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colman01
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David Blaine: Ascension (2020)
Nothing to do with magic - also it's MEH.
The spoiler is you'll be bored even at 2x speed.
Saw it on youtube linked from Philip DeFranco. Watched the initial few mins of him talking to his daughter - felt the scripted sugar cringe magically remove any excitement I might have had. That lead to me skipping ahead a few times to absolutely nothing happening. Watched a segment where the audio was absolutely inaudible with groundcrew. Skipped to him finally "jumping" and subsequently landing. I wasted all of 10 mins on this 187 mins thing and that was 8 mins too much.
A german guy (Felix Baumgartner) did something similar a while back, but he jumped from the Stratosphere instead. While that also had a lot of filler it was a lot more interesting (I actually watched it and all the red tape and training and stuff) and warrants at least a watch of the highlights real at 1.30 mins
TLDR; Check it out if you think it might interest you, but it contains no illusion or magic trick or anything like that. It's 187 mins of mostly MEH for one guy to jump from some ballons with a parachute and land. I'm sure it was fun for David Blaine, that however does not qualify it as entertainment for others.
Clara (2018)
Clara paints a pretty picture.
This is pure fantasy, but a lovely one. It's compelling and warm and pretty. It's ok to like something like this. If I had to sum it up it's about the human condition and the longing for purpose or something bigger than oneself. It's far from perfect, but I like how it made me feel so 9 it is.
Sidenote: I am pretty sure there is a purpose behind the titls Clara.
Slaughterhouse Rulez (2018)
Slughtered the premise...
I don't get the many positive reviews on here - go onto the critics' reviews and read the top one - it sums it up perfectly. This whole movie is a wasted opportunity which is just sad given the talent involved and the fun premise. It's not ok, it's not kinda funny, it's not cheeky bad so it's still good - it's just bad. The pacing absolutely kills it, but to fix the pacing you'd need to make a different movie alltogether. I can't even fathom a fanedit that could fix this.
Just watch Shaun of the dead again instead if you are a fan of the bois.
Stranded (2013)
Beyond words
Instead of telling you about the story which you by now already have a grasp of, I will instead focus on how unceremoniously bad this movie is.
1) Being a scifi you expect either a cool story or some nice visuals. This has got neither. It keeps telling us it's made on a shoestring budget, and I'll admit that some parts were actually nice looking - but all the good parts are ruined by blatantly stupid props and(see 2)
2)Contrived plot twists. OMFG. I was sitting there watching with my mind's mouth open - not sure that the movie unfolding in front of me was for real. It is like watching a train wreck albeit less mass deathy. It will only give you eye cancer and brain rot. I could not turn away though because this movie is played straight - it takes itself DEAD serious, no humour. I SAID NO!
3) The characters in the movie are supremely stupid and that just blows away all suspension of disbelief because face it - there is no chance in Hell that those people would be astronauts, technicians and doctors. No one would employ them and give them the responsibilities they have, much less send them to space and pay them. No, really - it's just sad.
4) Actually I just have to reiterate nr 3). THE CHARACTERS are so stupid it's insulting to my feces' ability to render art before it's flushed.
I could do a deeper analysis, but I doubt there is any need.
When all is said and done - I was entertained in a very weird way. This is in the same category of bad as "Suing the Devil", but not as enjoyably amusing.
/basement dweller
Monster Brawl (2011)
Not even for children
"Monster Brawl" - 8 Classic monsters duking it out.
Sounds AWESOME, but plays Awful.
This movie caters to fans of wrestling more than monster fans - it's just as bad and fake as normal wrestling, but not in a cheesy good way. The humor is mostly devoid of humor and the same type of "joke" is used over and over. The movie looks good, the concept is solid - the script and execution is god awful.
This movie would have been fun as a 7 min short... As is, it's unfathomably boring - I don't even know any children that have the attention span to sit through this inane garbage as essentially the action is not really action and in between the action it's just a lot of gibberish from the commentators.
Do yourself a favor and watch a classic monster flick instead or "Elvira Mistress of the Dark" to get your cult monster flick fill.
Freerunner (2011)
Lulz
This movie is hilarious.
Overlooking all the stupidity involved - my biggest hangup is that a crucial part of the movie involves the main character's girlfriend driving the freerunners with her car that was sold not 5 minutes earlier in the movie. Hahaha... It wouldn't have been as funny if they hadn't emphasized the part where the car is sold and the keys are turned over to the buyer.
I think the other reviews pretty much sums it up except the B-movie title is kind of undeserving... This movie is further along the alphabet, probably closer to the end.