Change Your Image
knives123
Reviews
3 Body Problem (2024)
Starts Off Well and Gets Better, But Netflixed
So it's some really cool, mind-bending sci-fi for people who enjoy well-thought, complex and horrifying scif-fi. It's well structure, story-wise, and the script is very good for the most part. There's also plenty of locations that naturally look fantastic, and I like a lot of the cast.
The downside is, of course - Netflix itself. Somehow no matter the talent, everything Netflix does looks sooo cheap often, and it's really disheartening that some sets, a lot of the CG and often-times the lighting is just cheap looking.
Some of the casting is downright horrible, with the wooden Saul, the grumpy charmless Auggie and the dough-eyed Will being outright grating, particularly when sharing a scene.
Still, it's heady sci-fi, it's well put together, it gave me that cosmic horror tingle, and I am looking forward to more of it.
True Detective: Night Country: Part 6 (2024)
Heavy-Handed Bellyflop
For all the good things in this season, it also suffered greatly from straight-to-TV ghosts. These ghosts lead characters, and serve no reason other than to layer additional pathos on a character following the lead. It's a copout, surely, to fail to instill moments in your script with their drive that you augment dead relatives to make the audience feel something.
This episode is unfortunately the epitome of this shadow that has been long case on this season, resulting in straight-up ghosts-moments with ghost-memories and whatnot, imploding the lazy script's ghost problem into sticky, incoherent ectoplasm.
Really, we could have done without the literal ghosts, and we could've done without it taking up most od the runtime and attention this episode. Underneath there is a really interesting story, which could have used the haunting and the dead as a whisper that motivates characters instead of an outloud fart that moves them. If only the script was confident enough to try and be itself on its own without nonsense, without trying to be Ghost Whisperer.
Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)
Pathetic, Lifeless and Unintentionally Hilarious
What makes classic Star Wars great is how it really transports you to a galaxy far, far away. Everything feels lived-in, characters occupy a life - they're not a character card in a 90's fighting game. What makes Dune great as a movie and a book is a sense of scale and scope, with vivid characters and bizarre McGuffins.
Rebel Moon has none of that, instead opting for exposition dumps and cliches in the service of a setpiece here or a melodramatic dialogue there. It feels like back-to-back cutscenes in a videogame where the plot wasn't the point, but without the videogame that held them together, which might have been where the world building was. It is lifeless, empty, and devoid of any joy or wonder that is so crucial to get right.
From a plot standpoint, the script never rings true - the main drive for the bad guys in this specific scenario is taking grain from farmers, yet repeatedly we are told and shown how they destroy whole planets without so much as stealing a sandwich. Our heroes fly around in a ship eveyrwhere, except for when it would be cooler for them to ride space horses through a field of wheat, so they're on horses now for some reason. The bad guys intend to execute the good guys in a very specific way but refuse to shoot them when all hell breaks loose and a gun fight ensues right over some of our captured heroes. A gunner on a massive space ship is also its pilot (??) and the cockpit of this gigantic space faring vessel is made of regular glass so thin you can smash through it with a stick (???). Some dude is holding a hero as a slave, and when the heroes show up to free him the dude just sets his own slave against some Train Your Dragon lookin CG cretin as a wager, for no good reason just so that a wonky CG fight scene can happen.
It is SO underwritten, it makes Sucker Punch look well thought out. The characters are so flat you can't help but remember - this was made by the man who doesn't understand what motivates Superman or Batman, some of the most ubiquitously beloved & relatable characters of their genre. This thing screams "Snyder Script" because it is a failure to understand motivation, arcs and what keeps viewers interested.
And visually? It's just slowmo after slowmo, blatant green-screens and bad CG, and an abundance of close-ups leaves very little visual world-building, except for when a scene is set up. I am uncertain what eye-candy people refer to, it is all completely flat and derivative, dour and smudged and often too dark to enjoy like every other terrible Snyder film.
Nothing works. Not a single thing.
There is an upside though - it is so needlessly edgy, so cringe, so pathetic in how self-important and smug and stupid and flat it is, that while we set out in the hopes of watching an enjoyable film we loved hate-watching it. So if you enjoy to dunk on terrible, ugly, stupid movies for a couple of hours - boy are you in for a treat, because this has a chance at becoming a trash hate-watch classic.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023)
Fantastic, Almost Great
Let's get it out of the way - this is a great movie, and a great Indiana Jones movie. Harrison Ford is great, Phoebe Waller-Bridge is great, even the new kid is great. The villains are your standard fair. It's an Indy movie, and a fun movie, and I believe unlike Crystal Skull which was easily ignored - this will be remembered fondly, once it's cool to like things again.
The themes of this movie are also fascinating to me, because they're very Indiana Jones-esque - it's never about the McGuffin, the McGuffin is there to teach you the lesson you should have learned along the way. Crystal Skull was terrible but this was its greatest failure - thankfully, DoD delivers a very satisfying plot.
The downsides reek of studio intervention - I would easily axe 30-40 minutes of boring action. A handful of chases all stretch too long and look fake CG as heck reflect a more Marvel style of movie making rather than the brutal cuts and break neck chases of classic Indy. Thankfully, though, they only pull the movie down, not out. You give this movie a director's cut with less redundant chase filler shots and more of these fun characters and you got yourself a great movie; but, having said that, this is still the 3rd best Indy movie. That didn't use to mean a lot with ToD lagging behind LC and Raiders, but this one really stands tall.
And, as others stated - don't believe the haters.
The Super Mario Bros. Movie (2023)
If You Love Mario or Are Under 10
I love Mario, and I enjoyed this movie, and so did my 7y/o. But with that out of the way I'll be honest - this movie is quite bad, as movies go. The story is barely present, every scene leads into the next with very little plot or agency - things just happen, characters just need things, that place is suddenly a karting city, that other place has an elevator leading up to a castle straight up a cliffface. The script is probably just screams and the a few catchphrases. It's all held together by nostalgia baiting, references and pandering, wrapped in Minions slapstick. It is all barely coherent. There is also a thing to be said about the music which was murdering classic tunes, some of which is just shockingly bad.
Is it a Mario movie? Sure. Is it a fun Mario product for the whole family? Yup. Is it a good movie? No, not really, in fact I'd give it a 6 if I am honest; not awful, but that's about it. So if you are 8 or a Mario fan - sure, you are likely to have a blast. But if you're just a person looking for a fun animation movie wholy uninvested in Mario? Nah, you can probably pass on this.
The Last of Us (2023)
My Only Complaint - Too Short!
It's not because I want more action, or more horror - I just think a lot of these scenes and texts could have used more room to breath and sink in. It feels like an abridged version which was editted down from a much more complete whole. I'd love to see the director's cut.
Having said that - this show is great. That it has all of the story beats, and what feels like 60% of the original script in there, is a testament to the story but also the willingness to adapt it properly. What it changes is used to flesh out not just characters but also the world itself, making it feel more lived-in. The anthological structure conferred to the show by the "levels" of the game works incredibly well in telling smaller stories that are moving and brilliant.
The actors are great, too.
Anyway - I wish they gave us more breathing room. Otherwise - this is great TV, and a nigh on perfect adaptation.
The Last of Us: Long, Long Time (2023)
I Liked It, Even Though It's Not Like The Game
This episode is just some of the most moving self-contained episodes in TV I've ever seen. The characterization is great, the direction is great, and everything works really well. I think, form a script stand point, the only thing I'd complain about is that the coincidence of finding Tess was maybe a bit too easy; other than that, it's a very moving story about love and departure.
We know Bill and Frank were a thing in the game, and we know their dynamic was different. Bill's town was wildly different, too. However, this episode was fantastic, and moving, and just really really somber, unlike its more action-packed game counterpart.
I think my only problem with it is that I liked the original climax in Bill and Frank's story, and wished to see that adapted. No matter though, I didn't get what I wanted but I got some really great TV out of it anyway.
She-Hulk: Attorney at Law (2022)
Way smarter and three steps ahead than the trolls that downvote it
It's really amazing to see a show beat its most pathetic critics to the punch, lampooning them before they even get to open their slack jaws. She-Hulk destroys the incels. They can review bomb it all they want, but man, this show destroyed the toxic internet.
Other than that - this show is funny, fun, clever but accessible, and truly resonates with anyone who's ever seen the hate man-babies spread; and Abomination-Jordan-Peterson is some great writing.
The lead oozes charisma and charm, and nails She Hulk. EVerybody (Except Pug who kinda sucks) is great. The humor works; the court stuff
works; the fourth wall stuff is fun and works even at its most extreme. Overall - it's great, and fun, and better than most of these shows.
The downsides - CGI is eh, some egregious property damage that doesn't really work with the rest of the plot, and man - that ending is crazy, and MOSTLY works, but I'd love to see Emil Blonsky follow through with his natural character development as part of That Twist, and not go back to prison.
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)
Okay, So The Multiverse isn't JUST Predictable Cameos
I admit, I think multiverses are boring and suck because they nullify stakes. I think that Spider-Man fanfic from a while ago is a convoluted mess bound yo rehash moments and cash in on nostalgia. I was very concerned about MoM, but it was pretty awesome.
This is a horror movie, period. A supernatural slasher which pulls no punches - it is visceral, and violent, and carries consequence. At heart, this is a Sam Raimi movie not just because of POV shots and Dutch angles, but because it is a movie about boundless evil that creates an unstoppable force of madness, and that really works well with the canon. Despite a rocky first act to set up a lot, it all pays off really well. To me more than Marvel, it definitely channels a lot of 80s horror like Evil Dead (obvs), Elm St. And even Friday the 13th and Alien. It works really surprisingly well using the multiverse and Marvel setpieces to be both surprising and entertaining, and spooky in that schlocky kind of way. It also works as an MCU movie in ways that are both interesting and moves forward the MCU itself.
I'm not sure how this would play for general audience - this is a very genre movie in a genre which hasn't seen success in decades. But I think it kicked ass.
I Care a Lot (2020)
Falls Apart as Soon as It Gets Going
In a film full of awful people, the decision to turn clear antagonists into anti-heroes halfway through just destroys the movie completely. Instead of playing off of its own themes and setup, it introduces completely unnecessary violence and characters that collapse into a Jason Bourne setup AND climax
Suddenly, the mob is incredibly inept at killing people! Suddenly, a rent-a-cop can stop three thugs! Suddenly a litigator scumbag is a competent action hero! RIIIIIGHT. The movie then ends more times than LOTR, though I'm pretty sure our anti-heroine's ultimate ending was decided on by a focus-group, when the studio realized what a bomb this is. To at least try and salvage this nihilistic trash.
Also Peter Dinklage can be great, but he is no spooky Russian mobster - not because of his stature, but because of his demeanor. Sorry.
Batman: The Killing Joke (2016)
Bad, no good, quite terrible
So to contrast the comicbook, wherein Batgirl was a bit part, a plot device to get Gordon and Batman all riled up, they've nearly doubled the length of the story to flesh Batgirl out, give her depth and meaning. So now Batgirl is a whiny, angsty and impulsive teen with very few redeeming features to her personality. Other than a little Kung-Fu, there is no reason for Batman to "hire" her at all - she's stupid, emotional and easy to manipulate.
Moving on though, nothing about this film works. None of the moments that make the graphic novel great LAND at all. I'm not sure it's the actors or the script - it's the direction, purely. The timing is off. The tone is off. It's all wrong.
So disappointing. Don't watch this. Read the novel, and forget this ever happened.
Lucy (2014)
Knowing Nothing, We Faced a Dilemma
"Gods of Egypt, or Lucy?", I asked my wife. "Both look like silly action, but the Egypt one seems more nonsensical."
Wow, did I get that wrong.
It's a well made film, but oh boy is it crazy stupid. Like, absurd, practically comically so. So stupid that it's hard to enjoy. So stupid it's just impossible to suspend disbelief. So stupid you're kinda angry most of the time. The worst "bad science" movie in any sense. It's pretty much impossible to enjoy, because it makes X-Men looks like Discovery channel materials.
It's a good looking flick though, so if you can terminate your brain, you might be able to enjoy the cinematography.
The Leftovers (2014)
Lost 2
Kevin Garvey is remotely likable, and that's the best thing that can be said about anything in this show. The most mysterious thing looming over this show is Lindeloff, Mr. Chief "Lost" Writer himself - will he build mild suspense and mystery and have a blood-bath abortion of a delivery to fill anyone who gave a crap with destructive rage? All signs point to a resounding YES, with season 2 opening up by falling flat on its face on the first two episodes.
I stuck around a while out of curiosity, and already I feel like an idiot for even giving it the benefit of the doubt. HBO, ABC, Lost died at a young age, this was dead at childbirth. Just look away before Lindeloff pokes you in the eye.
Big Hero 6 (2014)
Predictable, Boring, Absurd
Full of obvious Disney tropes, flat characters and absurd over-the- top action, Big Hero 6 is a huge let-down.
While graphically gorgeous, this sometimes-funny super hero origin story is so contrived you know exactly where it's going thirty minutes before it even went there. It's not just the tropes, really, but rather how everything is so conveniently introduced to play a role later that the movie just never gets to the point of interesting. It's not moving, not particularly fun or funny. But mostly - it's just stupid. I guess suspension of disbelief is subjective but... somehow, I felt like this movie really bent it a bit too far, and for an animated super-hero movie that's saying quite a bit considering the low bar of realism it was set in the first place. Nothing makes sense, and stuff is just happening incoherently.
There's all the rest - the dry delivery by most actors falls completely flat, with the exception of Baymax who is excused but only because he's a robot. There is very little acting, writing or joy in this movie. It looks like the department where a ton of love was poured into is the animation, but that does not a decent movie make.
This is not The Incredibles for the iPhone generation. It's just... pretty bad.
InRealLife (2013)
Alarmist Cowpie Propaganda
"{VERY LARGE NUMBER} of {BENIGN EVENTS} occur..." *pause* "every day."
What does this statement leave you with? What's the take home message? There isn't. There isn't, except, well - except for the movie going experience, the emotional impact of everything that involves delivering the above information. Except for the low ominous hum the editor imposed upon the above slide to make it all seems so staggeringly scary.
And it's just the above. Over and over again. Experts mention something is good but also really bad and get cut off before they get to actually explaining, cut off to scary pictures of blinking server lights in a dark room; presumably, because "the bad" doesn't actually sound as bad as the director's alarmist perspective would have you believe... I wonder how many of these were just not as convinced of the bad as the director expected them to, or simply sounded nuts the more they went on? Or, you know, just antiquated fossils who don't fit anymore into the modern world so blatantly that it's just absurd to let them finish their sentences in a timely manner. So let's leave on a high note - "THE INTERNET IS BAD BE-".
Other than experts, the egregious offenses in editing also go against supported or simply active users of these technologies. For example - the interview with Tuboscus. So you interview him. Many blatantly edited out of context sentences later, he meets his fans. One of the fans gets hurt on a spike on a fence, there's some blood, she's lying on the floor. Cut back to Tuboscus saying how much fun it was. Obviously, the editor was telling us this Tuboscus fella from YouTube is killing our kids!!!11 Another scene involved a dropout. Everything in the editing was crying - this young man who dropped out of Oxford because he played too much Halo. Cut to senior game developer saying he loves how kids play games and how many games he sells. The subtext of the editing skims the part where the kid admits he would've just watched TV or read books instead; after all, persecuting those pastimes is SOO last century.
The more rationally you observe it the more your realize - any more slant, and this movie would be completely vertical.
It's not all wrong. It's not wrong about Google or Google Analytics. Julian Assange himself is spot on right. But this has NOTHING to do with the rest of the film, which carelessly swings from topic to topic as if it's all one evil tumor on an otherwise perfectly productive and balanced race of individuals. The makers of this movie are either wrong or purposefully misleading about pretty much everything else, demonizing anything and everything from Halo to vlogs on YouTube ruining our kids' future.
Don't agree with me? Try watching 95% of the scenes that are basically slides with factoids with cheerful music instead of ominously humming servers and you've got a commercial for why the internet is awesome. "How to Spot Propaganda 101". No substance, just movie magic.
Watchmen (2009)
A Fan's Dream Come True
I'll start off with the fact it is about 85% loyal to the comic. 10% of this are having the comic itself transform into a workable script, adding and removing minor bits, altering dialogs a bit and turning some info from Under The Hood and such into actual text in the movie. The remaining 5% are altered scenes, including the so-called different ending, and I'll get to that.
The movie itself is insanely faithful, and in a great way. Many scenes, like the Mars flashback or the fight in the alley interwoven with cuts into exposition work as seamlessly as they did in the book. A lot of notable quotes made it into the movie, and a lot of notable quotes were added. Rorshach's journal is, if memory serves, verbatim. The order of things and a significant amount of images are precise, which doesn't just go to service the geek fandom - it looks genuinely good, and works genuinely well.
Some scenes have changed - remember the scene that Saw shamelessly ripped off from Watchmen, and earned it it's name-sake? Well, it isn't in it's original form in the Watchmen movie... and for good reason, I guess. Nobody wants all the Watchmen rookies going "Har, that's from SAW!" Besides, what happens in the scene in the movie makes a little bit more contextual sense, so I'm alright with it. The ending is different, yes, but in a way that does indeed work better for a movie. In fact, it would've worked better in the comic-book, too, in my opinion.
What would the lay-men think of this movie? I think some will see it as a stunning, relentless and ultra-violent masterpiece like we have known the comic-book to be for years, whilst some will simply stare blankly at it and won't know what to make of it. It's fast, super-fast, and raises so many questions and has so many details and asks so many philosophical inquiries, that, in book form, are a lot easier to handle. When John drops the "no god" bomb, when Rorschach reveals his depravity, when Dan is... unable to step up to the plate, it's all so... fast moving. And that's how I read it, and how I understood it, and how I enjoyed it. I'm simply not so sure about everyone else. The masses probably won't love it to bits as much as they liked the Dark Knight. But I know I love it so much more.
It is gory, it is unrelenting, it is beautifully crafted. The soundtrack is spot-on. The slow-motion, the choreography, the sets, the design, the colors - it all works perfectly.
So, hat's off to Zack Snyder. You are a good, kind and wise man. You have done an excellent job. Everything I second guessed you for, I was proved wrong. Your new ending is a lot more compelling to those who found the squid ending a bit weird, and indeed works much better in a movie.
Watchmen is an amazing film. It is not quite as riveting as it is in book form, but dammit, it seems like one of the best comic books I've ever read makes a really damn good movie, too. An excellent one, even. It is by far the best comic book movie ever made, and it's near perfect in adapting one of the best comic books ever written, and with a final director's cut on the way with The Black Freighter and Under the Hood, I can't freakin' WAIT.