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Reviews
Cop Out (2010)
I'll take your badge and gun, Kevin Smith
I went into Cop-Out expecting the hatred to be overblown. I'm usually a fan of these cliché action movies as long as they're entertaining, even on a mindless level. But as it turns out, the hatred was not only positively correct, but even though it gets 20% on Rotten Tomatoes, I consider it overrated. It's that bad.
The characters were annoying and uninteresting, and the performances are just terrible. Bruce Willis is dull and uninteresting, Tracy Morgan is like a mumbling Bill Cosby wannabe, Sean William Scott is like a mix between Ashton Kutcher and Jar Jar Binks, and the rest of the characters were just..... there. The back stories behind all these characters are cliché and uninteresting, which just makes the film even more boring.
The humor in the film is just a bunch of obnoxious ramblings and pop culture references, with some unfunny sexual humor thrown in. There's actually one scene where Tracy Morgan is purposely using a bunch of lines taken from movies for no reason whatsoever. They tried to be clever by adding in the famous "YIPPE KAY YAY, MOTHER F*****!!" line, and have Bruce Willis say "I haven't seen that movie!", but it's poorly executed and just comes off as dry.
The cinematography in the film is just lazy. The camera is always moving in circles, there's one or two moments where the directed object is out of focus, and it's especially shaky in the action scenes. It makes the film seem like an incredibly cheap cash-in, which I suppose it is.
Do yourself a favor; imagine yellow "Do Not Cross" banners running around this film.
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra (2009)
If you're a fan of G.I. Joe, you'll love it!
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is a cliché, flashy cheese-ball of a movie. So, if you're a fan of the cartoon, you'll love it! The script is filled with tons of corny one-liners, and if you shut your mind off, most of them are actually pretty funny. Just listening to the dialogue reminded me of a few lines from the cartoon, which is exactly what I wanted; a movie that stayed true to the source material.
The action scenes were pretty darn fun to watch. They were flashy, exhilarating, and just overall fun. Some might get turned off by the shaky cameras, but my thought is that it's much like the camera in Quantum of Solace; you can still tell what's going on, so it's not too much of a problem. My favorite action scene is in the streets of Paris when Duke and Ripcord use their accelerator suits.
However, apart from the cheesiness that only fans of the cartoon will love, it still has its flaws.
My first problem is with the performances. Channing Tatum is very wooden as Duke; I would've preferred someone a little more sparky to play Duke. I also thought Baroness looked and acted way too innocent; she's like a sissy, Lohan-esquire soldier wannabe. I also thought Destro's voice didn't really sound right; he didn't have the epic, villainy voice he had in the cartoon; he just sounded foreign.... and that's it.
I also thought some of the plot lines were pretty pointless. The cartoon always stayed on one storyline per mini series, and this movie could've done that as well. Unfortunately, we get a love story between Duke and Baroness, a backstory for Snake Eyes, and some weird plot line involving the president, leading to a pointless cliffhanger ending.
I also didn't like the last fifteen minutes of the movie. At that point, the villains look retarded, their capture is anti-climatic, and, again, it all ends on that pointless cliffhanger.
Still, I was satisfied by this film for what it was; cheesy, flashy, action-packed fun, just like the cartoon. It's not that good, but I enjoyed it. 7/10
Knowing (2009)
Genius, genius, genius!
Knowing is one of the greatest and most surprising films of the year! Nicholas Cage's performance is surprisingly good; he fits the role as a teacher, he's believable as a father, and he soon sends out emotion and anger as the film progresses. On top of that, the plot is very interesting and well-executed; every other scene, there's a twist that comes about, I never see it coming, and it all builds up to an absolutely beautiful ending! The disaster scenes were thrilling; just knowing how much Cage's character has to go through is something I can connect to. The film overall is intelligent, dramatic, and surprisingly thrilling. I saw the trailer expecting the film to be incredibly boring, but they managed to take the "boring" part out of that and make it an incredible experience!
Spy Kids (2001)
What's with all these low ratings?
Spy Kids is one of the gems of my childhood, along with Back to the Future, Peter Pan, and a crap load of others. But I didn't have the movie on DVD like I did with the sequels, so I rented it, and...... wow, just wow...... Even after all these years, it still holds my attention. The action was intense, the one-liners were actually kind of funny, and the storyline was cliché, but logical. Spy Kids may not look like very much fun, but trust me when I say it's one of the greatest family films in existence! I'd recommend it to anybody who's into intense action, sweet special effects, and funny one-liners, and can ignore its cliché storyline.
Spider-Man 3 (2007)
Under appreciated
Spider-Man 3 is totally under appreciated, though it does have its ups and downs. My first gripe is with one of the villains, Venom. For one thing, Topher Grace is just way too campy to play him. Maybe if Thomas Haden Church, the guy who played Sandman, played Venom, it would've worked out a lot better, but looking at something like That 70's Show, I think Topher Grace was too silly to play the part.
Speaking of silly, this movie attempted to be a lot more funny than the other two, which I'm guessing is supposed to make the movie less boring; not that it was ever boring to begin with, but I guess they were just widening their range and trying to appeal to a whole new audience, kind of like what Nintendo did with the Wii. Now, judging by your taste, you either hate the silliness, or you laugh your ass off; I personally LMAO. There's nothing wrong with going silly; Spider-Man doesn't have any reputation of seriousness IMHO; it always had a reputation of action, so unlike Batman, it wasn't a bad idea for Spider-Man to go silly.
Speaking of action, the action in this movie wasn't disappointing. But there were some parts that seemed kind of improbable, but that happens with a lot of movies, so it doesn't really matter to me.
The Sandman is a very interesting villain; he's not a maniac, and he's not seeking revenge; he's just desperate to get a crap load of money to help his sick daughter. Also, the way he shape-shifts is quite interesting; it's kind of like Clayface from Batman, or the robot from Terminator 2.
The black suit concept is obviously the last full-length movie concept they could take from the comics, but I honestly think that it's a little too much to fit into one movie. Here's how it should've worked; the meteorite crashes down, the alien goo gets to Peter, it gets onto his Spider-Man costume, he wears it under his day clothes, acts like one of the popular guys, and then, he convinces himself to get rid of the costume, then it gets onto Eddy Brock, he transforms into Venom...... then the movie ends right there, and we wait for Spider-Man 4. But sadly, they tried to fit it into 2 1/2 hours, and Venom was just a quickly used character that we'll never see again.
So, Spider-Man 3 has its problems, but it's still enjoyable. Was it better than the other two Spider-Man movies? No. Was it better than the other crap we got in 2007? YES, YES, HELL YES!!!! 7/10
Blue's Clues (1996)
Mixed feelings about this show.
OK, I'm not trying to sound like a guy who plays Xbox, and I understand that it's a kids show, but this show was very disturbing. First of all, both Steve and Joe (Steve was in the older seasons, while Joe was in the newer seasons) act like idiots for their age; they always require help from the kids watching to find blue paw prints that should be easy to find. Also, a lot of the voice acting sounds really bland, and could probably make your children drool in bore. Also, I understand this is pretty common in most kids shows, and it's not too huge of a problem, but this show was REALLY random. One minute, they're talking to salt and pepper shakers, the next they're talking to a bug-eyed bear, the next, they're talking to a pail and a shovel; now THAT's random! Finally, Steve or Joe always like to point out the obvious; for example, in the episode about Blue's birthday, Blue gives Steve a thank-you gift, and he points out that the tag says "Steve"; as if we didn't know that already! Yeah, it's a kid's show, but I don't think the show was meant to teach kids how to spell.
But now that I got the bad stuff out of the way, let's talk about the good stuff. First of all, this show could make your children very observant, as it always has to do with them finding paw prints made by the blue dog named Blue; if not for this show, I wouldn't be the observant man that I am today. Also, despite being more random than Ren and Stimpy, or at least Rocko's Modern Life, the characters are kind and likable.... for kids, of course.
So, as you can tell, this show gave me mixed feelings. I say just flip over to Sesame Street or something.