Lumberjackyl Reviews

Death to Smoochy (2002)

Very funny movie!!!

[11 October 2002]

Death To Smoochy! I was really looking forward to this film, and I was not disappointed! Though not as funny as hoping, it was still a really great movie.

Robin Williams plays Rainbow Randolph, a child's television star who is on top of the world. However, when he is caught in a very bad position, he is quickly replaced by Smoochy, a pink rhino (played by Edward Norton).

With a great cast like Danny DeVito and Catherine Keener, the laughs are all about.

Be wary though, this movie is full of vulgar language and is not suitable for children (as my neighbour found out!!!).

Give this movie a try to see some classic Robin Williams.

National Lampoon's Van Wilder (2002)

National Lampoon's scores another big hit. Hilarious, yet crude, fun!

[21 September 2002]

National Lampoon's scores big with Van Wilder. Another great film from the comedy masterminds. Probably one of the best college films since Animal House!

Van Wilder is a young man in college. He has been there for 7 years, and is not looking to graduate anytime soon. When his father decides not to pay his tuition anymore, he decides to try to make some money on his own, so he does not have to leave the life he loves.

The movie is hysterical! The scene with the eclaires just made me cringe and laugh ant the same time. The DVD is great. The menus are just fantastic, and totally original. If you have the chance, rent the DVD.

Definately worth a look, if you are not easily offended by gross humour. Here's hoping that National Lampoon's starts coming out with some more movies in the near future. I missed them dearly.

Farrelly Brothers, take a look at this and learn!

Clockstoppers (2002)

Great fun for the whole family! Kids and adults will love this adventure!

[21 September 2002]

Nickolodean did a great job on this film! Really outstanding. Story was really good, and the special effects were really well done. A great movie for the whole family.

Zak is a boy in high school, whose father is a science professor at the local University. When an old student of Zak's dad sends him a strange watch, Zak and his family get into alot of trouble. The watch is able to stop time. However, there are others that would like this watch back in their hands.

Great movie, great cast of unknowns (except for French Stewart and Michael Biehn). Francesca is a very good looking girl. She's gonna be a heartbreaker in the future.

Enjoy this one with your children. One of the few kids movies this year that can entertain all age groups.

Super Troopers (2001)

The funniest cop movie since Police Academy 1!

[13 September 2002]

This is one funny movie!! I really enjoyed this. It was a breath of fresh air to see a comedy like this after all the crap that has been released in the past few years.

This movie is about a group of Highway Patrolmen, who go up against the city patrol. When they find out that one of the departments is going to be brought down, the two try to outdo each other.

Really good movie!! I didn't see anyone that I really recognized, but the cast was really great. The opening scene still cracks me up.

I really hope they make a sequel.

Kung Pow: Enter the Fist (2002)

83 precious minutes of my life I won't see again!

[13 September 2002]

Terrible, terrible, terrible!! I never thought that a movie could be this bad, but it does exist!! A kung-fu fighting cow? A talking tongue? A woman with one breast? What in heaven's name is going on in Hollywood? They must be really hurting for ideas to release this garbage. Actually, garbage is better than this. This is like the little white stuff that accumulates at the side of your mouth when you are very thirsty.

Do not rent. Do not even watch it for free on cable!! You will kick yourself!! Five bucks, and 83 minutes of my life I will never see again!

Scary Movie 2 (2001)

Stupid! Stupid! STOOOOPID!!!

[11 September 2002]

This has got to be one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Stupider (if possible), than the original Scary Movie.

The first scene, which parodies the Exorcist, was entertaining. However, once the rest of the movie started, I did not laugh once. The stupidest movie of the year.

I am still trying to find out how a bad movie like this gets made.

Showtime (2002)

The best buddy cop movie in years!! Murphy and De Niro are great together!

[2 September 2002]

Absolutely entertaining. That is all I can say about this movie. This is one of the first movies in years that I can say I did not want to shut off halfway through. Murphy is great, it's good to see him in this kind of role again, and De Niro is fantastic as always.

Showtime is about a cop, Mitch Preston (DeNiro), who after a huge screwup, is forced by his department to do a reality cop show. Preston is teamed up with Trey Sellars (Murphy), a cop who wants to be an actor, and the fun begins! Rene Russo is also in this film, and she is beautiful as always.

There are some extremely funny moments, as well as some great stunt scenes. Let's hope that Eddie Murphy keeps this kind of role up, as I miss his Beverly Hills Cop days.

Definately the best cop buddy movie since probably Lethal Weapon. If you are a fan of the Lethal Weapon series, you will definately love this one.

High Crimes (2002)

Very predictable crime drama.

[2 September 2002]

Morgan Freeman and Ashley Judd star together for the second time since Kiss the Girls.

Ashley Judd stars as Claire Kubik, a lawyer who finds out that her husband is not who he really is. After her husband is put into military prison for crimes that he supposedly committed in El Salvador, she joins together with Charlie Grimes (Freeman) and try to free him from the military prison.

Very interesting story, however, the plot is very predictable. If you like crime dramas, you will probably love it. I for one, will not watch this one again. I'll stick with Kiss The Girls.

Oh yeah, and let's hope that Ashley grows her hair back longer. The short hair just does not suit her.

The Time Machine (2002)

Total crap...a waste of a rental.

[27 July 2002]

When I first saw the trailers to this film, I was really looking forward to it. Thank God, however, that I listened to my poor friends who actually paid to see this in the theatre, or else I would have ended up just like them...out ten bucks. Still, I'm out the four bucks I wasted on the rental. Terrible, terrible movie.

The beginning was interesting enough, up until Guy Pearce's character (that tells you how awake I was during the film, I can't even remember his name!) goes 4 million years into the future. There it just gets really stupid.

Now don't shoot me, I never read the book, and after viewing this atrocity, I don't think I ever will. With that being said, I don't know how close it is to the book.

Before I watched this movie, I wondered why it didn't do any better at the box office. After watching it...I have my answer.

Avoid this like the plague.

Shallow Hal (2001)

The Farrelly Brothers have definately lost it.

[14 July 2002]

After viewing the trailers to this film, I was really looking forward to it. How disappointed I was. The Farrelly Brothers have lost it...BIG TIME!!!!

Jack Black plays Hal, a man who is as shallow as a puddle of water. He only sees women for what they are on the outside, not on the inside. After a chance meeting with a self help guru, Hal is transformed to notice people only by what they look like on the inside. Soon he meets Rosemary, whom he sees as a knockout, but everybody else does not see her that way.

Sure there were some funny moments, but the shock value of the Farrelly Brothers' movies is gone. Maybe they should not have wasted ALL of their funny moments in Dumb and Dumber or Kingpin, and saved some for their future movies.

The one thing positive I can say about this movies is that at least there is a good moral tale in it. Do not judge what is on the outside, but what is on the inside.

Oh yeah, on a sad note, it is very sad to see what Jason Alexander's career has come to. He was one funny guy on Seinfeld.

John Q (2002)

After watching this movie, all I have to say is thank God I live in Canada!

[14 July 2002]

This was a very solid film. It brought me to the verge of tears at many moments.

Denzel Washington plays John Quincy Archibald. His 9 year old son is diagnosed with heart failure, and unfortunately, John Q's insurance does not cover the operation. After failing to raise the money, John decides to try and take the law into his own hands. A very scary and emotional movie. I do not know what I would do if my son was diagnosed with heart failure, and needed a heart transplant. I would probably do the same thing if I lived in the United States. Thank God I live here in Canada where this type of operation would be covered by our medicare.

This film shows exactly how corrupt the system is. Luckily, I do not, and hopefully will never, know exactly how the system down in the States works, but if this is basically true, I will stick with my Canadian citizenship.

Overall, a very solid movie. Not really Oscar material for Denzel. However, James Woods does an excellent job (as usual) as John Q's sons doctor. He always plays a great prick in the movies.

Very good film, I would highly recommend to anyone. It shows you just what true love for your children is, and how far someone would go to make sure they would live and not die. Too bad there are not more people in the world like John Q.

Superman III (1983)

The movie that made the series "Jump the shark".

[1 July 2002]

This film is not terrible, it is a decent movie. However, it is not nearly up to par with Superman or Superman II. The star of this movie is not Superman, they tried to make a comedy using then box office star Richard Pryor.

The movie takes place in Metropolis again. The evil guy in this movie, unfortunately is not Lex Luthor, but an evil, greedy tycoon who is hell bent on taking over the world. With the help of Richard Pryor, they make a super computer that could kill Superman.

Not a bad movie, however, this is definately the movie that caused the series to "jump the shark". (If you don't know what this means, go to www.jumptheshark.com, although this term is usually for television shows.) The comedy in the film is not very funny, however there are some memorable moments. We finally get to see Clark's childhood sweetheart Lana Lang, as he returns home for a class reunion. There is also the battle between Clark and the evil Superman that is pretty wild.

Again, this is the movie that caused the series just to go downhill. After an amazing sequel like Superman II, I can not believe that they took the series into a totally different direction.

Hopefully, a new film maker will resurrect the character of Superman, and we will see a new, better series.

However, nobody can replace Christopher Reeve. He just seems to be born to play the role.

Adventures in Babysitting (1987)

Still a great film for the whole family.

[6 June 2002]

Yesterday, I was walking through the local Zellers store, when I saw a copy of this film on DVD for only $11.00 cdn. Since it was one of my favorite movies as a kid, I decided to pick it up. And you know what? It is still very entertaining for the whole family.

Elisabeth Shue plays Chris, a girl who is stood up by her boyfriend. Having nothing else to do, she decides to babysit for the Andersons. However, when she receives a call from her best friend who just ran away from home, she heads into the city...with the kids in tow.

The film is geared towards a younger crowd, however, it will amuse older audiences. Especially those that grew up in the 80's (like me), and can relate to the styles and music of the era.

Although it is geared towards children, there are a few scenes that you might want to cover up your childs ears. Especially the scene with the gang on the subway. I can't believe that this scene made it into the final cut.

All in all...a good film. Pick it up if you haven't seen it, and enjoy the old 80's comedies.

Spider-Man (2002)

Simply amazing! The most amazing comic book motion picture in over 20 years!

[12 May 2002]

Not since the first Superman film has a comic book movie been translated to the silver screen so superbly. Finally, after more than 20 years, another great superhero comes to the big screen, in Spider-Man.

Peter Parker is a not so popular kid in school, who is in love with the most beautiful and popular girl in school, Mary Jane Watson. During a field trip to a science lab, Peter is bitten by a genetically altered spider, and soon transforms into Spider-Man. While Spider-Man fights crime, there is a new terror in New York...the Green Goblin.

Simply amazing film. Sam Raimi did a terrific job. Tobey Maguire is really believable as Peter Parker, and does a fantastic job as Spider-Man. And let's not forget Mary Jane (played by Kirsten Dunst). She is simply stunning in this film. (Please Kirsten, keep the red hair!!)

This movie is definately going to be one of (if not the top) grossing movie of all time. It has been a long time coming, but it has definately been worth the wait. Can't wait for the sequel. You know they are coming.

The Scorpion King (2002)

A decent action film, nothing spectacular.

[25 April 2002]

I for one, was waiting a long time to see this film. Being a huge WWF fan, I couldn't wait. Even though it was the Rock and not Triple H, I still wanted to see this film.

The Scorpion King is a prequel to the Mummy series with Brendan Fraser. It takes place in Ancient Egypt, where a tyrant king is taking over land with the help of a soceress. Enter our hero, who is hired to kill the sorceress in hopes to weaken the tyrant king.

First off, the script seemed a little hurried. It seems after the success of the Mummy Returns, the film makers just wanted to get another film out and reap the success. If they waited another year, and put together a better script, this film could have been a great film.

Also, I think that the Rock is going to have Schwarzenneger Syndrome. This is a new disease (invented by me :-P), where an actor is great in the action department, but just plain loses it when there is some seriousness in the film. Hopefully, the Rock will be better in the future. After seeing him on Saturday Night Live, I know that the man can act. Maybe it was just the horrible script in this film. However, he really did impress me with all of his fight scenes. But this should be a given, considering all the stunt work and fighting he does in the WWF.

Decent movie, fun to watch, however, I would not see it again. I probably still will buy it on DVD when it comes out just so I have the complete Mummy series.

One more thing, I still think this movie would've been ten times better if they used Triple H. But that is just my opinion.

Detroit Rock City (1999)

The best coming of age comedy to date. Hysterical film!

[13 April 2002]

While growing up, I was always a huge Kiss fan, and when I heard that they were making this film, I was a little skeptical. After seeing the God awful Kiss Meets the Phantom (even me, the mega-fan can't get into that one), I didn't know what to expect.

This film shocked the hell out of me. It was well written, well acted, and just plain hysterical. Pure comic greatness. There is not enough good things to say about this film.

The film takes place in 1978, when Kiss were on top of the world. Four friends decide to take a trip to Detroit to see their heroes in action. As they travel, they have many different adventures, all very funny and exciting.

This film bombed at the box office, and it was a true shame. When I saw this on opening night, there were only five other people in the theatre. Even if you are not into Kiss, give this movie a chance, as it really does entertain, and does a good job of re-creating the late 70's.

Marked for Death (1990)

Typical Segal film. Still alot of fun.

[13 April 2002]

What can I say? I'm a sucker for action movies. And even though the plot in Marked for Death is the same as every other films that the man has made, it is still a lot of fun.

Plot goes like this: Segal plays a cop, who is sick of killing people, taking drugs and sleeping with informants. So, he decides to retire and move back home. There, he gets in touch with his old high school buddy, and they become entwined with a gang of Jamaican drug dealers. Segal is then marked for death. When his niece is injured in a drive by shooting, he decides to go out for revenge.

Can anyone think up another role for ole Steve? How many times can he play a cop that is going out for revenge? Anyways, even though it is like all of his other films, it is still a lot of fun. One of his more violent films. Rent this one if you are into mindless action films (I sure am!!). However, you can check your brain at the door, as you definately won't need it.

Still, the action is not up to par like Out For Justice, the greatest Segal film.

Soul Survivors (2001)

Only two words can describe this film....God Awful!

[10 March 2002]

What in the world were the film makers thinking when they made this film. It is totally uncomprehensible and hard to follow. The story line was more jumbled up then any other film I have seen in years.

After leaving home to go to college, a girl and her friends go to a strange club. On the way home from the club, they are in a car accident. This is where the movie gets too weird. Flashbacks, people that are supposedly dead coming to visit her. Doing tests where she does not get graded. However weird most of the pathetic 1hr 25 minutes of film is, the ending does explain everything.

I do have to give the film makers credit though, they did keep my interest until the very end, as I wanted to see where the hell all of these flashbacks and strange things was going. And, after seeing the ending, the film did make sense.

This does not help the film from being one of the most horrible films that I have ever seen in the genre. Stay away from this bomb, unless you are having trouble sleeping. This film will definately help you get some much needed rest.

Stay away, unless you like the teeny bopper thrillers that are so common these days. However, I will stick with the classic horror films.

Peter Pan 2: Return to Never Land (2002)

A decent sequel to one of Disney's all time classic films

[3 March 2002]

Since the original Peter Pan is my all time favourite Disney animated feature, I was very excited to return to Neverland. And I definatley was not disappointed. Although the film is not as magical as the original, it is suprisingly decent sequel. Alot better than the direct to video sequels we have been getting from Disney in the last couple of years.

This movie continues with Wendy Darling, who is now married and has children of her own. When her husband gets sent off to war, he asks his daughter Jane to keep an eye on her mother and little brother. Willingly she helps out. However, in the process, she grows up too quickly. That is until she gets whisked away to the land of Neverland, which she believed to be all rubbish and nonsense.

I am very satisfied with this film, and I am sure that it will appeal to fans of the original, and with children who are making their first trip to Neverland.

However, I do need to gripe about the length of the film. At just under seventy minutes, it is not really worth going to see at the theatre with the staggering price of admission these days. Wait until it gets to the cheap theatres, or just buy it when it comes on video.

Hearts in Atlantis (2001)

Decent little film. Kept me interested.

[16 February 2002]

Hearts in Atlantis is a decent little film. It kept my attention for the 100 minutes that it runs. However, since I have never read the Stephen King novel on which this was based, I would have to say that it is not my favorite film based on Stephen King works.

The film reminds me alot of Stand By Me, and also of The Green Mile. Here we see a man remenisce about events that happened many years ago (Green Mile) in a summer back in the 1960's (Stand By Me). A strange man moves in upstairs who has strange powers. The man befriends the little boy who lives downstairs with his widowed mother. Soon, the boy finds out that the man is hiding from the FBI (?).

The story is a lot more interesting than I have made it sound. It is worth a look at. However, I can not rate this film very well since I for one can not rate it to the book. After seeing this film, it does make me want to go and read the entire novel, to see exactly what was happening with Anthony Hopkins' character.

Stellar performances from the cast make this a good likeable movie. Worth a rental.

Collateral Damage (2002)

Finally, Arnold is back in a great action film. Alot of fun!

[12 February 2002]

After many long years, and several very stupid roles, Arnold has finally made a film that his long time fans will come to appreciate...Collateral Damage.

Arnold plays Gordon Brewer, a Los Angeles firefighter. After his wife and child are killed by Columbian terrorists in an explosion at the Columbian Consulate, Brewer seeks revenge. After the US government obviously has no plans to help out his cause, he takes the law into his own hands and seeks out those responsible for the death of his family.

Sure, the plot sounds like a standard Arnold film, and alot of the action is totally unrealistic, however, the story is very well written, and has certain plot twists that I definately did not see coming.

This film reminds me alot of Commando. However, thankfully Arnold's acting has gotten better over the years, and the script in this film is not as cheesy as that of Commando.

So far, this would have to be the best action film of 2002. If you are a fan of Arnold's, check it out. You will not be disappointed. Anyone else, try it for fun. It is one really great ride.

The Mothman Prophecies (2002)

One word....Boring!

[4 February 2002]

After seeing the trailer, reading the book back in high school, and hearing all the good things about this film, I was really looking forward to seeing it. Was I to be disappointed! Total crap. I had to fight my way to stay awake during this terrible movie. Not one scene in this film made me jump, nor was there anything in the plot to make it even remotely chilling. Biggest waste of 2 hours. Unfortunately, it is 2 hours of my life that I will never get back.

For all the people that think this is a really scary movie, they should go out and rent The Exorcist, or The Wickerman. These are two films that are truly scary and play with the mind. The Mothman just does not deliver.

I should have figured it would be a waste of time when I heard that Richard Gere is in it. He hasn't made a decent film since Red Corner, and even that was not that great.

Do yourself a favour, skip this one, and just read the book. That is truly creepy. However, if you have a bad case of insomnia, go and see the movie. Not even a pack of cafeeine pills will keep you awake through this snore fest.

One quick question for all out there that love this movie. Why?

Rat Race (2001)

Simply hilarious! A truly funny film.

[1 February 2002]

When I first picked up the DVD from the local video store, I was a little bit hesitant when I saw that Zucker directed this film. I was never a fan of his films. However, being a fan of both Rowan Atkinson and John Cleese, I really couldn't resist. I am definately glad that I did pick up this little gem...it is simply hilarious. Zucker's greatest movie yet.

The story revolves around a group of people at a Las Vegas Casino. After winning a certain coin in one of the slot machines, they find out that they have been chosen to race to New Mexico in search of $2 million. The first one to the cash...well, gets to keep the cash. Along the way, they meet all sorts of comic mishaps.

Not slapstick like Zucker's previous films, this movie will delight both fans of his movies, and fans of the British comedy scene, as this film tends to lean into that direction more. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time as I did when I saw John Lovitz and his family visit the "Barbie" museum. And the scene with the WWII vets is just hysterical. I do not want to give too much away, you will have to watch it yourself.

The film reminded me of an updated version of "The Cannonball Run", however, with a funnier story. If you liked that film, give this one a try. Hollywood has not made a movie this funny in a long time. Bravo Zucker, you finally made a fan out of me.

The Glass House (2001)

Decent film. Nothing to write home about, but fun for a watch.

[27 January 2002]

This film was decent, alot better than expected, however, it is nothing worth writing home about. Alot better than some other teen thrillers out there, but it is just that, a teen thriller, and will probably cater to the targeted audience.

After losing their parents in an automobile accident, two children are sent to live with friends of the family. However, things are not always what they seem.

I can't really thing of anything great to say about this film, or anything bad. I really did enjoy it, however I think it was just a little too predictable. However, it is worth a watch if there is nothing else at the video store.

Rock Star (2001)

One of the best movies of 2001

[26 January 2002]

This is one of the few movies that were ever made that I am able to watch time and time again. Perhaps it has to do with the soundtrack, which smokes, or the fact that it takes place in the 1980's, which I just love, or maybe it has to do with the fact that my favorite type of music is 80's heavy metal. This is definately one of the best period movies ever made.

Mark Wahlberg stars as Chris Cole, a singer in a tribute band to Steel Dragons. When the lead singer of Steel Dragons decides to leave the band, Chris is brought in to replace him. Based on the real life story of Tim "Ripper" Owens of Judas Priest, this is one film that will actually make you feel like the rock star in the film.

The period pieces in this film are great, however, some of the music does not fit the film. The film is supposed to take place in 1985, however, for some reason or another, we here songs that were not released until 1990 or later that appear in the film. This is just a minor oversight, however, perfectionists will find fault in this.

Mark Walhberg gives a very convincing performance as a heavy metal singer. I was a little scared when I heard that he would be doing this film, however, he did the 80's metal scene justice. He really nailed the look and sound of the 80's right on. Also, the addition of Jeff Pilson (Dokken), Zakk Wylde (Ozzy Osbourne), Blas Elias (Slaughter), and several other rockers, adds to the reality of this film.

This film is truly one of the best of 2001. It was overlooked at the box office, and seemed to flop. I do believe that it will find a cult following on DVD and video. Do yourself a favour and rent this film. I guarantee, whether you are a metal fan or not, you will really like this film.