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Reviews
A Man Called Otto (2022)
It's tricky
It's amazing how americans can butcher a masterpiece even though it is word for word and scene by scene the same as the original screenplay. In order to fully enjoy the film, one must see "Otto" first immediately followed by "Ove". Do not make the mistake of flipping the order. Otto is a sterile, limited, suffocating, narrow, lifeless and industrially ugly version of something utterly human that Ove is. Otto is like watching a wallpaper of an exotic magnificent beach somewhere in the Southern Pacific over the fly-ridden couch of your smelly one bedroom apartment in Brooklyn and pretending you are sunbathing in paradise. It's so plastic you can literally taste the nothingness. Then you go to Ove and feel human again. Unimaginable feeling!
The Adam Project (2022)
Netflix=trash
This is an insult to the intellect of monkeys. On a human level it's impossible to watch beyond 20 minutes into it if you have more than an ounce of brains. They could have cast Mathew Perry as a leading man, that would have been hilarious and much more appropriate! Absolute trash!
A Day to Die (2022)
Next year Bruce will be bussing tables at McDonalds for a buck
I don't watch Bruce Willis' movies anymore, I just go straight to the review section and rate them one star. Then I read the rest of the reviews and beat myself up for being so generous with my ratings!
All the Old Knives (2022)
Just when I thought it couldn't get worse than a Bruce Willis movie...
Started watching the movie at around 9:30pm. Fell asleep four times. Four times attempted to re-watch where I left off. Fell asleep three more times. Woke up next morning and was wondering if the events of the last night really happened. BigPharma mafia must patent this as an excellent, strong and fast acting sleeping pill with terrible side effects once you wake up.
Alien (1979)
More boring than watching paint dry
This is impossible to watch in 2022. It was tolerable back in the day on VHS but has aged really badly. Its boredom is only exceeded by the stupidity of the crew. I mean, c'mon, even the Millennium Falcon's crew obeyed and applied more and better safety protocols. And one of them was a monkey...
Fortress: Sniper's Eye (2022)
Bruce Willis...'nough said!
Bruce Willis made one excellent movie in 1988 and another one in 1999. The rest is absolute and utter junk. The dude's a joke! Only utterly stupid hollywood minds can keep shelling out $1M per "movie" just to put his sorry face on the cover.
Retfærdighedens ryttere (2020)
Absolutely brilliant
This is how films look like. Beautiful film craftsmanship, absolutely mesmerizing acting and a premise one can vouch for being realistically plausible. Deep and real human emotions, personal tragedy, brilliant and simultaneously insane minds, some philosophical and biblical narrative that relates on tangible level, and personal flaws presented so openly and honestly, it is impossible to not appreciate the intentions of the writers. There is some well disguised attempt to slightly ajar the curtain on some very serious, deadly and long going social ulcers in the Scandinavian region and the neighboring territories that their society and the collective West, in general, would refuse to even admit exist. Of course, I'm talking about nazism and fascism. Enjoyable and fulfilling experience that leaves you wishing there were more of the same coming out more frequently.
Moonfall (2022)
Top 5 worst movies but the Best Lexus commercial ever!
My golden standard when it comes to rating the absolute worst of the worst movies is The Happening. This abomination is right there with the last installments of the Terminator and Star Wars. Absolute junk on every level. It is so bad I almost expected Bruce Willis to show up as a leading man. This "movie" is the same as if you asked someone for food and they brought you puke digested twice and vomited three times over. On a positive note, there was an epic snowy car chase scene that could be used as the best Lexus ad of all times.
The Terminator (1984)
Childhood dream
Back in the day, behind the Iron Curtain, where VHS players were one in 100,000, this was the ultimate dream of every child. Combined with the unique and colorful 80s era the movie quickly became legendary. I watched it again in 2022 and it brought a nostalgic and pitiful smile on my face. I wouldn't judge it too harshly for what it is. It's a bad movie but the movie part is the least of what it actually is. Life marches on way too fast...
Red Notice (2021)
If it's on Netflix it's garbage
If someone is trying to push Ryan Reynolds in your face as a tough guy and a world wide international spy, you must respond with violence!!! It's like Tom Cruise playing a legendary NBA character but much, much worse.
Powder Blue (2009)
Excessively boring, excessively meaningles
This is the result when you make a movie about weirdos, social outsiders and general losers and try to make it sound deep as there was more to it. There isn't. 115 minutes of nothing but meaningless boredom and a total waste of camera time.
The Whole Ten Yards (2004)
It's like a very noisy and annoying "Friends" episode
Writing this in Feb 2022, the last good Bruce Willis' movie dates back in 1999 e.g. Some 22 years ago. For 22 years Willis has been putting out crap of such cosmic proportions that can make DeNiro and Pacino envy. The rest of the main cast is literally unwatchable. Perry is even worse than Chandler even though this is the only character he plays over and over again. The premise is absurd even for a parody. It should have been titled "Please, just shoot me now".
Unfinished Business (2015)
It's a good movie
Not everything with Vaughn must be stupidly funny or just...stupid. This is a normal, humanly soft movie about tough times we all have and not all of us come on top every time. This is it. It's life.
The Predator (2018)
Who finances movies like that?
It's a nice joke. You got two Predators - one big and one small. The big one brings a couple of space dogs with him. One of the space dogs is killed and the other one, get this, suffers a blow to the head and spends the rest of the movie aimlessly wallowing around. There's also a super scientist, a woman, who shoots herself in the foot (literally, pun intended) while using some military grade automatic weaponry. There's an autistic kid who is smarter than anybody else in the movie and deciphers alien code easier than Tetris. There's also some evil military personnel led by a black guy in a white jacket who chews gum and acts like a parody of the Cigarette Smoking Man but without the cigarette. The most memorable moment is the grand phrase "Eat my pussy" directed to the hot chick by one of the gang fruit cakes which is a moment of pure stupidity nevertheless utterly funny in a moronic way. Then we have the final fireworks and happy end.
The Day After Tomorrow (2004)
American Bull#it
You know these movies where the apocalypses is near and the President of the US gives a speech that is (somehow) transmitted throughout the world live on TV and he promises "we will prevail" exhibiting fake pathos? Well, this is what kind of garbage we have here. This movie's ratings are below the absolute zero!
Don't Look Up (2021)
Homo Sapiens must die
Parody of our grotesque world. Sadly, based on a true story. Homo Sapiens is a deadly virus that slowly but surely destroys things on a cosmic scale. It must die!
The Matrix Resurrections (2021)
Hard to go past the trailer
Have you seen what they did to Terminator? Star Wars? Yeah, it's that bad! It's like you swallowed the brown pill and went straight to Joe Biden's bathroom. Seriously, that bad!