Kooozey Reviews

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

Guilty pleasure

[7/10 · 7 May 2024]

I have to overrate this movie because I love it. But not in a "so bad it's good" kind of way. I think it's just really pleasant to watch. It's not really a good movie, but it's not awful either. Yes, a lot about it is silly. But it has great atmosphere and it looks amazing. I mean the shot of the Statue of Liberty covered in ice and snow? Come on.

The worst parts are A) The "happy ending", when probably most of mankind has just been wiped out. "Mr. President, we have great news! Ten people survived in New York!" That's the worst scene of the movie by far.

And B) Them not really explaining why Jack has to go to New York. Couldn't he have contacted the government right after talking to his son on the phone? Was it about bringing food or medicine? They never really tell you. Also didn't he say people must stay inside to survive?

Rating this movie 7/10 is ridiculous but I have to give it a pass because it feels like one long lazy rainy Sunday afternoon. As nothing more than entertainment, it actually works quite well.

Starship Troopers (1997)

Just saying "it's satire" doesn't make it good

[3/10 · 16 March 2023]

A lot of people these days seem to think that Starship Troopers (a sci fi action movie about huge insects waging a war on mankind) is somehow a thoughtful satire on militarism and fascism and much more than just another dumb popcorn movie that is primarily made for 15-year-olds.

The truth is if we truly look at the movie through that lens, we give it way too much of a pass. It's not enough to just say "well it's a satire", to make it a good movie. What's more important is the question: is it a good satire? And here the answer is simply "no".

Yes, fascism needs its enemies. That's why it thrives on propaganda. That's what this movie shows. The only problem is: Fascism creates boogeymen and scapegoats. Things that in reality pose no threat whatsoever. That's why people get "otherized", dehumanized, and that's what makes fascism so dangerous and disgusting. The enemies in Starship Troopers are giant, flesh eating insects. There's nothing in the movie to suggest that they are NOT evil. The "Brain Bug" even sucks people's brains out. This is not satire, it's just stupid.

Well of course you could find a way to interpret this differently. Maybe the bugs didn't even attack, maybe it's all fake. That's cutting the movie way too much slack. There's a scene in which a spaceship is almost destroyed by one of the bugs' asteroids. This is not propaganda, it's really happening. They clearly are a danger to mankind (even if it doesn't make any sense, but that just makes it an even dumber movie).

Verhoeven himself said he wanted viewers to think "are these people insane?". Well that's a huge fail, because acting in self defense is not insane. If you wanna make a satire about a society militarized beyond belief then there's more subtle ways of doing this (a 1984 type movie for example). But i see, he wanted to make an action-packed monster movie in space, because that's how you usually rake in tons of cash.

Some interpret it as a satirical depiction of a "fascist utopia", as two hours of satirical propaganda. But it doesn't work that way either. Ever seen fascist propaganda movies about a fascist army failing with countless soldiers dying in the most gruesome way imaginable? Of course not, it would undercut the whole point of pro war propaganda, which is to depict war as all fun and games. Also whether bugs really are the enemy or just a fake enemy, why use infantry instead of chemical weapons, nukes or whatever?

There is only one interpretation of this movie that makes sense: it's trying to make fun of the novel. And all of Verhoeven's talk about politics, fascism, history and war is just pretentious jibber jabber. He simply didn't think this through at all.

Even if none of this were true, it still wouldn't be a good movie. You can't just take a bad movie that has bad dialogues, a bad plot, bad characters and generally a lot of embarrassing stupidity in it, wave a magic wand, say the word "satire" and it suddenly turns into a good movie. Everything bad in this film is satire, everything good is not. I heard someone say that this movie is the type of movie that a society such as the one shown in the movie would create. Very interesting idea! But it doesn't make the film any better.

Little Dieter Needs to Fly (1997)

Absolutely disgusting

[2/10 · 26 January 2023]

Millions of innocent men, women and children died in Indochina due to the American assault and indiscriminate bombing and shooting of civilians. Why on earth would you create some nice heart-warming fairy tale about the plight of an American pilot who probably participated in the slaughter? At the very end we see a long shot of hundreds and hundreds of American military planes with the music suggesting that what we see is somehow the most beautiful thing imaginable, proof that there is still hope in this world of ours. This may be the single most twisted, heartless and disgusting thing i have ever seen in my life. Ask one of the civilians who had to spend years (!) in caves trying to survive the onslaught about what kind of emotions that image triggers inside them. You can't ask the millions of people who are dead due to the bombs and chemicals (Agent Orange) dropped on their home country by people like "Little Dieter".

Predestination (I) (2014)

Probably the most predictable movie i have ever seen

[2/10 · 21 August 2022]

1. Guy gets a new face. We never see his old face.

2. Guy is traveling through time.

3. Guy is searching for a mysterious terrorist.

Now WHO might this mysterious villain be? Make an educated guess. Put 2 and 2 together. Time travel movies? Weird paradoxes and stuff? Do you see a twist coming?

Oh, and another thing: Guy also loses something that is not often lost, he loses his voice! He then meets someone in a bar who talks with a weird voice and oddly decides to tell him the story of his entire life. Do you see some kind of time travel twist coming? Maybe?

The Batman (2022)

Alright but not great

[5/10 · 6 March 2022]

It's trying way too hard to be "dramatic" is my main problem. They try to create an atmosphere, but for me it's just not happening. Some things i saw coming from ten thousand miles away.

There's too much talk, and - yes - too much plot. So Bruce Wayne's father did something bad about 95 years ago? The music suggests that this is extremely important, like the world is gonna end because of it. Sorry, i don't really care. There's not enough focus on the center of the plot, which is something i hate. Some of the action is cool but there's no one in the movie i really cared about. The characters and the dialogue are kind of stale and anemic. It feels as if they just wanted to make another Batman-film without any real inspiration behind it. Why didn't they just come up with a new dark hero character? You know - use your imagination.

It's one of the better movies of its kind, but we've seen it all waaaaaaay too often. My guess is it's gonna be forgotten in a year or two.

Needful Things (1993)

A hilarious dark comedy and maybe the most underrated movie ever

[7/10 · 6 March 2022]

There's just nothing wrong with this movie, really. It's a rare case where critics absolutely blew it. It has a great plot idea, great actors and is generally entertaining as hell, even after having watched it four times or more.

Much of the criticism doesn't make any sense to me. Someone wrote that the town was ugly from the beginning. Well, otherwise it would be way less realistic. Gaunt used the ugly stuff that was already there to destroy the place and it's citizens, that's what Ed Harris' whole soliloquy at the end was all about. Some critics say it's unpleasant and depressing. I just don't see how. Don't watch any movies about say war then, if this is too dark or too ugly for you. What the hell. Personally i laughed a great deal. It's not a master piece by any means, but a good dark comedy. A fun little movie.

Taxi Driver (1976)

Good, but slightly overrated and superficial

[7/10 · 25 August 2021]

To me, Scorsese's movies lack emotional depth. They never make you really care for any of their characters, you're never able to feel their sadness, their desperation or their joy and even a movie like taxi driver which is supposed to be a character study suffers from this unwillingness or inability to create and depict emotionally realistic human characters you can actually feel for. If you take a girl to a porno theater on a first date you gotta be an imbecile. It's just too much. Why would I care about someone like that? Similarly, his sudden delusion, that he's now working for the government is not believable in the slightest. The little girl would have been an opportunity to show real human desperation and sadness but Scorsese's not interested in that. All he's interested in is "tough guys" who "freak out", which is why his movies mainly operate on a surface level. That part is actually well done but it's hardly more than sensationalism. Personally, one-liners like "You talkin' to me?" don't do that much for me. Is this really what "movie history" is supposed to be made of? It's quite hollow. Also why doesn't Bickle go to jail after what he has done? It's simply not realistic at all. What's left is a movie about someone "losing his mind" in an entertaining fashion, who maybe even shows signs of sadness and despair for a second like a real human being would, but who is mainly just there to shoot people. My guess is that Scorsese would never be able to make an interesting film about someone who goes insane but does NOT end up going on a killing spree. It's a gimmick that seems to be absolutely indispensable to him, which says a lot about him as a filmmaker. Decent movie but not anywhere near to being one of the best.

Nightcrawler (2014)

Dark, thought provoking, fun

[10/10 · 7 February 2021]

Personally i don't think i have ever seen a movie that is part character study, part dark comedy, part media criticism, part action thriller. Besides being kinda unique in that way what i like most about it is its weird humour, which is so dark that i'm not even sure if it's always intentional. For me it's just fun to watch these total lunatics go down their empathy free, career obsessed rabbit hole. Gyllenhaal is absolutely brilliant. For me it's a dark comedy first and foremost and it's probably one of my favourite movies of the last 20 years.

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Way too slow to be enjoyable

[4/10 · 27 December 2020]

I actually like the plot but the extremely slow pacing makes this movie pretty much unwatchable. One could massively improve this movie simply by cutting about 45 minutes of it. It's one of those ridiculously overhyped movies and i wonder how many people are actually able to sit through it and enjoy the experience.

The Shining (1980)

Emptiness disguised as art

[3/10 · 11 December 2020]

How do you pretend that a movie about a guy freaking out and trying to kill his family is somehow deep and a meaningful piece of art? Just draw out every scene as long as possible and play some weird modernist art-music. Also add a bunch of nonsense that is "open to interpretation" but doesn't actually mean anything. This movie isn't scary, there's almost no plot, there aren't any interesting characters and there aren't any good dialogues. It is an empty movie trying to pretend it is "art". Which it is not.

Alien: Covenant (2017)

Some of it is actually brilliant

[7/10 · 18 September 2020]

It is a flawed movie but nowhere near bad. What goes on between the two androids is actually brilliant, a kind of psychological thriller hidden in an alien movie. Some things only happen because the plot needs them to happen and the last 20 minutes seem rushed but nothing of it is bad, really. Visually and in terms of atmosphere it's simply amazing. Also a lot of the alien stuff is new and exciting.

The Dark Knight (2008)

Pretentious and silly

[3/10 · 18 September 2020]

The bank manager uses his shotgun to fight a bunch of bankrobbers. Sure. Then he tries to convince their leader that what he is doing is evil ("criminals used to believe in something! What do you believe in?"). Is this some kind of joke? Anyone can see why this is stupid.

Harvey Dent nearly gets shot in court but he doesn't even get nervous because he is Mr. Perfect. He grabs the gun and says: "Made in China. Next time buy american!" Sounds like some dumb Chuck Norris movie? No! It's the best movie of all time for some reason!

Mr. Perfect then suffers a tragedy and turns into another psycho killer. He just turns into a completely different person within a couple of minutes. He is now "pure evil". Because that sort of thing happens, right?

The Joker does things. He keeps changing his plans, which means there's no real storyline. Does he just wanna rob the mob? Does he wanna kill batman? Does he not wanna kill batman? Who knows. And it's ok because he's crazy, right? Well it also means that there is no real plot.

But the worst thing about this movie is that it's trying way too hard to be as "serious" and "realistic" as possible, all while it's telling a story about a guy in a bat suit who is fighting crime with his fists. Why doesn't anyone just shoot him? Seriously, why? There's not even an attempt to get around that problem, he just doesn't get shot.

Oh, the Joker almost shoots him, but of course he "doesn't want to kill him" because that would be the end of the movie. Also he can't because of plot armor.

In two scenes, while threatening someone with a knife, the Joker all of a sudden starts telling a story about his scars. It is so misplaced and forced as to be embarrassing. Who gives a damn about his scars? Why does he talk about his marriage all of a sudden? The music suggests that this is somehow supposed to be REALLY scary, but it isn't, it's just a drag.

There's also a lot of "philosophizing" going on about the world being black and white. There are good guys and there are bad guys. Sometimes good guys become bad guys. Also: some bad guys just wanna do bad things. Wow! This is some deep stuff!

Why would anyone "lose hope" because of what Dent did? We're talking about adults here, why should this make any difference whatsoever in the grand scheme of things? Doesn't Batman also give the people "hope"? Wasn't he able to make Gotham safer? So why would you make it so much harder for him to continue his work, just so that people don't get disappointed in a District Attorney? WHY blame it on Batman and not on someone else, maybe some criminal? Batman even has an alibi for most of the crimes! If it's so easy to fool the public and the police, why not just make them believe this (are you ready?): We don't know who did it. This is one of the dumbest ways to end a movie I have ever seen. A ten year old can see why this is stupid.

I could go on and on. Don't believe the hype. This is a stupid movie. It's also boring and way too long.

The Predator (2018)

One of the worst movies ever

[1/10 · 16 September 2020]

This is the first time i ever felt insulted by how dumb a movie is, and i've seen all kinds of trash. It's the worst sequel ever without any doubt.

Mandy (I) (2018)

No ideas, no plot, no characters

[2/10 · 16 September 2020]

Even the dumbest b-movies usually try to set themselves apart at least in some way when it comes to developing a story, but not here. "Guy kills evil guys" that's Mandy. I like a lot of movies that are thin on plot but this is something else. I kinda couldn't believe it when it ended - that's it, seriously? It's absolutely empty.