Change Your Image
ryan-o-west
Lists
An error has ocurred. Please try againEvery movie in this list is, SPOILER ALERT, guaranteed to end happily, with the two leads living happily-ever-after.
I like romance movies, and I'm not apologizing for it! Because sometimes it's important to know, when you decide to watch a movie, that the lovable couple you're giddy for isn't going to be shattered by horrible death or separated forever in lonely despair by the time the credits roll.
Alas, in gay cinema, our most-mainstream movie ends with our protagonist sniffing the jacket of a man who was tire-ironed to death on the side of a freeway; our most critically-lauded flick ends with our star-crossed lovers hurtling themselves to their deaths against an electric fence. Needless to say, the "gay romance" genre has been utterly supplanted by the "Gay" genre, with a capital "G": The meaningful, the artful, the insightful and the powerful.
Fuck that noise!
I mean, it's bad enough that "gay" is literally all we get in a movie category. Beyond the fact that a film's been vaguely aimed at us, we have no goddamn clue what we're in for when we start to watch! I mean, Christ, is a bit of granularity too much to ask for in a genre? A devastating, powerful, hard-hitting gay drama like "Bent" should not be on the same shelf as my scratched-from-overuse copy of "Shelter", dammit!
And so, with all that out of the way, I present to you my list of good, happy movies---where the guys you root for actually end up happy.
Reviews
Ex Machina (2014)
Clumsy and Overblown Fodder for Aspiring Futurists
Rarely have I felt myself the "one-eyed man in the land of the blind" as when I was reading the plethora of positive reviews for this film.
What so many critics praised as "minimalist", I found shallow: A one-dimensional, clearly ego-maniacal villain creates a flawlessly sympathetic A.I., with whom our equally-flawless protagonist cements an attachment. That, plus a fairly pedestrian game of cat-and-mouse between our 'tagonists, followed by an unsatisfying ending, defines the bulk of this film.
What so many critics praised as "thought-provoking", I found nonsensical. The chance to parlay the dichotomy between evolved vs. designed intelligence through Ava's character was squandered by the decision to render her ultimate motives entirely inscrutable: a contrivance that may have been---but should not have been---the point. There were times when this film showed real promise, the potential to give real weight to the blurred line between human and synthetic self-awareness that will doubtless challenge us in years to come... but, alas, in service to its Pollock-painting motifs, it chose easy ambiguity over genuine insight.
Superficially, this film is meaningful: It certainly tackles the questions of intelligence, of person-hood, of agency and of sentience in a world where all of the above can be designed by a psychopath.
Unfortunately, those questions are damn important ones to tackle... and, in the end, "Ex Machina" in no way does them justice.
Geography Club (2013)
Seven-and-three-quarters of a minute in: 10/10.
That's right: I'm seven minutes and forty-five seconds into this movie, and I'm already declaring it a 10/10.
Why? Because these kinds of gay movies are joyous, a breath of much-needed fresh air, and---I daresay---IMPORTANT.
Currently---and despite our much-lauded progressive attitudes---watching a "gay romance" is a bit like walking a Vietnam-era minefield: You're never quite sure if the characters and relationships you're rooting for are going to catch AIDS, be lynched, and/or commit suicide by the end... because they usually do. (Consider: The most mainstream "gay romance" at the time of this writing ends with one of our heroes being tire-ironed to death on the side of a freeway.)
So: "Living happily ever after" is one hell of a risky bet.
Admittedly, there's an undeniable place for such poignant, melancholy fare... but sometimes... sometimes... I just want to watch a cheesy, happy movie! Does that make me a bad person?! That was a rhetorical question: NO! No, it does not!
Dammit, I want to watch a movie where I know, going in, that the muffin I'm smiling for isn't going to suffer horribly and then die alone! No one likes minefields!
And seven minutes and forty-fives seconds in, this movie told me I wasn't in a minefield.
That is one HELL of a rare treat in the desolate, self-immolating landscape of despair to which we're so-often subjected.