crashfire-31416 Reviews

The Intruder (I) (2019)

Pardon the Intrusion

[2/10 · 18 February 2021]

I got too distracted by Meagan Good's outfit and haircut. She looked like Simple Jack and I couldn't take the rest of the movie seriously.

Disturbing the Peace (2020)

Disturbing my dreams

[2/10 · 18 February 2021]

Absolutely terrible. I had higher expectations for Guy Pierce. I chose this movie because I had recently traveled to Horse Cave, KY. But lo and behold there is no redemption for this hot garbage. The no-name production companies should've been the first warning sign. Ten minutes of bad acting and sad plot later I gave up on this to drive staples into my fingers.

Bigfoot's Wild Weekend (2012)

Wildly Wonderfully Trashy

[3/10 · 30 December 2020]

If you were ever wondering what the cut scenes of the plot of an adult film were, look no further. I'm almost certain that the cast were forced to act here.

Hard Kill (2020)

Hard Swallow

[3/10 · 26 November 2020]

Completely lacking in plot. Technical advisors must have a substance abuse problem. Moved with a parking brake on.

Rubber (2010)

Congratulations!!

[1/10 · 10 October 2020]

You have found the end of the internet! This is it, a movie about a killer tire. Now, turn around and find literally anything else to watch.

Machete Kills (2013)

Just say no to sequels

[1/10 · 9 October 2020]

I know the series started as a joke preview, and the first one had its laughs, but this one was a sure fire DOA. Didn't even finish it on an afternoon where I had literally and I mean literally nothing else to do. Firm pass.

Trainwreck (2015)

The name says it all.

[1/10 · 9 October 2020]

Seriously. Who writes these scripts, funds the films, hires the actors, and at no point wonders: "will people like this hot garbage?"

Jeepers Creepers III (2017)

Jeepers Schmeepers

[1/10 · 9 October 2020]

It's not too often I cheer for the bad guy. Actually I lied, I do in most movies. But, this pathetic boring flick about a revenge held about as much gusto as gas station sushi. The first two were mildly entertaining, in the dumb teenager slaughter way, but this one didn't even capture my attention till the credits.

Captain Marvel (2019)

Captain Mundane

[1/10 · 9 October 2020]

If there's one thing I can't stand is Brie Larson's bad acting. No charisma. It's like she goes out of her way to be off putting. That and I can't get past her head. Is her face fat? It looks like it in most angles. It doesn't match the body.

Goodbye World (2013)

Goodbye sanity

[2/10 · 9 October 2020]

There's nothing like a movie where the idealists who destroy civilization carry on with their petty problems. Characters with zero remorse for ruining lives reunite to argue about their pettiness and jealousy. Probably an accurate portrayal of how the elitists would continue their lives, however, this film is hot garbage.

Suicide Squad (2016)

Another wasted potential

[2/10 · 9 October 2020]

In the long line of lackluster films comes this joyless cash grab. A weak plot and mostly unloveable characters drags out this two hour charade. It is flanked by an emaciated Jared Leto as the Joker and Robie Margot as Harley Quinn, a woman suffering from Stockholm syndrome. The movie seemed to serve one purpose: the excuse for every crazy ex-girlfriend to dress up with pigtails and sport a baseball bat.

House of the Dead (2003)

My first experience leaving a theater before credits

[1/10 · 2 October 2020]

Saw this cinematic train wreck when I was 18. The "rave of the century" looked like a WalMart parking lot on a Saturday night. Zombies were smarter than the rave kids. I about lost it when the Asian girl broke out in Karate but I hung in there till the head honcho delivered his line about eternal life. Manager at AMC refused a refund.

The American (2010)

The Boring American

[1/10 · 2 October 2020]

The best part is George Clooney dying so you don't have to worry about a sequel. That and the Ruger Mini-14. I couldn't figure out if it was a story about an assassin who liked prostitutes, or someone who liked prostitution and occasionally killed someone for money.

True History of the Kelly Gang (2019)

Astoundingly terrible. A new low in cinema.

[1/10 · 2 October 2020]

No historical accuracy. Flashy, avant-garde cinematography contrasts with the Western genre. Soundtrack is reminiscent of a cat being fed to an industrial woodchipper. Movie moves listlessly without purpose for two hours. Bizarre, irrelevant, and downright frustrating. And the "gang" looked more like a pop country band.

Force of Nature (2020)

Farce of Nature

[2/10 · 1 October 2020]

How can a star studded cast possibly make a bad film? Easily! Set it during a hurricane in Puerto Rico and the rest will follow. The scenes between the action lulled and the plot was predictable. Even if you're trapped in your home during a hurricane and this is the only movie choice, you're better off not wasting your time.

Sometimes They Come Back... for More (1998 Video)

Extra cheese, please!

[1/10 · 1 October 2020]

I like my cheesy horror movies but this one was a block of velveeta. It was included in a multipack of movies and out of sheer boredom I watched it. One of many that should have died on paper.

Backdraft 2 (2019 Video)

Backdraft 2: The backfire

[1/10 · 1 October 2020]

I don't even know where to begin as to what infuriated me the most. The movie started out as the story about the unapproachable mentally scarred progeny of a legacy fireman and quickly tumbled into an international terrorist plot worthy of CBS daytime drama. Dialogue was weak. Characters were bland and forgettable. The technical advisor has clearly never fought a fire, or ever seen a fire ground operation outside of Paw Patrol. The apparatus filling in for a CFD engine was a 30 year old U.S. Air Force 4x4 pumper. The cameos were expected and dull. The whole movie had the "straight to Netflix and we know it" feel. It was so bad I got up and cleaned the house and just let it play in the background much to my dog's dismay.

The Hunt (II) (2020)

Hunger Games for politicos

[3/10 · 1 October 2020]

The only entertaining part of this battle Royale was Betty Gilpin's facial expressions. The carnage became predictable quickly. The characters over portrayed stereotypes. I would have consisted four stars had they added some nudity.

Ava (IV) (2020)

Exactly what I expected... which was not much.

[3/10 · 1 October 2020]

A decent ensemble of a cast what could've used some caffeine. A plot that was predicable. A backdrop of a city famous for its accent that luckily no one attempted to imitate. All that and more is featured in "Ava". Actually not much more is featured. Lemme ruin it for you. Gambling addicted ex boyfriend is engaged to Avas sister who is preggo. Avas mom and her reconcile after estrangement. Avas surrogate father and assassin trainer gets killed and she gets revenge. There. I saved you a $1.93 at Rebox. You're welcome.

Money Plane (2020)

Would've been better with snakes

[3/10 · 1 October 2020]

Kelsey Grammar as a bad guy? Should've been the warning. Most of the first thirty minutes played out like a soap opera, and maybe because they have a soap star in it (Denise Richards, what happened to you??). Some dark humor unfolds on the money plane which broke up the monotony of a slow film. Predictable otherwise. I kept hoping for Samuel L. Jackson and snakes to appear and spoiler alert they don't.