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pcampbell25
Reviews
Young Sherlock Holmes (1985)
Good show Watson (Spoiler)
I have just watched this movie again for the first time in a few years. I found it delightful. The play between the two young characters is delightful. Though they did not meet, according to Doyle, until the scarlet... the story was still sensible. The special effects were top-notch. Considering the day of age, the effects were marvelous. Not only does it contain one of the first digital effects, but its integration into the film rivals the digital crap of "Attack of the Clones". Rowe is an excellent actor and I was pleased to see him again in "Lock, Stock, .... I wish there would be another Sherlock Holmes adventure by the makers of this film.
Clearly the actors are now old enough to portray Holmes and Watson in an actual Doyle mystery. Not only that but the audience has always been left hanging with the emergence of Moriarty. I reccomend this film to anyone with a light heart and a sense of adventure. "The game is afoot!"
Dark Age (1987)
Jaws meets Free Willy down under
As b-movies go, this is definately a must-see. Not only is the plot stolen and adapted Aussie style,but the whole thing is littered by lameness which is not even a tribute to Jaws. So often the Croc looks so rubbery and plastic, you would think it was a giant pool toy. The film is littered by cliche characters and bad dialogue, as well as random screen moments that are sheer oddity. Normally, I would go into detail, but the ineffable quality makes this a see for yourself. P
I nuovi barbari (1983)
Ouch!
OK. First of all this movie is one of the better B-movies I have seen for awhile. It is a cheap Italian knockoff of "Road Warrior". However, Mel Gibson has been replaced by a major phuckin ham of an actor and Fred Williamson is hilarious. The outfits are utterly retarded, especially those of the bad guys. Was I supposed to be scared of these guys? They dress like rejects from an Andrew Lloyd Weber show and their vehicles are golf carts covered in aluminum foil. Plus there must be some Weirdo,Italian thing going on that I don't understand. Why are the bad guys all Puritan, vigilante homosexuals? One of the more entertaining scenes is one our hero is captured and boned in the rump as initiation for execution, mainly because it is the weakest cinematographic displays of the movie. For a B-movie, this film has just about everything:Bad special effects, bad acting, lame plot, weak characters, crappy dialogue, Casio keyboard soundtrack, Fred Williamson, and way too many cliches. Rent it, get some cheap beer, and watch it with some friends for a good laugh.
Splatter University (1984)
Everything an eighties slasher film should have except gratuitous nudity
This film is the worst film, but it ranks very high for me. It is how a slasher movie should be. It takes place at a university in which there only seems to be a handful of students. The teachers are dumber than a sack of hammers. It is filled with good Catholic priest, sexually repressed humor. Bad hair, bad clothes. The dialogue is so cliched it is hard to believe that I was able to predict lines in quotes. The slashings have some creativity and seem to revolve around stabbing people in the genitalia. A lack of continuity in the soundtrack and characters that deserve to die because they are so bad, I recommend this film for a fun time. Get a case of cheap beer and some friends, watch it and laugh.
Treasure of the Amazon (1985)
F**K Yeah
This is the best Indiana Jones knockoff I have ever seen. What it lacks in originality it makes up for in stupidity. Catchy and original names for characters like Gringo and Paco. Cheesy and lame effects make for fun. The props are about as pathetic as you can get. It stars a real hard ass (Gringo) who doesn't take crap from anyone or anything. I was also pleased by the work of Donald Pleasance. Donald plays really crappy villains well, if you can check him out in the movie Puma Man, he plays the ultimate in villainy, Kobras. Anyway, some of my favorite scenes are the ones with graphic violence that is so cheesy, Kraft invested in its use on Macaroni. For example, when Gringo cuts off an indian's finger, the severed finger looks like a carrot with ketchup on it. Good laughs if you watch while drinking lots of beer.
Orgy of the Dead (1965)
I want my money back
This was the biggest joke of a film I have ever seen. I could not figure out if it was actually a movie or a promo for a tittie bar. Too lame to be a horror flick too tame to be a porno. It starts out with a driving scene that transcends all time of day as the scene transfers between broad daylight and darkness of night about 5-6 times. The driver and his girlfriend are going to a cemetary, Why? Whocares? The driver decides to pump his girls nads by speeding right off a giant cliff. Somehow they survive the crash(without injury) to find themselves in a worse film. This film seemed to have it all, A wolfman, a mummy, a vampire with cleavage, and strippers. The guy who plays the devil is about as scary as Lawrence Welk. Was I supposed to be scared of this guy? The women are nasty and can't dance to save their lives. They were about as erotic as a rock with spit on it. And once, one of these twots finishes her crap dance of the dead(topless) another one began. I was bored off my ass. My friends and I rented this in high school about eight years ago. We felt like chumps. It wasn't funny and it had no hardcore gore or porn as the title implied. It has been eight years and I still want my money back.