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Reviews
Nutcracker Massacre (2022)
BAD BAD...not "good bad"
I enjoy horror comedies. This isn't one. I really believe the makers thought they were making a true horror movie.
So the giant possessed nutcracker is given a little bit of backstory at an antique shop. It's a stupid story, but it's at least something.
So it turns out the shopkeeper is evil wants to reunite the sugar plum fairy doll that contains an evil hell jewel with the 6ft tall possessed nutcracker to bring it back to evil life. The shopkeeper and the current owner of the nutcracker, Marie, know each other. So does he give it to her as a gift? Nope, he waits DECADES for Marie's niece, Clara, to randomly stop in his shop, announce that she's Marie's niece, and wants to buy a Christmas gift for Marie.
So that's the stupid setup.
Nutcracker kills people at random. Goodcpeople had people, all people. He kills a delivery driver and somehow disposed of the driver's car. They show the same spot shortly after and the car is gone. A 6ft nutcracker possessed by the spirit of an 1800s German soldier knows how to drive.
Clara wins in the end because she knows how to destroy the power. It's never explained how she knows. She just does.
Stomp! Shout! Scream! (2005)
Silly fun
A cheesy beach party movie set in the 60s. It's cheap and silly and it knows it's cheap and silly. The acting is better than it deserves to be. The gorilla suit is SUPER cheap! It really works in this setting. A well made or scary monster suit would ruin the vibe. The sets did a reasonably good job of having period correct things. I'm sure the guitars and guitar amps are reissues but they look right.
Speaking of guitars and amps, the music is the real star in my opinion. I'm a big fan of garage rock and this nails it. I think the girl group songs were written and performed by Catfight. I will definitely be looking up more from this band.
Hot Rod Horror (2008)
Not good, but still i liked it
This is not a good movie, but it is a VERY GOOD homemade/passion project movie!
The concept is good enough. A haunted junkyard guarded by the ghost of the former foreman. The pretty girls are pretty. The dirtbag guys are believable as dirtbags. The ghost foreman looks angry and mean, but not very ghostly, except for one time. The ghost car is wicked cool. I'm assuming that the entire cast is made up of friends and associates of the creator, not actual actors.
The cars are why I like this movie. It's main location is a fantastic junkyard that will keep fans of vintage cars scanning the background. Some of this "junk" would be worth some decent dollars in New England where everything vintage has turned into rust.
So while this is NOT a good movie I will probably watch it again just to see what other vintage iron I can identify in the background.
If your a hot rod, rat rod, or vintage junk fan you should watch it.