ItsACityOfApes_Movie_Reviews Reviews

ABC's Wide World of Sports: Indianapolis 500 (1995) Season Unknown, Episode Unknown

Jacques Villeneuve's Drive at "The 1995 Indianapolis 500" Review. Goes 505 Miles to Win.

[8 July 2021]

ABC Sports May 28, 1995 Commentators Paul Page, Sam Posey, Bobby Unser, Jack Arute, Gary Gerould, Jerry Punch.

1994 Indianapolis 500: Rookie Villeneuve finished P2 and was Rookie of the Year.

1995 Indianapolis 500: Villeneuve starts in the middle of row two P5, first man to have a full field around him.

0:10:10 Bobby Unser: "The winner could come from any row, with the pit strategy playing a very important part. This one - I guarantee - is going to be very exciting."

Look for the Analysis of the Race. Search ItsACityOfApes.

THe Green Flag Drops. You must see the entry for c.

The Cape Canaveral Monsters (1960 TV Movie)

Cape Canaveral Monsters Review 1960. Monster Humans. One armed man. Dogs. Aliens. Severed Arm.

[8 July 2021]

Cape Canaveral Monsters Review 1960. Humans. One armed man. Dogs. Aliens. Aka The Ape Canaveral Monsters - indeed. See the many monsters at Ape Canaveral before The Revolution!

Monster analysis and count: Humans: A great many; movie is populated with them.

Alien Severed Arm: 1 (Note: arm was also previously severed).

Aliens: 2 Energy masses disguised as humans. (Note: one is one-armed for part of the movie). (they are not LGM) Dogs: 2 Pig Latin: ixnay {pig latin invented by the 3 Stooges is employed}

The humans are the real monsters. You will see spacefaring technology, rockets, computers, transistor radios, lots of found footage of rocket launches. Ape-tastic: 1; Black Monolith with Apes: 1; Conelrad Alert: 4; Human Alert: Monsters; Indian Head Test Pattern: 1; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 2; Poop Show: 0; Propeller Cap: 2. Fun Fact: only movie with "Ape Canaveral" in the title.

History of the Ape Canaveral Breakout: the revolution began at the Ape Canaveral Launch Facility when the space apes began their rampage. The revolution spread. The whole of the Continent of Ape Canaveral was taken over by the magnificence and bravery of these astronaut apes!

ItsACityOfApes is not monetized and follows Ape National Policy of no currency use, nor does it permit embedding.

Frankenstein's Great Aunt Tillie (1984)

Frankenstein's Great Aunt Tillie Review 1984. PSA for audio de sync: GO APE! Donald Pleasence.

[8 July 2021]

See The Respectable People keep down suffragettes trying to bring the E. R. A. To Mucklebugger from a 1386 AD decree. See car race on old roads. Much hilarity ensues and is a visual feast of off-beat, obscure, weird and odd references that don't really congeal into a whole movie.

Speaking of a disjointed movie, how about that audio de-sync. But wait for it - this is a movie to GO APE! It's got so many strange items and things to see! Thomas Crapper is referenced, Zsa Zsa Gabor shows up, radio and FM had not been invented yet, bloomers are given away: "down with trousers, up with skirts", likes Chinese food, dancing at 48m(!), cross-dressing Nanny Groat, Sir Thomas Crapper and the dream of hygiene, gunk of rock oil, hickie on wrist, many UFOs: Unverified Frankenstein Observations: 6; Ape-tastic: 7; Ape-tastic: 9 (Audio De-Sync); Black Monolith with Apes: 2; Conelrad Alert: 1; Indian Head Test Pattern: 2; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 4; Poop Show: 0; Propeller Cap: 5 (Obscure References) .

Find the audio sync by using a second player in the mini player mode. This audio de-sync will keep you Going APE. If the sync was there, it might - might - be as good as Young Frankenstein.

PSA: Watching the audio de-synced version is one of the hardest films yet to extract viewing enjoyment out of and receives a Poop Show Award. GO APE! Enjoy!

Five Bold Women (1960)

Five Bold Women Review 1959 Western. Criminal Human Women Irish McCalla Comanches Escapes Tied-Up

[8 July 2021]

Five Bold Women Review 1959. Western. Criminal Human Females. Irish McCalla. Merry Anders. Comanches. Stagecoaches. Escapes. Tied-Up. Mime or Mimic?

Short on the women, long on exposition: it's hard just getting there: with five deadbeat women: and five deadbeat actors. Irish McCalla has the best lines. No jungle here. Nothing else to report. Black Monolith with apes: 0; Ape-tastic: 1; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 0; Conelrad Alert: 0; Indian Head Test Pattern: 1; Tied-Up: 5.

The five deadbeat women were all sinister.

Earthsea (2004–2005)

Earthsea Review 2004. Earthsick. Too many humans. Alan Scarfe Amanda Tapping Isabella Rossellini

[8 July 2021]

..and Danny Glover. Earthsea TV Mini-Series Review 2004. All character actors and mediocre. None of them can carry this 3½ hr sickness of a TV event. Ursula Le Guin make me gag. Formulaic. Like Steven King. Maybe its best to let this one sink beneath the waves.

If you want to see good Ursula Le Guin, watch the 1980 PBS version of The Lathe Of Heaven. Formulaic: 51; Way too many Character Actors: 18; Ursula Le Guin's at a Typewriter: ¼; Black Monolith with apes: 0; Ape-tastic: 0; Conelrad Alert: 2; Indian Head Test Pattern: 8 {boring}; Propeller Cap: 5.

Confused about character actors? A note on character actors: They can never carry a movie. The purpose of such actors is to be bland and boring, to give a constant and steady performance, so that the others can shine, and to make it such that the TV commercials are more exciting than the movie. Learn It The Right Way!

Pardon My Blooper (1974)

Pardon My Blooper Review 1974. Kermit Schafer. Compilation of real, historic and true bloopers.

[8 July 2021]

Pardon My Blooper Review 1974. Compilation of real, historic and true bloopers throughout the recorded era. Bloopers. Kermit Schafer.

This should work for just about everyone: "guaranteed to give you 60 minutes of mental illness on Friday." More authentic and genuine than Candid Camera or Punk'd. Better than Reddit or TikTok compilations. Try it with the captions on - they were well coded. Humpy the Camel does not appear. Sure to bring some hoots and howls. Ape-tastic: 4; Black Monolith with Apes: 0; Conelrad Alert: 1; Human Alert: TALKIE; Indian Head Test Pattern: 2; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 6; Poop Show: 0; Propeller Cap: 2.

00:55:30 "Ben Casey performs delicate brain surgery on a deranged killer, in another exciting thriller, guaranteed to give you 60 minutes of mental illness on Friday."

Monetization? We don't need no monetization. Keep Central City currency free.

Speed Zone (1989)

Speed Zone! Review 1989. Don't get hosed. Car chase. John Candy, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty

[8 July 2021]

Speed Zone! Review 1989. Don't get hosed. Car chase. With John Candy, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty, Brooke Shields, Jamie Farr. AKA Cannonball Run III and Cannonball Fever.

Speed Zone! Is "an American movie always with the car chase". This movie is actually better than Cannonball Run and Cannonball Run II - as camp it doesn't take itself seriously and has real comedians in it (John Candy, Eugene Levy, Joe Flaherty). Got three 1989 Golden Raspberry Awards! For Worst Picture, Worst Director Jim Drake, Worst Supporting Actress Brooke "bit part" Shields {winner} and helped Ms. Shields garner a Worst Actress of the Decade nomination, "she was runned over good". The women are not Farrah-hot, and have Phds - they're Canadian after all. Bit players: the pre-Lawnmower Man Matt Frewer, Shari Belafonte, Art Hindle, Dick Smothers, Tommy Smothers, Peter Boyle, Duke brother John Schneider, Don Lake, Lee Van Cleef, Alyssa Milano, NASCAR Champion Richard Petty. Caution: Jamie Farr "stars" in all three Cannonball movies (but he is neither an actor nor a comedian).

Don't get hosed - watch Speed Zone! First, and forget about the other two Cannonball movies! Favorite scene: barge transport in the middle of the Canadian Forbidden Zone (it's pretty official with many regulations). Black Monolith with apes: 1; Ape-tastic: 6; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 3; Conelrad Alert: 2; Indian Head Test Pattern: 2; Poop Show: 0; Propeller Cap: 4; Car Chase: Always! If you watched Cannonball Run and/or Cannonball Run II first: Hosed: 2 or 4.

(Golden Raspberry Award nominations: Cannonball Run: 1; Cannonball Run II: 8; Speed Zone: 3.)

ItsACityOfApes is not monetized and follows Ape National Policy of no currency use, nor does it permit embedding.

Sherlock Holmes and the Deadly Necklace (1962)

Sherlock Holmes And The Deadly Necklace Review 1962. Elementary: Holmes get a gift! Christopher Lee

[8 July 2021]

The most perfect in the detective genre. Holmes is presented with a gift. And it is not explained how he got it. It's perfect. The most perfect and subtle movie in the detective genre. If other commentators don't get it, it is only their weakness. And the rest of the movie can be a hodge-podge of Sherlock Holmes stories. The perfection of this movie is the non explained gift to Holmes, the rest can be Schlock. You do not need to see any other detective genre movie as the universal plot point of how they resolve themselves is exposed here.

For those of you who do not understand the detective genre, this is the one for you. If you can never figure out how the detective deduces the mystery, this is the one for you. Holmes get a gift! And it doesn't need to be explained. This is the most perfect movie in the detective mystery genre. The other plot points don't matter and never do, if you can't figure it out anyway. But the Great Sherlock Holmes - like a Delphi oracle - waits for the conclusion to come to him. Elementary.

There are no review categories as it only revolves around one item: Holmes' gift and thus the gift to you about the whole of the detective genre! GO APE!

Frankenstein Meets the Spacemonster (1965)

Leading to phase 2: Capture of The Earthwomen: "See the kidnapping of the earth maidens for the love starved slaves of the sterile planet."

[8 July 2021]

Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster 1965. Previously used footage 65%. "We have come here to this planet for one purpose only: to acquire breeding stock to repopulate our planet."

Leading to phase 2: Capture of The Earthwomen: "See the kidnapping of the earth maidens for the love starved slaves of the sterile planet." Leading to an impressive roundup Daddio! See monsters, science, technology, airstrikes, men in space suits; Dr. Nadir is excellent.

This is a tight, concise movie, well paced, good use of music. Not too tedious. It's Vietnam, it's Puerto Rico - hit the Beaches. If collage of used footage is your thing - this movie is for you.

A. K. A.: Duel of the Space Monsters; Frankenstein Meets the Space Men; Mars Attacks Puerto Rico; Mars Invades Puerto Rico; Operation San Juan; and Operation: Frankenstein.

Most inane music by Golden Turkey Awards for: "Most Ridiculously Inane Rock 'n' Roll Lyrics Used in a Motion Picture": For "To Have and To Hold" by the Distant Cousins.

Alternate Titles: 6; Ape-tastic: 5; Black Monolith with Apes: 1; Conelrad Alert: 4; Indian Head Test Pattern: 2; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 4; Poop Show: 0; Propeller Cap: 2.

ItsACityOfApes is not monetized and follows Ape National Policy of no currency use, nor does it permit embedding.

Morituri (1965)

Marlin Brando Yul Brynner. Screen Titans. Wally "Mister Peepers" Cox as the dope ridden doctor. Two screen titans doing what they do best. Being bad guys. Toward each other.

[8 July 2021]

Morituri Review 1965. Marlin Brando Yul Brynner. Screen Titans. Wally "Mister Peepers" Cox as the dope ridden doctor. The Ship. Bowels of ship. Ship impersonation. "She blowed up good!" Two screen titans doing what they do best. Being bad guys. Toward each other. You can't get finer viewing. Code name: Operation Kyle. For those who are about to die, Generals Urko and Ursus salute you. Previously reviewed by the Farm Film Report duo of Big Jim McBob and Billy Sol Hurok as "Negative!". So don't be disappointed. [There's a plot point here.]

Ape-tastic: 4; Black Monolith with Apes: 1; Conelrad Alert: 7; Human Alert: Drug Use; Indian Head Test Pattern: 1; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 4; Poop Show: 0; Propeller Cap: 0.

Not monetized and working to help keep Central City currency free.

21-87 (1964)

21-87 Review 1964. Arthur Lipsett. The Force is awakened. Interstellar War. A Holy War develops.

[17 September 2020]

21-87 Review 1964. Arthur Lipsett: There is a mention of "The Force". This is the first indication of what would lead to the terrible Interstellar War. A religion develops leading to holy war. A document to be studied to understand their psychology. The Force aka Jedi religion is still active and is carried by astronauts. Such has been the cause of several Conelrad Alerts. Adherents: Vader, Vader Clones, Mendez I - XXVI, Spocked, Zaphod Babblebrox, Yoda, Harvey Wallbanger (no existing photos), Fresh Gordon. Mercerism's Rick Deckard is also a disciple. Led to the Weaponization of Space. An historic film. As one reviewer put it, "All current problems with humans come from this - they believe they are more in their head then they are."

It will be removed to the Ape Science Academy for safe keeping. Humans Alert: Degenerate Art. No Rating: Immediate Incarceration of the artifact. Conelrad Alert: 68.

Jacques Brel Is Alive and Well and Living in Paris (1975)

Jacques Brel Is Alive And Well And Living In Paris Review 1975 VOSTFR Chanson Lounge Lizard Mime

[17 September 2020]

Jacques Brel Is Alive And Well And Living In The Sewer. This is a chanson and babble artifact. Prince Jacques Brel is one of the most notorious human mimes ever (breakout 1975 Paris) - second only to La Bonhomme who broke out of his invisible box at the Quebec City Winter Carnival 1604. In this compilation movie, we see a combination of such subtle physicality and the babble that made Brel such a threat. Enjoy it for the babble, but learn, should the threat of human mime occur again. Human Alert: MIMES; No Rating: Babble Artifact and VOSTFR designations; Learning merit: 1.

The Bride and the Beast (1958)

Bride and The Beast Review 1958. "I am a gorilla." Ed Wood Horror Movie. Les Baxter Music. Spanky

[17 September 2020]

Bride and The Beast Review 1958. "I am a gorilla." Ed Wood Horror Movie. Les Baxter Music. Starring Spranky/Spanky. Ape Pride.

This is a horror movie set in Africa: The soul of a dead female gorilla is trapped in a human female's body and wants out (who wouldn't). Humans chase her to bring her back to their troupe. Miraculously, she finds her way back to her true gorilla troupe. Re-unites with mate. Live happy ever after. The message in this one is uplifting although movie touches upon our deepest fears.

"I am a gorilla" is before encountering the savage tribal men. Makeup tip (for the females): good use of bronzer. Long scene of two tigers and one jaguar, hunted by bwana in a bloodless encounter. Tiger versus crocodile. Black Monolith with apes: 6; Ape-tastic: 4; Monkeys at a Typewriter: 17; Unexplored Horror: 75; Conelrad Alert: 5; Indian Head Test Pattern: 5. HUMAN ALERT: CO-HABITATION in horror context

Science Ministry Note: "The mind is a strange instrument." "The human mind has not been fully explored." (What great horror!) Dr. Zauis indicated that he will and continue to direct the Science Academy to pursue a more aggressive position regarding direct invasive medical procedures to understand what makes humans say such things with more trepanations on anomalous humans.

The Penthouse (1967)

UPDATED: The Penthouse Movie Review 1967. Crocodiles Live in the Sewer! Peter Collinson Suzy Kendall

[17 September 2020]

Review of The Penthouse 1967. Crocodiles Live in the Sewer! This movie is about crocodiles but it is a talkie. One reviewer put it: 'crocodiles can live buried in the hardened mud for two years'. This movie introduces the twist that crocodiles can live in the sewer. Some captivating dialogue. No action. Ratings: Crocodile: 8; Black Monolith with apes: 0; Monkeys on a typewriter: 0.

ADDENDUM: The "Alligator Monologue" terror scene is available at COMPETITOR. OOGA BOOGAl!

At about minute 40, the home invader runs out of material to terrorize the bound human female. Like a Medicine Ape Storyteller of old, his mind grabs for a preposterous premise ..."and crocodiles live in the sewer." Which is actually a terrifying thought to those who live above said infested sewers. And to those 40 stories up in The Penthouse, apparently. Or, the human male home invader ran out of material in his said pea-brain and chose to extrapolate and enrich the "crocodiles live in sewers" bit as his next piece de resistance for the purposes of terrifying The Penthouse female for another 30 minutes? Great material for some of us thirsting for new ideas about crocs. But bad theory generally.

This movie has been added to the "Some Humans Are Wily"/"Hostage Narrative" Genre Category.

Slave Girl (1947)

Slave Girl Review 1947. Humpy the Camel William Dozier Yvonne De Carlo George Brent Valuable Loot

[17 September 2020]

Slave Girl Review. WATCH fellow African Humpy The Camel steal the show. Also known as Humpy The Educated Camel, this is the only appearance of this one hit wonder leaving us with one of the greatest pantomime performances ever! Yvonne De Carlo and George Brent are strong in supporting roles. Bit roles by Andy Devine, Arthur Treacher, Albert Dekker, Broderick Crawford. Black Monolith with apes 0; Monkeys at a typewriter 2; Poop Show 0. A William Dozier effect.

Rutland Weekend Television: Rutland Weekend Whistle Test (1975) Season 1, Episode 4

"Beauty Queen Farming" Review. See Miss Scunthorpe and others. Eric Idle and animal husbandry. RWT

[17 September 2020]

See Miss Scunthorpe, and others in "Beauty Queen Farming". Growing, training and fattening of Beauty Queens. Animal husbandry.

You've got them rounded up - what next? This documentary on Beauty Queen Farming will tell you how to successfully keep your herd - but remember, this is a human artifact, for human farmers. And unlike those farmers and with our meat requirements, we need not resort to cannibalism. With information from the Agrarian Economic Department.

Three hostesses are kept for breeding. Radical feminists broke in and showed them the Foot and Mouth Magazine: contamination resulted in several being put down. The taste is the most important. A dog's more fun. 700 acres: about 50 head of beauty queens and a few hostesses kept for breeding. Poachers taken them to Penthouse or Playboy club. Most of them will end up on your household table. Cow wishes it was exploited.

Where they will go to the abattoir and will be eaten. Animal husbandry artifact. Scunthorpe Problem STD. Rutland Weekend Television. "We've done more for Rutland than all the organs in Borat."

***The Agrarian Economic Department reminds you to keep your lint free of contamination***

More (1969)

More Review 1969. Drug use=death.

[4 September 2020]

More Review 1969. The Pink Floyd. Mimsy Farmer. Barbet Schroeder. Ibiza. Klaus Grünberg. drug use=death.

More. It's about The Pink Floyd music. It's a familiar story. He is a human and he wants more. The medical-institution apes who are always well tranquilized said The Pink Floyd musik was okay. Human Alert: Drug Use (makes it predictable). Apes on a Typewriter: 3; Monolith with Apes: 0.