Now, i've seen worse movies in my time (Strangers with candy coming to mind) but this was just so so so disappointing it almost makes it worse. Usually when you watch a bad movie, you have a feeling beforehand that it might not be that great, judging by the trailers for this however, it had a lot of potential. I wasn't even aware of the plot before i watched the film, just that it was similar to most sword and sandal affairs, but with vikings. Can't be that bad right? Wrong. This was literally one of the worst failures of a decent license i've ever seen. It was worse that Ghostrider...and i HATED Ghostrider. The acting was like something out of a school play. The plot was ridiculous. Some scenes were just absolutely horrendously bad. Vikings on sledges? Underwater sarcastic tribe leaders? and THAT scene where a gazillion Indians jump into a spike pit for apparently no good reason. Not to mention the historical errors. Horses? a ten year old that can speak perfect Nordic 15 years after leaving home? Let alone the fact he should have froze to death already. It really is laughably bad. Except no ones laughing. Note to director. MUST TRY HARDER. Avoid.
Reviews
4 Reviews
The Breed
(2006)
*Sighs*
26 August 2007
Warning: Spoilers
OK, so i'm not the biggest horror fan in the world. I'll admit. usually i find the paper thin plots and laughable acting too much to bare. The only horror movies i can think of recently that have impressed me were 'The Devils Rejects' and '1408' - and this movie just completely reinstates my thoughts on why i generally avoid horrors. Lets see. First up they choose mans BEST friend as the 'monsters' - NO. Then they decide to stick with the ever familiar "5 teens lost 'somewhere' plot - NO. They used REAL, ORDINARY dogs - NO. Come on Wes, i mean Jesus...at least try and mean 'em up a little bit. Coming off the back as such repellent crap as 'Cursed' (A werewolf that flips people off? Kill me now) it's no wonder this was a tad on the dire side. What made it even more pathetic was some of the actions performed by the placid characters. Why on earth other people reviewing this film are saying they acted 'Real' in those situations is beyond me. Heres where we get into spoilerville...
1) John is an excellent marksman, yet he manages to miss one dog randomly and hit a girls leg even though every other shot in the movie he makes is dead on. Not to mention the fact he has a sack load of arrows and a whole bunch of times he could have simply started picking the dogs off one by one. But no, that'd be too easy.
2) The car in the garage that has been sat rusting for years works first time they try and then....surprise surprise. Not when they need it.
3) The dogs can climb on board a planes wing, but not over a little fence.
4) At one point, this guy (yeah...i didn't care enough to remember his name) has 20 baying dogs on him as he rushes to the car, yet, finds time to take his jacket off (an attack PROTECTION jacket) before he gets in the car? Why, oh why?
5) You're on an island, full of killer dogs, driving a car you know they can easily jump on and in. Yet you leave the F'ing windows down? come on now.
6) They drop the bow (retardedly) and pass by the same direction they dropped it on the way back to the house (NOT being pursued at this point). Do they think to check and grab it? Nah....too easy.
7) The black guy dies first. *Sighs*
8) They know the dogs can break into there house, as they had done before. Yet they still decide to stay downstairs and have a PARTY? *Sighs again*
9) The ending.....oh lordy lord, the ending...they had serious options for a semi-entertaining ending. The guys could have gone nuts and turned on each other like fighting dogs then Michelles character. They could have both just turned on Michelle, they could have let them been saved and then showed the virus spreading to another place. No, they went the James Bond route. I was half expecting Odd Job to jump out and start swinging bowler hats at people.
10) Just...ahhhhhh! How annoying are you people!
So yeah.....If you like your horrors full of cute pets that are a little bit mean to people, actors that need a slap in the face for even attempting any realism, the stupidest scenarios you can imagine and one liners that would make Arnie the govenator cringe, this is your movie.
There's worse movies out there (Strangers with candy anyone?) but as far as movies go this is pure drivel. I work at Blockbusters and got this rental for free. Do NOT part with any cash for this film. In fact, steal it, and burn it. Michelle....sort it out love. And Wes...If you don't make another Nightmare On Elm Street soon your reputation in the horror business is as good as (the living) dead.
Avoid.
1) John is an excellent marksman, yet he manages to miss one dog randomly and hit a girls leg even though every other shot in the movie he makes is dead on. Not to mention the fact he has a sack load of arrows and a whole bunch of times he could have simply started picking the dogs off one by one. But no, that'd be too easy.
2) The car in the garage that has been sat rusting for years works first time they try and then....surprise surprise. Not when they need it.
3) The dogs can climb on board a planes wing, but not over a little fence.
4) At one point, this guy (yeah...i didn't care enough to remember his name) has 20 baying dogs on him as he rushes to the car, yet, finds time to take his jacket off (an attack PROTECTION jacket) before he gets in the car? Why, oh why?
5) You're on an island, full of killer dogs, driving a car you know they can easily jump on and in. Yet you leave the F'ing windows down? come on now.
6) They drop the bow (retardedly) and pass by the same direction they dropped it on the way back to the house (NOT being pursued at this point). Do they think to check and grab it? Nah....too easy.
7) The black guy dies first. *Sighs*
8) They know the dogs can break into there house, as they had done before. Yet they still decide to stay downstairs and have a PARTY? *Sighs again*
9) The ending.....oh lordy lord, the ending...they had serious options for a semi-entertaining ending. The guys could have gone nuts and turned on each other like fighting dogs then Michelles character. They could have both just turned on Michelle, they could have let them been saved and then showed the virus spreading to another place. No, they went the James Bond route. I was half expecting Odd Job to jump out and start swinging bowler hats at people.
10) Just...ahhhhhh! How annoying are you people!
So yeah.....If you like your horrors full of cute pets that are a little bit mean to people, actors that need a slap in the face for even attempting any realism, the stupidest scenarios you can imagine and one liners that would make Arnie the govenator cringe, this is your movie.
There's worse movies out there (Strangers with candy anyone?) but as far as movies go this is pure drivel. I work at Blockbusters and got this rental for free. Do NOT part with any cash for this film. In fact, steal it, and burn it. Michelle....sort it out love. And Wes...If you don't make another Nightmare On Elm Street soon your reputation in the horror business is as good as (the living) dead.
Avoid.
Welcome to Dongmakgol
(2005)
Gorgeous and well told tale of war...
22 February 2007
Upon approaching this flick i was a tad sceptical - i knew with the cast, director and musical score covered nicely - there was no reason for it to be a let down, but i always find myself slightly dubious of war films. JSA was fantastic though so i gritted my teeth, held my breath and hoped for the best. Absolutely F'in glad i did, its such a well shot beautiful tale, the cinematography is highly original for the premise of a war film, the colours and dialogue were spot on and the actors all came correct. I found myself wishing that i could just F it all and go live in that cool village with that crazy girl for the rest of my days, ha ha. Thats not to say this film is completely void of any gritty (and sometimes gory) realism on the 'war' front but it just doesn't focus so much on the agony, more so on the individual and the reasons behind such atrocities. Its not a short film, but i found myself not wanting it to end. Some scenes in particular bring light relief and patch the whole thing up into a marvellous little epic. I highly highly recommend it to fans of beautiful cinema.
Strangers with Candy
(2005)
Can i have my 2 hours back?
20 February 2007
This is my first review....why you might ask yourself? Why now? I'll tell you why.....so i can help people to avoid the god awful tripe that this movie is. I don't think my comedy tastes are really any different to anyone else's...i don't think i just didn't "get it" i honestly and truly think this is the worst film i have ever seen in my entire life. Not once did i laugh....the whole film i wanted to punch Jerri in her mutilated face, and quite frankly i'm disturbed Colbert would put his name, let alone face, to something this bad. The quote on the box says "The funniest film since 'Shaun of the dead'" - where was that from you ask? IMDb. Yes folks...right here...thats the only place they could find someone insane enough to actually like this movie. Avoid like the plague. For the love of God.
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