to the left. The movie after this point kind of degenerates. For some reason, the military hire a chemist to track down this ne'er do well, who is in America blowing stuff up with his eyes which, coincedentally, shoot lightning bolts. Apparently, he only does this on days that are prime numbers and this ability doesn't work on shoddily assembled chain link fences. Not that he was in any real danger, the only person in this movie who could shoot straight was me, and I'll miss that TV. The most interesting part of this movie was the 15 minutes after the credits, where I stared at a blank screen expecting an apology. If you decide to watch this movie, The Bull recommends doing it drunk, preferably on vodka, and far enough over the hill you won't remember it.