timmalbertwestermann Reviews

The Conjuring: The Devil Made Me Do It (2021)

Definitely worth it

[8/10 · 22 November 2022]

I've heard a lot of people saying that the third instalment of the "Conjuring" franchise doesn't hold up compared to the previous two (pretty ridiculous, considering "The Nun", the "Annabelle"-Franchise and especially "The Curse of La Llorona"). Albeit this film this different from the others, I think it's pretty neat, that the writers are expanding on "Conjuring" lore and the breaches of the universe as a whole. I also like the focus on eeriness and story-telling, rather than the cop-out jump scares which, at least in part, dominated significant sections of numbers one and two. If you're in for a shocker that makes you cling to your pillow, this might not be the best fit, but if you're just looking for a nice horror flick and enjoyed previous "Conjuring" movies, give it a watch!

Wrong Turn (I) (2003)

Rip-off but kinda fun

[3/10 · 7 November 2022]

I mean, it's a pretty blatant copy of The Texas Chainsaw Massacre with a little bit of The Hills have Eyes flavor, but if you're looking for a fun watch with some friends and you need some background noise, Wrong Turn might be just right.

I do wanna point out, that the "villains" of this movie are actually quite creepy (especially their laughs) and the set designs are quite nice. Concerning the other characters, well, they're as disposable as any slasher protagonists, with astonishing stupidity and complete lack of any survival skills.

As I said, if you're looking for an easy watch and don't really know what to turn on, Wrong Turn will definitely not be the worst thing you could stumble upon.

Unedited Footage of a Bear (2014 TV Short)

It's unedited footage of a bear

[10/10 · 25 October 2022]

I mean seriously, this is "Unedited Footage of a Bear", so do we really have to talk about it? I could say a lot of great things about this movie, like how it is unedited, for example. Also one can and should not ignore the fact that this film is real footage. And of course, lastly, it is a movie about a bear; what's not to love? First off, they are brown (mostly) and also they are wild animals. It's really cool to see one (bear) out in the wild, just going about its day. Viewers immediately ask: will the bear be like me some how? Answer: no (it's a bear, duh) but also, bears are cool on their own, they don't need to be like us. In conclusion, watch this piece of cinematic history and enjoy the fact that you're not a bear, because you're "human" or don't, because bears are awesome.

Old (2021)

Nice watch if you're in for something easy

[5/10 · 25 October 2022]

The premise is good, but the execution is... well mediocre.

I like M. Night Shyamalan, I do, but after watching this movie I feel like he's too on board with the whole "typical" horror thing. Hot women at the beach, many characters with mostly little character development, etc. There's nothing new here, except the premise, which is original and could have made for a great story. The movie could have been pretty strong, maybe a bit more within the genre of psychological horror, without relying too much on the conventional tropes. As I said in the headline: this movie is fun enough to watch with a bunch of friends and a bit of booze, but beyond that, no new milestone are being discovered here.

Life (I) (2017)

Alien?

[5/10 · 31 May 2022]

So this film was a pretty neat alien-sci-fi-horror film. Nice cinematography, great cast, pretty good soundtrack and all. The only thing that really bugs me here is the fact, that they didn't market it as an 'Alien' remake, but rather something entirely new and exciting. It simply isn't that. All the way down to the design of the creature, this felt more like an homage, than anything truly inventive. Still alright if you're into sci-fi horror though.

The Boy (2016)

Nothing special

[5/10 · 25 May 2022]

The Boy is one of those horror movies that you forget about right after the credits start rolling.

The premise is inherently creepy and could've made for a compelling horror film, but the way it's translated onto the screen is cliché at best and goofy at worst. The acting was alright, scenery and mystery of it all was alright as well. The plot twist, sadly, wasn't a true twist at all and way too foreseeable.

It's alright for a movie night with friends or Netflix and chill though.

Spiral (2021)

WTF

[2/10 · 24 May 2022]

I mean, what can you expect from a sequel/remake these days, but this was horrendous on every level. Didn't have any of charm of the original films. Just overall bad choices: casting (I mean, Chris Rock??) script, the traps were TRASH, all the way down to a bad score, jump"scares" and a weird and unnecessary filter over the whole thing.

Recommended only if you want another reason to be angry at the current state of the horror genre.

Woodlands Dark and Days Bewitched: A History of Folk Horror (2021)

It's still just movies

[6/10 · 20 January 2022]

I really enjoyed this documentary, especially considering that it made me aware of at least two dozen lesser known films that I've watched since then and enjoyed tremendously. However, I'm really annoyed by the way every single damn film is analysed against the backdrop of either race-relations or feminism. Not everything in art, especially the horror genre, has to be turned into some political talking point. Sometimes a great film is just a great film. I would have been a lot more invested in the thing if they'd focused more on the craft of folk horror, such as scenery, archetypal characters etc. But overall this was enjoyable and certainly worth a watch, if just for the niche films that are discussed rather than the (sometimes) unnecessary commentary alongside them.

Daybreak (I) (2019– )

Cringey YA but who cares

[8/10 · 5 November 2021]

Sure this was a little cringey and a little cheesy at times, but that's exactly why it's good. Daybreak was never meant to be a great comedy, or horror series, or drama. It is what it is: a fun, bingeworthy YA series. If you're looking to kill a few hours and you don't mind overlooking a bit of awkwardness, Daybreak may very well be for you. Too bad they didn't make a second season.

Slender Man (I) (2018)

Dark and awkward

[3/10 · 5 November 2021]

This movie might have been good. I really don't know. When it wasn't too dark to make out what was happening on screen, I was extremely distracted by the stilted, weird, and creepily awkward dialogue. The filmmakers had a pretty neat story to build off of, yet they blew it horrendously.

The Open House (2018)

Not worth the watch

[1/10 · 18 October 2021]

Complete waste of time, really only useful for background noise. Thought this might be a fun movie with a bunch of jumpscares and cliches. Instead, it becomes more of a comedy after the first couple of minutes and only goes downhill from there. During the few scenes where you're laughing out loud because of the characters' stupidity you'll be in for lazy writing and poorly executed scares.

Also Dylan Minnette is in it, so if you've seen '13 Reasons Why', what little this movie has got to offer will be ruined for you right from the get go.