Nozze-Foto Reviews

The Phantom Planet (1961)

I see a pattern here . . .

[31 October 2002]

Has anyone ever watched this movie and FIRE MAIDENS OF OUTER SPACE back to back? Yes they are both classic examples of B movies but these two movies in particular seem to be cut from the same cloth. In both movies astronauts from Earth land on far distant planet where the dominant race is in some dire trouble and the Earthmen just happen to possess the know-how to get them out of it. In PHANTOM PLANET the people have the technology to have turned their entire planet (or asteroid which is what it really is) into a spaceship but they live in caves and sleep on marble beds! (The whole race must have back problems) What gets me though is that just below the surface of the plots of both movies is the same male fantasy. In both movies the macho Earthment encounter ineffective males on both planets and races of totally submissive females who wander aimlessly around barefoot and miniskirted waiting for some man to notice them. In PHANTOM PLANET the women mostly just stand around while the men argue, fight and wonder what to do next. In both movies the strong assertive woman turns out to be the villain! Okay, I know to keep saying "It's only a movie" but couldn't the tough girl have also been the nice girl?

Forbidden Planet (1956)

Altaira Morbius was my role model.

[31 October 2002]

I had always loved this movie as a child and when I was 16 I begged my mom to make me an outfit like Anne Francis wore for my Halloween costume. Surprisingly she and my grandmother worked together and had it done in one day! That Halloween I wore a shoulder length blonde wig and a white mini-dress with gold trim and a gold chain belt. I was a hit at the high school Halloween party and later that year I wore the same outfit again when I played The Ghost Of Christmas Past in the drama club version of "A Christmas Carol". Many thanks Anne Francis (if you ever read this) you helped me through adolescence!

A Night to Dismember (1983)

Released at last, but was it worth it?

[21 July 2002]

What can you say about a movie with a budget so very low they borrowed music from Andy Milligan's THE GHASTLY ONES? Doris Wishman has directed stuff like BAD GIRLS GO TO HELL, ANOTHER DAY ANOTHER MAN, NUDE ON THE MOON and the classic AMAZING TRANSPLANT. Okay, so she's no Ida Lupino you deffinitely won't sleep through any of her movies! A NIGHT TO DISMEMBER is as disjointed as the hacked up bodies the killer leaves behind. Why? Because some idiot at the processing lab either lost or erased about 34 minutes of film leaving Ms. Wishman to make some sense out of the 68 minutes she had left. Well she did, sort of. Vicki Kent (Samantha Fox) is released from a mental hospital several years after the unprovoked killing of two boys. Right away her brother and sister, who are jealous of her for no reason that I can figure out, decide to drive her crazy again and send her back to the hospital. Right about this same time several brutal murders take place and the finger of suspicion points to . . .guess who. Ah, but is she really guilty? hey, it's only a 68 minute movie so you won't have to wait long to find out. The gore effects are outrageous, an obvious dummy is barely tapped with a machete and the head falls off; hatchet hardly touches its victim for blood to spurt like a fountain; a woman's finger are cut off one by one but she is just making a fist and her hand is covered with stage blood. But it's things like this that make the movie fun. Also there is a detective narrating who describes things he could not possibly know. In one case he talks about what Vicki Kent is dreaming while he watches her through a window! Ridiculous? Yes! Fun? You bet! Worth seeing? What are you waiting for?

I Bury the Living (1958)

They call this a classic, may I ask why?

[4 June 2002]

So many people call this movie a modern classic and one of the scariest genre movies ever made. Why? I have seen it more than once and done some research on it and I question all those assertions. Okay, follow me on this, Richard Boone takes the job as caretaker of a cemetery because it is a family tradition. By accident he discovers that if he places a black pin into the map showing the empty plots, the owner of that plot dies. Several friends and business associates actually do turn up dead when Richard sticks black pins into the spots marking graves reserved for them. It then dawns on him that if he can kills people by sticking black pins into the map maybe he can bring them back by substituting white pins. Now this is where we get to the really scary scenes. Boone goes running through the cemetery and sees that all the recent graves have been opened and the bodies are gone. His plan worked! But is it too late?

WARNING WARNING! I am not about to reveal the real ending of the movie, just the way it was originally written in the script. I am not, repeat NOT, telling you how the real movie ends.

As written Boone was to have locked himself in the caretakers shed which was suddenly surrounded by the walking corpses of all the people he had killed by sticking black pins into their grave markers. They do not attack but stand patiently outside calling for him to join them. Richard's grief is so great at having caused their deaths that he dies of a heart attack. Yeah but that ISN'T the way it ended. A "logical" explanation is tacked on that totally ruins the supernatural theme that we have spent the whole movie getting used to. I for one felt let down by this and THAT is why I say this movie is no classic. Yes it has some well staged moments but the copout ending spoils everything. If they had just stuck to the original ending it could have pre-dated NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD by 10 years.

Le guerriere dal seno nudo (1973)

To call this movie strange is putting it mildly.

[18 May 2002]

This movie does NOT take itself seriously, I figured that out in the first three minutes. An opening title informs us "This movie happened, if it happened at all, about 3000 years ago." That means it takes place in 1000BC. What's wrong with that? Well the heroes are Roman soldiers and the Roman empire did not begin until 750BC. Therefore these soldiers represent an empire that will not even exist for over 2 centuries! I'll bet no one went to see this movie for a history lesson though. The real heroes are Amazon warriors who have to mate with men once a year or they will die out. Practicing selective breeding they only mate with tough Roman soldiers and they make love while chanting "Men are pigs, men are filth." (Which is something I and the other girls in my sorority did in college. I guess some traditions never die.) No monsters, dragons or giants. The battle scenes are okay and there is a mud wrestling scene that all the men will enjoy. If you want a plot that makes sense, or at least pretends to, try any of the HERCULES movies.

Goliath and the Dragon (1960)

Hercules becomes Goliath but the monsters stay the same.

[18 May 2002]

Broderick Crawford plays his role of a corrupt would-be emperor like he were still playing a 20th century gangster. Watch him bark orders to soldiers like he were plotting a gangland rubout. Meanwhile Mark Forest is the hero called "Emilius" who is nicknamed Goliath because he is so strong and (apparently) immortal. He also has a younger brother is is neither superstrong nor immortal and a mortal wife who is not bothered by the fact that she will eventually grow old and die but he won't. Go figure. Most of us watch these movies for the monsters and oft-times the cheesier the better. After a mechanical 3 headed fire breathing dog (ahem, that is NOT Cerberus!), a man in suit giant bat and a centaur (which had to have been the most uncomfortable costume in the bunch) seeing a dragon that is partially stop motion animated was a real treat. Oh yeah, in closeups it is a giant rubber prop but those few moments of animation make it worthwhile. There is enough plot here for 2 movies and it does not always make perfect sense but the action will keep your attention. Oh and look closely at that dragon. David Hewitt borrowed some of the stop-motion scenes for his no budget thriller THE MIGHTY GORGA.

Americana (1981)

The moral of this movie is: maybe some dreams should be allowed to die.

[13 May 2002]

I started out liking this movie, the photography is great, the plot simplistic and convoluted at the same time, the characters so enigmatic as to inspire many debates among film buffs. So what happened? With only 10 minutes of running time to go something happened to change my opinions 180 degrees and I shut the movie off without finishing it . . .and I never will. Why? Read on! David Carradine is a disillusioned ex-officer just back from Vietnam. He is wandering around the countryside and pauses in a one-horse town where he becomes fixated on a decrepit merry-go-round and decides to restore it on his own. Why does he do it? Maybe because it represents an easier time of life, his own life, that he is trying to recapture. We never know for sure. The locals are amused by this and finally come around to believing in the project. Of course we have to complicate the plot because if it went too easy it wouldn't be any fun. The local garage owner gives David a job and admits he would like to see the merry-go-round fixed up too. Problems arise when he insists David join him at the local "sport", rooster fighting, and David balks. Suddenly the whole town turns against him because as one character puts it "We town folk stick together." This is where the trouble began, for me at least. David puts on his old uniform and goes to collect 6 months of back pay that he was too busy wandering around to get prior to this. To get the one essential part he needs to get the ride going again he agrees to a wrestling match proposed by his ex-pal the garage owner. Here's the catch, the fight is against an attack trained dog. Stick with me on this: David fights the dog and wins the uneven match by killing it. Now don't get me wrong, I am not naive enough to think he really killed the animal! It is just that the sound of breaking bones and the dog's final cry IS very disturbing even if it was dubbed in during Post Production. David left town after refusing to join in the rooster fight. By returning and sinking to the level of the isolated townies isn't he showing he is just as bad as they are? I mean, yeah it was the only way to get the part he needed to realize his dream but did he have to turn backwoods redneck Neanderthal to do it? Couldn't he have stuck to his own principles and just allowed his dream to quietly die? One good thing about a dream that dies, it leaves you wiser than you were before. Like I said, that was the point where I turned the movie off so I do not know how it ends and I no longer care. One other thing: just who is Barbara Hershey's character supposed to represent? Is she a Muse, a Forest Nymph, a physical manifestation of something in David's subconscious? Or is she just a hippie chick who's habits include boffing her old high school friends every chance she gets? Like I said, there is enough in this plot for many film school style debates.

Anatomy of a Psycho (1961)

So THIS is what became of George and Gracie's son!

[27 April 2002]

Ronnie Burns, the star of this movie, is the adopted son of George Burns and Gracie Allen. He guest starred on their TV show many times but I guess he wanted to branch out on his own. Unfortunately this movie, directed by the same guy who did THE UNEARTHLY, is as far as he got. Actually it is quite good as JD films go. Ronnie is a kid bordering on psycho already whose older brother is sent to the gas chamber for murder. Ronnie does not know, or does not want to know, that the brother he used as a role model was a thug, robber and general no-good. Instead he decides to avenge his death by getting rid of everyone responsible for the trial and sentencing. This would be okay if Ronnie's character were any good as a delinquent but in truth he is just an amateur. Early in the film he tries to beat up a guy who insults his brother but only ends up getting slashed with a broken bottle. For the rest of the movie you can watch the scar change size and location. He does manage to burn down the house where his ex-girlfriend's new boyfriend lives and surprisingly no one catches on that he did it. We think the whole plot will be about him seeking revenge but the movie takes a turn when Ronnie kills his best friend and frames his sister's boyfriend for the crime. Will goodness win out? Hey. it's just a 73 minute picture, it won't be long before you find out. One thing you will notice right away is how very low the budget was. For key dramatic scenes the music is instantly recognizable as coming from PLAN NINE FROM OUTER SPACE (1959). A fight scene is backed up by the music where Tor Johnson rises from his grave. That is sure to distract all B movie fans.

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (1931)

A quick little story about pre-production.

[6 April 2002]

Since my predecessors on this board have already analyzed the film I have this interesting little anecdote to add. When Rouben Mamoulian was casting the film the greatest challenge was to find someone for the title role(s). Someone suggested Irving Pichel who had just been in the Paramount thriller MURDER BY THE CLOCK (try finding someone who has seen THAT one!). Rouben is alleged to have replied: "Good God no! I need someone who can play Jekyll and Hyde and Pichel could only play Hyde!" Of course Irving did go on to do many other things, including a supporting role in DeMille's CLEOPATRA (1934) and directing DESTINATION MOON (1951). Film critic Alexander Woolcott once quipped "Irving is rolling in dough making motion Pichels."

Shiver Me Timbers! (1934)

Were these cartoons REALLY made for kids?

[26 March 2002]

The Fleischer Studios pioneered modern animation; notice how some of them feature a three-dimentional background using glass plates or even miniature sets on which the cartoon characters were added optically. That is not the case with this particular cartoon though but it does show certain familiar characters in a stage of development. Popeye, for example, finally finds a situation he is not in complete control of and reacts the way a regular person would: with fear and hesitance. Popeye, Olive and Wimpy find a ghostship and, against the better judgement of Olive and Wimpy, go aboard. Quicker than you can say "weigh anchor" the ship sets sail all by itself. When Popeye declares "There ain't no ghosts!" suddenly they are surrounded by them and Popeye's strength, which is great even without spinach, is suddenly useless. For an 8 minute cartoon we take a strange psychological turn as the ghosts turn each persons fear against them. Popeye is tied high on a mast swinging like a human penduum contantly hitting iron rings with his head and. . .um . . .lower regions. Wimpy's torture is worse when you consider his appetite. He is chained to a mast beside a table loaded with food. When he tries to grab a snack the table not only runs away but hits him hard in the stomach as well. Olive's ordeal is the worst, well to me anyway because that is my fear as well. Tied to the deck milk is dripped on the bottoms of her bare feet and licked off by cats. Oh yeah Popeye saves everyone but I think they have all learned a lesson by the end of the cartoon. The supernatural is ain't nothin' to be made fun off.

The Outing (1987)

I didn't know 4000 year old djinn's had laser beam eyes.

[25 March 2002]

If scary movies are supposed to have morals than the lesson taught by this movie is "Be careful what you wish for". Okay, forget the fact that all the "teens" in this movie look too old even for grad school and concentrate on the plot. A girl (Andra St. Ivanyi) has an argument with her father and wishes he were dead. So what? Well dad is a museum curator and he just happened to come into possession of a real magic lamp ("from Iraq") and whoever, or whatever, is inside heard her wish. This isn't one of those nice "Your wish is my command, O Master" sort of djinn's; he has a mean streak a mile wide. When the same girl and her friends decide to spend the night in the museum for a little carnal fun he pops up and starts killing everyone in various exotic ways. Watch for a boy snapped in half at the waist and dead snakes brought back to life to deliver poisonous bites. They had to save the budget for the big FX at the end so we just get to see the aftermath of the really gory stuff. The snake bites and impalements are all shown though. So is this a good movie? Yeah, I thought so. The ending left me wondering though . . .I mean it is kind of inconclusive. What DID that shot of the Pepsi truck mean? Well, maybe I will just have to see it again.

Judy's Little No-No (1969)

It once was lost but now it's found.

[23 March 2002]

This one time "lost film" has been found and is now available on video. Okay so it may not be exactly a lost classic but it's always nice to finally see a movie that we have only heard about. Judy is a go-go dancer who accidentally gets her hands on a rare jewel. She has hardly had time to get used to it before she finds herself being chased all over the place by gangsters who want it back. Joe E. Ross plays a Cuban hit man assigned to get the gem back at all costs. Yes that's right, Joe E. Ross former burlesque comic and the memorable Gunther Toody from TV's "Car 54, Where Are You?" as a Cuban gunslinger! Now you know this picture is going to have lots of comedy! John Lodge, who also starred in THE WITCHMAKER before giving up acting and going into politics, eventually becoming governor of Connecticut is the handsome hero who gets to skinny dip with Judy. Watch for real life ex-burlesque queen Zorita playing the boss of a strip club (it was her own real life club too!) and busty blonde Sabrina (later the star of THE ICE HOUSE) turns up as, what else?, a stripper. This movie also features the first ever death-by-chainsaw done in movies so the comedy and violence are offered in equal amounts. Okay, now we know this movie is out there. It probably wasn't really "lost" just sitting on a shelf somewhere in unmarked cans. But it is available now so let's all go see it!

Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (I) (1913)

Has any other novel been filmed as often as this one?

[23 March 2002]

Carl Laemmle's Universal Studios was less than a year old when he made this 3 reel version of Stevenson's novel, at least the sixth film version done since 1908! King Baggot, the star, was the moving pictures first real (reel?) superstar, sometimes appearing in a new movie each week (wow!). Baggot later gave up acting and went to the other side of the camera to become a director, doing such things as THE PONY EXPRESS (1924). This version is well done though the first transformation has a bad gaffe. The double exposure is badly timed and for a moment it looks like there are 2 people in the room. Apart from that it is well done and convincing. I like the way Hyde scares the life out of everyone in a seedy pub just by standing in the doorway and glaring at them. It is my life's mission to see as many versions of this film as I can and this one was certainly worth tracking down. Give it a try.

The House of Seven Corpses (1974)

Yes Virginia, John Carradine is in this film!

[20 March 2002]

How do you not like a film that has seven murders while the opening credits are rolling? Even the fact that the director write many episodes of the Saturday morning kids show H.R. PUFNSTUF does not detract from the fun (remember that DUNGEON OF HARROW was directed by the man who drew "Howard The Duck"). The film-within-a-film idea was used to great advantage in FRANKENSTEIN 1970 (will someone please release that to DVD in widescreen?) and it works rather well here too. John Ireland is the hard boiled director making a movie about witchcraft in a spooky old house (actually the former Utah governor's mansion) whose owners have all died mysteriously and whose last tenant was a real life witch. John Carradine is Edgar Price, the caretaker who knows the whole family history and is not shy about interrupting filming when Ireland gets it wrong. Faith Domergue (THIS ISLAND EARTH) is the tempermental movie star who seems to be Ireland's now-and-then lover. Also on hand is Charles MacCauley, best remembered as Dracula from the blaxploitation classic BLACULA as a drunken has been whose career is well past its twilight. The action gets a little confusing near the end. We know that a zombie rises from its grave because Ms. Domergue has read a magic chant from the Tibetan Book Of The Dead (conveniently located on a bookshelf) but what happens with Mr. Ireland and a crew member named David is likely to get you wondering "Huh?". Like, is there one zombie or two, and if there are two where does the first one disappear to and other nagging little things like that. Don't let it spoil your fun though, this film is worth seeing. nobody panders to the outrageous plot, everyone turns in a good performance. John Ireland gets the most unforgettable line. About to spirit Ms. Domergue to his bedroom Ireland's romantic plans are sunk when she insists on searching for her lost cat. Handcuffed by the PG rating Ireland barks "FRITZ the cat!" and stomps out of the scene. Fun, and lots of it.

Combat Shock (1984)

Do NOT watch this movie alone!

[19 March 2002]

You think you have bad days? Try watching this movie about a day in the life of Ricky (Ricky Giovinazzo, billed as "Ricky G"). He is a shell shocked Vietnam vet who may have massacred his own men, he is in debt to the local loan shark, he cannot find a job, his wife (Veronica Stock) is nagging him constantly, he is about to be evicted from his crummy Staten Island apartment and his rich dad is senile, has lost his fortune, lives in a nursing home and thinks his son is dead. Okay, now how was YOUR day? This movie was marketed by the folks at Troma Films as a RAMBO clone. I think a lot of people who rented it thinking they would see lots of fight scenes and explosions had to pick their jaws up off the floor long before it ended. Try not to flinch when you see a junkie tear open his vein with a coat hanger (and look what's on the end of that hanger!) and cram heroin into his bleeding wound. I dare you not to look away when you see Ricky's infant son, an Agent Orange mutated . . .thing. In fact, this whole picture will leave you in a cold sweat and sleeping with the lights on . ..or TRYING to sleep anyway. Filmed on a budget of, well, nothing by Buddy Giovinazzo this film was thrown out of 50, yes FIFTY, film festivals because it was just too darn hard hitting and realistic for many peoples tastes. The cut version, COMBAT SHOCK is on video but several mail order sources have the uncut version, which is the cinematic equivalent of a sucker punch. This time the cliched old line "See it if you dare" is a legitimate warning. Oh, and a word of advice: under no circumstances watch this film and DEADBEAT AT DAWN on the same night. Consider yourself warned.

Fire Maidens of Outer Space (1956)

Atlantis, outer space, monsters and beauties.

[19 March 2002]

Okay now let me get this straight, the people of Atlantis escaped their sinking continent by blasting off into space where they colonized the 13th moon of Jupiter so 3000 years ago. Now only a dozen or so are left and they are all young, attractive women and just one middle aged man who claims to be the father of all of them. As a certain pointy eared TV character might say, "Fascinating captain." This movie has got to be the culmination of many male fantasies all rolled into one. A bunch of guys from Earth land on the on the planet, which has breathable atmosphere and plenty of sunlight despite being hundreds of millions of miles further from the sun than Earth. They encounter a bunch of miniskirted, barefoot, submissive women (one of whom even exclaims "Men at last!" so you know what has been on their minds!) and get a chance to play hero by defeating a monster called The Creature (a man in a black bodysuit and a monster mask). Unique to say the least. Actually I found myself liking it because of its very ineptness. The photographer never lets us forget the girls sex appeal since the camera is often on ground level giving us a good look at their legs and there is also a long interpretive dance scene. I would say they don't make them like this anymore but the truth is the do, you can find movies similar to this on USA Network every Saturday night at 3 AM.

Passion in the Sun (1964)

I saw the sun but where was the passion?

[18 February 2002]

This would be a forgotten film today if the cable TV show Reel Wild Cinema" had not brought it to peoples attention. They condensed the movie to about 12 minutes and cut the subplots, of which the feature version has plenty. The story involves a stripper (Josette Valague) on her way back from a special job when she is kidnapped by two Cubans who are carrying a mysterious suitcase. Why did they grab her? What is in the suitcase? What does the Geek have to do with this? Why are we watching this? The stripper gets away from her none-too-bright captors when one shoots the other out of greed but she steals the suitcase. Why? To keep the plot interesting I guess. While running for her life she pauses to take a skinny dip in a river and then to take a nap where she dreams about herself doing one of her dance routines (talk about self absorbed!). Meanwhile the plot keeps cutting back to a place called the Sans Souci Club (sans souci means "don't worry" in French if you were wondering) where the dancers all sit around naked while applying their makeup and then go onstage to do a strip routine. Back in the main plot the Geek finally shows up and kills the other Cuban, then the stripper . . .er . . ."borrows" a truck but the Geek hitches a ride in the back. They end up back at the very carnival he (it?) escaped from way way back at the start of this picture. What happens? Ah, THAT would be telling. The movie is on DVD now, find out for yourself! The whole movie seems to have been shot MOS with voices dubbed in later. One man keeps his back to the camera in all his scenes but once he turns away and a voice says "Okay" while his mouth is clearly not moving. The carnival is run by a chain smoking fat woman who should deffinitely not be wearing Capri pants. The Geek (Mike Butts, if that is his real name) wears a shaggy wig with tufts of hair glued randomly to his face. He screams a lot and drools way too much. The heroes of the film are two cops in a radio car that is apparently the only one around because they get called for everything! I guess people went to see this back in 1964 for the nudity. Now we can see it to to shake our heads and wonder how many people were that desperate to see a film with nudity in it that they would pay to see this.

The Kiss (1896)

A first in more ways than one.

[13 February 2002]

I discovered silent movies one day when I was too sick to go to school and the local educational TV station ran several of them. That was where I was exposed to this early Edison short. Later I discovered this simple film, showing nothing more than 2 people kissing, was blasted by clergyman who used such terms as "A lyric of the stockyards" to describe this intimate act blown up larger than life and projected on a screen. Here moving pictures were still in their infancy and already certain people who let zealotry replace common sense were calling for censorship! Some things never change! We are lucky that so many Edison shorts survived for us to see these days. You have to wonder what all the fuss was about.

The Alien Factor (1978)

Don Dohler, why isn't this man a cult idol?

[12 February 2002]

What can I say about this movie? PLENTY! I discovered it right where it belongs, on TV at 3 in the morning, and it snapped me to full consciousness. The aliens are unbelievable, the plot is okay, the acting is priceless and the ending even goes for poignancy. The plot? Oh yes there is one. A bunch of strange monsters show up out of nowhere and terrorize a mountain village. A stranger named Zachary discovers they came from a spaceship the crashed in the hills and nominates himself as a one man committee to round up and/or destroy the alien beasts.

Now you have to see these monsters to believe them. One is a humanoid insect. His costume was made by spray painting cardboard with enamel and it was destroyed when it got rained on! A furry monster looks like the sort of outfit Gene Simmons of KISS might wear to a Halloween party right down to the 24 inch platform boots. The last is the best, a stop motion animated something-or-other that is invisible for most of the movie but who finally materializes for the end. They forgot, or could not afford, to matte out the background so the thing is transparent for all its scenes. Is that all? Not nearly! How about live music from a musician called "Lon Talbot" and 2 go-go girls who dance like they are on Valium? How about an alien who wear blue jeans and looks like his skin is made of wicker? Jinkies this movie is an instant classic! I loved it! Don Dohler made other films but this one is the most fun. Can we take Edward D. Wood off that pedastal now and put Don Dohler in his place? His films deserve to be seen and talked about; especially this one.

The Projected Man (1966)

They were kidding, right?

[11 February 2002]

Someone knocked the script for this off about 10 minutes after watching THE FLY and they threw in a bit of MAN MADE MONSTER to make it look original. Bryant Halliday (CURSE OF THE VOODOO, etc.) is a scientist working on a matter transport device. Apparently he has not consulted the Delambre family in Canada or he'd know better. Even though he has never succeeded in teleporting living matter he decides to project himself right into the living room of the department head so as not to lose his funding. Bad move! Well Bryant does not end up with a fly head, no he is burned rather like Tor Johnson in NIGHT OF THE GHOULS but he gains to power to electrocute people by touching them. He seems to have changed so much that electricity has become his food; he gets weaker the more power he uses. An interesting concept suffers from the ho-hum approach and an ending, which I will not reveal here, that does not so much end the movie as it "stops" it; like they had run out of ideas to advance the plot and so just ended everything. Saturday afternoons were made for movies like this. Don't think about what you are watching, take it at face value and you will have a good time.

Bloody Pit of Horror (1965)

The Marquis DeSade never had this much fun!

[11 February 2002]

Jayne Mansfield and her husband, Hungarian bodybuilder Miklos "Mickey" Hargitay were in Italy to shoot PRIMITIVE LOVE when Mickey took time off (about a weekend, judging from the quality of the movie) to shoot this one based (allegedly) on the writings of the Marquis DeSade. I have read some of the Marquis' books and while they are full of sex, violence and politics they describe no one like The Crimson Executioner. Okay here we go. Some people arrive at a remote castle to shoot photos for the covers of pulp novels (they are popular in Europe to this day!). The owner of the castle lets them use his dungeon but suddenly up pops some guy in red tights and a Lone Ranger mask claiming to be the 300 year old Crimson Executioner and it is his duty to punish them for their immoral behavior. I know we are supposed to sympathize with the innocent victims but the models up to this point are depicted as so self centered and empty headed it is hard to feel sorry for them even as we watch them being tortured. Then again maybe it is because the ordeals are so unconvincing. I mean, the girl on the rack has her arms bent even as C.E. is turning the wheel; and somehow I doubt the mechanical spider device he dreams up was widely in use back in the 17th Century. One very effective moment has one man trying to drive for help only to be shot through the neck by an arrow. The car drives aimlessly in circles with his dead body at the wheel. Nothing else in the movie approaches that level of intensity. Walter Brandi is good as the hero. He was also in THE VAMPIRE AND THE BALLERINA and SLAUGHTER OF THE VAMPIRES. Femi Benussi, who seems to get the worst of the tortures (maybe because she is blonde) was also in TARZANA, THE WILD GIRL. Mickey Hargitay also played Hercules once and did a few other movies too. Arnold Schwarzenegger once said Mickey was one of his role models. Does that mean Arnold might remake this movie? Let's hope someone talks him out of it.

The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms (1953)

Lee Van Cleef saves the world!

[11 February 2002]

This is the movie that introduced me to monster-on-the-loose pictures. Warner Brothers did not pioneer the genre; RKO started it off in 1951 with THE THING FROM ANOTHER WORLD. But it WAS Warner Brothers who began both the "radiation releases monster" and "radiation creates mutant monster" genre's with this film and THEM! two years later. I had never heard of Ray Harryhausen when I saw this for the first time at the tender age of 7 but I knew a scary monster when I saw it and this movie became an instant fave. Later I discovered Godzilla and could not figure out why that film had so much destruction and this one had so little. Later I learned about stop motion vs man-in-suit special effects. I also learned that Inoshiro Honda was using this film as a blueprint. Fantastic film! The first glimpse of the Beast is terrific! The destruction of the first ship is spellbinding! (That is Jack Pennick from many John Ford westerns as the shocked helmsman.) and the rampaging of The Beast through the streets of New York panicked me as a child. The only scene I did not (and still don't) care for is where the helpless blind man is knocked down and trampled by the fear crazed mob. The climax at Coney Island was amazing. I later found out the marksman in the end scenes is Lee Van Cleef who starred in so many spaghetti westerns. He actually saves the world in this movie. Well, maybe not the world, but New York anyway. I still watch this movie whenever I get a chance. When the film was new they tinted the underwater scenes where Cecil Kellaway is in the diving bell green. They did not restore the tinting to the video print and I think that was a mistake. Maybe when the movie gets to DVD they will do so. Don't miss your chance to discover this film. You will enjoy it.

The Butcher's Wife (1991)

There is fantasy and then again there is silliness.

[29 January 2002]

I tried very hard to like this movie because I love the fantasy genre, especially subtle entries like PORTRAIT OF JENNIE and MIRACLE OVER MILAN but this movie jumps the track. Why? Simple, you just cannot believe in the sincerity of the title character. Marina can see into people's minds (maybe even their hearts?) but while she is trying to be the guiding influence in the lives of her neighbors her own life is a shambles because she misinterpreted a prophecy concerning herself. Alas this barefoot girl with cheek to spare needed someone to advise her while she was advising others. Too bad this movie was not made 20 years earlier with Vittorio DeSica directing and maybe Monica Vitti in the starring role. Then we might be acknowledging it as a classic today. Well we can dream, can't we?

Axe (1977)

The sort of movie drive-in managers used to live for.

[29 January 2002]

Interesting independent film that is really a crime drama disguised as a horror film. Three men brutally kill a gay man and scare his partner into suicide. Then the three thugs go on the run but never feel they have to leave the state. You would think they'd keep a low profile but these three idiots hold up a convenience store and play a game of "William Tell" with the fat clerk, trying to shoot an apple off her head. Then these candidates for "America's Least Wanted" stop at a farmhouse inhabited only by a paralyzed war vet (this man has the hardest job in the movie, he has to sit emotionless while this plot unfolds around him) and his grand-daughter Lisa. Just when you think this movie is about to become a low budget remake of THE DESPERATE HOURS is when the latent horror elements kick in. Lisa, you see, is not the harmless victim we have been led to think she is. This quiet, doe-eyed, barefoot country gal is downright deadly with a straight razor and swings a mean axe to boot. She also seems to be keeping grand-dad alive on a diet of fresh killed chickens and blood soup.

Interesting movie, once marketed by Adults Only stalwart Harry Novak. In 1984 he re-released this on a double bill with another 70's movie, THE CHILD and tried to make us think both were brand new. I don't think anyone was fooled but at least both movies were fun.