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tony-howe
Reviews
An Adventure in Space and Time (2013)
Birth of a Legend
An Adventure in Space and Time chronicles the birth of Doctor Who, and broadly covers the period 1963-66, the tenure of the first Doctor William Hartnell. Without giving too much away (I hope), this drama really centres on the original creation of the show - the strength of character of Sidney Newman and his idea for a Saturday tea-time sci-fi programme, the uncertainties of (female - unheard of in the early 60's) first-time producer Verity Lambert and Indian director Waris Hussein, and the crotchety Hartnell, dragged from his typecast grumpy on-screen persona to play the grouchy but mischievous and mysterious alien Doctor. It latterly moves forward apace, and concludes with a weary Hartnell basically having been removed from the show and reluctantly handing over to his successor at the end of The Tenth Planet in 1966.
The first thing to say is that nobody does these self-referential television movies better than the BBC. Mark Gatiss' excellent script teases the initial wonder and subsequent popularity of the show out beautifully, but doesn't shy away from the many budgetary and performance shortcomings that are clearly there on-screen if you re-watch the original material. The casting is universally superb, as are the performances (David Bradley as Hartnell especially) and this is a handsomely mounted production full of nostalgia and pathos, with a clear undying love for the source material. The scene near the conclusion demonstrates this the best, with a tired Hartnell staring into the distance on "his" TARDIS set, wondering what will become of "his" show and "his" Doctor after he leaves - to be confronted by a grinning but clearly reverential Matt Smith as the latest incarnation - is bursting with the magic and charm that made the early show the phenomena it was, and demonstrates why it's still on today. No true fan could watch this without welling up I suspect.
It's the last drama to have been made at BBC Television Centre in Shepherd's Bush prior to its closure, and it never looked finer. Well done BBC. I couldn't think of a better tribute to one of your greatest creations. One final note - many of the early Who's were wiped and no longer exist in the archives. Why not reassemble the cast of this drama and do shot-for-shot B/W remakes to plug the gaps? I'd certainly watch - and I bet there are legions of fans who'd say the same after watching this.
Watchmen (2009)
Visually Stunning - but also ponderous, plodding and dull
I can't remember the last time I watched such a thoroughly stunning visual treat on a big screen. I think this is possibly the most authentic realisation of a graphic novel I've seen. Each scene is framed like a panel in a comic, and the viewer is allowed ample time to drink in the superb visual construction of the piece.
Sadly, the time this takes makes for a movie far too long, with not enough actually happening, to be enjoyed. The main plot line is fairly thin, and is stretched to the point that I actually forgot about it half way through. The dialogue (Rorschach aside)lacks sparkle, as do the performances (again Rorschach aside - Jackie Earle Haley is to be commended for his performance), whilst the extensive flashbacks used throughout only serve to disrupt the narrative flow and make for an often confusing viewing experience. There's enough here to make me want to revisit the book, but I doubt it will make it to the DVD collection. It's a shame, because I really wanted to like this - but unfortunately I was so bored by the end of it that I just wanted to leave. How disappointing.
Stargate: Atlantis: First Strike (2007)
Beautiful CGI
This episode constitutes an extremely enjoyable season finale. However, where it really stands out is in the frankly stunning CGI that is used. Best of all is the scene showing The Horizon weapon being launched from The Apollo into the atmosphere of the Replicator's home world, travelling through re-entry, deploying the missiles which then strike the surface and explode is encompassed in one "take", the viewer/camera being allowed to drift round from several positions whilst continuously following the weapon from start to finish of its mission. It is outstanding. On top of this, later in the episode, there is an absolutely beautiful view of Atlantis at sunset, picked out in brown and gold, and then of course, the sequence with the Replicator's satellite beam striking the city shield. Whilst the story is thoroughly engaging, the visuals really make this a memorable piece of television.
Lifeforce (1985)
100% Thoroughly Entertaining
I saw this in 1991 at College and completely forgot about it until recently when I saw it again. How could I have forgotten?! This film's great. It has Tobe Hooper directing it. It's got Patrick Stewart and Frank Finlay in it. It has space Vampires in it. It has a super-hot naked Vampire chick wandering around in it. It has London getting trashed in it. It has lots of explosions in it. It has zombies in it. It has lots of preposterous and solemn po-faced dialogue in it. It has plastic puppet human husks exploding into dust in it. It has a strange Vampire apparition formed out of blood in a helicopter in it. You want more? The story is pretty average - Space Shuttle finds alien ship, accidentally transports plague down to earth, everything goes pear-shaped. Everything else is gloriously over the top, big-budget hokum of the most enjoyable kind. You might not actually like it when all's said and done, but you won't be bored. A special mention for Henry Mancini's score too. Fabulous. The music over the closing credits is simply outstanding.
AVH: Alien vs. Hunter (2007)
A modern-day "Plan 9 From Outer Space"
This is one of the poorest films I've ever seen. Low budget yes - but that doesn't mean it had to be this horrible. The acting was really bad - probably something to do with the awful script. The sound recording was terrible too - half the dialogue was lost in many scenes - could they only afford one boom mike? Don't stand too far away from it! The camera-work was terrible too - far too close to the actors and nearly every scene chopped the top of their heads off - did the boom mike keep creeping into shot I wonder? If one character was shorter than another, then there was no chance of getting them both in. The "special" effects were anything but, and they clearly only had a couple of sets to wander around in, as the same rooms kept appearing - not even re-dressed to make them appear different. Worst of all was the way it kept jumping around. One minute they were running away from an alien next to a trailer in the middle of nowhere - the next they were in a town meeting in a big urban building with a load of new people who hadn't been introduced to us, then back to the woods again for some pointless running about. The funniest scene was when they all went outside to look around (for no reason), and it was supposed to be night so there was a cheap blue filter over the lens - with bright sunshine in the background visible. Chronic.
Doctor Who: The Satan Pit (2006)
Outstanding Sci-Fi
This two-parter was excellent - the best since the series returned. Sure bits of the story were pinched from previous films, but what TV shows don't do that these days. What we got here was a cracking good sci-fi story. A great big (really scary) monster imprisoned at the base of a deep pit, some superb aliens in The Ood - the best "new" aliens the revived series has come up with, a set of basically sympathetic and believable human characters (complete with a couple of unnamed "expendable" security people in true Star Trek fashion), some large-scale philosophical themes (love, loyalty, faith, etc.), and some top-drawer special effects.
I loved every minute of this.
Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)
Bloody Awful
This starts quite promisingly. All film noir with moody looks, evocative music and practically in black-and-white. Very interesting in fact.
The... oh dear! It just collapses in front of you. The acting gets more and more annoying for starters. Paltrow and Law are so wooden - they lack any chemistry or enthusiasm. You think it can't get worse, but then Jolie appears with her sub - Dick Van Dyke English accent. Appalling. Laurence Olivier was more animated than any of these three, and he'd been dead for 15 years when this came out. The plot holes also mount up. Why was the signal controlling the robots transmitted from an "abandoned" mine in Nepal rather than the island stuffed full of technology for example. How did Dex and the Scientists escape - conveniently just in time to rescue the Captain and Polly when they need it too. Why kidnap Dex in the first place anyway? The special effects get more irritating too, culminating in a comedy CGI skeleton when the Scientist gets zapped (wouldn't he have known not to go near the coils anyway?). Why didn't they just chuck a real skeleton on the floor and paste a background in like they did with the actors? It would've been cheaper, and it would probably have had more charisma too. The big Navy Skyships are rubbish and surely they should fly a white ensign as British Navy ships do, rather than having a great big Union Jack? Or is this simply a plot device to remind the viewer that Jolie is meant to be English (as if you could forget)? It's never properly explained how the world is supposed to be destroyed when the rocket takes off, but that's OK, as there is a convenient Big Red Button to push to save the day. Sorry guys. I wanted to like this, I really did, but it's just bloody awful.
Carnosaur 3: Primal Species (1996)
More Like Carnosaur £3.50
I haven't seen the first two - only this one which is called Primal Species in England. I don't think I'll be bothering to look them out though.
This is an awful film. Terrible acting, bad dialogue, cheap rubber monsters. Everything about it is so nasty. The most sympathetic characters die really quickly and leave you with the annoying ones, especially one called Polchak, who is an incredible jerk. No-one like that would survive 5 minutes in the army. He lasted for ages but I was pleased when he finally got his head got chewed off - I was having nightmares he was going to survive. The Colonel was rubbish too - all moody pouts and clueless shouting. And the specky Doctor looked and acted like she was out of a porno. I was waiting for her to take her glasses off, shake her hair and turn into a vamp, but she didn't. Pity that, as it would've livened the film up no end.
Didn't Roger Corman used to make half decent films once?
Blake's 7: Blake (1981)
Possibly the Most Famous Ending to a Series Ever?
Blake's 7 was great. It was great for a number of reasons. The scripts sparkled with life. The dialogue was sharp. The stories were well thought out (with a couple of exceptions I admit). The characters were three dimensional people. Importantly, little was black and white - there were no "goodies and baddies" here. The "goodies" shot people in the back and caused the deaths of civilians during their crusade against the Federation. The chief "baddie" was a super-cool sexy female who could weep for her dead children whilst almost simultaneously coldly executing an innocent officer (hats off to Jaqueline Pearce - she was excellent).
However, nothing quite captured the public's imagination quite like the way Blake's 7 ended. After 4 years of drama - 52 episodes worth of our slightly unhinged anti-heroes struggling against the evil system - we watched in disbelief as they were surrounded by Federation troops, and gunned down without mercy. As an 11 year-old at the time, this was shocking stuff. It's still shocking today. Have other series' ever dared kill off their main cast to end the series? I know it wasn't 100% intended, but what a way to go.
So who cares if the walls wobbled a bit, and some of the models looked like washing-up liquid bottles on string (they probably were), and some of the acting could be a bit rough round the edges? Blake's 7 still resonates, is still talked about, and still has relevance. As a series, it was great as I said, but thanks to this final episode, the series will remain one of the iconic moments of British TV drama.
Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)
Mega-Cheap, not Megalodon
This film is unbelievably bad. It does look like the people making it (both in front of, and behind the camera) were well aware of this though. The acting's ropey, the special effects are not deserving of the word special, the story is a rip-off, the dialogue is dreadful and it's full of grainy stock footage. It's so completely awful. I actually really liked it for that though - a kind of grudging respect for the ability to produce such rubbish. I'm sure it takes effort to produce something this bad - you'd have to seriously work at it. It is deserving of some kind of cult status. I know these sorts of monster films are supposed to be a bit cheesy, but this one really surpasses most of the rest in those stakes.
Eragon (2006)
A "Tesco Value" Lord of the Rings...
I went to the premier of this in London. The trailers promised much, but the reality was rather disappointing.
The main problem is the original source material. We should congratulate a 15 year old for writing any kind of book really, but it just doesn't hold up well on the screen. For such a basic good vs. evil premise, there are gaping holes in the plot. Where did the stone come from? Who exactly is the main female character? Why have the rebels not been wiped out before all this happens if they're so easy to find and the king is so powerful for example? The characters seem able to cover immense distances in double-quick time which kills any sense of grandeur for the setting, and they have a habit of making miraculous off-screen recoveries from seemingly fatal injuries - as if that kind of human struggle is of no interest to the viewer. The dialogue is clumsy and so is a lot of the delivery - a shame as there are some good actors obviously treading water here, (although Jeremy Irons is good as always), and most of the characters are two-dimensional at best. The main character undergoes an unconvincing transformation from insignificant farm lad to powerful magician in the space of about 10 minutes as well, which adds to the lack of scale the film has - it's as if we are simply chucked from one set piece to another.
The special effects are pretty good however, and the final battle scene is undeniably exciting and well executed. Kids will love it I'm sure, but the parents who accompany them will probably be bored and have fond memories of how films like The Dark Crystal did this sort of thing very much better when they were younger.
Commando (1985)
One hell of a good movie
This is my favourite action movie of all time. Who cares if it's not a "great" film? It does everything a good action film should. Corny dialogue, camp villains ("I don't need the knife John!" - cracks me up every time.), a nice uncomplicated linear storyline, and minimal love interest to get in the way. I can watch this film over and over again, without getting the slightest bit bored. If only all action films were crafted this well. What a shame that Arnie started making all those terrible family orientated movies and awful comedies - this shows him at his best.
If you want to stay in for an evening with a couple of mates, drink some beer and have a laugh, then there is no better movie to put on than this.
Evil Aliens (2005)
No words exist to adequately describe how awful this film is.
This is almost certainly the worst film I have ever paid money to see in a cinema. Nothing about it works - the humour isn't funny, the splatter gore isn't good enough, the acting is rubbish, the story is stupid, the special effects are shoddy, ...oh I could go on for ages! I'm really surprised anyone liked it - I really like cheap horror films and splatter movies, but even in this rather specialist and admittedly down-market arena, there is a definite and recognisable difference between "So bad it's good", and "Just plain bad!". I'm afraid this was seriously bad.
Whoever favourably compared this to "Shaun of the Dead" was a fool, as it's nothing like it.
Crank (2006)
Absolutely Dismal
This is one of the worst action movies I've ever seen. Paper-thin story, no plot, awful acting, bad dialogue - it's all here. The first half an hour is the worst - after that your mind gets completely numbed and switches off. There are a few laughs along the way (such as when Achy Breaky Heart comes on the radio in the taxi cab, or the sex scene), but they're really not worth the effort of paying to get in or staying to the end. In essence, this is nothing more sophisticated that a music video for a long and very boring compilation album.
If someone had injected me with some Chinese synthetic poison before going into see this, I'd have done my best to sit quietly and let it kill me as soon as possible - hopefully way before the ridiculous ending.