killbill500 Reviews

Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2002)

A great film, but also one that could be improved drastically.

[7/10 · 13 March 2008]

I came into the film with high expectations, especially as TV Week called it, "More moving than The Lion King". I'll start by saying this film has very complex animation, awful, inappropriate music, and hardly any dialogue.

This film doesn't develop the characters straight away, it does that over the course of the film. The characters are quite good; they're likable and actually have depth - so much so that I was actually saying "No!" when something bad was about to happen to them.

It's quite a serious film, too. It's not necessarily a kids' movie at all, which is what most people would associate it as. It didn't have a silly little love story to ruin it - it's one that most people of all ages will enjoy; although there's little to no humour to be found at all. But you know what, this is one of the few instances where the movie's actually better without humour.

The only negative things about it are the music, and the sudden plot turns. Firstly, the music. Oh dear, what on earth were they thinking? Absolutely awful, awful music that ruins the feel of every scene it represents.

Secondly, it can be a bit unbelievable; and not in a good way. Especially at the end, where the men are chasing and trying to kill the horse and the Indian, and all of a sudden, the horse defies science and gravity by jumping to the other side of two separate cliffs. Then all is forgiven and they suddenly "win back the land" as if they actually did something notable.

While it's certainly not perfect on many levels and for many reasons - it can't even compare to how moving The Lion King was, TV Week; I praise this film for being different to most other animated films - which doesn't mean it's better, but means there's something different to watch amongst all the animated films being released nowadays.

The Fox and the Hound 2 (2006 Video)

An acceptable, but ultimately pointless film.

[6/10 · 13 March 2008]

'The Fox and the Hound 2' is possibly the worst Disney sequel I've ever seen, seeing as it bears absolutely no resemblance to the original, whatsoever. It's as if the only thing they took from the original was the characters (and clearly left 'Big Mama' behind).

Having said that, I actually don't mind it that much. It's pretty fun, exciting, adventurous, and entertaining for a measly Direct-to-DVD sequel.

Now, on to the animation. While it's easily more visually pleasing than the original, this one's too....cartoony in comparison to the original. Even if the animation wasn't perfect in the original, The characters were extremely detailed there. In this film, they seem to have just grabbed the characters, made them cartoony for the kids, and placed them in this non-stop thrill-ride. But there's some beautiful use of bright colours in this film, which does look fantastic.

While Disney sequels are obviously, and automatically going to be inferior to the originals by default, I think this was a pretty good effort, if not way too child-based.

The Return of Jafar (1994 Video)

The worst sequel to anything I've ever seen.

[2/10 · 13 March 2008]

You know, this film actually has excellent animation with loads of potential, but every last strand of it's potential is wasted with the film's awful animation direction. It's Saturday morning cartoon standard; for both animation direction and cinematography.

In some scenes, specifically the one in which Iago gets pinned against the wall with a watermelon, the animation is disturbingly unrealistic and fake. The whole film showcases possibly the least realistic animation I've yet to see in a Disney film.

While the backgrounds are very detailed and expressive, some of the characters, even the main characters look noticeably wonky and off-model in some scenes, As for the humour, it's just plain silly for the most part; silly and childish, which instead of making me laugh, just left me rolling my eyes in contempt. In fact, there's basically nothing until the genie's appearance that seems to even try to be funny.

Most of the music is forgettable at best, and when a song is half right decent, what puts me off about it is that it doesn't sound Indian or Aladdin-esquire at all.

The only thing that stops me from either falling asleep, or turning of the TV screen, is the genie, which this time, is voiced by Dan Castellaneta (Homer Simpson). His voice-work, as an imitation of Williams', isn't particularly great, and I feel it was a bit of a let down, considering how versatile Dan's voice is in real life, and here, he just sounds like a mildly tweaked version of Homer Simpson. But in the end, it really doesn't matter, considering how many other things that absolutely bomb in this film.

This film is worth watching only for Dan's appearance; if you're not a fan of his work, and you are a fan of the original, then seriously, avoid this one if you don't particularly feel like ruining what the first one did to you. This film is only for the Aladdin diehards, and obsessive collectors; everyone else, if you think it might have a chance of living up to the original, think again.

On it's own, this film is awful. In comparison to the stunning original, it's not only terrible, but it's an insult to every thing that made the first film so special. The only way I would, and could ever like this film, is if no-one else on the entire planet liked it. Unfortunately, there are going to be people out there that do, so I see it as nothing more than a bad, pointless sequel that did not need to be made.

The Road to El Dorado (2000)

Fairly disappointing.

[6/10 · 13 March 2008]

I remember watching this about a year ago and thinking it was amazing, but then again, I watched it at around midnight so I was probably far too tired to realise how good it really....isn't.

It has pretty nice animation, but the plot is just so silly, and it failed to make me laugh once. It's a very confusing film, as it's hard to tell what it's target audience is. Some things the characters say are quite intelligent, and use words I haven't heard before, but it has got to be possibly the least funny Dreamworks film I've ever seen, as the humour is just so...childish. It just doesn't make sense that they use very complex animation, and have characters speaking words not even children would know, when the humour is clearly designed for children and no-one else. Maybe it was just an attempt to appeal to all age groups, which ultimately failed.

Now onto the music. I was very surprised to here Elton John, Tim Rice, and Hans Zimmer were working on this film's soundtrack, and I was even a little excited, seeing as they produced the best music for an animated film I've ever heard - The Lion King. The music isn't atrocious, it's just not very interesting. Maybe it's because it's of a far different style to The Lion King's music, or maybe it's because not even the music goes perfectly with this film; which is odd considering the movie itself all over the place in many ways.

While I'd probably rate this film a lot higher than most other Dreamworks offerings (because of it's animation), it's not the kind of film I'd recommend or watch again. I can see why a person like Roger Ebert would like this film, because it does offer a lot of things that usually make a film great, but it's just not funny enough to make all of the other things work. Maybe I was just expecting a Disney film with this one.

The Lion King II: Simba's Pride (1998 Video)

It's barely possibly to follow up a film like The Lion King better than Simba's Pride did. Absolutely terrific.

[9/10 · 13 March 2008]

This is one of the greatest sequels to anything I've ever, ever seen. In fact, some things are almost as good as things in the original, which is saying something considering it's a Direct-to-DVD film with presumably a far lower budget. It's ridiculously good for a sequel, and probably the closest a sequel has ever come to the brilliance of an original without actually being a better film altogether.

Following up a masterpiece like 'The Lion King' is not an easy thing to do, but this film did a fantastic job. All the original voice-actors are back (except for Rowin Atkinson as Zazoo) and even some new ones.

It's more humour-based than the original Lion King movie, and I personally think it's a bit funnier. It also has some absolutely excellent animation that for the most part is pretty much just as good as the original's. And, it's still a dark film in parts, so don't worry about that.

Book of Shadows: Blair Witch 2 (2000)

An absolutely appalling film. Don't ruin what the first film did you to by watching this utter trash.

[2/10 · 12 March 2008]

In 1999, a great movie came along. A movie that was realistically and psychologically frightening. A movie that you see more than once at the theatres, and buy it as soon as it comes out on DVD or VHS. That movie was "The Blair Witch Project". So, what happens now? You leave it. You don't ruin it by making an indescribably pointless, shameful, and embarrassing sequel like "Book of Shadows". Unfortunately, that sequel was made.

The movie is not scary, it's not interesting, it's not realistic, it's not believable. In fact, the only emotions it manages to evoke is laughter; not at anything purposely funny, but how truly offensive this sequel is to both the audience and the first film.

Is this really as bad I say it is? Yes. I obviously believe it is. It is one of the worst films (and sequels for that matter) I have ever had the agony of seeing. But see for yourself. Rent it if you're up for it; and if you've seen the original and have even a shred of intelligence, there's no way you could give this film anything higher than a 5/10.

2/10.

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

A decent, genuinely scary horror film. While not the absolute best, definitely worth watching.

[6/10 · 12 March 2008]

Whatever Roger Ebert had problems with in this film (seeing as he listed it in his most hated films of all time), I am absolutely oblivious to. I might not be getting something about it, and I haven't seen it for quite some time, but it was definitely not as bad as he says it was.

Thir13en Ghosts is a very rare, unique, and unusual horror film (not to mention the house, which is probably the greatest horror set of all time). One that doesn't usually come along. What makes it even better is that it is an immensely frightening film - one that at times, you can't bare to look at the screen, but can't turn away from it.

But Roger Ebert was not completely wrong; from what I recall, it does have it's faults. It is an INCREDIBLY loud film (honestly, turn the sound right down)

Do I recommend it? I couldn't recommend it more. Not because it's the greatest horror movie ever made (which it sadly isn't), but because it's such a deeply interesting film that some people will like, and some will hate. Rent/buy it and see for yourself.

6/10.

Friday the 13th (1980)

Friday the 13th is not a good movie. It is, however, a good horror movie.

[6/10 · 12 March 2008]

If you're a fan of graphic, explicit, ruthless, pointless, aimless, plot less, needless violence and murders, then Friday the 13th (and any of it's countless sequels) is the movie for you.

But surprisingly, it's a pretty well-made film. The murders and killings are executed with wit. Not as clever as Saw, Evil Dead 2, or Nightmare on Elm Street, but clever nonetheless.

Is it as violent and horrible as I say? Yes. While the violence in it's sequels are literally a thousand times more graphic ("Friday the 13th IV: The Final Chapter" especially, which is easily the most violent disturbing movie I've ever seen), it is still a horribly violent film, and easily as violent and disturbing as many modern mainstream horror flicks, despite what Bart Simpson says.

Should you take this film seriously? Of course not. If you actually do take this film or any of it's sequels seriously, then I think there might be a problem. Horror fans, this is the film for you. Movie fans, rent it first.

6/10.

American Pie 2 (2001)

The first three American Pie films aren't absolutely fantastic, groundbreaking masterpieces. But they are good.

[6/10 · 12 March 2008]

Most critics dismiss these films, thinking they're nothing more than typical teen-sex comedies. Which is true. They basically are. But the first three AP films - this one and "American Wedding" in particular, are surprisingly well-made, well-acted films. They aren't constantly and consistently hilarious masterpieces like "Airplane!" or "The Naked Gun", but they are occasionally quite hilarious.

I won't give out any plot details; not because the plot is so brilliant that I might spoil it (it isn't, I'm afraid), but because you probably already know it and/or have read it before. If not, wikipedia is your friend. Don't waste your time with "Band Camp", "The Naked Mile", "Beta House", etc. (the list goes on), which are quite honestly trash, watch the first three. You know, the ones that are actually worth watching.

While "American Wedding" will always be my favourite of the three, American Pie 2 really is a thoroughly enjoyable film. I rate it higher than American Pie, and I recommend it to anyone looking to try and get into the AP franchise, although naturally they should probably start with the first film.

6/10.

Robin Hood (2006–2009)

Quite possibly the greatest TV series of its genre.

[9/10 · 12 March 2008]

Quite possibly the greatest TV series of its genre. Every episode manages to be serious, yet humorous, the characters are fantastic and always remain true to their character, the plots are extremely well-written and adventurous, it's incredibly well-acted at times, and as a whole, it is extremely entertaining television.

Even if you know nothing about Robin Hood or even history as a whole, it doesn't matter, you don't really need to. It isn't insanely complex to follow, it's brilliant. Watch it.

Recommended Episode(s): While you really do need to watch the series in order to truly appreciate it, if that's not possible for any reason, check out either "Father Hood" (Season 1, Episode 4), "The Return of the King" (Season 1, Episode 12), "A Clue: No" (Season 1, Episode 13).

Epic Movie (2007)

Take out every single one of the Scary Movies' flaws, throw them into a movie, and Epic Movie is what you get.

[1/10 · 12 March 2008]

I didn't believe a comedy could be this bad until I saw this movie. I didn't know a comedy could fail on almost every level until I saw this movie. Honestly, it's the equivalent of watching little school children repeat silly fart jokes they've just heard; only you're watching it on the big screen.

I've tried to like this film and see past its countless faults, but it's so bad it's impossible to even be a guilty pleasure. Even if the plot was even slightly comprehensible, the actors don't seem to know what they're doing, or where they are, or even why they've allowed themselves to appear in such shameful trash.

There is no humour in Epic Movie; the "2 out of 6 writers from Scary Movie" just rely on mind-blowingly stupid, pathetic parodies to "entertain us", which are nothing like the parodies in the Scary Movie franchise. Those were actually funny. It's like they've taken the most extremely straight-forward, obvious aspects from well-known movies, added an unprecedented level of stupid childish homophobic potty humour and tried to make us laugh by showing the characters from Narnia, The Davinci Code and Charlie and the Chocolate Factor dancing to hip-hop music.

When you can't even successfully parody something that actually deserved to be made, THAT's when you have a problem.

3/10. Trust me, I'm being nice.

Bee Movie (2007)

As of yet, the worst 3-D animated film I have ever seen. Awful.

[3/10 · 12 March 2008]

I came into this film completely open-minded. I was ready for anything. What I received was an incredibly unfunny, lazy movie that really does fail on almost every level. I am a huge fan of Jerry Seinfeld, his antics amuse me very much, but it's hard to contemplate that that stand-up genius was even involved with this trash.

I won't bore you (or myself) with the plot details, I'll just say that a group of homeless people could write a better script. Even I could. This film is insulting to whatever it's target audience is, and the sudden crazy plot turns, as well as jokes that just fall flat on their face definitely contribute. Even the animation is a huge letdown.

Am I exaggerating? Well, I guess you'll have to judge for yourself, but in the meantime, ask the 80 or so people who didn't bother to come watch it in the cinemas. Honestly, you could almost hear crickets; which I must say, would be a lot more interesting to hear than a stupid independent bee and his stupid movie. I usually avoid bad films, and I was shocked to find out that this is pretty much the worst film I have ever seen in a cinema. Honestly, don't watch it.

3/10.

Evil Dead II (1987)

A classic horror film

[7/10 · 12 March 2008]

I haven't seen the original Evil Dead, so it's hard to know what to think of this film. But I really did enjoy it and consider it a classic horror film above most others. It also throws in a rare mixture of comedy to the boil, which contributes highly to my 7/10 rating.

It is a VERY well-made horror film; fantastic camera-work, realistic blood and gore, and the actors chosen are perfect for their roles, especially the sexy young Bruce Campbell as Ash; although in this film, you are made to not care for the victims.

Is it as genuinely frightening as films like "The Exorcist" and "The Ring"? No. Sometimes it is extremely scary, but the main aim is not to scare the living bejesus out of you like I've heard the first one did, but to make you laugh as well, and the result: it works better than I had ever imagined.

I highly recommend this film to anyone who enjoys a good laugh, and likes their horror movies extremely gory. I know I do.

7/10.

Scary Movie 4 (2006)

Not as good as the first three, but still good enough to be included into my DVD collection.

[6/10 · 12 March 2008]

It's a pretty hit-or-miss movie. Some jokes just work (Cindy's hand actions and facial expressions as she's describing something very nasty, Cindy making the Japanese boy scream, etc.), some that shouldn't work, but do (the blind lady going to what she believes to be her toilet, Michael Jackson's cameo appearance, "I've been walking beside you the whole time.") but unfortunately, there are some jokes that are either too childish to be taken seriously and laughed at, or just too contrived and have been "seen before", which after four movies, would seem pretty inevitable, wouldn't you think?

The acting starts out a little shaky, but develops. I give particular praise to Anna Faris' acting, which as always, remains hilarious, believable, and consistent for the whole movie.

Should you bother to watch this film? Yes. While there aren't too many laugh out loud moments (this could be because I've seen it a lot of times), there are definitely enough jokes to satisfy you through the entire duration. Rent it first, and if you like it, buy it later.

6/10.

The Simpsons: Husbands and Knives (2007) Season 19, Episode 7

With the exception of TOH XVIII, this episode is the worst since Homer of Seville.

[4/10 · 27 November 2007]

While Jack Black was a good guest star, this episode is still a failure, despite him. A failure on many levels. This episode failed to draw me in with it's utterly ridiculous plot, it failed to make me laugh - which comes as no surprise in this season, and it failed to make me feel anything for the characters, which is probably the biggest let-down when making an episode like this. I felt absolutely no sympathy for Comic Book Guy, because they showed him as being even more unlikable then usual, so the whole 'comic book' aspect of this episode is automatically a bore.

As for the yet another Marge/Homer crisis, it's no different to the gazillion other Marge/Homer crisis' that never managed achieve anything. Homer going through absolutely ridiculous lengths just because some guys told him Marge would act differently, EVEN THOUGH WE'VE SEEN COUNTLESS TIMES PREVIOUSLY THAT SHE'LL ALWAYS STAND BY HIM NO MATTER WHAT. That's probably the most stupid aspect of this episode. When we know Marge would never leave him because:

a) She's never done anything like that in the past, b) They have a family together, c) pretty much every Simpsons episode ends with nothing dramatically changing so it was obvious right from the start that nothing serious was not going to happen between them.

So yet again, this part of the episode is automatically a bore, ranking this episode an utter bore from start to finish.

The Simpsons: Little Orphan Millie (2007) Season 19, Episode 6

I'm not really sure with this episode. In fact, I'm not really sure what it was trying to accomplish.

[6/10 · 27 November 2007]

This episode featured some things I've never seen characters do before, and even some things I've never seen on The Simpsons. I don't know if that's good or bad.

This episode felt way too rushed, especially when dealing with a tender subject like Milhouse's parents getting back together. Maybe it would've done better with more time, but even so, I don't think it would make it any better of an episode.

As for the sub-plot of Marge getting miffed when Homer couldn't remember the colour of her eyes was, as Robert Canning stated, "filler material". Usually, Marge would just reply to that with an irritated murmur, but no, they just had to make an unnecessary, stupid sub-plot, when the main plot clearly needed the time the sub-plot took up to develop. Honestly, it's as if they don't know what they're doing anymore.

While I obviously expected this sort of thing, after previous efforts, this particular episode was not as bad, just bland and filled with wasted potential and a main plot that could've been done and acted out so much better.

The Simpsons: Grift of the Magi (1999) Season 11, Episode 9

Easily the best episode of this awful season. It's surprisingly great

[7/10 · 18 November 2007]

Okay, so we've all established that Season 11 is undoubtedly the worst season in the show's run. But this episode is an exception.

It's just overall a good episode, which really stands out from the rest of Season 11. It's exciting, fun, surprisingly funny, and even clever at times, which is something the rest of Season 11 (with the exception of, "Treehouse of Horror X") and most of Season 10 and 12 have failed to do.

If you've seen stinkers like, "It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Marge" and "Saddlesore Galactica" and have pretty much given up on this awful season, then just watch this episode because you really are bound to enjoy it. Well, I don't know that, but I do know that I liked it.

The Simpsons: Marge's Son Poisoning (2005) Season 17, Episode 5

Really great episode, with emotion reminiscent of the classic era

[9/10 · 18 November 2007]

What a great, great episode. I just....love it.

It is also very emotional. One of the most emotional episodes since Season 10's, "Bart the Mother" (although there were many in between that almost qualify.) How is it emotional? It starts off with Marge having no-one to ride her new bike with, so Bart offers to. They share a bond by having tea and biscuits at a little café. Then, when some bullies tease Bart for hanging out with his mum, he lashes out horribly at Marge and destroys their new relationship. He just did it so cruelly to Marge who was very, very innocent and sweet in this episode. It'd just be hard not to feel anything right about there. And of course, they make up at the end. I don't know why I loved it, but there's just something about Marge/Bart episodes that I love more than most things on the show.

As for humour, I don't remember any knee-slappers, but I do remember chuckling here and there. But when an episode is so great and full of emotion like this one here, it just doesn't matter at all.

I'd usually give this episode an 8.5/10, but considering there isn't that option to vote for, and considering how they've still managed to capture emotion after 17 seasons, this episode really does deserve the 9.

The Simpsons: Milhouse Doesn't Live Here Anymore (2004) Season 15, Episode 12

Just another good episode from the greatest post-classic season

[7/10 · 18 November 2007]

I have mixed feelings about this episode. While it's not magnificently excellent, it is in no way awful. It's just....pretty good. I just think for the most part, it could've been made better, and it really needed that extra something for dealing with such a difficult, tender subject like what they dealt with here.

This episode was quite an emotional, heartwarming, feel-good episode. Bart losing his best friend in the world, and then making best friends with his sister. Then Milhouse returns, leaving Lisa feeling sad. But Bart didn't forget their relationship. I found that rather pleasing.

Now the ending was a bit of a letdown. It was leading on to a climax of a mainly emotional episode, but then this silly, unfunny scene came along and ruined the feeling and vibe this episode seemed to be giving out in the first place. It's not the absolute worst ending of an episode I've ever seen, but it just REALLY did not need to be included.

The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror XVIII (2007) Season 19, Episode 5

I don't think any other future Season 19 episode could be worse than this - easily the worst yet.

[2/10 · 18 November 2007]

With the exception of Treehouse of Horror XII (Season 13), this episode is easily the worst Treehouse of Horror of all time. No kidding. It's just a joke from start to finish. There's nothing good about it, there are no redeeming qualities to anything in it, it's just an implausible mess.

The first two episodes of Season 19 were poor, followed by two great episodes, followed by this joke of an episode. And I can tell you: I doubt anyone with even a shred of intelligence is laughing. Honestly Simpsons producers, don't insult us with this lazy excuse for an episode.

Segment 1 ("E.T. Go Home") - A shocking parody which occasionally takes a break from being boring and unfunny, and becomes nauseating. F

Segment 2 ("Mr. and Mrs. Simpson") - A decent parody of a stupid movie. The result? A stupid segment. - C-

Segment 3 ("Heck House") - Easily the most disjointed, badly-characterised segment of all of them. Also plagued with rigid, inexpressive animation. D-

Overall: F

The Simpsons: He Loves to Fly and He D'ohs (2007) Season 19, Episode 1

Very, very disappointing.

[4/10 · 18 November 2007]

What an utter disappointment. After the absolutely brilliant, brilliant couch-gag - which featured the after-events of The Simpsons Movie - the episode just....died. I mean, I don't see why it was so bad. How can you make such a great, great couch-gag then make an abysmal effort, all with the same intentions? It just...doesn't make sense.

The whole episode just isn't funny at all, and is even flat-out unfunny. But I can't say I'm surprised - it's a hold-over from the disappointing 18th season.

On a positive note, this episode features some of the best voice-acting in years. In some moments, the characters sound almost identical to their Season 4-10 models.

This episode gets a 4/10, but because the couch-gag was surprisingly great, I might up it to a 5/10; but a simple couch-gag can't compensate for 20 minutes of wasted potential.

The Simpsons: Treehouse of Horror IX (1998) Season 10, Episode 4

One of the best episodes of Season 10

[8/10 · 18 November 2007]

This is not only one of the best episodes of Season 10, but one of the greatest Treehouse of Horror's of all time. It delivers some great jokes, some that are mostly absent from the rest of this season.

This episode is just a breath of fresh air after the last two disappointing efforts (VII, VIII), which were actually quite bad.

But above all else, it's just a clever episode. Quite consistently good. The first two segments were the best, but the third one was still watchable.

If all Season 10 episodes were as good as this, it might just be better than Season 9. If you're a fan of the prime, classic seasons (how couldn't you be?) then I'm quite sure you'll enjoy this episode, if only on a few levels.

The Simpsons: I Don't Wanna Know Why the Caged Bird Sings (2007) Season 19, Episode 4

Best episode in ages

[8/10 · 18 November 2007]

This is easily the best episode in a very, very long time. It's not forced, it's not overplayed, it's not unfunny, it's just the opposite of those things. During great scenes, I couldn't help thinking to myself, "Okay, when are they going to ruin this perfectly good scene with loads of potential, with a dumb Homer joke?!" and that joke never came. This is a serious episode, with a really innocent, sweet ending. See, they have the potential to do so much with the show, yet they always waste that potential by trying to appeal to their new target audience: Children.

I'd give this an '8', but considering how much better this episode is to the rest of this season, and season 18 included, I will up it to a '9' because this episode really impressed me.