Change Your Image
c0brac0mmander
Reviews
Elephant (2003)
You know you are in bad shape if an 81minute movie feels long...
This was easily one of the worst movies I have ever seen. It was repetitive and tedious, there was almost no story and the characters were so underdeveloped that when they all got killed in the end I was happy because I wouldn't have to watch this crappy movie any more.
Sure, there was some nice photography in this film, but the novelty of super-long, one-take steady cam shots wears off pretty quick, and if you are noticing them in the first place, that's a pretty good sign that the story is failing. On top of that, it didn't even look that good. If Gus Van Sant was so intent on using fancy camera work to carry his picture, he might as well have shot something pretty.
Yeah, I got the point. I realize that it's not suppose to be a glossy, artificial product, but a look at an otherwise normal day, a picture of a moment in time. I don't care, it still sucked. When I was watching this film, I got more pleasure from the fact that I recognized some of the locations and one of the extras than the actual story.
At its best, this is a well made film school project; at its worst, this is a horrible excuse to exploit the tragedy of school shootings.
The Adventures of Mary-Kate & Ashley: The Case of the United States Navy Adventure (1997)
the fifth or sixth best olsen twins video i have seen
man, when i saw this for the first time i was blown away! the acting by the twins was top notch. the direction, sadly, was sub-par, and one could tell that this movie was clearly done on a srtaight to video budget. mary-kate and ashley are bonafide starlets, and they really carried this movie. unfortunately, not evey video can be as good as mary-kate and ashley's ballet party.
Antitrust (2001)
worse than the skulls
This movie is whorrable, that's right, i spelled it with a 'w', it's that bad. between the poor acting, hoaky camera work and weak plot, there really isn't much left that can salvage the film. An example of this tripple threat of crap can be found all together in one scene, when ryan phillippe's world comes crashing down around him and the director makes this clear by having the the camra spin around him and playing little sound bites of tim robbins talking over it. And to put the icing on the crap cake, there's a scene in the movie where tim robbins and ryan phillippe pump thier own gas, despite the fact that oregon is one of only 2 states in the entire US that doesnt have self service gas stations. i could bear the skulls, because it was unintentionally funny, but antitrust was just too bad. i'm sorry a spent $2.75 on this. that is an hour and thirty-eight minutes of my life i will never get back.
Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999)
disappointing...
when i saw this film in the theater, i thought it was great, so great in fact, that i saw it two more times. why? because i was starved for fresh star wars material, and when you are starving, chitlins taste as good as a moist, delicious honey baked ham. when i watched it later, parts of it were quite good, but the parts with jake loyd in them were simply horrible. hell, i didn't even mind jar jar that much, he was stupid and annoying, but he was comic relief and not to be taken seriously. the lines that lucas gave to jake loyd were god awful, and the delivery was even worse. when you are writing a movie that is supposed to tell an epic story, it seems like you wouldnt want to have your characters spouting one liners, let alone by the kid from freakin' jungle all the way. lucas wrote the part of anakin way too young, and way too stupid. an older actor, perhaps one that could act, would have been much better, and any future romance between anakin and padme would have been much more believable. it is not hard to imagine with only slight changes in casting and scripting, this could have been a vastly superior film.
The Patriot (2000)
I'm siding with the Brits on this one
Normally I might just say that the English guys are just bitter because they lost the war, but this movie was so god awful and historically inaccurate that it just cant be excused. The only historically accurate fact in the whole movie is that there was actually a war between the Great Britain and its American colonies.