fukko123 Reviews

Groundhog Day (1993)

Its Groundhog Day!!!!!!!!!

[4 June 2002]

Brilliant Comedy starring Bill Murray and directed by fellow Ghostbuster Harold Ramis. What can i say about this film that hasnt already been said? Not much.This is one of my favourite comedies and in my opinion one of the best ever made.Bill Murray trying various ways of topping himself is particulary funny.But the whole film in general is funny, i really cant say much more that that.

The Langoliers (1995)

Very Good

[10/10 · 3 June 2002]

Not sure why some people reviewing this come out with "This movie was crap" or this movie was worse than "Plan 9 from outer space"

I liked it and thought it had an exellent plot. I didnt think that they did too bad considering it was a TV Movie. Maybe a little too long, but worst movie ever? Not really just certain people who disliked it a little didnt want to review this and say " I disliked this movie a little.......erm" The Langoliers did also look pretty poor, but the build up to the Langoliers was more important.Very Good and certainly not worst movie ever.Have you people ever seen Death Wish 3 and 4 or Titanic or Hobgoblins? I can assure you that they are much worse.

Bloodsport (1988)

Martial Arts Masterpiece

[25 May 2002]

**Spoilers**

This is a truly brilliant film. If you want to see one of the best martial arts films ever made then this is the one for you. Although the acting isnt too good the fight scenes are outstanding along with the above average music.The film is about Frank Dux(Van Damme) a real life fighter who won the Kumite and holds many records still to this day.It is about Dux going to the Kumite to compete with the worlds best fighters in a full contact competition. Among the fighters who stand out is none other than Kung Fu Legend Bolo Yueng who plays the Bad guy Chong Li.The fight scenes as i said are outstanding and some of the best i have ever seen, Iron Monkey is probably the only film which has better.Dux fights his way through to the final to meet the monster that is Chong Li who broke an opponents leg and killed another unfortunate, although to show that he isnt invincible he did take a few hits from his opponents. The final was a bit of a dissapointment, They shouldnt have made Chong Li cheat and Van Damme fighting when half blind is a bit poor aswell, but it is a good fight and of course Van Damme wins. If you want to see fight scenes how they should be made and arent too bothered by the sight of blood(or Broken legs and backs) then i advise you to watch this film.Compared to other martial arts films, A Classic!

Death Wish 3 (1985)

Even worse than the first time i saw it..

[24 May 2002]

I just saw this again and i couldnt help but write another review for it. THIS FILM IS TERRIBLE, but entertaining.I'd like to list some of the problems that i have with this film.

~Charlie kills 75+ people, about 2 people he killed actually deserved to die.The rest were bad but that doesnt mean that he had to kill them!

~Charlies friend carrying a pipe that fired shotgun shells!?

~British people doing really bad American accents

~The part after Charlie kills "The Giggler" There were lines like "They killed the Giggler man" "He had no buissness doing that, none at all"

~Charlie kills the Bad guy by blowing him up with a rocket launcher. The problem i have with this is that 1, Charlie was about 5 feet away from him and 2 Charlies friend the cop was about 2 feet away.Both survived without a scratch.

~The Part when Charlie runs straight at some punks and the punks shoot him about 10 times but hes wearing a bullet proof vest, so he survives and kills them.He then runs at some other punks and bends down putting his hands and arms infront of his vest thus making his bullet proof vest useless,but again they shoot him and he survives.

~People sitting about doing nothing, just staring even when people are getting killed all around them

~People dancing over the dead bodies and saying things like "Praise the lord!!"

~Charlie wobbling about because he cant run

~Charlie ordering a Magnum and a rocket launcher through the mail

633 Squadron (1964)

Best score in movie History

[23 May 2002]

The film is quite poor other than the action scenes which are great and the Musical score is possibly the best ever! Also not good is the American leading the squadron and the Italian looking "Norwegian" resistance fighter.

Predator (1987)

The best Action film ever made

[10 May 2002]

*Spoilers* This for me is Arnie's best film.Its the one film in his career where he is weak compared to who or what he is against.The film starts out when "Dutch"(Arnie) and his team of Special forces soldiers including no less than Carl "Apollo Creed" Weathers and Jesse Ventura go into the jungle to kill some Columbians(?)So far it seems like a typical Arnie film with him killing all the Columbians but thats when things start to go wrong for Arnie and co.This is when the Predator begins to stalk them and kill them off one by one and one of the first his team to go is Jesse Ventura(maybe an early hint at what Arnie is going to be facing)Eventually there is only Arnie and Columbian girl they find who survives because she doesnt have any weapons and it wouldnt be any fun for the Predator to kill her. In the end though Arnie takes one hell of a beating but still manages to kill the Predator and escape, the only man in his team to escape. Great Music Great Action Best Action film

The Delta Force (1986)

OK

[9 May 2002]

Ok film with very good music, but thats about it. Cant say much for Chuck Norris acting, but i can say that it was a lot better than his attempts in Firewalker.Lee Marvin is barely above average in this and really should have thought twice before he accepted this role. But i suppose its not a bad action movie and certainly one of Chucks best films. 6/10

Victory (1981)

Great if you see this as a child

[9 May 2002]

When i first saw this about 6 years after it was first released i thought that it was the best film ever made with parts like Peles Overhead kick, Ossie ardeles flick and the slow motion and the music. But on seeing this again its probably one of the worst films i have ever watched.

-The acting throughout was terrible

-Why did Michael Caine make this film?.

-Peles overhead kick also isnt that good when you see in slow motion about 5 times in a row. -Pele playing with a broken arm

-The fans singing the french national anthem, very cheesy.

-The fans wearing FLARES when they run about on the pitch.

-Slyvester Stallone playing in goal!?

Very good when your a child, but amazingly bad if you watch when your older.

Memento (2000)

1 of the best ever made

[10/10 · 4 May 2002]

*Spoilers* This has to be one of the best movies ever made. Confusing at times yes and the order of the film can be puzzling but once you get used to how the film works everything starts to come together(or most of it does anyway)This film for me just got better and better as it went on and even had a little humour in it too.Like the part when hes running and chasing Dodd and he says "what am i doing, im chasing this guy" then the guys starts shooting at him and he says " nope, hes chasing me" A very minor part of the film but i thought it was good.A modern Masterpiece and similar to The Usual Suspects. This film has it all, Suspense, great music that really does add a lot to the film and an exellent plot. I'd give this 9.5/10

and in comparision The Godfather - 9.8/10

The Jackal (1997)

Another crappy american remake of a great British film

[4 May 2002]

Day of the Jackal = 7.5/10 This pile of S£$T = 0.5/10

I hoped this film might be good(considering the cast)but it was good until our hero arrived, non other than Ex IRA terrorist Richard Gere. "im only a shooter im not a bomber" Gere replies when being verbally attacked for killing women and children. His attacker backs off, shooting people is acceptable whereas bombing people isnt. Why did he have to be an IRA terrorist? Why was it written in? Is it another attempt by hollywood to convince Americans that the IRA are actually nice guys? Who are forced to bomb civilians in England and dont really want to do. Why couldnt they have had an all american hero do catch the "Jackal"

Another crap part is at the start when the FBI waltze into a bar in Russia with help from the Russian police. Something that just wouldnt happen. The worst part is at the end though when Sidney poitier and Richard gere are drinking together. Well i guess the IRA terrorist deserved his drink though i mean after all he really is a nice guy! No where near as good as the orignal just like the remake of get carter.

Braveheart (1995)

What a great film(BAHHH)

[1/10 · 12 April 2002]

Braveheart is the story of a man, William Wallace who kills some guys and gets angry a lot and screams like a girl.Had this film not been made for the American audience it would have been so much better and realistic. Like all of Gibsons films it is the plot is very intelligent, Scottish = good , English = bad!.Everything every single englishman ever does is bad they do nothing right and are all wimpy cowards.The Scots are brave and noble and are fighting for their Freedom!!!!!!!!!!!(HAHAHAHA)yeah right.Let it been known to all, that the Scots were the first to attack out of the 2 countries and are by no means 'just fighting for their freedom'They Invaded England in 1148 and were crushed at the Battle of the Standard which was the first major battle between the 2 countries and was the English defending their homeland(it was fought in northern england)Also i was surprised that the makers of this film missed out some great battles in which the scottish won.For example, they could have put in both battles of Dunbar or maybe the battle of Flodden or Halidon Hill and why oh why was Culloden Moor not shown in this film they were all great scottish victories(HEEHEEHEE)

The Substitute (1996)

Could have been good

[5 April 2002]

Spoilers ***************************** I cannot believe this film got 5.3, i think it should have 2.0 at the most.This film is bad but also very funny(because of the badness) and as i watched this "masterpiece" i felt sorry for Tom Berenger and how his career has gone downhill since Platoon.Its like this, Tom berenger is an ex U.S Marine who becomes a Subsitute at a high school,whos Principal(Big Ernie Hudson)is a drug dealer(!!!!).From then on we see Berengers character making enemies of some of the rather old looking "kids" who are also armed to the teeth with guns.But this isnt a problem for Tom,when they confront him in the school libary he throws them all out of a window to the ground which is about 30ft below, but they all just get up brush themselves down and walk away(!?).This film then gets worse and some things happen, and isnt interesting again until the last scenes.One of the scenes involves a teacher who has rumbled Ernies operation and gets caught.To try and escape the Drug dealers,he climbs up a rope in the school hall/gym and gets shot.I couldnt quite work that scene out, maybe he was looking for a door in the ceiling but either way he gets killed.Then Berenger and his gang of ex US marines assault the school to get at Ernie Hudson and his nasty friends and it goes on until, Bad guys dead, Berengers gang alive.Thats it all over.One last thing though,One of Berengers friends(the mexican with the bobble on his head)gets killed and im certain of this about 5 minutes before the end,but at the end of the film he greets Berenger and walks away with a limp!? If anyone is thinking of making a sequel,heres some advise Hire Actors and dont make the same mistake as the first Director. 2.0/10 V E R Y B A D

Jack Reed: Badge of Honor (1993 TV Movie)

Stereotripe

[27 March 2002]

This film features Brian Dennehy as a cop (surprise surprise). but wait theres more ! Branscombe Richmond in his usual native-american supporting role, Bill Cosby providing a few laughs this film has it all. Unfortunately even actors of this calibre cant work wonders with a script this bad 6/10

Total Recall (1990)

Good 80's Sci Fi Action Yarn

[25 March 2002]

++Spoilers++ One of Arnies better films and with some of his best lines ever in it.Arnie wants to go to mars so he goes to Recall and gets a Holiday Transplanted into his memory but things start to go wrong and he ends up killing his friends and beating his wife(Sharon Stone).He then arrives in Mars and gets involved in a Rebels vs Richmen war. Good film that many should like though not as good as Predator, Terminator or Kindergarden Cop. 8/10

Id just like to leave one of my favourite arnie quotes from this film

"Aliens Build it"!

The Patriot (2000)

Dumb Movie for Dumb people(americans)

[24 March 2002]

I will not go through all the problems because i can see many people already have.I saw this again and it was actually worse than the first time i saw it.I'd just like to pick my favourite moments in the film.

Tavinton(to black slaves) " Any slave who fights for the crown will become a free man" Black guys "We arent slaves sir, we work this land ourselves"

I couldnt help but laugh when he said that, who does mel gibson think he is kidding and i pray that most americans also saw somthing wrong with that scene.

Tavington " You Stupid little boy!!"

Most Americans probably wont get the joke unless they have watched a certain British comedy. I must keep my review short and will end it here for i must burn a church with americans inside. 1/10

Wall Street (1987)

epic

[10/10 · 24 March 2002]

Charlie Sheen gives a moving performance as Chris, a new arrival to the Vietnam War. The film revolves around his experiences as he narrates his letter to his grandma. Martin Sheen is also good as the soldier sent in to kill a rogue soldier, General Mendoza, yet another star turn by Branscombe Richmond. However it is Charlie Sheen's film as two soldiers battle for his soul. Sergeant Elias (Clancy Brown) is world weary and tired of killing but does it anyway. Sergeant Barnes (Bill Cosby) is the ruthless killer who will do anything to ensure the machine doesnt break down. The only thing that could make this film better would be if aliens build it 10/10

We Were Soldiers (2002)

did dodo's do doo doo's ?

[1/10 · 23 March 2002]

This is a tremendous film about the first all black regiment to fight in the union army during the civil war. in an amazing piece of casting Bill Cosby is tremendous playing Morgan Freeman playing the wise old soldier, to this day most people still think it actually was Morgan Freeman which is perhaps the highest praise that Cosby could recieve. Mel Gibson is good as the cop who hunt the killers of his family in post-apocalyptic Australia though i didnt see what this had to do with slavery.it is, inevitably, Branscombe Richmond who steals the show as General Mendoza who leads the north Vietnamese against the brave union men with typical panache. Overall its worth watching, but only if you like the civil war.

The Owl (1991 TV Movie)

Wow

[21 March 2002]

This film is real bad, its a real bad film i tells ya. It even stoops to the rapping bad guy level, in fact barring sesame street i cant remember rap being used so effectively. Anyway, Bill Cosby is the rapping bad guy who is trying to kill the owl, other wise known as Alex L'Hiboux. The French name doesnt really explain why the actor playing the role keeps slipping into an English accent. Their are very few things to recommend this film. One of them is Uscar nominated Branscombe Richmond who is at his impeccable best as chief Walks with a Limp, the guy who taught the owl everything he knows. A star turn by Billy "Sly" Williams as gullett also stand's out.

Titanic (1997)

thank god they all die, mostly

[1/10 · 20 March 2002]

The featured review of this film carries the line "the scene shifts to Southampton, Ireland where the Titanic set sail from on April 10, 1912" A minor point perhaps, to our american friends but Southampton is in England. Still, i only partly put that glaring error down to the unfortunate american who wrote it. After seeing Titanic i would have got the impression Southampton is in Ireland too. The ship was built in Belfast which was British then and is British now, so to make up for that and appease the Irish American audience they fill the ship with poor unfortunates from the emerald isle whose only role in the film seems to be getting screwed by the English "tyrants" who run the ship. Add a few poor but heroic Americans to the mix and you've got a blockbuster. To be fair, i hate this type of film anyway so it was never going to get a good review from me. 2 / 10

Titanic (1997)

One of the worst films ever made

[1/10 · 19 March 2002]

If you are thinking of watching this film, i have a suggestion.Take a spoon and gauge out your eyes then get a fork and stab into your brain. One of the WORST films ever made.Only Hobgoblins,Troll and Death wish 4 are worse.Utter S*&T

Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels (1998)

Good, but thats all

[17 March 2002]

This is a good movie directed by the highly overated Guy Ritchie.The film is very funny but thats about it.Im surprised how highly this has been rated but i suppose it is a new film.If you want good English Gangster film take a look at The Long Good Friday and Get Carter. Also i guess Guy Ricthie owes some americans an apology, next time all the main characters should speak in broad american accents so that the american audience can understand whats being said(!!!!)

7/10

Santa with Muscles (1996)

HOPE SPRINGS ETERNAL

[17 March 2002]

Hope you ask ? how did i get hope from 97 minutes of pure embarrassment for the once mighty Hulk Hogan. This film is atrocious to watch so just think how bad it would be to read. Well some producer read it and funded it too. I am going to track down this producer with some of my film ideas such as "Road Rage in Toyland" or perhaps even a remake of "The Eye Creatures" i'm sure he'd go for them because they surely can't be worse than this.

The Limey (1999)

Could have been so much better

[13 March 2002]

The film is about an English Gangster going to america to get revenge and in the process he kills loads of americans, sounds good.But then we see Terence Stamp(An Exellent Actor) produce one of his most bizarre performances ever.I couldnt work out whether or not this was his best performance or his worst.Through a lot of the movie he does fine except maybe whenever he speaks in an Cockney accent that an american could have done better.Then we have the scene where he cant even say his own name " Whats your name" " My noaaames Wilsorrrrnnn" What the hell was the scene all about anyway.Then after his has killed the Americans at the start " Tell em im coming, Tell em im caoerrmmmhing" What the Hell was he thinking when he did those scenes!?

But dispite Stamps Erratic performance this fim was still good, but it couldhave been so much better.I would have liked to have seen Michael Caine doing the killing next time though.

Krull (1983)

Good Fantasy film with possibly....

[10/10 · 12 March 2002]

the GREATEST SCORE in cinema history.The film is quite good with some British actors in early roles (Robbie Coltrane,Liam Neeson,Alun Armstrong)and has plenty of action and one eyed bloke who gets crushed inbetween rocks.But the only 2 things that stand out in this movie are 1 The Glave!! Some kind of spiked boomerang

and 2 James Horners "Ride Of the Firemares" This film is worth watching for the music alone possibly the greatest score in movie history!!!

In short Better than Legend not as good as Willow or Neverendingstory

Platoon (1986)

Best War Movie ever made

[10/10 · 10 March 2002]

***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** Without doubt this has to be the best war movie ever made forget Full Metal Jacket and Apocalypse Now,this is the one.Everything about this film from the Action, Fighting between themselves and the Music is exellent,it doesnt give any reasons why the US lost the Vietnam War(it not supposed to)but it does show what it was like and how it was the closest thing to hell on earth."SPOILER ALERT" The last 15-20 minutes of this film are probably the greatest Battle scenes ever!All the characters that we had come to know even though they only had small parts(The Coward Lieutenant,The Medic, Bunny)all get wiped out in a massive assault by the NVA, even Oliver Stone gets killed!!!One of my favourite parts of that was when The Lieutenant says" We have been overrun, we are pulling back" And the Captain replies " Godammit where you gonna pull back too!!,You will stand and fight and i mean YOU Lieutentant" The Part where SGT O'Neil hides underneath the Body of a fellow soldier and survives the whole Battle. In the end though i thought that Tom Berenger stole this film from Charlie Sheen and Willem Dafoe. With his Brilliant portrayal of the near Pyschotic SGT Barnes. 10/10

"You smoke this s*** to escape from reality? I am Reality"