whitepatrick Reviews

Bridget Jones's Diary (2001)

Almost Brilliant

[3 August 2004]

I must admit, I do like this film. I'm a sucker for British romantic comedies. But, what could have been the BritFlick to end all BritFlicks is fatally hobbled by the casting of Renee Zellweger as Bridget Jones.

Don't get me wrong--against all odds, she acts the part wonderfully. In fact, she was made for the part. The one glaring problem is her accent. Ninety-five percent of the time, it's perfect. However, she gets enough wrong to never let you forget that she's a Texan playing an Englishwoman. I found it quite nervously distracting--almost like waiting for a high-wire artist to fall. Granted, it's nowhere nearly as bad as Don Cheadle's appalling, unnecessary Cockney accent in Ocean's 11, Dick Van Dyke's mush- mouthed oratory in Mary Poppins, or--worst of all--Kevin Costner's vomit-inducing delivery in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. BUT, it was just bad enough that it tarnished what could have been a real gem.

Why oh why didn't they cast a Brit? (Ditto for Johnny Depp in From Hell. Though he redeemed himself with his Keith Richards impression in Pirates of the Caribbean.) For that matter, why cast a Brit to play an American (e.g. the normally brilliant Bob Hoskins in Who Framed Roger Rabbit)?

That said, BJD is better by far than ninety-nine percent of the dreck out there and certainly well worth a rental. And Hugh Grant, whose stammering Englishman schtick I normally can't stand, seems to be on a roll with this and the brilliant About a Boy.

Heck, I'm even looking forward to the sequel.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002 Video Game)

Easily the best video game ever.

[23 July 2004]

I'm thirty-five and recently married. I hadn't played a video game since the late eighties--in fact, I hadn't even given them a second thought. Then everything changed. I watched my brother-in-law play GTA:VC one afternoon on his PS2. I was transfixed. I was appalled. I was, in a word, hooked. When it came out on XBOX, I bought a used copy at Blockbuster and haven't looked back.

First of all, the gameplay is phenomenal. The fact that you can freely roam the large Vice City map is worth the price of admission by itself.

Second, the voice acting is amazing--especially the commercials. Ray Liotta. Gary Busey. Burt Reynolds. Phillip Michael Thomas. Lee Majors. Robert Davi. Dennis Hopper. Luis Guzman. Fairuza Balk. Jenna Jameson. Danny Trejo. These are just a few of the names that make appearances. The radio material is so well produced, I can drive around all day listening to nothing but VCPR or KCHAT. The radio commercials are witty, sarcastic and spot-on.

Third, the story is great. You start as a nobody, recently released from jail. You finish (if you really ever do finish) as a Tony Montana-esque criminal psychopath.

Fourth--this is probably the most immoral game ever created... and it's beautiful. It's sick, sick, sick! Apart from the usual "waste him" missions, tasks include delivering drugs from an ice-cream van and driving a humvee drunk while avoiding the cops. I mean, one mission has you carving up a guy with a chainsaw! In addition, there are dozens of "rampage" icons throughout the game. When you run into one, you have two minutes to kill a certain amount of people a certain way (e.g. "kill 20 gang members in two minutes with a meat cleaver") It's never boring.

Conclusion: GTA:VC is the sickest, funniest, most engrossing and immersive video game ever made. It looks and plays better on the XBOX, but it's a blast on any platform. Rockstar's next GTA release, San Andreas, has immense shoes to fill.

About a Boy (2002)

Very funny. Very sad. Very English

[9/10 · 25 July 2003]

Considering this was directed by two Americans, About a Boy is very, very English. I was worried the Weitz bros. would dumb it down for the US market, but I was wrong. Hugh Grant ( whom I normally can't stand) is excellent in his role as one of Hornby's typical men-who-are-afraid-to-commit-to-serious-relationships. Nicholas Hoult, too, is wonderful as the sullen outcast child. In reference to another person's comments that Hoult can't sing, I must remind him/her that IT WAS INTENTIONAL! By the way, make sure you watch the deleted scenes. The one where Hugh buys a car seat for his 'son' is hilarious.

Project U.F.O. (1978–1979)

I only remember the intro. Something like:"Ezekiel saw the wheel..."

[25 April 2002]

That, and they always drove around in a crummy blue Air Force-issue Dodge or Chevy car. I was 9 or 10 when it was aired. I loved it at the time. I'm sure if I saw it now, it would suck!