KilRydLoad Reviews

Freaks (2018)

X-Men meets In Living Color's Dysfunctional Home Show

[1/10 · 14 December 2020]

What an absolute pile of 🐕 💩 How on Earth could everybody give this movie positive reviews? Oh, wait! Because you're all wrist cutting millennials and this level of dysfunction is normal to you! Seriously, when the dad is drilling the door shut and Evil Feminist Professor X Daughter tells him to open the door or she'll kill him? And she tries and fails? And then he rips the wood beam off that he was drilling and opens the door, I said "Watch! Watch! I bet they hug each other and sing Cumbaya!" And of course! They hug! AFTER his telepathic daughter tries to drill a nail into her dad's head! Of course he apologizes 'cause Man Bad Wahmen Good!🙄

The only good thing about this movie is recommending it to my fellow MGTOW to educate them on fefail nature! Any man with a brain who had that demon child for a daughter would throw her to the streets!

I honestly never thought I would watch a worse movie than Rob Zombie's Halloween 2. Boy! Was I wrong! If you wanna educate yourself on fefail nature, watch this movie. If you wanna actually be entertained avoid like the plague!

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

Don't listen to the haters, this movie RAAAAAWWWKED!!!

[10/10 · 10 June 2019]

You've GOTTA see this on the big screen and in 3D! It was AWESOME!!!! A buddy of mine didn't want to go see it because he's one of those people who only likes the design of the original Godzilla. He saw the preview and said he thought Godzilla was too "boxy" looking and he doesn't have a neck. Look, I'm gonna be honest: I've always thought Godzilla was kinda OK looking as a movie monster. I mean...he's a giant lizard. What more can you really do with him? No...I didn't go see this movie for Godzilla...I WENT AND SAW THIS MOVIE FOR GHIDORAH!!! And let me tell you what, HE IS BAD!!! ASS!!! LOOKING!!! I mean, that's really the reason to go see this movie. If you go see this movie: (A) On the big screen (B) In 3D (C) For Ghidorah

YOU'RE GONNA BE BLOWN AWAY!!!! I GUARANTEE IT!!! Me? I HAD A BLAST WATCHING THIS MOVIE!!!! :)

The Possession of Michael King (2014)

Are you kidding me?!?!? I was terrified!!!

[10/10 · 10 May 2015]

No! This is NOT a fake post or someone who has something to do with the movie! I was seriously scared, Oh My God (and "seriously" is capitalized! IMDb simply doesn't like you to shout, LOL!)! Look...I know IMDb wants us to describe what was great about the movie and maybe what was not so great...some things you just can't describe! Just watch it! Oh My God, call me a wuss, but I was seriously terrified by this movie! This is totally in my Top Five Scariest Of All Time! Do I consider it the scariest movie of all time? Well, no, it sits behind Dark Skies because I didn't sleep AT ALL the night I watched that, and I did somehow manage to get to sleep after watching this...BUT IT TOOK ME AWHILE! Seriously, folks...just watch it. I don't understand all the hating on this movie, because I was seriously terrified! paulgrant83-114-60986, national-anthem5, and thomashee, best reviews on the site as far as I'm concerned! I'll never listen to the band Nile the same way again after watching this, that's for sure!!!

Metallica Through the Never (2013)

Watch this movie!! It'll be the greatest thing you ever do with your life!!

[10/10 · 12 October 2013]

I don't even know how to describe how awesome this movie is!!! Without giving anything away, all I will say is, a Metallica roadie gets sent out to run an errand for the band while they are playing a show and all chaos breaks out in the street!!! Folks, I have NEVER before been to a movie where I literally thrashed about in my seat and headbanged the whole 92 minutes I was there!!! It was awesome!!! Awesome song choices by the 'Tallica Boyz, awesome plot while the songs are being played, go see it!!!! I definitely got my $14.25 worth!! Go see it at the theatre, too, don't wait for DVD!!! And see it in 3D, it really enhances the experience!!! Go see it if you're a Metallica fan or not, you will have a kickass time, I promise!! I wouldn't steer ANY of you wrong!!! 'Tallica keeps givin' you heavy, babay!!!!

The Possession (I) (2012)

Fearnet or Lifetime Net?

[1/10 · 20 July 2013]

Jeffrey Dean Morgan plays Clyde, a great guy and an even better basketball coach who's about to get promoted to Division I, a fact his bitch ex-wife doesn't seem to care about. All she seems to care about is any reason to pick at him, no matter how hard he tries. And his two bitchy daughters...Christ, they're not exactly a picnic, either. He hears his daughter screaming, comes running into her bedroom, and there's a cicada on her bed. "OH MY GOD, DADDY, GET RID OF IT! GET RID OF IT!" So he kills it. "DADDY! I TOLD YOU TO GET RID OF IT! NOT KILL IT!" And off she stomps in an emotional fit. His younger daughter's kind of a tree hugging vegetarian animal lover which is why his ex gets mad at him for letting his daughter eat a slice of Pepperoni WITH MEAT ON IT! OH, THE HORROR! THE TRUE HORROR OF THIS MOVIE! Of course, his little daughter doesn't like those cicadas all flying out of her mouth later in the movie, now, does she? Boy, at that moment, daddy ain't such a bad guy, now, is he? I mean, seriously, is this a horror, Lifetime, or Oxygen network movie? And man, does Kevin Bacon's wife play a bitch in this movie, I mean, I seriously wanted to strangle her at one point. Where do I begin? Pizza? Seriously, you're bitching at your ex-husband because he gave one of your daughters A SLICE OF PIZZA?!?!?? Seriously?!?!? Sorry, IMDb, for shouting, but I think it's warranted in this case. It's like Adam Carolla said in his book, we as Americans really don't have any problems anymore, so we've taken to inventing them. Hey, Kyra Sedgwick! If it's good enough for Leonardo, Rafael, Michaelangelo, and Donatello, it's good enough to be stuffed down ya daughters' troats, too, ya hea? I'm actually only halfway through this movie as I write this, I just have to take down my thoughts towards this joke of a "horror movie" before they vanish entirely. Let's see...right now, I'm at the part where the girls' parents are in the principal's office, man, I just LOVE this black chick with the penciled-in Pakled eyebrows, you guys remember the Pakleds from Star Trek: The Next Generation? They're not one of the more famous races like the Klingons and the Borg; they were those pasty white tards who stole technology from other races because they were too stupid to invent anything technological. Anyway...you know, me and Adam Carolla agree on one thing, why chicks shave off their eyebrows, pencil in fake ones, and think us dudes think that's sexy is beyond us. Maybe Cosmo told chicks to do that. Of course, the problem with Cosmo is articles on advice about men...written by women. ANYWAY...all chicks whom I've seen with shaved-off, penciled-in eyebrows have ALWAYS done it Vulcan/Romulan style--you know, starting from the inside, gradually curving upward towards the outside, you know how Vulcan and Romulan eyebrows are, right? Well, I've always seen chicks who shave off and pencil in their eyebrows do it this way...UNTIL NOW. Wow. I've never seen shaved-off penciled-in eyebrows that start at the bottom on the OUTSIDE...and gradually work their way up...and most of you have probably never seen this, either. And let me assure all of you, it is NOT a good look...not for this chick, not for ANY chick! Go to YouTube and type in Pakleds, and VOILA! That's what this chick looks like! Except she's black, not pasty white, and her Pakled eyebrows are pencil-thin, not bushy. Wow, lady...whoever did your eyebrows at that eyebrow kiosk at the mall was a Trekkie who REALLY LOVES PAKLEDS! And that's a REALLY creepy Trekkie, lemme tell ya! I mean...what kind of a Trekkie loves PAKLEDS?!?!?!?? You go to a Star Trek convention, and at least most of the nerds are TRYING to be tough, dressing up like Klingons, Romulans, and Borg…heck, even a Trekkie who goes to a convention dressed up like a Ferengi is stating they wanna be rich…"Yo yo, million poundza gold-pressed latinum, bitches!!" "Has anyone EVER seen a Trekkie at a Star Trek convention dressed up like a Pakled??!?!!? NO!!!! But clearly, this eyebrow shopping mall kiosk worker REALLY wanted this gal to have penciled-in pencil-thin Pakled eyebrows. All this chick needs to do is throw on some whiteface, go to a Spencers and get some Gary Busey buckteeth, throw on a brown sackcloth and VOILA! Instant Pakled!!! You're ready for the convention!! Ma'am, I'm sure you're a very nice person in real life, but that shopping mall eyebrow kiosk worker REALLY did you wrong by telling you that was a hot look. You should go back to that shopping mall eyebrow kiosk and have that worker fired. Seriously, I've got her faced paused on my TV screen right now as I write this. And if you do the same, go to YouTube, type in Pakleds, and I KNOW you're cracking up thinking of me! OK…now I'm looking at Brenda Crichlow's IMDb page, and her eyebrows look splendid…good for you, Brenda, you went to the eyebrow kiosk at the mall across town, screw that Pakled eyebrow kiosk! You go, girl! OK…time to watch the rest of the movie so I can ramble on even longer than I already have…be back soon…

Now the same daughter who yelled at daddy for killing that cicada...the Dibbuk is about to kill her, and now she's on her cellphone saying, "Hurry, Daddy!" I tell ya, this good guy just can't catch a break, can he?

Wow. Seriously? He takes his ex back at the end? Really? After how crappy she treated him? Folks, seriously…there are scary parts in the movie…but being scared was not something I was capable of. Instead of fear, I was too busy feeling anger towards the emasculating women in this movie course through my veins. And you will, too…so do yourselves all a favor and skip this.

Messengers 2: The Scarecrow (2009 Video)

Good Husbands Overly Stomped Trampled Hated On Under Shitty Esposas--GHOST HOUSE!

[2/10 · 19 July 2013]

Yeah, I know that was hilarious--so hilarious I'm willing to take a chance that IMDb won't reject my comment for using the word "shitty." I'm actually in the middle of watching this, and I swear to God, I thought of that acronym from getting up from the couch to going to take a whiz, and my bathroom is a mere ten steps away from my couch. Yes, I improvised that in ten steps, don't everyone clap for me all at once. Yup...I think that pretty much sums up Ghost House Productions. And no, I'm not kidding--first "The Possession," and now we have yet ANOTHER Ghost House Production featuring a good husband getting emasculated by a bitch of a wife. WTF Ghost House?!??? I rent your movies because I wanna watch horror, not watch a good husband get told his best isn't good enough by an emasculating wife. A drunk? Oooooooh, he had two--count 'em TWO--empty beer cans at his feet out of that six pack his wife picked up off of the ground!!!!!! Hey, watch out for this guy!!! Ghost House, take heed, if this is the kind of crap you're going to keep churning out, I'm going to stop watching your movies. "The Possession" review soon to come after my posting time limit expires. I should have reviewed it first, then thought better of it, and then I saw this God-awful emasculation piece that Ghost House--again--was responsible for, and I said to myself, "No...I HAVE to speak out against these two crappy movies." So, regarding this movie...God, where do I begin?

SPOILERS!!!**********************************************************

OK, I mean, seriously, when he's out in the cornfield and his neighbor's wife starts stripping for him and makes the sprinklers turn on so she can get all wet, that's where I lost it, OMG!! And while she's doing that, I'm thinking "Wait a minute...the bank guy that tried to take his farm...didn't the husband tell Mr. Bank Guy he came and asked for a loan for water sprinklers and he turned him down? Oh, wait a minute...the cursed scarecrow provided those water sprinklers! Along with a naked chick taking her top off and getting wet dancing in the sprinklers!" And speaking of his neighbor, nice fake Irish accent! And then the neighbors are there in his barn speaking to him. Then emasculating wife turns on the lights and says, "Who are you speaking to?" And he turns around and they're not there. But the knocked-out cop on the ground whom the neighbors knocked out, oh, she saw him still lying there on the ground, he was real! Perfect for turning his emasculating wife further against him! How convenient! And another thing...you all have seen the previews where the scarecrow comes to life? Yeah...this doesn't happen until the very end of the movie. Seriously, the scarecrow doesn't come to life until the end of the movie, meaning I'm not scared one iota throughout this entire movie. Well, except for the thought of ending up with a wife like the one in this movie. And now the scarecrow grabs his daughter and she and the wife are trying to be scream queens!!! Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!! OMG! My husband was right! I am a dumb bitch! And with those straw hands that cut and have blood on the straw fingertips and that brown hat and that brown, shriveled, burned-up face...isn't it funny how that scarecrow looks just a wee bit like Freddy Krueger? Folks, please spare yourselves 94 minutes and go watch something else. I give this movie two stars out of ten for each wet boob you at least get to see in this farce of a horror flick. And Ghost House...please...put down the hardcover copy of "In Praise Of Difficult Women" and pick up an XBox 360 and a copy of Castlevania: Lords of Shadow...because their scarecrows are far more terrifying than yours.

The Factory (V) (2012)

Oh! My! God! Watch! This! Movie!

[10/10 · 16 May 2013]

Are you people retarded?!??!? How?!?!? How...on Earth...did anyone...give this movie a bad review?!?!? This is one of the greatest movies ever produced by Hollywood!!!! I was on the edge of my seat the whole entire time!!! The writers of this script need to be awarded an Oscar, John Cusack is awesome as always, and Jennifer Carpenter...mark...my...words...one day, Jennifer Carpenter will have her very own star on the Hollywood Walk Of Fame...right next to Nicholson, Brando, Pacino, De Niro, Hopkins...hands-down one of the most talented actresses of our time. Yeah...she's that caliber of an actress, right up there with the big boys I just mentioned, and this movie is sure to catapult her career to even greater heights than where it already is. My summary header was going to be "I swear on the Bible you will love this movie," but after seeing all of the bad reviews on here, ruh-tards can't be accounted for. The only negativity I felt throughout the movie was towards the movie's villain, played by Dallas Roberts. Yeah...he's the kind of David Koresh narcissistic villain I would literally love to beat into a coma with my fists once I got my hands on him. That's the kind of emotion he brings out in you! Dallas Roberts, too, may one day have his own star, as his performance was top-notch as well, easily bringing out those emotions in me. A perfect ten out of ten stars!!! Watch this movie!!! You will love it!!!!!!

That's My Boy (2012)

Sandler's made a couple of stinkers lately, but this one rocked!

[10/10 · 28 April 2013]

And why did it rock? Because Sandler went back to his simple, old formula...giant man-child refuses to grow up! He never really impresses me all that much when he tries to get serious, but remember Billy Madison? Happy Gilmore? The same giant man-child who refuses to grow up formula works again! To all the people out there bashing this movie, pi-- off. If you're not a fan of toilet humor, then no, you're probably not going to like this movie. But if you're an Adam Sandler fan who loves his earlier stuff, this one is right up there with Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore! Hilarious! And Nick Swardson, of course, is hysterical as always! A perfect ten out of ten for me!

Conan the Barbarian (2011)

Waaaaaaaaaaay better than the original...but man, is it violent!

[10/10 · 22 May 2012]

Of course, we all love watching the originals and the remakes of movies immediately after. I did so...the original Conan with Arnold is a bit slow-paced. This one doesn't mess around...it gets right into the action right away, is very fast-paced, and God Almighty, is it gory! There were parts that scarred me for life, it was so gory! It is entertaining, though...you will definitely get your money's worth, and I certainly hope they do a sequel. A perfect 10 out of 10 for me! Just be warned, it's bloody and violent! VERY bloody and violent! Lots of female nudity, too, which I certainly can't complain about! It's just NOT a family flick, so be warned!

Deadline (I) (2009)

I rented this despite the bad reviews...big mistake

[1/10 · 27 April 2012]

Oh, man...lately I've noticed that a lot of movies I like have gotten really bad reviews on IMDb.com. Like the remake of The Hitcher. Why all the bad reviews? I LOVED that movie! Sean Bean's take on John Ryder was unique and awesome! Also, a lot of people on IMDb.com hated Punisher: War Zone, while I happen to think it's one of the coolest movies of all time (I wrote a review on it, too:)) My point: I came to the conclusion that I can't rely on other IMDb.com users to dictate for me whether or not to rent a movie. Everyone has different tastes, and what may be passion for me might be another man's poison. Plus, I really wanted to see one of Brittany Murphy's movies that was put out post-mortem, so despite all the bad reviews on IMDb.com on this, I decided to entice my curiosity. Man, I should have listened. Such a shame. Such a shame and a pity that such a talented actress' life and career ended on this sour note. The movie made no sense at all, the script was completely disjointed, and I'm not kidding you, I literally started falling asleep as I just now finished watching it. If I can keep ONE person from watching this movie and wasting an hour-and-a-half of his/her life, my mission in this review is complete. I don't know how good her other movies post-mortem were, but this is just a tragedy. Now if you want to watch a GREAT Brittany Murphy movie, pick up Don't Say A Word. That movie REALLY showcases her talent. Sadly, the drugs really did a number on her later in her life. Her acting is horrible in this movie...and I'm saying that about someone who was a REALLY talented actress! Seriously, I wouldn't be writing this if it weren't horrible, and it was. Please don't waste an hour-and-a-half of your life watching this. It was that bad.

Tell Tale (2009)

Sicker than any Friday the 13th movie EVER! Great movie, but SICK!

[5 November 2011]

I give this movie a perfect 10 out of 10 stars because it is an awesome modernization of Edgar Allen Poe's The Tell-Tale Heart...but viewer, be warned...I'm a grown-ass man of 37 years who has been watching horror movies since he was 8 years old...and I almost vomited at one point during this movie! Like my review title says, it's sicker than any Friday the 13th movie I have EVER seen, and I don't know how a certain IMDb reviewer from Argentina found this movie to be "boring"...IT IS ANYTHING BUT BORING!

SPOILER BELOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK...what's gross about this movie? At one point, they have Josh Lucas in a bathtub covered in ice, and they start cutting out his organs...while he's awake! Seriously, I almost vomited! Just trust me when I say it's gross! Again...10 out of 10 stars due to the great plot and ingenious re-telling of the Poe classic...but NOT for the faint of heart! I won't be watching this one again...it's just too gross!!!

The Haunting of Molly Hartley (2008)

Horror movie? Gimme a break! This is so WB, it's hysterical!

[12 October 2011]

Oh, wait, I forgot, it's The CW now! This thing is anything but scary, just more teenage angst, high school girl backstabbing, gossiping...and I couldn't even figure out what kind of monster Molly was supposed to be. And every time she attacks or kills someone in the movie, she feels regret...after she's been attacked by those people! Hello?!? Why should she have to say I'm sorry after being picked on and defending herself? Danny Marianino of North Side Kings still to the day hasn't apologized for kicking Glenn Danzig's ass, nor should he have to after Danzig attacked him first! So why does Molly? Seriously, with Chase Crawford and that blonde chick from Hellcats(I think that's her, not sure, but it looks like her), it was like the CW trying to be scary. Oh, wait! The CW actually DOES have a scary show--SUPERNATURAL! Sadly, this movie was more new 90210 and Gossip Girl than Supernatural. Nothing scary about this at all--except what a letdown it was.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

THIS...was what audiences were raving about? Seriously?

[11 October 2011]

I don't think I have EVER seen a more boring horror movie in my life. I mean...seriously...it was just ABSOLUTELY BORING! I mean, people were actually scared by this movie? Really? I don't know, maybe it's because I've been watching horror movies since I was eight years old, maybe I have thick skin now, and I'm to the point with horror movies where it's like, "Impress me." And it was just flat-out boring. This was not a horror movie, this was nothing more than a big screen emasculation, watching Katie emasculate Micah the whole 86 minutes of my life I will never get back. God, was her character annoying! Whiny, bitchy, so not a strong female character, I mean, at one point she's like, "Let's just leave..." HELLO! The parapsychologist who came to your house said if you try to leave, it will just follow you! A strong female character would have at least tried to fight it. Instead, like a typical modern day woman filled with nothing but anger towards men, she whined and moaned and blamed Micah for everything...just because he has a d**k and b*lls. And I swear, if I had to listen to her whine the word "Please" one more time, I was going to strangle her weak ass! Seriously, I can't tell you how annoying I found her character, or lack thereof, to be. Horrible horror movie...glad I watched it for free from my local library. Seriously...I can't believe audiences were actually scared by this. If you wanna watch a great low budget independent horror flick, go rent Quarantine instead. The ending WAS a bit shocking, which is why I gave the movie two stars, but that was the only good part of the movie...it finally ended!

Punisher: War Zone (2008)

Not much of a plot at all...nothing but mindless violence, blood, guts, and splattered heads!

[10/10 · 27 April 2009]

OK, folks...here's the deal with this movie...if you go to the video store and you're looking for something deep and meaningful, Punisher: War Zone is going to seriously disappoint you. If, however, you are in the mood for just senseless violence, blood, guts, exploding heads, and a lot of cool ways to watch people die, like in Friday the 13th, then I can PROMISE you Punisher: War Zone will NOT disappoint! Go into it and take it for what it is and what I've told you it is. You're not going to come out of this movie with some new profound sense of the universe or some profound understanding--again, if that's what you want, stay far, far away from this movie. But if you wanna see a lot of people get killed and dismembered in a lot of different, gruesome bloody fashions, then this movie is right up your alley! A dude I know told me this, I went into this movie knowing this, and was NOT disappointed in any way, shape or form--it's what I wanted and it's what this movie delivered, and that's why I'm giving this movie a perfect 10 stars!

See No Evil (2006)

Now this is a horror film! Horrorfest, take heed!

[10/10 · 20 November 2007]

If you love horror flicks, get your ass to the video store and rent this motherf---er!!! Sorry, IMDb.com, I mean motherf--er in the most complimentary of fashions one can pay to a kickass horror movie!!! Do not look at the DVD and go, "Oh, man...only 84 minutes?!?!!?" Quality, people..not quantity!! You know...my sister and I have watched so many horror films in our lives, we've gotten to the point now with horror films to where it's like..."Impress me." Well, See No Evil does exactly that! If you're the type of person who watches a horror film because you like to see the ingenious different ways the writers come up with to kill people creatively, I can guarantee you won't be disappointed in this film!!! Horrorfest, if you ever want to make any films that are worth a crap, this movie should be your instruction guide!! This is the movie that you should strive to imitate! This movie should be your blueprint! Not that all of the Horrorfest movies were crap--there were three that I liked--Unrest, Wicked Little Things, and The Gravedancers. I haven't seen The Abandoned yet, have no desire to see The Hamiltons or Reincarnation, Penny Dreadful was just that, and Dark Ride was a great movie marred by a crappy ending. Believe me, folks...this film was waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay more gruesome than any of the Horrorfest flicks (except maybe Unrest)! Much more "Too graphic for the public" than any of the Horrorfest films (except maybe Unrest)! I give this sucker a perfect 10!!! Get your asses to the store and rent it!!!

Rest Stop (2006 Video)

Razzie Champ for 2007 (Possible spoilers)

[1/10 · 13 October 2007]

Seriously, folks...I was getting ready to actually write the Razzie Council and recommend this movie as Razzie Champ for 2007...until I got on IMDb.com and realized its copyright date was 2006 and not 2007. Seriously, though, this movie could have easily been a Razzie Champ. This movie sucked! How in the world this piece of crap was overlooked even for a Razzie nomination in 2006 is beyond me, because it easily could have competed with Basically, It Stinks, Too for the 2006 Razzie Championship.

I rented this movie on the recommendation of a female neighbor of mine who told me, "Oh My God, after seeing this movie, it's going to be a long, long time before I ever stop at a rest stop ever again!" I couldn't believe how not scary and awful this movie was! Possible spoilers below, not that you'll be missing out on anything.

OK, first of all...the problem...the rest stop itself. Obviously the director of this piece of crap doesn't know the first thing about women. The toilets in that rest stop were on the same level as the one in the movie Trainspotting. I don't claim to know everything there is to know about women, but one thing I do know is that women, for the most part, are total and complete hygiene/neat freaks. Given the choice between taking a crap on either of those toilets and possibly catching something or squatting in the woods, a woman is going to opt for squatting in the woods. I know, because I've gone camping with them before, and they have no problem squatting in the woods. So right there...major plot hole and untruth.

Second of all...she comes out of the rest stop, and her boyfriend who drove the car is nowhere to be found, not him nor his car. He just left. She starts screaming his name, wondering where he is. Ummm...hello? You're standing on wet mud...did it ever occur to you to look down for some tire tracks? I mean, his car is gone...it didn't just get up and fly away. And actually, that makes me think...I actually was looking down at her feet, and there weren't any tread marks in the mud. How...exactly...did that happen?

Third...the Bible thumping mobile home family with the freak midget in the back taking Polaroid pictures...Wtf!?!?!?? They made absolutely no sense at all, and it's as if the director just threw them in to be weird for the sake of being weird. They made no sense at all and had no place even being in the movie.

Fourth...Oh My God, this...I mean, finally...near the end of the movie...she finally sees the escape hatch on the ceiling inside the rest stop. I'm like, "You...dumb...bi**h. You've been locked up in this rest stop for all this time...and you just..now...see...the escape hatch on the ceiling?" I mean...it's like they threw that in just because the killer tossed gasoline on the floor through the window and was getting ready to light a match. So she needs to get to higher ground to avoid being burned, and...oh, look! A perfect reason for her to get to higher ground! An escape hatch on the ceiling! It's like...Why didn't she go through that before? Most people in that situation would have seen that from the moment they were locked in that rest stop and gotten the f**k out of Dodge. When they showed that escape hatch at the end of the movie, I was like, "You have got to be kidding me."

Fifth...what was the deal with all the of people she encountered continuing to just disappear? The girl in the broom closet in the rest stop? The dumb cop? Her at the end of the movie when she ended up in the broom closet herself? It was never explained. Personally, when they did this, I thought to myself, "Oh, Christ on a cracker, it's her. She's the killer. Wonderful. She killed all of those people, doesn't remember doing it, and the writers of this movie just ripped off a certain French horror flick that I can't mention on IMDb.com or I'll be blacklisted for giving away the ending (that movie sucked, by the way, too, people)." But it wasn't. She wasn't the killer, and the whole deal with the dead people disappearing was never, ever explained. Oh, for the love of God, people, stay away from this movie! This movie sucked balls, and I have now got a serious bone to pick with my neighbor. It's on the 2 for $1 rack at Family Video, don't even rent it if someone gives it to you for free!

Shooter (I) (2007)

Excellent film--with 1 minor snafu (possible spoiler)

[9/10 · 6 July 2007]

When Bob Lee (Wahlberg) goes to hide out at his dead buddy's widow's place in Kentucky, the Federal agents tracking him later say they've found him because Bob Lee used his Visa to buy flowers for his dead buddy's widow to mark the three-year anniversary of his death. Sorry...there is absolutely, positively no way he would have done that. His character being as smart and intelligent as he was--no way. I mean, the government trained him on ways to avoid dying and to survive in the wilderness. A guy as smart as him would not have made the mistake of charging something to a Visa. A guy with his level of intelligence would know the moment he swiped that Visa, the Feds would be on to him. Anniversary of his buddy's death or no, there is no way he would have gotten sentimental and allowed emotion and nostalgia to overrule logic and common sense. Sorry--the writers messed up on that one. But it was the only snafu in the whole film. If not for that, I would have given it a 10, and not a 9. Nonetheless, this film is an edge-of-your-seat action-packed government conspiracy must-see. Everything else about the film is top-notch. I just had to point out that one error. Go rent it.

The Butcher (2006)

Just 'cause it says Lionsgate, don't assume that means it's good

[1/10 · 11 April 2007]

Boy, oh, boy, did I learn that recently with this piece of crap! I mean, what the heck, they're being chased by a deranged killer, and one of the chicks starts singing a lullaby in the house?!?!?!!? I mean, you would think the baby crib dangler made of dead black crows would freak her out, but, no...she starts singing a lullaby she remembers from her childhood...all the while looking at a baby crib dangler made of dead black crows while being chased by a chainsaw killer...exactly how I'd react in that same situation! Or anybody, for that matter! I did like the part, though, when that dyke's body splits in half just because she smashes into a tree branch, that part was both stupid and hilarious at the same time! Yeah, smash into a tree branch while showing your tits outside a vehicle's moon roof, that will cause your body to split in half!! I about fell over on my rear end laughing when that part came up! And then, after she splits in half and all the characters are on the run from the big, bad killer, the guy in the Stifler role ends up in the killer's barn looking in his fridge for a tall, cool one! Yeah, that's exactly what I would do if a chainsaw killer were chasing me, go look in his barn fridge for a beer! And the whole while he's doing it, it's like he's all calm, cool, and collected!! I don't know if IMDb.com would consider what I've written here a spoiler, that's why I checked "Contains Spoiler," so as not to be blacklisted, just to be on the safe side. Another idiotic part of the movie (possible spoiler) is when the cop gets killed, the dude and the blonde get the keys to his police vehicle off his key chain attached to his belt loop...and...they...RUN. Like...the police jeep...is right there as they leave the house trying to escape from the chainsaw killer...jeep is not damaged in any way, shape, or form...and still...they run. On foot. No explanation even given as to why. Oh, man, I should have known...this is a new release to Family Video, and the fact that it had already been moved to the 2 for $1 rack had red flags going off in my head, but I thought, "Naw, it's Lionsgate, surely it rocks!" Wrong! I saw another Lionsgate film recently that sucked, too, but IMDb.com guidelines say to stick to the movie you're reviewing and not comment on other films. I'll be sure to come check out IMDb.com every time from now on if I want to read reviews on a movie, Lionsgate or not. Stay away from this stinker! Two thumbs way down!

High Tension (2003)

Hyped tension

[1/10 · 7 September 2006]

Another one I rented because I heard oh, so many good things about it. Frankly, I think a lot of the people who saw this just thought it was cool to say they saw a "horror" flick from another country. Like one person asked me, "Hey, man, have you seen High Tension? It's this French horror flick that's really good!!!" Yeah, good like everything else the French do "good."

Spoiler below!

First of all, as many IMDb.com users commented on this movie, how was it that this chick who was the killer--and not the sweaty trucker who turned out to be a fiction of her imagination that her mind created--was able to be in two places at the same time? We see her look out from her bedroom window to the front door below, where the sweaty trucker killer (who's not really there) stabs the homeowner and enters the home. Second of all, this chick had to weigh 100 pounds soaking wet. She couldn't even move the dresser drawers in the bedroom in front of the bedroom door to keep the killer from getting in (who was...really her?!?!? Huh?!?? What?!?!?), so I'd really love to know how it was that she, 100 pounds soaking wet, even in her "alter ego killer mode," could overpower the homeowner (who wasn't huge, but was definitely twice her size), stand on his back, and force his head through the stair railing? Oh, it gets better, people. At this point, she this time is actually able to move a chest of dresser drawers on the first floor (whereas afterwards, in the bedroom, she can't, for some reason), and as the dresser on the first floor connects with the homeowner's head...his head falls off!!! Yes, you read that right...to quote Tater Salad...it fell off!!! It fell off!!! It fell...the f--k...off!!! If you were to shove a chest of dresser drawers toward a guy's head who was stuck between a stair railing in real life, at full speed, it would probably snap his neck and do some serious, serious damage, but it most certainly would not sever his head!!! And when it WAS severed, it was so fake-looking, I was laughing hysterically over it!!! Seriously folks, I mean, I actually couldn't get past this part, twenty minutes later, thirty minutes later...heck, an hour later, I was still thinking about it, laughing my arse off!!! And then when it was finally revealed that the killer was not the trucker, but the chick, and that the trucker was a figment of her imagination that her mind created, well...frankly..a thought entered my head...you know that saying, "If a tree falls in the forest, and no one's around to hear it, does it really make a sound?"...you know that saying? Well, in that context, if the killer was really her, and the trucker was an alter ego made up in her head, did that scene where the trucker is getting a BJ from the severed head really happen? You know what I mean? Or maybe...if the killer was really her, and the trucker was an alter ego made up in her head, could she really know the satisfaction of a BJ since she doesn't really have a dong? Y'all feel me on that? As evidenced by my comments above, all in all, the writer and director did not plan this movie out well at all, it was like it was just thrown together and they threw more parts in as they went along. No offense, but I was scared out of my wits by "Thriller" in third grade, so terrified by Michael Myers in Halloween in fourth grade that I couldn't sleep all night at all, and terrified the same way by Aliens in sixth grade. I've pretty much been exposed to horror films all my life, so with me, it's kinda like, "Impress me." And this movie did anything but that. If you wanna laugh your arse off at the part where the homeowner's head is severed by the chest of dresser drawers (God, it sounds ridiculous just saying it!!!), go ahead and rent this at Family Video for $1 (this was actually why I was so generous as to give this a 5 out of 10 rating). If you wanna see a truly classic horror flick and have the crap scared out of you...go rent John Carpenter's Halloween and watch it with the lights turned off. Stay away from High Tension if you really wanna have the crap scared out of you, because this flick, to me, was anything but scary. Don't believe the hype about this one!

Session 9 (2001)

This movie was awful! Stay away from this one! Viewers beware!

[1/10 · 5 September 2006]

I actually rented this movie because of some lady's good recommendation of it here on IMDb.com. It saddens me to see that people's taste in movies today is as low as taste in music today. The movie made absolutely no sense at all, what the heck was up with Josh Lucas constantly babbling, "What are you doing here? What are you doing here?" The movie made no sense at all, it seemed as if they thought they could save the movie by putting in a token Scot. It was one of those movies which, to me, was just faux scary--it tried to be scary and failed miserably. Folks, I'm just trying to save you here, I rented this thing off the 2 for $1 rack at Family Video, don't watch this DVD if someone owns it and LOANS it to you for free!! Two thumbs way down!!