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DarlingLlama
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The Ark (2023)
Horribly Awful.
The writing is so much garbage. Couldn't they have, at least, had someone quality checking the script for viable dialogue and viable, intelligent interplay between the characters?
Unnatural personalities mixed with stupid conflict choices.
This could've been so much better in it's execution, it's presentation, which seemed cheap and flat, and its writing which, like most shows these days, is boring and feels fake.
They could've done a better job with half the supposed drama and twice as much character building.
I, for one, will not continue watching this drivel, whether it gets continued or not.
Pure trash.
Punisher: War Zone (2008)
Could've been great!
This could've been a gritty, dark, and morbid movie with Ray Stevenson in the titular role.
Unfortunately, the movie becomes garbage because of the inability for the bad guys to actually act. They suck. They ruin the whole movie.
It could've be great.
Jurassic Hunt (2021)
Jurassic Hunt, Mike Rotch, and Limp Enis walk into a bar...
I thought this movie was about old, cranky mother-in-laws. Probably would've been better if it had been, but then they couldn't have used all that wondrous CGI they paid some homeless guy to make.
Cowboy Bebop (2021)
Not as bad as Wheel of Time...
...it's a good thing Robert Jordan isn't around to see THAT crap.
Buuuuut, it's not as good as the original anime.
But really, how could it ever be?
The original was the absolute standard for anime.
Seems like most the people leaving reviews have never watched the anime.
OTAKU UP, SON!
Extinct (2021)
Horrible for Children
A stupidly written, idiotic movie that has the lesson that you should always go back to toxic relationships, especially when they are family.
Moronic.
Last Man Down (2021)
Actor/Writer made this to show off his arms...
...and his inability to speak any coherent words.
I swear he mumbled to the whole time.
This movie is about as generic and cliched as you could possibly get.
Actor/Director should stick to steroids and pumping his guns, because he has no talent for writing or acting or speaking or enunciating.
Paper Dragons (2021)
Garbage!
A poorly written, badly executed film that could've done better... if it actually had violence in it. You watch this film hoping and hating for a justifiable ending where this dude goes off the deep end and you never even get to see it because they stop the movie before he pulls the trigger on anyone who actually deserves it..
Risen (2021)
I have had....
...less painful and infinitely more interesting hemorrhoids than this movie. They went away quicker, too, while this movie seemed to drag on forever.
Positive Apocalypse (2021)
Waste of time.
Poorly written, poorly filmed.
I felt no connection at all with this overthinking, controlled-by-fear, mama's boy.
American Skin (2019)
Expected violence, got something totally different.
This movie was well written, well directed, and well acted.
I'm glad I watched it at home where I could let myself really feel the movie, let myself freely agree and disagree with whomever was speaking and what they were saying. I appreciate the director/writer/main actor wrote the script in such a way as to provide logical arguments from both sides. There is a lot of good stuff in this movie. Well done, Nate Parker.
Spy Intervention (2020)
Cute little comedy!
It was entertaining and fun to watch.
I started this movie not knowing what I was getting into. My first thought, "What the hell?" But I kept watching. I'm glad I did.
It was fun, it was cute, it was decent for what it was.
Dune Drifter (2020)
Slow to Build.
For people confusing this with Dune Anything, if they would just read the description of the movie they would figure out it has nothing to do with the HerbertVerse. There are no Sand worms, No mighty Houses, no Bene Gesserit, and no Muad' Dib, and No, the spice does not flow.
This is a raw movie.
A simply made movie.
Too realistic for most people.
A movie for hardcore sci-fi fans who will stick it out through all the unpleasant screaming in the beginning, the somewhat bland darkness of space, and the simplistic props and wardrobe.
But alas, no one wants to use their imagination anymore, so when they see simple costumes they immediately crap all over other peoples hard work.
You don't like what this director did, that's fine. How about you make a movie so we can all see how well you would do...
This wasn't a great film, great story, or great acting.
The movie IS long and tedious.
But the last 10 minutes make it worthwhile as things come together and some questions are answered.
Will I ever watch this again?
No. I am content I saw it once, though.
The World Is Full of Secrets (2018)
This movie is a cure for excitement!
I was excited and happy. I had energy and interest.
Then, I turned on this movie.
I can only think of one other movie that has made me want to smash my own head in with a hammer out of boredom.
The producers, director, writer of this film should feel bad about their lives.
Death by 1000 Cuts (2020)
Title comes true.
Watching this movie is Death By A Thousand Cuts. Every horrible word of dialogue, every awful moment of acting, a slice into the flesh of the viewer who slowly bleeds out on their couch.
Wu lin wai zhuan (2011)
Would have been alright straight from the camera.
And then some horrible editor got their hands on the footage and decided to really make it unwatchable.
The edits made my eyes hurt in only the way watching one's own parents make a sex tape can.
The speeding up, slowing down, and constant jumpiness of the edits really ruined any story that could have been fun to watch.
Upside-Down Magic (2020)
Absolute garbage.
The writing was horrible, characters kept changing behaviors and failed to be consistent, the directing was awful and ruined several opportunities for great humor.
It was a waste of time with a two dimensional antagonist, an annoying protagonist and meaningless supporting cast. An overall complete waste of time and thoroughly predictable.
Would have been more exciting to watch a daytime soap opera, than this drivel.
Playing in heavy traffic with leg weights on would've been more enjoyable.
Zatôichi: The Last (2010)
Garbage.
This interpretation of the character of Zatoichi was sincerely awful, with all his stumbling and bumbling. His swordmanship sucked, too. Absolutely nothing like Shintaro Kastu who brought a quiet dignity and class to the role.
And the sound editing was horrid.
This movie will go on my list of Movies For The Blind.
Zatôichi goyô-tabi (1972)
Horrible directing.
This was my least favorite Zatoichi film.
I adore Zaotichi, the character, the actor, the storyline, the swordplay, but the cinematography and directing in this film were the worst.
While it's a must see because it is Zatoichi, expect horrible footage, terrible camera angles, and an overall lack of directorial maturity.
The Glorious Seven (2019)
I would rather have a hot sauce enema than EVER watch this again.
This film was a steaming pile of filth.
The writing was absolute garbage and the script was further abused by the absolutely horrible acting. I've seen better performances from third grades at a Christmas pageant.
If the director, writer, and producers had tied me to a chair and smashed my toes into a pulp with hammers for 84 minutes I would probably hate them less than I do now.