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Reviews
Chacun sa nuit (2006)
And Now For the Kitchen Sink
Like so many screenwrites that minimize a functional plot and are based on jarring juxtapositions of elements truly extraneous to the story, (if you can find one in this film), one is left bored but befuddled. Quite a feat of genius--and then, let's throw in a kitchen sink (or two) and melodramatize the melodrama a bit further with all the kitchen sinks having sexual problems. And, as though any elegance might be wasted on the philistine masses anticipated to watch this thing, let's give the characters a good dowsing with Eau de Banal: let's say they are all in a band, and make them act so miraculously casual when confronted by each other's conceits that it seems the writer was trying hard to force accessible in ludicrous loads down watchers' throats. Doltish performances, mishandled script dynamics, and the shaky pursuit of post-modernist neo-realism all packs up together and forms a very cheesy fromage that no normal person could possibly suspend disbelief for in order to receive and swallow, and swallow, and swallow.
Jane Eyre (2006)
Soulless Interpretation of Timeless Classic
Well, what is there to say here? Put most simply--don't do it. There have been many attempts to screw with Charlotte Bronte's clear imagination through dull and weird disasters of movies meant to capitalize on the novel's timeless success. However, this emotionless, and hence confusing, train wreck of another Jane Eyre foray is worth pittance and no more than tuppence. Poor casting for poor Jane Eyre, who in the 1938 (?) movie version is far more fair and exudes an aura of quiet innocence--essential qualities for the lead role. Rather, we have here a whats-her-name playing a Jane who is so flagrantly voluptuous that she would be better suited cast in one of those 70s type films, (patent leather, spandex tights, laser whips)--and let's give that film a name... Hmm... Space Nymphs! (I maintain full control of all rights to that one). Our whorish Whoever playing Jane acts more broody than the brooding Rochester does, with whats-HIS-name, (that one playing dear Rochy), coming off as emotionally unappealing as Kevin Costner always was in whatever role he flibbity-flopped along in.
Incredible performances, (meaning here they deserve no credit), leave you with a stunning sense of hangover like you are the victim of the poorest side-effects of a date rape drug--should you be so inclined to indulge your inner masochist and watch this thing through.
Nope. Another dismal and directionless 21st century rehash flop. Just an almighty, walloping nope.
Suite Française (2014)
Predictably Banal
Yet another attempt to facilitate a crossing of political and social boundaries, and justify cheating, on the basis of husband absenteeism. Oh--too bad husband is a prisoner of war. Well, why should you let that stop you dropping your panties for the very same enemy who made your new husband a POW? Absolute garbage.
Ohhh and now it tells me there is a MINIMUM number of characters for a review? Haha another joke! Usually sites are hung up on you saying too much, not too little. (Hm. How many characters is that now?) Well, rinse and repeat, rinse and repeat. I've said all that needs to be said.