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When Zachary Beaver Came to Town (2003)
Religious people forcing themselves on the innocent
So what is this about? Intolerant, mean spirited religious folk complain about a trailer sitting lawfully in a store owner's lot until they learn there's an innocent fat kid in there that they might be able to convert, whereupon rather than just look out for his well being and take care of him, they force their cult garbage on him, culminating in a let's drown the fat kid in a fat suit scene for Jesus. Oh, I guess they call that "baptism". Looks like Jonathan Lipniki was looking for salvation after befriending those evil (actually not so evil) vampires in "Little Vampire" (The only fun, family friendly film this kid was ever in. Yes, I'm aware other Lipniki "movies" exist.) Don't bother with this rubbish.
Nine Meals from Chaos (2018)
Darkly told story unhelped by repeated interruptions by a narrator
Generally speaking, a good story should be able to tell itself without a narrator having to provide consistent descriptions on what is going on onscreen. Apparently, this story cannot do this.
Further, the narrator in question seems inspired by Thomas Hobbes idea that humans are inherently bad and will do anything to advance their own interests because they are cruel, selfish and self-interested all of the time. The result is that not only is the film's narrator intrusive and monotonous, but he's markedly off-putting, even suggesting at one point that eating worms and being canabalistic are more nutritious than the fares provided by modern agriculture and animal production.
I'm giving a two star review rather than a one star and even considered giving it three, because the kids do a good enough job with the direction they were obviously given, but in the end watching a group of preteens act out a world of Machiavellian nihilism with the grating monotone of an irritating narrator who can't keep his mouth shut talking over all of it because he feels the story cannot tell itself is simply unplesant.
Home Alone: The Holiday Heist (2012)
Ok. I admit it's not a 10
This is really an enjoyable family romp. Good gags, a family that isn't horrible to their kid like 4 of the five families are in the Home Alone movies... and snow is awesome. Honestly it's quite average/fun - more of a 6, but we gotta help where we can. There are few enough reviews and ratings that a random 10 may help here. In fact, I'd watch this one again before I'd rewatch the original Home Alone, to be honest.
This reimagining is a lot of fun and may resonate with kids now. The protagonist is endearing. He also creates a lot of entertaining traps for $1.68 (I don't think that's a spoiler - watch and you'll understand). I even found the bumbling villans to be sympathetic. Watch it is as a fun family stand alone flick with Home Alone Easter Eggs.
In the end, the fact that I've spent near 20 minutes word crafting this review to ensure that it conveys the message I want it to speaks volumes that it deserves better than the rating it has now. Watch and enjoy.