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Tiberius476
Reviews
Amazing Stories: Family Dog (1987)
The Family Dog is Mine
I remember seeing this short film when it first aired on Amazing Stories in 1987 and I thought that it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. Every character (including the dog who is silent) was extremely funny. I have never forgotten it and was looking for it all over the place (thank heaven for the internet). I watched it, and although the animation is not on par with anything that is out today, it is still probably one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life. I cannot get it out of my mind (I think the same thing as the robber at the end, every morning when I have to walk my dogs). If you can, find it...If you can't, find it anyway, it will surely crack you up, dog lover or not.
The Dark Knight (2008)
Oh My God!!!!!!
Where do I begin? This movie could not have been better (maybe longer?) It was perfect in every way (except for Maggie Gyllnhall). From the opening scene you sit enthralled and literally stuck to your seat. If you try to move, something on screen will surely knock you back onto your ass. I have read Batman comics for many years and I know that the Joker is a vicious and scary guy, all of the other incarnations have never really done him justice Until Now!! Heath Ledger (God rest him) was absolutely brilliant (I wish I had a thesaurus to get more words for his performance). He was absolutely terrifying as the joker and his performance only served to make everyone else take theirs to a higher level. Christian Bale was fine (and I do mean fine) as Batman; Gary Oldman (who I usually think is a big ham) was quietly understated and strong as Leiutenant Gordan and the man who played Two Face (forgot his name) was very good looking and a superb addition to this masterpiece of destruction (even Scarecrow made a visit). There are not enough words in our language to describe the magnitude of greatness that this movie reaches. It will definitely make all superhero movies to follow have to come up to an entirely new level. Heath Ledger should be dug up, bowed before and given an posthumous Oscar for his performance. He was so scary that a couple of times, I had to actually cover my eyes for fear of what horrors he would perform next. In every aspect this movie it probably The Best Superhero Movie Ever Made!!!! Ironman and the Hulk better step up the game for their next outings. Is there any way I can give it 20 stars???
Transformers (2007)
Holy Crap
As an '80's baby, I can safely say that one of my favorite cartoons was Transformers. This movie is "OFF THE HOOK". It's exciting and loud, and funny, and Optimus Prime is still "The Robot". Hugo Weaving makes a perfect Megatron (although there just isn't enough of him). Tyrese is Hot and the kid who plays the hero, is absolutely adorable. There is nothing not to like about this movie except for the fact that in the soundtrack you will hear music from "The Terminator", "Armageddon" and "The Matrix" (come on Mr. Bay, all that money and you couldn't get a better score?). All in all, I'd have to say that (and it makes me sad) that it was better than Spiderman 3.
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
Horrible, Horrible, Horrible
Yes, Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom were gorgeous, and yes Keith Richards made a good addition as Jack's dad (blink and you miss it), but this was too freakin' long and boring (I actually fell asleep). Chow Yung Fat's part was too small and there were way too many twists and turns. What happened to the straight forward fun? If you have friends ask them to tell you the movie, you won't have missed anything and you won't feel dopey for having spent $10 to see this junk. Too much extra crap and not enough Captain Jack. If you do go see it, take a pillow, and try not too snore. Also, go to a matinée and save yourself some money. All in all this movie sucked hard and with teeth.
The Covenant (2006)
Just a Movie Filled with Yummies.
The movie was pretty good. Four boys descended from witches with really cool powers having fun. Boy meets girl, boy woos girl (with surprisingly little nudity, a fine treat) then a villain puts girl in danger. There are more hotties in this movie than I have seen since Lord of the Rings (I still think Orlando Bloom is the most beautiful man on the planet). The guy who plays Caleb (the sensible one) is as hot a fire cracker (see Sky High he was Warren Peace). The guy who plays Chase (the villain) is almost as hot and is a cheeky bugger. These two are so fine that they had to have fine friends (lookers never hang with dogs in real life or in films). For the men there are a couple of pretty ladies Sarah who like Caleb and some black chick (who of course ends up in the hospital...better than the morgue I guess) so there is something for everyone. There is one really cool car crash scene and the end fight is great. See it...if only to spend 97 mins. with some tissue to keep the drool of the front of your blouse.
The Brink (2006)
Four Dolts on a mission to do something really, really dumb.
This movie sucked. There are these 4 college students (all relatively intelligent) who want to speak to the dead(apparently while Thomas Edison was inventing the phonograph and the light bulb, he also invented a machine to speak to the dead). Why do they want to speak to the dead? Who the hell knows. I say wait a few years...you'll get there, First they go to this horrible abandoned house, then the build the machine and then when it works the "fun" starts. For a horror movie to be worth the time there has to be either one of two things...good story, or lots of people to kill. Since this one had neither, I will say no more. If I could meet the director, I would say "Watched White Noise did we?" and slap him briskly across the face with a glove.
The Wicker Man (2006)
Are You Kidding Me?
Where shall I begin? The only cool thing to happen in this movie was shown on the commercial (when the car gets hit by the truck and bursts into flames). After that, it's all down hill. Are we supposed to believe that in modern day America there is a town full of people (besides the Amish) that live and dress like this? Get a grip. This movie explains why pagan rituals are no longer performed. They were dopey. Nicholas Cage (who I usually like) is looking kind of old and floppy in this one and the women are just strange...sort of like Stepford Wives. All in all, no surprises here, and of course, as usual a remake being passed off as an original. Geez, Hollywood really does suck these days. MORE SAW PLEASE!!!
Rest Stop (2006)
Two Teens on a road trip get slashed.
Jess and Nicole are on the way to California in Jess' car. First they argue, then they do the hunka chunka on the side of the road, then they fight, then they stop at the most DISGUSTING rest area in the universe (I'm a truck driver, so I know gross rest areas when I see one). Frankly, if I had to go to the bathroom that bad...he could have stopped on the side of the road and I would have done my business. Anyway, Jess gets kidnapped and Nicole gets messed with by some really weird guy you never really get to see driving a pickup (trust me guys in pickups can be very weird). She has to get drunk of course...Joey Lawrence comes and gets messed up, and just when you think things can't get worse for poor Nicole...they do. Needless to say, there were a lot of flashbacks to some really cool gory stuff (just the way it should be). God Bless the American Slasher Flick. I give this one two snaps and a twist.
Pulse (2006)
been there done that...
Does anyone in America watch movies that are not from Hollywood? Broaden you horizons people!!! The original of this movie was done in 2001 from Japan. Of course like so many before it (Seven Samurai, Ju-On, Ringu), and it was much better. Sorry, but the message was dopey. Back to Freddy Krueger and Jason Vorhees if you please (the bread and butter of American films is the teenage slasher, that's what we do best). When did it stop being cool to be original in Hollywood? I thought those people was supposed to be creative, not stealing other peoples ideas and saying "Man, I'm a freakin' genius". Jeez Hollywood, gimme a break.