Mondo-Cane Reviews

Showdown (II) (1993)

Very Laughable

[3/10 · 14 March 2006]

(WARNING! THE FOLLOWING COMMENT CONTAINS A FEW MINOR SPOILERS. THE AUTHOR OF THIS COMMENT FEELS IT WOULD ONLY BE THE COURTEOUS THING TO TELL THE READER AHEAD OF TIME, ALTHOUGH HE IS NOT SURE HOW DESCRIBING A FEW DETAILS NOT MENTIONED ON THE BACK OF THE BOX COULD POSSIBLY MAKE THE VIEWING EXPERIENCE OF "SHOWDOWN" ANY WORSE THAN IT ALREADY CAN BE.)

How or why this movie was overlooked by the crew at Mystery Science Theater 3000 is beyond me. Bad editing, bad dialog, bad plot, bad acting...well I could spend all night going into what was wrong with this movie.

The premise is this; a town for retired mobsters and gangsters gets overrun by a motorcycle gang run by a Kid Rock lookalike named Kincade. The sheriff hires a 65 year Asian guy to take him out and run the gang out of their peaceful little town. He gets help from the daughter of a guy who used to be some big time gangster, who was killed by the vicious motorcycle gang. Also kicking biker ass is some random black woman who saves a gas station owner with her kick boxing skills, once briefly, then a few minutes later, NEVER TO BE SEEN NOR MENTIONED AGAIN. However Leo Fong manages to save the day with his very slow and predictable martial art moves.

I rented this movie because the box cover showed a really bad ass looking gang with some hot girls in tight outfits on the cover. I knew that this movie was not going to be great, and maybe halfway decent at most. For those looking for a great unintentional comedy, checkout "Showdown".

The Monster Squad (1987)

Still stands the test of time

[10/10 · 5 October 2005]

This movie was a favorite of mine when I was in 2nd grade. I wanted to see if this one will still be enjoyable 16 years later, as I discovered that some of my childhood favorites are not that great to me now nor stand the test of time(ex. "Godzilla's Revenge"), but this film did not disappoint.

Not only for it's nostalgic value, but many of the foul mouthed jokes and lines the kids said that I missed at age 7 I understood now, and are quite clever. And the special effects, although dated, are pretty good. The costumes and make-up were as good as I remembered them. I'm Not sure how today's youth will enjoy this movie, but it's a decent rent for those in their late teens - early twenties who grew up in the late 80's.

Never Too Young to Die (1986)

Gene Simmons + Vanity + John Stamos = A Movie Garanteed to Satisfy

[10/10 · 30 September 2005]

While I was browsing about in my local video store, noticing that all the new releases that I have not seen were recycled plots and actors made by the Hollywood hype machine I decided to venture into the vast library of catalog titles. I am very satisfied in doing so, for I would not have discovered this gem in the cinematic coal mine.

This film is pure balls to the wall kick ass fun. Unintentionally funny, action packed, and with a glimpse of 80's beauty Vanity's topless breasts leave the viewer happy he/she rented this item instead of (Insert sitcom to movie remake set in the modern times, stripping it of the greatness that made the sitcom a classic here).

Great to watch with a group of friends.

Ong-Bak: The Thai Warrior (2003)

Great Movie

[9/10 · 16 September 2005]

I watched this on the American DVD the other day, and Ong-Bak is an incredible martial arts/action film. I could not help but gasp and "ooh" at some of the stunts in this film, especially the aerial parts of the fights.

My biggest complaint was that the English subs on the DVD were like those of closed captioning, mentioning not only the dialogue, but also the sounds, such as (crashing sounds) (groaning) as well as the very irritating (speaking in Thai), as if I did not get that the first 5 times it's mentioned. Which is cool as a lot of Asian imports don't have that in their subs, but it would be better if they had an sub track with just the dialouge. However the action in Ong-Bak is so fascinating you forget about the captioned sound dialogue 15 or so minutes into the film.

Napoleon Dynamite (2004)

Refreshing take on teen comedy genre.

[10/10 · 22 June 2004]

Not only is ND one of the most funny teen comedy movies, but one of the funniest movies to come out in the past 4-5 years. Which came as a shock to me as I found out it is an MTV film. Napoleon Dynamite, as well as the rest of the characters, is so quirky yet realistic as watching them might remind you of someone you know in your suburb/rural hometown. There are lots of 80's looks/references which may muddle the era of which the movie takes place, although I do believe it takes place in the modern era as Kip, Napoleon's older brother spends his days in cyberspace looking for love.

If your a fan of deadpan, strange comedies such as The Royal Tenenbaums, then check out Napoleon Dynamite. Hopefully it will be released in major theaters as at the time I write this it is currently playing in select cities. Which makes me feel lucky that I live close enough to go see it.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002)

Utter Crap.

[1/10 · 5 April 2002]

Someone at National Lampoon seems to think they can recreate the success of their legendary college comedy Animal House. While I admit lots of really really bad movies targeted to young people these days have had some success, I have faith in my generation, that they will avoid this crap college flick, like they would avoid the cops when transporting alcohol in their backpacks to their desired party destination when they are underage. While I like to joke about college as much as the next guy, Van Wilder seems to have been written from every played out, cliche bit of college humor and comedy, rarely a scenario being close to accurate of real college life either.

Raising Arizona (1987)

Fantastic film

[10/10 · 22 February 2002]

This movie is a riot. The Coen brothers sure know how to make a good comedy and this movie the greatest foot chase scene of all time. This is one of those movies you can watch over and over again and it will still be funny. Then again this goes for alot of the Coen Brothers' flicks.

Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky (1991)

This movie is the cure for depression!

[10/10 · 26 January 2002]

This highly entertaining, gory, kung-fu cult hit is a party movie like no other! I would describe watching this movie is an entertainment experience to be remembered. If this film had female nudity, it would have been the ultimate guy movie ever. The special effects are great too, having the viewer almost believe that the guy's organs are real.

Summer of Sam (1999)

incredible movie

[10/10 · 26 January 2002]

This movie about the Son of Sam is not really a horror movie, as was Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer, the pseudo-biography of Henry Lee Lucas. Instead this film focuses more on the paranoia and hysteria that he brings towards New York City in '79. But the movie basically revolves around Vinny, a sexually frustrated man who cannot think of his beloved wife as a sexual being. So he does the dirty with whatever woman he can hook up with, leaving the sex life in his marriage pretty dull. When Vinny is out cheating in an area where the Son of Sam strikes, he believes not only is the Son of Sam after him, but it also is a sign of some sort that he should be faithful to his wife, which in turn sets the stage of his actions and motives during the rest of the film. Check out this movie.

Faces of Death (1978)

This movie is the biggest cinema swindle of all time.

[1/10 · 26 January 2002]

This movie is fake, seeing as all the death scenes are faked. Except the natural footage of animals. I am not one who wants to actually see real people die for film, and this film exploited on the fact that some sick people do and made alot of money on that.

A Dog's Life (1962)

One of the greatest documentaries of all time.

[10/10 · 26 January 2002]

Beautiful, Gruesome, Delightful, Depressing, Funny, Serious. This is just a small description of what Mondo Cane is like. This ground breaking documentary can be called the first of the "shocumentaries" and the one that started them all. With a beautiful Academy Award winning score by the very under rated composer Riz Ortolani Mondo Cane is documentary film making at it's most unique.

Eyes Without a Face (1960)

Ahead of it's time.

[10/10 · 26 January 2002]

If there was a movie that I wanted to be remade for modern times, it would be this one. I found this movie to be disturbingly real of how far lengths some truly twisted individuals are to achieve beauty. And if you do not mind French subtitles and black & white then I say check this movie out. A definite gem in the genre of Foreign horror.

Nothing But Trouble (1991)

Want to see a funny Dan Aykroyd? Then check this film out!

[10/10 · 25 January 2002]

Based upon the people I know who've seen this film, and the user comments, I have come to the conclusion this is a film you will love or hate. I myself love this film. The performance by Aykroyd as the judge is comedic genious, the set is amazing, and this film is much under rated due to the reputation it has for being awful. I think this film will be loved by those who enjoy weirdness in thier movies.

The 'Burbs (1989)

Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Great Film

[10/10 · 25 January 2002]

This movie is very nostalgic to me, and I can not give up a chance to watch it over and over again. The whole suburbia serial killer paranoia that gets to the characters is very amusing. It is a shame that this movie is over shadowed by Tom Hanks' other great films such as Big, Forest Gump, and Cast Away. Which is probably the reason why this film is not being hailed as much as it should. Check this film out when you have the time, a great summer movie.

Separate Vacations (1986)

This movies rocks!

[10/10 · 24 January 2002]

Me and my friend saw this movie a long time ago, and quite frankly we think it was hilarious. The character Henry Gilbert had us literally brought to the floor in laughter. If you find this movie in a store and often finding yourself enjoying the comedies that no on else likes, then check it out.

Trick or Treat (1986)

A True Metal Movie

[10/10 · 7 January 2002]

This film is the most cult movie on metal there is. Premise: A kid gets a hold of the final recording of his favorite artist Sammy Curr who recently dies in a hotel fire. He plays it backwards and summons him back from the dead to get revenge in the name of heavy metal on those b**tardly jocks who torment him. Any fan of true metal will enjoy this movie, and if you are a metal head being tormented by jocks, play a Sammy Curr album backwards.........no wait he is fictitious, well get a hold of this movie and watch it with your fist in the air, your head banging, and the volume at 11!

Big Trouble in Little China (1986)

Funny one liners, martial arts, one of the Sex and the City girls early in her career, the guy who played the old guy from Gremlins, how could you NOT love this movie?

[10/10 · 6 January 2002]

Oh yes, Big Trouble in Little China is probably one of the greatest action movies I ever seen. This cult classic is one of the best movies to come out of the late 80's. John Carpenter blows away that Speilburg guy easily. He knows how to make an action movie and this is it.

The Warriors (1979)

Can You Dig It!!!

[10/10 · 6 January 2002]

Tell those Hollywood big shots that THIS is how you make a film. I love this film because of all the different gangs you see and the action is non stop because The Warriors are fleeing from the cops and other gangs for a murder they did not commit.

Too bad kids today that are too easily influenced by the media are imitating the boring gangsters and villians put out by modern media. Just once would I like to see a gang of hoodlums dressed up like The Baseball Furys weilding baseball bats instead of the baggy pants and guns type gangstas you see all the impressionable misguided youth imitating. But those days are over, however The Warriors is here to stay.

Kiss Meets the Phantom of the Park (1978 TV Movie)

Greatest film of all time.

[10/10 · 6 January 2002]

Granted I am no KISS fan but I will give credit where it is due. This is probably the greatest film out there, and the film that influenced much of today's big special effects blockbusters. KISS invented alot of things, and film was one of them. Those who deny KISS Meets the Phantom of the Park's impact on entertainment are fools indeed.

Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

A diamond in the rough......

[10/10 · 17 December 2001]

I first heard about Cannibal Holocaust, through the internet. My initial curiosity and desire to see the film was because it was supposedly the most violent and gory film made, which is a subject matter than can be debated. But when I eventually got a copy of this I was blown away.

The opening of the film has probably some of the most beautiful music I ever heard,while filming shots of the Amazon from bird's eye view.

I was surprised to see that this film was much more than a violence fest. I would be lying if I said that the violence in the movie is insignificant to it's underlying message because it's not. There are real animal killings which are pretty brutal to watch, but on the lighter side, the animals killed were eaten by cast and crew after filming, so they did not die for the viewer's entertainment or whatever.

Cannibal Holocaust can be called ahead of it's time, due to the fact that makes you question watching reality as entertainment, and where to draw the line. Also themes of consumerism, the media, and what it means to be civilized are present within the killings,flesh eating,rape,sexual assault,torture,and other such extreme things filmed. I would compare this to Clockwork Orange in the means that there is a message in the madness.

And it was quite obvious where the Blair Witch creators got their inspiration from, this movie.

Ilsa: She Wolf of the SS (1975)

Cult Classic

[10/10 · 12 December 2001]

Ilsa She Wolf of the SS is a cult classic I suggest to anyone who wants to see a movie that will shock them. Nothing in this movie is truly offensive,sure the Nazi concentration camp setting may be considered tasteless,but considering there is no anti semetic or racist remarks or dialogue you shouldn't have a problem with this one if you do not take it so seriously. One funny moment is when Ilsa kills a man because he did not satisfy her sexually. If you can't laugh at something like that then stay away from Ilsa, if what I said increases your curiosity, check it out.

Not Another Teen Movie (2001)

Could be worse............

[1/10 · 11 December 2001]

I went to this at a screening my college had a week to it's actual release. I went in thinking it would have sucked, and I walked out thinking that it did not suck as much as I thought.

They go overboard on the sight gags and rather than funny they come off as immature(even for my tastes!) and not funny. If you want to see FUNNY gross out humor go rent Porky's, or a Troma movie. If you want to see a parody movie that tries to share the spotlight with Scary Movie but fails dramatically, watch this movie.

But it also had it's good parts as well. I mean I hate alot of these teen movies where everyone is rich and good looking and the actors playing the teens are like 28 and the plot is guy and girl meet, guy and girl fall in love, guy does something and girl hates him, then guy and girl kiss and make up at the end. And alot of the jokes in this movie poke fun at that overdone plot concept.

If you have nothing better to do with that 7-8 bucks in your pocket and want to see a movie, well go to your theater and head for where Another Teen Movie is playing........then think and MAKE SURE there is nothing better worth watching before you go in.