Iok Reviews

Hyperdrive (2006–2007)

A Less Than "Stellar" Start...

[12 January 2006]

... And with that "joke" I've already reached the 50% of the comedy factor found in the pilot episode of Hyperdrive.

Yes, it's sad to say, but in the episode's 30 minute runtime, I laughed twice. The rest of the time, I sat, stoney-faced wondering if I was missing something. From the other comments here, I evidently wasn't...

The big problem is the format. Hyperdrive could as easily be set in a regional development agency office in Dudley for all the sci-fi content. In fact, it wouldn't surprise me if it had been originally conceived as exactly that and "rebranded" in an attempt to ride the wave of sci-fi interest generated by the recently relaunched Doctor Who. Yes, I know it's a comedy, but SITUATION comedies are named so for a reason.

Look at Red Dwarf (the series Hyperdrive will immediately be compared to) - where the writers used the full potential of the sci-fi setting to deliver some great comedy and genuinely well-written science fiction, seamlessly mixing genre parodies, big sci-fi ideas and fart jokes to great effect.

Yet Hyperdrive has none of this. Instead, here we get a few gags about how the British are still a bit useless in the 22nd Century, a gag about call centers, some poor slapstick and some frankly embarrassing "jokes" that fall flat.

A terrible disappointment.

Cup of My Blood (2005)

Interesting and Atmospheric

[7/10 · 9 December 2005]

When Jack Fender (Daniel Patrick Sullivan) - former photographer turned pornographer - witnesses a car accident, the dying passenger charges him with a task: take care of the box she's carrying. Don't look at what's within and keep it safe. Jack takes the box and is soon haunted by strange dreams, weird visions and a feeling of acute paranoia. And rightly so, as the box contains the Holy Grail and there are forces who will go to great lengths to get their hands upon it...

Imagine if David Lynch was Japanese and he'd directed The Ninth Gate.

That's probably the best way to describe "Cup of My Blood," a creepy, atmospheric supernatural thriller that delivers some very well-timed shocks, has a great sense of dread, features some nice "in-camera" SFX (ala Jacob's Ladder) and some very well executed (no pun intended) gore scenes, which, although not hugely visceral, are enough to keep schlock fans happy without offending the more sensitive horror fan.

One other point to raise is the superb use of sound in this movie. Atmospheric rumbles, almost bordering on the subsonic haunt the movie's soundtrack, creating a very disturbing, eerie atmosphere of dread.

Sadly, performances are a mixed bag, with some stilted acting and - to be brutally honest - dialogue that's at best, okay and at worst, bad. Despite its faults, though, it manages to retain a great sense of dread and an interesting - if at times confusingly overplayed - plot.

Whilst the movie's basic plot is straightforward enough (providing you stick with it - just roll with the "flashbacks/intercuts," as they're explained later), but some extra backstory on a couple of characters and a clearer explanation on exactly WHY the Grail is so important (being Christ's cup aside) would have helped.

As it is, "Cup of My Blood" falls short of being a great movie. With a stronger cast, a little tightening around the edges and a little more exposition it could have been superb. As it stands, it's a solid, entertaining enough movie that I doubt will make anybody's Top Ten, but kudos to Lance Catania and crew for producing a chilling, different and interesting movie. I look forward to seeing his future work.

Dead Friend (2004)

One of the Better Asian Horrors

[8/10 · 15 October 2005]

"The Ghost" tells the story of Ji-Won, a young student suffering from amnesia. Ostracised by her former friends and haunted by strange visions, she begins to try to unravel the mystery of her past...

Despite what people may say, there's only most tenuous links to the classic "Ringu" and the not-quite-so-good "Dark Water." Look beyond the shared imagery (which is from classical Japanese/Asian mythology anyway and wasn't invented by Nakata) and judge this movie on its own merits and you'll find a very cleverly structured, disturbing and touching horror movie with a clever twist and some memorably creepy scenes.

A far superior movie to the overly praised "Dark Water" and right up there with "A Tale of Two Sisters" as Korea's premiere horror.

The Zombie Chronicles (2001 Video)

Not Very Good...

[2/10 · 12 October 2005]

If the crew behind "Zombie Chronicles" ever read this, here's some advice guys:

1. In a "Twist Ending"-type movie, it's not a good idea to insert close-ups of EVERY DEATH IN THE MOVIE in the opening credits. That tends to spoil the twists, y'know...?

2. I know you produced this on a shoestring and - to be fair - you worked miracles with your budget but please, hire people who can actually act. Or at least, walk, talk and gesture at the same time. Joe Haggerty, I'm looking at you...

3. If you're going to set a part of your movie in the past, only do this if you have the props and costumes of the time.

4. Twist endings are supposed to be a surprise. Sure, we don't want twists that make no sense, but signposting the "reveal" as soon as you introduce a character? That's not a great idea.

Kudos to the guys for trying, but in all honesty, I'd rather they hadn't...

Only for zombie completists.

Raiders of the Living Dead (1986)

Scooby Doo And The Living Dead

[1/10 · 25 April 2005]

If you're looking for one of those "so bad it's good" movies, then ROTLD is the movie you want. Featuring characters with no background or motivation beyond "reporter," "Grandpa" and "child genius," scenes of complete silence and - best of all - a villain "reveal" that makes Scooby Doo's "I would have got away with it, too, if it wasn't for you pesky kids," look complex this film is, quite frankly, an absolute stinker.

Worth watching if you've a few likeminded friends and a crate of beer handy, but other than that, this film is without merit. Zombie or horror fans expecting a "proper" horror movie should avoid at all costs.

2 Fast 2 Furious (2003)

Dire

[1/10 · 13 April 2005]

Whenever I write a review, I always try to justify my comments or praise some element of the movie, but quite frankly, nothing about 2 Fast 2 Furious merits any such praise.

Were it possible, I'd give this movie a 0 out of 10, but I'll just have to settle for a 1. Yes, it truly is that hideous.

I can usually find some merit in "bad" movies, where they transcend their "badness" to actually become entertaining, but 2 Fast... fails even on this level.

Avoid at all costs, unless you're a 10-year old who gets his ideas about street racing from Need For Speed: Underground.

Battlestar Galactica (2004–2009)

Sci-fi for Grown-Ups

[10 December 2004]

Before I proceed, I'll just add a quick comment for those slating the series without seeing it: please, stop it. Instead, wait and see what the new show is about and give it a chance. Unless of course, you want to miss one of the best dramas currently airing...

BSG is a very human story. Yet unlike Star Trek, they're not resolved by the end of the episode. Here the characters are real people who make mistakes, grow and learn from their errors. Or maybe they don't...

The point is that in the new BSG, the impact of the loss of the Colonies is something everybody must deal with, be it on a resource-management level to dealing with the loss of their families. The impact of the Cylon attack - never explored in the original series - is a major emphasis in the show and the viewer genuinely does get the feeling of the "rag tag fleet."

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the original series as much as anybody, but it was a product of its time and audience-slot. The new BSG is a much more adult production, both in terms of the writing and performances and the intended audience.

Additionally, the show is very non-sci-fi, but in a good way. Whenever any "science" turns up, it's integrated in such a way as to have minimal impact on the plot and, unlike Star Trek, it isn't used as a Deus Ex Machina to simply resolve the "crisis of the week." In fact, I'd go as far as to say the show is closer to 24 or The West Wing than it is Star Trek or Babylon 5, with the focus being much more on the people and their individual actions, rather than a wide-scale "space opera."

Performances are all strong, with James Callis being the real star. His tortured performance as the guilt-stricken Baltar are a joy to watch as he flips from near-hysterical lunatic to scheming toad to smooth womaniser. Olmos has the presence to give Adama the air of authority required. Sackhoff's performance as Starbuck is "subtly obvious" - she plays the brash, cocky pilot a little too well, something that's explained in later episodes. And Bamber's Apollo is a mix of heroic action and self-doubt which balances well. Mention must also go to McDonnell's President Roslin who, over the course of the series, has grown in stature and presence in a very subtle manner.

Quite simply, Battlestar Galactica is one of the most consistently strong shows I've ever seen. Considering this is only the first of (hopefully) many seasons, it's amazing to see how the show has "hit the ground running," with each episode being an improvement on the last. And considering the high standard of the first one, that's quite the achievement.

Watch it. You won't be disappointed.

Grim (1996)

7/10 for Effort, 2/10 for Execution

[11 October 2004]

I won't recap the plot to Grim in much detail - mainly because it doesn't really have much of one. And that's a shame, as underneath the long, ponderous shots, terrible dialogue and shaky script there's a reasonable enough movie trying to get out. Unfortunately, it never does, though, leaving Grim a plodding, un-involving mess.

As a first draft or a plot synopsis, Grim's script would be acceptable in the "simple plot, let's just get on with the scares" school of horror. However, it's supposed to be a finished movie. Even the heavy-handed addition of a "Basil Exposition" character, to actually explain that the creature is a troll and explain troll-ish behaviour to the rest of the cast/viewer (i.e. they live underground, eat people, don't like light) would have been a move in the right direction.

And speaking of direction, in Grim, it's pretty woeful. There isn't a single moment in this movie that makes you jump. Not one. And, with the lackluster editing and terribly repetitive soundtrack, Grim can't be recommended.

THAT SAID, I do at least give credit to the cast and crew for trying something different. And, given the choice, I'd still take Grim over any of the Hugh Grant/Richard Curtis Rom-Coms about stuttery, up-tight Englishmen and their will they/won't they romantic complications...

Campfire Stories (2001)

Terrible.

[5 October 2004]

Campfire Stories is what's usually called an "Anthology" or "Portmanteaux" movie - in other words, a movie that tells a number of stories. Amicus made a number of very successful movies in this vein in the 60's and 70's, adapting EC Comic's most famous titles, including The Vault of Horror and Tales from the Crypt, to produce some classics of the "twist ending" genre and it's this style Campfire Stories emulates, even going so far as being based upon a horror comicbook (which I'd personally never heard of...)

The strength of the Anthology movie is that - because the writer has such a short time to develop his story - the plots are usually much tighter and concentrated than in a regular movie, with the focus being more on delivering the macabre or ironic twist.

Unfortunately, nobody told this to the writers of Campfire Stories. The three tales on offer are predictable, limp and - at times - lacking in logic. Supposedly they're tales of ghostly/otherworldly revenge, but in reality, the movie's central message seems to be "Teenagers are bad and deserve to die for being teenagers," a motif that runs through the entire movie.

Even the most ardent collector of Anthology-style movies should avoid giving this movie space in his collection.

If you want to see how it should be done, watch the Amicus classics Asylum, From Beyond the Grave, Tales from the Crypt, The Vault of Horror, The House That Dripped Blood and Dr. Terror's House of Horror.

Dagon (2001)

A Difficult One to Call...

[7/10 · 5 July 2004]

Dagon is an atmospheric evocation of HP Lovecraft's "The Shadow Over Innsmouth", updating the story to the modern day and transplanting it to the Spanish coastal village of "Imboca", throwing in a little bit of nudity, some violence, some rather nasty gore and expanding the short story into a quasi-"Night of the Living Dead"-style chase/hide runaround.

Fans of Lovecraft won't be disappointed with the overall effect, but purists may find the update a little too much, with the early atmosphere and "hinted" oddness giving way to out-and-out gore, explicit monster reveals and action sequences. Yet despite these changes (hey, you've got to move with the times!) Dagon is a worthwhile movie that's pure Lovecraft at heart.

Now for the tough part. People unfamiliar with Lovecraft's work may find it all a little confusing/slow/dull/pointless. Unlike Stuart Gordon's previous Lovecraftian work Re-Animator, Dagon isn't as accessible to the non-Lovecraft fan. In much the same way as Re-Animator wasn't a "Cthulhu Mythos" story, so too the movie adaptation could be viewed as a "stand-alone" work. Dagon, on the other hand, whilst explaining a little about Dagon and his kin, doesn't explain it all, so viewers unfamiliar with Lovecraft's other works may be left feeling a little empty, scratching their heads or with many unanswered questions.

However, the atmospheric weirdness of Imboca and its residents makes for some genuinely creepy sequences and there's some full-on gory sequences that may keep splatterpunk fans happy. However, the overall Lovecraftian-ness of the whole thing may ultimately disappoint those unfamiliar with his other work.

So Dagon, by trying too hard to please both camps, perhaps fails to do either. Still, for Lovecraft fans its certainly worth checking out. And non-fans will certainly find something here to entertain, but be warned - it may not be for all horror fans and if you're expecting a movie with a lot of exposition or logical answers, this isn't the one for you.

Overall: 7/10

They (2002)

Best US Horror Movie in Years

[9/10 · 23 January 2004]

If you think horror reached its peak with the likes of Scream, I Know What You Did Last Summer or Freddy vs Jason, then THEY isn't for you.

However, if you're a fan of movies like Jacob's Ladder or Ringu, check out THEY. Combining a nightmarish atmosphere of dread with some genuinely shocking "boo" moments, THEY is without a doubt one of the best "mainstream" horror movies I've seen in a long time.

(As a side note to the nay-sayers: a lot of people have commented on the "they" of the title, complaining that the movie doesn't explain who "they" are, or what their motivations are. The fact is, though, that you don't need to know. The greatest horror in life is the unknown. That's what THEY is about.)

Overall, a genuinely interesting and innovative horror movie with some memorable sequences and genuinely disturbing scenes. Oh, and if you get the chance, watch the alternative ending.

9/10

A Knight's Tale (2001)

Makes Braveheart Look Historically Accurate

[9/10 · 15 November 2002]

I first saw "A Knight's Tale" by chance. A few of us had decided on an ad hoc visit to the local cinema and selected "A Knight's Tale" simply because it sounded the least "teen" movie on the bill. We slapped down our cash and took our seats.

The movie began...

A crowd of peasants are assembled to watch the jousting. And they're singing "We Will Rock You."

My initial response was "God, this is going to be bad."

But as the movie continued, it suddenly dawned on me - I wasn't hating the movie at all! On an intellectual level, I should have been booing and throwing stuff at the screen but there's something about the sheer verve and energy of "A Knight's Tale" that just drags you in on an emotional level.

A clever script with many modern references, a good cast of likeable characters and a fantastic soundtrack (the reveal of "Golden Years" is particularly good) all add up to make "A Knight's Tale" one of the most entertaining mainstream movies I've seen in a long time.

Normally I hate "popcorn" movies - not because I consider them "low brow" or an insult to the intelligence, but because they're shallow, tired and lack soul. Yet "A Knight's Tale" is different. No, it won't change your life and it won't make you ponder your place in the universe. But it will entertain you.

If you're looking for an "old fashioned" good vs. evil movie with a twist, or your copy of "The Princess Bride" is wearing thin, check out "A Knight's Tale."

8/10